The Wrestling Bard 11.15.09: 'Mania Odyssey, Part VII

Posted by Aaron Hubbard on 11.15.2009

A man looking for redemption. A woman looking for love. And a boy looking for a moment to remember.

FUN WITH COMMENTS!

…will not be featured today. I actually didn't even bother rereading my column this week, because I thought it sucked. I was more unsatisfied with that than I've ever been with anything I've written. I hated it when I posted it and I couldn't bother to see the reaction. I'm not going to make excuses. I'm just going to write this one and pray that is better.

On the other hand, not reading means I have nothing else to say, so that should please some people! Onto the apropos break considering who made his Wrestlemania debut at this event.

HE'S DEAD BREAK!



It is March 24, 1991. President Bush was in his third year as United States President. Super Bowl XXV saw the New York Giants defeat the Buffalo Bills in a close game of 20-19. The Persian Golf War, which had dominated the news for the first few months of the year, was over. But American Patriotism was still alive and well in the World Wrestling Federation. The WWF Champion was Sgt. Slaughter, a man who once embodied the heroism of the U.S. Army and now was an Iraqi sympathizer, the most despised man in wrestling. Challenging him for the title at this show would be Hulk Hogan. Meanwhile, the man who beat Hogan in an epic clash the previous year, Ultimate Warrior, was involved in a bitter personal war with the "Macho King" Randy Savage. The issue would be settled in definitive fashion, as they would wrestle each other tonight in a retirement match. Tonight, it is Wrestlemania VII.

Tonight is also the first time that Johnny Sullivan, now twelve, will watch a Wrestlemania by himself. There used to be a tradition where he would watch it with his brother Mike and his father, but that just isn't happening this year. His father is celebrating his honeymoon with his new wife, Sherrill, a much younger woman he started dating around Christmas time. They are spending it in California, where she was born. Mike on the other hand, stopped watching wrestling the previous summer. He was fifteen and the increasingly cartoon world of wrestling was losing its appeal. He was hanging out at his friend Bobby's house instead.

The only person in the world who might have watched the show was his mother, who had bought the PPV for him, but she was out at work. While wrestling had been something of a pop culture phenomenon when Johnny was in grade school, none of his middle school friends had any shared his love for it. In fact, his teammates on the wrestling team despised it. As far as they were concerned, pro wrestling was a stupid, cartoony farce, and an embarrassment to "real" wrestling. Johnny had told them he had stopped wrestling nearly a year ago. If they found out he still loved wrestling, he would be the laughing stalk of the sixth grade.

At first, it seemed the spectacle of the event would make Johnny forget that he was alone. When the Rockers battled Haku and Barbarian in the opener, he was far too focused on the exciting action to think about anything else. But when it came to watching Texas Tornado and Dino Bravo battle, Johnny wished he just had someone to complain about the match with. Instead, he simply pulled out a deck of cards and played solitaire while the British Bulldog and the Warlord tried to overwhelm each other with their impressive strength.

The show makes a depressing turn when the Nasty Boys defeat the Hart Foundation to win the WWF tag team titles. Johnny had been a fan of Bret Hart's for the last few years, but had became even more loyal to him when he realized that Bret never did anything that looked fake. Hogan's signature comeback had often come across as hokey, and even some of the stuff that Ricky Steamboat and the Rockers did came off as more of a gymnastics exhibition. But Bret wrestled a physical style grounded in reality that made Johnny proud to be a fan of wrestling. The Nasty Boys were fat slobs who Johnny couldn't stand to see holding the tag titles, unworthy to hold it in his eyes. If only the Rockers or the Legion of Doom could have won them instead.

Johnny's mood went up a little bit as he watched Jake Roberts get his revenge on Rick Martel. Martel had blinded Jake with his perfume, and Jake had asked for a blindfold match to even the playing field. The fact that he couldn't really help out Roberts like the crowd could was something of a frustration, but watching Martel get dropped on his head made it worth it.

The next match saw Jimmy Snuka lose to a man who had almost instantly established himself as top player; The Undertaker. Johnny had witnessed his debut at the Survivor Series some months prior, and was mesmerized by him. On one hand, he was as cartoony as anything in wrestling; he was a mortician that felt no pain and moved like a zombie. But there was something about him, something special that made Johnny forget how inanely silly about him. He knew Undertaker was human and would sometimes make jokes to himself after he left the screen. But it didn't matter; when Undertaker was on the screen, Johnny's eyes were glued to it.

And the next match insured that his eyes would stay glued. Johnny was eager to see the showdown between Savage and Warrior, but was a little apprehensive as well. Warrior was one of his favorites, and while he hadn't like Savage since his turn on Hogan, he didn't want to see him go. When Savage wrestled Dusty Rhodes last year, Johnny often wondered how he had fallen so far. When he sent his manager Queen Sherri to try to persuade Warrior to give him a title shot, Johnny was looking forward to Savage getting back on top. But now, in order for that to happen, Randy would have to force Warrior into retirement.

The magnitude of the occasion was made evident when Bobby Heenan pointed out that Miss Elizabeth was in the crowd. A more subtle but no less poignant indicator was the way Warrior walked to the ring, conserving his energy instead of running down like a madman. With an almost somber mood, Johnny watched Warrior systematically destroy Savage. To his credit, Randy stayed in the match despite giving up size and strength; he used intelligence, sneak attacks, and Sherri to get any advantage he could. Finally, it seemed that brains would overcome brawn, and that Johnny would have to watch Warrior's final moments in the ring. Randy dropped big elbow after big elbow from the top, and covered the Warrior in what was sure to be the end.

But as if raised by some divine power, Warrior kicked out of the cover. He fought back as he always did, and now it seemed that Savage's career was reaching its close. Warrior hit his signature military press drop and the running splash, but Savage mirrored his rival and did the unthinkable by kicking out of the move. Johnny watched intently as Warrior starting talking to "the spirits of warriors past" as Gorilla Monsoon called them. He actually lost control and shouted at Warrior as he started to leave ringside, and cheered for Savage when he kept the match from ending. But it seemed to be a costly mistake; minutes later, Warrior started knocking him down repeatedly with shoulder blocks, grunting at his gods defiantly. The match ended with Warrior pinning Savage with one foot. And while Johnny had hoped that Warrior would win, he could not help but feel incredible pity for the man who lay in the ring, broken and beaten.

As if this wasn't enough, Sherri Martel come in and started kicking the fallen Savage. Johnny felt incredible hatred for her, begging her to leave so Randy could leave with some dignity. But when Elizabeth stepped over the barricade and into the ring, Johnny leapt up and down for joy. She tossed Sherri out of the ring. But as fast as the ecstasy had arrived, it was gone. Savage shoved Elizabeth, leading to an incredibly tense moment as Savage put the pieces together. Finally, it all came to a close as Savage and Elizabeth embraced. Johnny would not allow tears to escape from his eyes, but it was certainly the happiest moment he had seen in wrestling. Even when he was at his lowest point, Elizabeth was there to raise him up again. Savage had found redemption in the face of loss.

The emotion of the reunion had drained Johnny mentally and physically, and he made himself a sandwich and popcorn so he could replay every sweet moment of the previous match and it's aftermath in his head. He came out of the kitchen in time to see Genichiro Tenryu slam a member of Demolition down off his shoulders into a pin for two, a move which he immediately fell in love with.

Johnny watched with glee as the Big Boss Man beat up Mr. Perfect in his bid for Perfect's Intercontinental Title, and cheered wildly when Andre the Giant made an appearance to chase Bobby Heenan around the ring. Despite Boss Man not winning the title, it was definitely a feel-good moment for Johnny and the fans in attendance.

The next match was a reminder of how much Johnny had mellowed out recent years. Greg Valentine had been Johnny's least favorite wrestler ever since the first Wrestlemania. But now that he was no longer playing the role of a villain, Johnny couldn't hate him. He didn't cheer him either, but there was no fist pump when Earthquake won in short order. But he pumped both of his fists when the Legion of Doom defeated Power and Glory in short order. The intimidating duo was running roughshod over the WWF's tag team division, and Johnny hoped to see the gold around their waists sooner than later.

Ted DiBiase and Virgil tried to finish their rivalry with a one-on-one match, which failed to keep Johnny's interest. He cared more about Sherri joining forces with DiBiase and Roddy Piper standing up than he did the actual match. As for The Mountie defeating Tito Santana with a cattle prod in less than two minutes, Johnny simply buried his hands in his face and tried to remember Tito beating the Executioner at the first Wrestlemania.

Finally, the main event came around. Johnny tried to get into the match, and he enjoyed watching Hogan beat up Slaughter, but his mind started to wander when the champion took over on offense. This was not Wrestlemania III, where it felt like Hogan had no chance of winning. This was not Wrestlemania VI, where Johnny wasn't sure whether or not Hogan would win. Heck, it wasn't even Wrestlemania V, where Johnny felt Hogan could win but would have to be at the top of his game to do so. This just seemed like a foregone conclusion; Hulk Hogan was going to beat Slaughter and become WWF Champion for the third time. And it happened. Just like at Wrestlemania V, Hogan shrugged off Slaughter's offense, shook his arms, pointed a finger, threw three huge right punches, hit a big boot, and connected with a legdrop to win the belt. Back then, the victory had seemed hallow because Johnny knew wrestling was fake. This time, it felt hallow because, even if he didn't want to admit it, Johnny was bored of Hulk Hogan.

After the show, Johnny went to his room and lifted weights, trying to keep in shape for his next tournament. Even though he was satisfied with the show, Johnny felt that there was little to remember. There were no cherished bonding time with his father or brother. Only one moment had truly given him the emotional high that he had experienced so often in the eighties. These days, it felt like Johnny was almost going through the motions watching wrestling.

Once again, Johnny had to ask himself if he had outgrown pro wrestling. This time, the only thing that kept him from saying "Yes" was remembering Savage holding Elizabeth on his shoulder, as women in the audience cried. Savage had been at his lowest point, but Elizabeth had came in to take the bitter moment and make it wonderful. Perhaps, just maybe, a moment would come that would rejuvenate Johnny's love for pro wrestling.

*****

Since this column is on the short side, I figured I'd make it up to you with a long match. I also wanted to get a match that has many of the qualities of Savage-Warrior from this show. In this match, Kenta Kobashi is getting what will likely be his final title shot. He has battled past knee injuries and this is his chance for redemption. All that is standing in his way is the nearly unstoppable force of Mitsuharu Misawa.