News From Cook's Corner 11.04.09

Posted by Steve Cook on 11.04.2009

Hmmm, would I rather run TNA or be part of Metallica? Pfft, ask me something that's actually tough.

R.I.P. Bill. I never met the man, but he served his country with honor and distinction, and raised a good family. Wish I'd met him.

Hi, hello and welcome to News From Cook's Corner! I'm Steve Cook, and I hope you're having a fantastic Wednesday wherever you may be. Our news isn't nearly as exciting as it was last week, but I'm still set on having a good time and I'm glad you're here to come along for the ride.

I love reader feedback, but sometimes I don't quite understand where you folks are coming from. For example, a guest posted the following comment on last week's Fact or Fiction…

"Good God almighty, Cook is just another one of those cynical IWC assholes who refuses to find anything good in WWE. If you can't be unbiased, don't do a column like this. All it does is show just how much of a prick you really are. If it bothers you as much as it seems, you shouldn't be watching is much less writing about it. Do us all a favor and GO AWAY!"

Looking back at my responses to the questions on WWE in the column…I said that Bragging Rights did a good job of building to Survivor Series. I said that Snoop Dogg was a solid host for Raw, if not as awesome as Bob Barker. I said that the Smackdown team looked a lot better after the team change, even if I disagreed with how they did it. I did say that I didn't understand turning Batista heel when Smackdown is lacking in babyfaces, though I also said "surely somebody will step up to the plate and prove me wrong." Which happens pretty often.

Wow, look at all that negativity! I sure do hate the WWE and everything they do, don't I? When will I ever say anything good about them (other than everything I just pointed out up there)? Obviously I like nothing they produce, though if you read the Rs every week you'll usually see me giving Superstars a pretty good review.

Now, I don't know this Guest person, but he strikes me as the sort of person who is a loyal member of the WWE Universe, and is not only very defensive to the slightest criticism of WWE, but sure as heck doesn't want to hear people say good things about wrestling promotions not named WWE. I'm guessing my response to Desmond Wolfe being better off in TNA probably ruffled his feathers, and my defense of Hulk Hogan & Eric Bischoff probably sent him over the edge. Again, I don't know this person very well, but he seems pretty easy to disgruntle. He also seems to know a lot of people who carry no form of bias in analyzing anything, which I'm kind of jealous of because most people I know have biases, thoughts and opinions on various topics. They're even different from mine, which is obviously insane because everybody should have the same unbiased thoughts and opinions. Or so our Guest friend would have us believe.

But since he's obviously not a huge fan of News From Cook's Corner, responding to him here seems a bit inane. So I'll move on.

I enjoyed the debate between the pro-Hogan and anti-Hogan readers in the comment section…I pretty much spoke my piece on the issue and will be following up on the story later in the column, but I enjoyed reading what you guys had to say about it. I responded to some other readers over in the Politics section, and I think that explained my take on the Linda McMahon situation. I did it that way because I didn't want my wrestling column to be derailed by topics that aren't really related to wrestling. Some of our writers do this a little too often for my liking, and though they are very talented writers, they really need to take a chill pill and calm down on certain topics that, in my eyes, have nothing to do with professional wrestling. A little note here and there on various sports teams and fantasy teams is certainly something I understand and respect (being the master of such off-topic banter), but there are certain topics that are better off not being discussed in this particular forum.

In this vein, I will not be discussing how awesome my fantasy football teams are doing ( I don't want to jinx them), or how Goob's West Virginia football team is going to get their butts kicked on Saturday. Let's get to the news…



I think this should help address the concerns of ICON, who asked what I had against Sexi Star. I love it when people respond to a lucha reference. The answer to his question is "absolutely nothing". I am a big fan of the work of Sexi Star & Fabi Apache, and the reason I said not to get me started on them is because I'd go on about how great they are and how I think their matches in AAA are worlds better than the Diva matches you see on WWE television. I'd rate them above most of the TNA Knockout matches too…they've been working together for quite awhile now and their chemistry is really good. I wish there was a better picture for me to use, but sadly it's tough to find good luchadora pictures on the Internets. I do wonder what she looks like without the mask, which is why I'm not quite as sold on her looks as JD Dunn was back when he reviewed some AAA many moons ago. Maybe JD has a thing for girls with masks…some things we're better off not knowing.

Anyway, I'm a big Sexi Star fan. I need to get caught up on my AAA watching so I can talk more about what they're doing right now. Until I do that, we can talk about what's going on with those crazy American companies…



Shad Gaspard claimed that he recovered from the swine flu. Then he said he didn't actually have the swine flu, he was just sick. Yes, as many have speculated, he had an acute case of "jobitis". This flares up in wrestling locker rooms on a fairly regular basis…I think you get it by making whoopee with a ring rat. Yes, I'm sure Shad was joking about the swine flu thing and I'm not one to question peoples' illnesses, but in this hypersensitive culture that we live in these days you can't be joking about these things. Especially if you're just a mid-carder.

WWE Films is developing a film that would be about the origin of The Undertaker. This sounds like an absolutely incredible idea. I was feeling a little down about putting on some weight in the last couple of months, but maybe if I put on a couple hundred more pounds they'll consider me for the role of Paul Bearer. OHHHHH YESSSSSSSSS!

Maybe they'll finally reveal who set the fire that killed Undertaker's parents and burned his half-brother. I lost track after awhile…at one point it was Paul Bearer, then it was Kane, then it was Undertaker, then I think they might have pinned it on Bret Hart's WCW contract. No, wait, they said Bret Hart's WCW contract killed WCW, not Undertaker's parents. My bad.

Seriously though, this thing has all sorts of comedic potential, especially when you consider that one of the other notes on the movie is that it'd take place in the 1800s. You know, since X-Men Origins: Wolverine was so well received by audiences and critics. Are they just going to cross out the names "Wolverine" & "Sabretooth" and replace them with "Undertaker" & "Kane"? What's next on the agenda, a remake of Kazaam? Shaquille O'Neal's on good terms with WWE and his basketball career doesn't look like it's going anywhere…maybe they'd get him to come back for it.

Speaking of WWE Films, a movie starring the Big Show called Knucklehead has finished production. Wait a minute, Big Show did a movie and didn't miss any television time? How come when Rock was still wrestling and had to do a movie he'd be gone for like six months, but we don't miss a second of in-ring activity from this guy? On the bright side, the movie also features Melora Hardin, who I loved on The Office (American version).

Low Ki/Senshi/Kaval finally made his return to FCW over the weekend after being out since January due to reconstructive knee surgery. I don't think that bodes well for his kicking.

Roddy Piper is under consideration to host the November 16 edition of Raw in Madison Square Garden. Apparently there is somebody else that may be scheduled to be the host, but if they can't do it, Piper will be the pick. This strikes me as amusing because I watched WWE's Roddy Piper DVD not too long ago, and they were hyping Piper as one of the two biggest wrestling stars of all time, along with Hulk Hogan. Now he's not even worthy of being the first choice to host an episode of Raw. It's funny how things change over time.

To be fair, the first choice is probably one of the New York Yankees. Wait a minute, nobody likes the Yankees, why should we support that?



Is Hulk Hogan running TNA? If you ask him, he is. He has said so on various media outlets, and apparently he's telling his friends that the only person that is above him in TNA is Bob Carter, who funds the promotion. So, if Hogan has as much power with TNA as he says he does, and people around him say he does, what does that mean for TNA?

Last week I was very positive about the future for TNA with Hogan, due to the name value he will bring to the promotion. Even with these rumors, I remain positive. Even if Hogan wanted to push himself at the top of the card, and bring in all of his friends…most of his friends are too old to wrestle all that often. He knows he can't wrestle all that much.

Hogan has talked about teaching the younger generation about the business and about the art of wrestling. He had a TV show where he tried to teach celebrities about it, so obviously he likes to impart his wisdom on people. If he wants to help the kids grab the torch and take wrestling into the next stage, I support that.

Whether Hogan's running the company or not, neither he nor Eric Bischoff were at the TV tapings this week. Make of that what you will.

Hogan apparently didn't think too much of the ring he received for being inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame. In an interview with the Chicago Tribune, he claimed that his high school ring was more expensive and looked better. In WWE's defense, some high schools have some pretty expensive bling. I don't know about you guys, but mine was in the three figures.

Speaking of WWE, they are reportedly not concerned with Hogan & Bischoff associating themselves with TNA, as they feel that they'll ruin the company. I think that'd be the safe opinion to express backstage, and certainly a pretty popular opinion among people I've heard from, talked to and read articles by.

In more shocking news, Hogan's ex-wife Linda is claiming that his book is full of sensationalist lies. As a long time observer of Hogan's that has read his first book and heard or read many of his interviews with various media outlets over the years, I find it very hard to believe that Linda would make a claim of that nature. I don't think the Hulkster has been anything other than truthful in anything that he has ever said. And even if some of his stories and claims are factually inaccurate, I think that Hogan actually believes that Andre the Giant was eight feet tall and weighed a thousand pounds when he wrestled Hulk in front of 300,000 people in the Silverdome, which drew bigger than the Pope, the Rolling Stones and the 1987 Detroit Lion football season combined. It's not really a lie if you actually believe it.

Of course, my ex-girlfriend probably wouldn't agree with me on that.

Hogan's latest story making the rounds is that he almost gave up wrestling so he could play bass with Metallica. This would have been when Jason Newsted quit the band and they conducted a search to find a new bass player. I'm sure Hogan's a good guitar player, but I think they did the right thing in not bringing him in. Bald people and metal music just don't go together.

Oh, and did you know Hulk taught Vince MxMahon all about the wrestling business? Apparently Vince didn't really know anything about it and when his dad died, he needed help. So Hulk came to the rescue, moving in next door to Vince, teaching him about lifting weights, riding motorcycles and making money. Forget Austin Aries…Hulk Hogan is the greatest man that ever lived. I marvel at the stories he tells…whether they have any basis in reality or not, they're always entertaining.

Word has it that Sting will not be returning to TNA until "several months into 2010". By wrestling retirement standards, that would be pretty long. This is the part where I would make a Brett Favre joke, but currently he's performing too well for me to rip on him. I'm still banking on him fading at the end of the season like he did last year, but I'll give the old man his props for now. And I'm not just saying that because my Bengals play the Vikings in Week 13…of course not.

Knockouts Champion ODB has been signed to a new multi-year contract. There had been some rumblings a few weeks back about ODB's status with TNA and whether they would be signing her to a new contract or not. Considering she's their Knockout Champion and has been featured as a main part of the division since its inception, I'd say they think pretty highly of her. I can't say I'm the biggest fan of her persona, since she pretty much ripped off my gimmick at the 411 offices, but it seems to be working well for her, so more power to her.

Mick Foley's comedy show that was scheduled for Monday in New York City was postponed due to the World Series. This was surprising to Colt Cabana, who was also appearing on the show. See, Colt's a Cubs fan and has no idea what a "World Series" is or when it's held.

You ever wonder why so many people appear on every week's episode of Impact? Well, I'd heard this before and thought it was fairly common knowledge, but lower-card and mid-card talent only gets paid if they work. Yeah, it's this novel concept that exists in a lot of jobs in the real world. Luckily main eventers don't have to worry about this kind of stuff, but most of TNA's younger talent fits into this category. Thus, creative is usually under a lot of pressure to book as many people as they possibly can, so they can get their wrestlers paid.

Speaking of pay, in case you were wondering about Kevin Nash's suspension from last week, he was indeed suspended with pay, and will also be punished by being forced to work a house show. Dammmmmmmmmmmnnnnnnnn. They done laid the smack down on Big Kev, didn't they? If he acts up again, they're going to make him work some main event title matches. That'll show him.



When you think of the early history of women's wrestling, two words come to mind…


Fabulous Moolah.

Yes, there is more to it than that, there have been movies and books already documenting it that you can find at your own leisure. But for the sake of this discussion, all you need to know is that nobody really cared about women's wrestling until the era of the Rock n' Wrestling Connection. And even then, as much as people liked them some Wendi Richter, they mostly cared because of Cyndi Lauper.



I dunno, the 80s were a different time. I was born in 1984 and didn't really get into the whole "girls are hot" thing until about 1990 or so, so I can't really say what the deal was with that. I can't say she's ever done much for me, but maybe if I was a young teenage male (or an old lonely pervert) at that moment in time…who can say.

For the first half-century or so of women's wrestling, it wasn't really promoted on looks. OK, that's a lie. "It wasn't really promoted on good looks" would be a better way to say it. The women generally weren't beauty contest winners, they didn't really get the chance to showcase their personalities Yes, there were exceptions. Miss Elizabeth was pretty darn gorgeous in her day…Sherri Martel was as talented a woman wrestler/valet as there's ever been…Madusa Miceli was very over most places she worked…Missy Hyatt wasn't a wrestler, but she was very, very hot. None of these women really did anything to enhance their looks from a scientific perspective…or if they did, it wasn't immediately obvious.

The "Divafication" of women's wrestling began in the mid 90s with two women in particular.

First, there was Sunny.



People today would probably find it hard to believe that at one point, Tammy Sytch was the most downloaded person in the history of the Internet. That's how popular she was in 1995-96. These days, of course, is a completely different story, as Sunny has become one of those bitter ex-wrestlers who thinks that they did everything to pave the way for the youngsters and nobody appreciates it. It's kind of funny when she bashes Lacey Von Erich for her lack of wrestling talent when she herself was never mistaken for the second coming of the Fabulous Moolah. Who, by the way, wasn't much of a worker either, but it didn't stop her from holding the women's title for twenty-eight years according to WWE canon. Anywho, Sunny did play a huge role in developing the definition of what a WWE Diva would be in later years. It took Vince McMahon and company a long time to figure this out…but apparently sex sells.

Who knew?

Sunny's star would eventually be eclipsed by somebody who most would agree was less talented than her in most aspects of the wrestling game…but she definitely had two things going for her.



Ah, Sable. The woman known as Rena Mero outside of the wrestling ring wasn't much of a talker, she didn't really get anybody she managed over (just ask her ex-husband), and was…well…almost passable in the ring. But, she was insanely popular in the 1997-98 time period. Why?

Well, yes, it's the two reasons you're looking at in that picture. The 38 Specials, as her t-shirt promoted. It was pretty crazy…a woman got over with the wrestling public solely because of her mammary glands. Which, in case you're wondering, weren't real. That's really all it took.

And once people realized that…all hell broke loose.

We'll discuss that next week in Part 2. Of course a special talking about breast implants
and their impact on wrestling would have two parts. Why wouldn't it?

(Plus, I'm running late and Csonka will kill me if I don't post this on time.)



Monday's Rs featured things of an R nature. Yep, that's all I got.

The 411 Roundtable got together to discuss Hogan, Bischoff & TNA. Since I'd already discussed it in last week's news column and Fact or Fiction, I decided not to join in.

Buy or Sell features two of my favorite 411 writer names of all time, Jasper Gerretsen & Placido Domingo. They place second and third on my list, just behind Asteroid Boy.

The Triple Threat agreed on just about everything this week. I think the guy who dislikes people that have opinions on various wrestling topics that are different from the norm doing Fact or Fiction would love that column.

Ari discusses Ring of Honor & Dragon Gate USA going head to head on WrestleMania weekend.

Speaking of ROH, Dunn reviews A Cut Above, which I was in attendance for. It was several times better than I was expecting since the Dayton ROH show prior to that sucked ass and I wasn't high on Jerry Lynn as ROH champ and knew that Roderick Strong wasn't going to beat him. It ended up being one of the more emotional main events I've seen in Dayton though, and considering some of the previous shows there that's saying something. Roderick had me believing that he could win it despite all common logic, and that's what being a wrestling fan is all about.

411 Legend Michael Melchor got an exclusive interview with none other than Jim Cornette. JC's not nearly as foul-mouthed as he used to be.

I think I know why Eubanks didn't let me know how much he enjoyed the column last week.

Congrats to Jeffrey Small on four years with 411mania.com. I thought he hadn't been around nearly that long, but then I remembered that at least one of those years was spent only doing Heat recaps. So I probably didn't notice him at least a year into his existence here. Now, of course, he's one of my prized pupils, who sit under my learning tree and bask in the droppings of knowledge I lay on them every once in awhile. Like the Hulkster, I believe in teaching the next generation how it's done. Brother.

I think a perfect way to end the plug section this week is by promoting this Ebay auction. Proceeds from the auctioning off of a top worn by Torrie Wilson for various photo shoots will go to Susan G. Komen for the Cure, which promotes breast cancer research.

Well, that's all we have time for this week! The esteemed JP Prag will be in tomorrow, and I'll be back next week. Until then, WHODEY!