The Wrestling News Experience: 11.09.09

Posted by Stephen Randle on 11.09.2009

In this Experience, discussion of the possible Undertaker origins film, a preview for tonight's Raw from England, Chris Jericho says naughty words, Dixie Carter shoots, an exclusive look at the upcoming Best of Raw 2009 DVD and more!

Monday, November 9th, 2009

From 411Mania's Canadian offices in Kitchener, Ontario, Canada, this is The Wrestling News Experience, with Stephen Randle!


The Wheel of Time turns…

Good morning, everyone, and welcome to the Experience. I am Stephen Randle, and I was remiss last week in my report not promoting the hell out of The Gathering Storm, the latest book in the Wheel of Time series, and the first of the climactic three books that will finish the series. It took quite a while to come out, what with the author dying two years ago and all, but he left complete notes and hand-picked a replacement author, and the results do not disappoint. The Gathering Storm is 800 pages. I read it in two days. Now if George Martin can stop spending time creating intricate hints about who he's casting in his TV series and finish the damned book he's been working on for six years in time for Christmas, I'll be the happiest SOB in the world.

Two games in a row! Leafs on a win streak! Give me a break, faint hope for my favourite sports team to show some small form of competence is all I have anymore.

Holy crap…46 days until Christmas. Professor, would you say it's time for our viewers to panic, crack each other's heads open and feast on the goo inside?

Moving on.



Tonight's Host:

Hey, Another Boxer To Knock Out Big Show

Last week, both John Cena and D-Generation X, who will be facing each other for the WWE Championship at Survivor Series, were left laid out in the middle of the ring by the combined forces of Big Show and Chris Jericho, the Unified Tag Team champions and, not coincidentally, the men who will be facing The Undertaker for the World Heavyweight Championship at the same PPV. Will JeriShow's dominance continue this week, or will D-X and Cena recover from the alleged Curse of The Hanging Leprechaun?

Meanwhile, Randy Orton and Kofi Kingston look to resume their conflict, which was interrupted last week by the inclusion of Legacy, MVP, and Mark Henry. What will Orton have in store for the fan favourite Kingston, who has managed to maintain the upper hand over the former WWE Champion thus far?

And speaking of Legacy, after battling D-X on mostly even terms over the summer, it seems that the elite multi-generation tag team has slipped into a funk. Challenged by both WWE Champion John Cena and mentor Randy Orton to step up and earn their way to championship matches, will Dibiase and Rhodes manage to get over a recent string of losses and earn some respect from the higher-ups?

Plus, the Celtic Warrior Sheamus continued to adjust to his new spot on Raw by absolutely destroying Jamie Noble, powerbombing the Redneck Messiah onto the ringside mats in a nasty spot that left an indelible image on those who watched it. Where will Sheamus' path of destruction turn next?

And with Raw emanating from across the pond in England, what surprises will they have in store for the United Kingdom fans and their special guest host, pugilist and countryman Ricky Hatton? Find out tonight, and maybe with that new opening theme they've been rumoured to have floating around, as Raw is live from the UK!



The St. Crispin's Day Speech, It Ain't




Why yes, that is Dixie Carter channelling some weird hybrid of Vince McMahon, Eric Bischoff, and Paul Heyman, exhorting the troops to get behind the latest "big change" in TNA (i.e. signing Hulk Hogan) because they're all in this together…while reminding them that they can always try and get jobs somewhere else if they don't like it. All it needed was somebody standing up and walking out, then getting released two days later to make it complete. After this segment aired to open Impact, many figured it was simply an angle designed to hype the incoming Hulk Hogan. However, news soon surfaced that this was not, in fact, a scripted segment, but culled from a legitimate address by Carter to the TNA talent prior to the last round of Impact tapings. Apparently there have been rumblings from some of the wrestlers (AJ Styles and Kaz have been mentioned, but unconfirmed) that with Hogan on the way in, some of them might prefer to be on the way out, and take their chances on the generosity of Vince "Braden Walker Is NOT The Worst Thing I Could Name You" McMahon.

But is there more to the story than meets the eye? Well, there is always that possibility. Nation, recite for me the First Rule of Cynical Internet Wrestling Fans.

"If it's on TV, it's a work."

Excellent work, class. And for extra credit, name the man, seated just behind and to the left of Dixie Carter in the above video, who is the reason why the First Rule of Cynical Internet Wrestling Fans was created.

You know, at that resolution, I can't even see his lips moving.

It Could Totally Have Been A Johnny Quest Reference

Ah, TMZ, how would we be able to watch badly-filmed clips of celebrities going shopping and/or doing stupid things without you? And this week, TMZ had a special attraction for wrestling fans, as Chris Jericho made his return to YouTube notoriety. Having previously been taped shoving a fan who got far too close, this past week Jericho was recorded during an interview dropping both an ethnic and homophobic remark. Quick to jump on any chance at publicity and likely still smarting from getting worked during the whole Billy and Chuck wedding stunt, GLAAD was quick to denounce Jericho's actions to anyone who would listen, and since most Internet wrestling sites cover even the most obscure wrestling news, this made minor headlines pretty quickly.

Now, I don't condone what Jericho said, but I also maintain that he most likely isn't a raging anti-homosexual, racist monster, just a guy who lives in the world, and is part of an industry, like many other sports-related entities, where they tend to be a little more, shall we say "elemental" in their casual insults. It doesn't make it right, it just makes it the way it is. Hell, we all live on the Internet, where the accepted celebration for killing an opponent in a video game is to simulate tea-bagging his corpse while calling him a "gay noob" who "sux dik". Frankly, if GLAAD is going to spend their time fighting against homophobic slurs, they'd most likely actually find more support going after idiots like that than against random minor celebrities like Jericho. Seriously, if you were told that that there was going to be a law where using Halo chat to call everyone "c***-***ing f***" (naughty words censored to protect the children and prevent phone calls from my mother wondering if this is all an English degree teaches) was punishable by imprisonment and maybe execution on repeated offenses, wouldn't that instantly make you a much happier gamer? I know I'd vote for it.

Sadly, "Tombstone" Is Already Taken

Following WWE Films projects featuring The Big Show as a giant MMA fighter and John Cena as a wrestler (joke removed due to being way too obvious), it seems that their next script will involve a direct-to-DVD film detailing…the origin of The Undertaker.

But wait, you might say, we already know the origin of The Undertaker! You remember, Paul Bearer revealed it all back in 1997 when he brought Kane into WWE! Okay, for those of you with short attention spans or for whom wrestling began this millennium (which should pretty much cover everyone), Undertaker was the son of funeral home owners who may or may not have burned the funeral home down, killing his parents (and, he assumed at the time, his brother…half-brother…whatever). It doesn't explain where he gets the power to play with arena lights, but hey, in terms of creativity and attention to detail, it's the pro wrestling equivalent of the Spiderman origin story. I mean, without the whole stupid clone thing.

Anyway, apparently this movie is going to be some sort of western set in the historical past, and will presumably be cribbed from several different Eastwood films with an added element of the supernatural. Think "Walker, Texas Ranger" if Chuck Norris was killed by the bad guys and came back to life to get revenge.

Actually, that would be kind of awesome.

A Return To (Almost) Normality

As part of WWE's quarterly conference call, it was revealed that WWE will be cutting one PPV from the 2010 schedule, reducing the number of shows in the new year to 13, well down from the incredibly bloated high of 16 (ah, December 2 Dismember and New Year's Revolution, we hardly remember you existed), but still more than once a month, which was what they were running when WWE was making the most money in their history. At last report, the apparent casualty of the contraction is Judgment Day, the only PPV left on the 2009 calendar that was not given a specific gimmick. Although, Internet rumours had recently attempted to promote the fact that WWE was considering running a War Games PPV in that slot, so let the "Vince is holding War Games down" rumours re-commence!

Are You Sure They Meant "Best"?

Apparently WWE has heard the cry from their fans. Yes, following far in the footsteps of every other show on television (and, at this point as they run out of other cash cows, shows that haven't been on TV in many years), and on the heels of their "Best of Raw" and "Best of Smackdown" sets, WWE has announced a release date of January 26, 2010, for the compilation DVD "Best of Raw 2009". Upon hearing this news, I sent my interns scrambling into the ductworks of WWE Headquarters in Stamford, seeking the elusive match and extras listing for this hotly anticipated DVD. And here, in an Experience Exclusive, is the listing for Best of Raw 2009:

DISC ONE:

- Randy Orton kicks Vince McMahon in the head, establishing himself as the most dominant heel on Raw

- Shane McMahon attacks Randy Orton and Legacy, driving them off with punches that show more light that a halogen flashlight, establishing Randy Orton as a complete chickens*** who can't take on a forty-year-old, out-of-shape, non-wrestler

- Randy Orton attacks Triple H and his suddenly kayfabe again wife Stephanie, establishing Orton as the dominant heel on Raw

- Triple H attacks Randy Orton in his own home, then again with a sledgehammer, then again with the back-up of Vince and Shane McMahon, establishing Orton as the bitch of the McMahon family

- Shawn Michaels acts conflicted about working for JBL despite being part of one of the biggest merchandise-selling acts in WWE and having a best friend who is married to the daughter of the owner of the company

- Chris Jericho mocks Ric Flair

- Chris Jericho mocks Ricky Steamboat

- Chris Jericho mocks Roddy Piper

- Chris Jericho mocks Jimmy Snuka

- Chris Jericho mocks Mickey Rourke

- A bunch of midcarders wrestle qualifying matches for the Royal Rumble, the Elimination Chamber, and Money in the Bank

- Santino Marella debuts his sister, Santina Marella. Hilarity ensues

DISC TWO:

- Randy Orton defeats Triple H, Batista, and Shane McMahon to win the WWE title, putting Triple H out with a punt to establish himself as the dominant heel on Raw

- CM Punk, two-time Money in the Bank winner and future World Champion and soon-to-be hot heel act, loses cleanly to Kane on PPV, then gets drafted to Smackdown

- Chris Jericho mocks Ricky Steamboat again because there isn't anyone else available to wrestle him despite being the hottest heel in WWE, then gets drafted to Smackdown

- Randy Orton loses two straight PPV matches to Batista, first by DQ, and then loses the WWE title in a cage match, despite The Animal being seriously injured before the match even occurred, establishing himself as a fluke champion who can't win on his own

- Randy Orton and Legacy attack and injure Batista, causing him to forfeit the title, which Orton wins the next week on Raw, establishing Orton as a dominant heel on Raw

- John Cena feuds with the Big Show for four months

- A bunch of midcarders fight over the United States title in various multi-man matches

- Santina Marella feuds with Vicki Guerrero over the title of Miss WrestleMania. Hilarity ensues.

- Chris Masters returns!

- Chris Jericho wins the Unified Tag Team titles with Edge because he's so awesome, WWE decides he needs to be on all three shows and not at all because Raw was floundering so badly that they needed the additional star presence

- Donald Trump buys Raw and declares he will never sell it back to Vince because he's a huge wrestling fan and he wants to make some great creative changes to a stale product

- Donald Trump sells Raw back to Vince one week later

DISC THREE:

- A bevy of guest hosts arrive to run Raw. Santino Marella fails to pronounce any of their names correctly. Hilarity ensues.

- D-Generation X returns…again.

- Chavo Guerrero feuds with Hornswoggle for four months and fails to win a single match.

- Randy Orton loses the WWE Title to John Cena in an "I Quit" match after handcuffing Cena to a ringpost and beating him with a kendo stick for twenty minutes, then submitting in three seconds to an STF

- Three weeks later, Randy Orton wins the WWE Title in a Hell in a Cell match in which Cena sells the previously career-threatening punt to the head long enough for a three count

- Three weeks later, Randy Orton loses the WWE Title in a 60 Minute Iron Man Match, tapping out with five seconds left. As a provision of the match, Orton can never face Cena for the WWE Title again and must feud for something other than the title for the first time in 2009.

- John Cena promises fresh WWE Title matchups on Raw following the end of his feud with Orton. An hour later, Cena vs Triple H vs Shawn Michaels is announced for Survivor Series, which I suppose is a match that hasn't happened in that particular combination ever

- Chris Masters makes his pectoral muscles dance to "Crazy Train", the first halfway meaningful segment he's been in since his return match

BONUS FEATURES:

- Highlights of guest hosts mispronouncing the names of PPVs, wrestlers, and basic wrestling concepts because they don't actually care about pro wrestling

- An interview with Macaulay Culkin about his cameo during a Chavo Guerrero-Hornswoggle Falls Count Anywhere match

- A feature detailing MVP's career path from his debut on Raw following the draft, where he faced off with WWE Champion Randy Orton, to losing the United States title to Kofi Kingston, to losing a feud with Jack Swagger, to a tag team with Mark Henry

- Highlights of interviews where John Cena promises to overcome the odds yet again!



Inactive List as of 11.02.09

WWE Raw

- Maryse, out indefinitely as of July 28th (knee surgery)

WWE SmackDown

- Edge, out indefinitely as of July 4th (torn Achilles tendon)
- Jim Ross, out indefinitely as of October 20th (Bell's Palsy)
- The Great Khali, out indefinitely as of September 15th (knee surgery)

ECW

- No reported injuries

TNA

- Jeff Jarrett, out indefinitely as of July 21st (self-imposed suspension)
- Daffney, out indefinitely as of October 19th (broken arm)

Transactions

- Sheamus, ECW, moved to Raw as of November 2nd

I see people making a parallel between Sheamus and Desmond Wolfe down in TNA, and time will tell on who goes farther, but come on, people. Wolfe debuted by attacking and injuring Kurt Angle, multiple time World Champion, only Olympic gold medallist in pro wrestling, former Godfather of the MEM, and one of the greatest pure wrestlers in the industry. Sheamus attacked and injured Jamie Noble, the 2009 version of Iron Mike Sharpe, who hadn't even been in a televised match for the last several months. Perspective, that's all I'm saying.

- Vance Archer, ECW, made TV debut on November 3rd ECW on SyFy

For those unaware, Vance is the former Lance Hoyt from TNA, also known as Guy Who Looks Like Test.



WWE

WWE Champion: John Cena
- 15 day reign, defeated Randy Orton in an "Anything Goes" Iron Man Match on October 25th (Bragging Rights PPV)
- Next title defense: vs Triple H and Shawn Michaels, Triple Threat Match, Survivor Series PPV

World Heavyweight Champion: The Undertaker
- 36 day reign, defeated CM Punk in a Hell in a Cell Match on October 4th (Hell in a Cell PPV)
- Next title defense: vs Chris Jericho and The Big Show, Triple Threat Match, Survivor Series PPV

ECW Champion: Christian
- 106 day reign, defeated Tommy Dreamer on July 26th (Night of Champions PPV)

WWE Intercontinental Champion: John Morrison
- 66 day reign, defeated Rey Mysterio on September 4th (Smackdown)
- Next title defense: vs Dolph Ziggler, November 13th Smackdown

WWE United States Champion: The Miz
- 35 day reign, defeated Kofi Kingston on October 5th (Raw)

WWE Undisputed Tag Team Champions: Chris Jericho and The Big Show
- 106 day reign (as team of Chris Jericho and Big Show), The Big Show named as replacement for former champion Edge on July 26th (Night of Champions PPV)
- 28 day reign (as team of Chris Jericho and Edge), defeated former champions The Colons and Legacy in a Triple Threat Match on June 28th (The Bash PPV)

WWE Women's Champion: Michelle McCool
- 134 day reign, defeated Melina on June 28th (The Bash PPV)

WWE Diva's Champion: Melina
- 28 day reign, defeated Jillian Hall on October 12th (Raw)

TNA

TNA Heavyweight Champion: AJ Styles
- 50 day reign, defeated former champion Kurt Angle, Matt Morgan, Hernandez, and Sting in a Five-Way Match on September 20th (No Surrender PPV)

TNA Tag Team Champions: The British Invasion
- 22 day reign, defeated Beer Money, Inc., Team 3D, and former champions Booker T & Scott Steiner in a Full Metal Mayhem match on October 18th (Bound For Glory PPV)

TNA X-Division Champion: Amazing Red
- 32 day reign, defeated Samoa Joe on October 8th (Impact)

TNA Knockouts Champion: ODB
- 85 day reign, with Cody Deaner, defeated former champion Angelina Love and Velvet Sky in a tag match on August 16th (Hard Justice PPV)

TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions: Taylor Wilde and Sarita
- 50 day reign, defeated The Beautiful People (Velvet Sky and Madison Rayne) to win the newly created title on September 20th (No Surrender PPV)

TNA Global Champion: Eric Young
- 22 day reign, defeated former champion Kevin Nash and Hernandez in a Triple Threat match on October 18th (Bound For Glory PPV)



Harrison and James have the weekend news reports.

Martell has The Triple Threat.

Hubbard has The Wrestling Bard.

Ford has Contemplating CHIKARA.

And Ari has Column of Honor.



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Have a good one, and always be a fan.

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