News From Cook's Corner 11.18.09

Posted by Steve Cook on 11.18.2009

Boobs, Bengals and Ben Savage! Oh, and there is some wrestling stuff too.

Hi, hello and welcome to News From Cook's Corner! I'm Steve Cook, and as you're reading this I'm likely recovering from a hangover brought on by my Louisville Cardinals' opening game of the college men's basketball season. Considering that I'm just now recovering from a hangover brought on by our Cincinnati Bengals completing a season sweep of the hated Pittsburgh Steelers…yep, it's going to be one of those weeks. I should have asked Penguin for a book club submission, but I don't want to overwork our favorite flightless bird.

Luckily I've brought plenty of pictures, so think of this as a children's book edition of the Corner. Well, a children's book with a lot of scantly clad women. I'm sure such a thing exists.

It was a pretty darn good football weekend here at the Corner. Two lopsided fantasy football victories, one Bengal victory, and even a Louisville Cardinal victory! Granted, the Louisville game was one of the ugliest games I've ever seen on many levels, but we don't get many Cardinal victories these days and celebrate them every chance we get.



I haven't talked about this in this column, but Louisville needs a new football coach. I can only hope and dream that the rumor I heard about Texas Tech's Mike Leach being a candidate is true. Why? Because I need press conferences like this in my life:



Good news for Leach if he does come to the Ville: Louisville girls are on average lighter than Lubbock girls by 15.3 pounds. It's true.

Louisville basketball did start last night, but I'd be lying if I said I was very excited about the college b-ball right now. November & December are traditionally pretty rough times for the game, as teams are still learning how to adjust their games and become the best players they can be, and it results in halftime scores like 19-13, which was the score of the Georgetown/Temple game I turned on a couple of minutes ago while writing this portion of the column. 19-13? Really? What are they playing, football? Horrible. Seriously, anything before the conference season starts doesn't tell you a whole lot about your team. Our buddy Smooth should take some solace in that, because his team sure as heck didn't look like a top five team on Monday night.

All right, let's get to the ‘rasslin news!



This lovely lass is Elizabeth, who is in her first year as one of the Ben-Gals. Why did I choose Elizabeth out of all the beautiful ladies cheering our men on? Well, she happens to be from my hometown of Edgewood, Kentucky, and Edgewood girls get favoritism in this column over girls from Ohio and other sections of Northern Kentucky that aren't as awesome as Edgewood. That's just how it works. E-WOOD REPRESENT!



WWE Raw will continue to appear on the USA Network at least through September 2014. Good move for both sides here, as Raw has been a vital part of making USA the most watched cable network, and there isn't really a better platform for Raw to air on. Now that I think about it, you could probably throw it on NBC and get better ratings than Jay Leno's show. Hmmm.

I thought I was excited about Roddy Piper guest hosting Raw, but that pales in comparison to my excitement for Jesse "The Body" Ventura guest hosting a three hour edition of Raw next week. Like I told Manu Bumb, if they let Jesse cut a promo on Vince the way Piper did, that could be worth the price of admission alone. Ventura will be hyping a historical conspiracy show that he will be hosting on TruTV, which was Court TV back when they showed court stuff and not…whatever in the blue hell they're showing now. My grandmother does love the forensics shows they have on that channel, and I'm sure she'll enjoy Jesse's show as well.

Speaking of Piper, I've read some people online complaining that Piper was incoherent and rambling, to the point that he was either drunk or senile. You'd think these people would realize that Roddy Piper is a natural incoherent rambler, and that's what got him his place in the wrestling business. Go back and watch his old promos…the guy was a lunatic! He was not a calm, rational man in his prime, so why would you expect him to be one in his sixties? Piper is Piper. Yeah, he's old, but everybody gets old. OK, not everybody, but if we're lucky most of us will get old at some point.

Rumor has it that Sean Mooney has been hired by WWE. Mooney previously worked for the World Wrestling Federation from 1988-1993 as an announcer, usually doing interviews and "Event Center" work but occasionally doing play by play on various video releases. After leaving the WWF Mooney did some work in news and eventually moved on to FSN Arizona, where he's worked since 2000 covering University of Arizona football & basketball. He did make a pretty random WWE appearance in 2005, as he was interviewed for the Raw Homecoming pre-show marking WWE's return to the USA Network and showcasing memorable moments of previous Raws.

Apparently Vince McMahon isn't very high on any of the current announce teams, which would lead one to believe that Mooney could be a candidate to announce on ECW or Smackdown. I presume the Raw team is pretty safe, but one never knows for sure. Vince has always been very critical of the announcers, considering he did announcing for three decades that doesn't come as much of a surprise. Sean Mooney's return would be a bit of a surprise, but maybe some experience is what the WWE announcing team needs, especially with Jim Ross out of commission for an indefinite amount of time.

Lilian Garcia sung the national anthem at Monday night's Raw in Madison Square Garden. She was just visiting, so don't get your hopes up for a return. In an unrelated note, I'm kind of digging the chick that does the ECW ring announcing. It's a different announcing style, kinda like an MTV host or something, but I like it. I have a feeling that I'd be in the minority on this, but I'm used to it.

In the latest revelation to come out from Rey Mysterio's book, he credits Pat Patterson for making other WWE brass believe that he should be the world champion. I wonder if he also credits Patterson for his horrible title reign.

Remember the Pontiac Silverdome? You know, the place where 100,000 people showed up to watch WrestleMania III and see Hulk Hogan slam the 900 pound Andre the Giant while tearing every muscle in his back? Well, the Silverdome was sold on Tuesday for $583,000. You know, WWE could have bought the Silverdome for a little bit more, let's say $600,000 or so, freshened the place up a bit, made it look nice, and then held at least 1 PPV there a year for the next ten years, thrown in some TV tapings and house shows for good measure, and would have made an absolute killing on the deal. Instead, the Silverdome will become a soccer stadium.

Indeed…it is a dark day for America.



TNA is one of the few wrestling promotions that won't be running in the Phoenix area on WrestleMania weekend, as they have a show scheduled in Calgary that weekend. As for everybody else, they'll be in Phoenix. I'm still waiting for Kirk Sheppard to send me my press credentials for the NWF's show in Phoenix on WrestleMamia weekend.

They might not be coming to Phoenix, but TNA is interested in knowing where you'd like them to go. OK, I probably phrased that wrong and many of you are saying exactly what I think you're saying. No, they have a link on their website where you can vote for them to come to your town. By clicking on the link, I learned that one person is demanding that TNA come to Peoria, Illinois. I'd feel bad if I demanded that somebody go to Peoria, Illinois.

You can also fill out a brief survey on who you tune into TNA to see. I'm not sure what Wille Urbina, Hector Guerrero, Shark Boy or So Cal Val are doing on the list, but they're on it anyway. And anybody tuning in to see Mike Tenay or Jeremy Borash needs to seek some professional help. Maybe Dr. Stevie has an open slot for you…

D'Angelo Dinero signed a longer-term deal with TNA last week and the brass is very high on him. You can insert your own "Hogan will squash him" joke here.

Don't expect to see Trevor "Jethro Holliday" Rhodes/Murdoch in TNA anytime soon, as his profile was removed from TNA's website and he just opened a bar in Missouri. Some wondered why TNA would use Holliday on TV if he wasn't under contract…yeah, sometimes they do stupid things with people not under contract, but in this case it wasn't a bad idea. It's not like Holliday actually beat anybody.

There are no major injuries to report from Turning Point other than Kurt Angle "throwing out his back" according to Dixie Carter. That reminds me of the Boy Meets World episode where Cory's dad threw out his back and had to spend a couple of days on the couch. If memory serves me correctly, his back was healed when Cory's mom promised him some sort of adult situation that couldn't air on ABC at 8:30 on a Friday night. I spent way too many Friday nights in middle & high school watching that show.

No, I don't really have a reason to bring that up. But who needs a reason to bring up the greatness of Ben Savage? He's easily the third best Savage in the history of television, behind Randy & Fred. If I find out I'm forgetting another Savage just like how I forgot about Dick Trickle last week, I'm hanging up the keyboard.

Michael Savage doesn't rank higher than Ben. Try again.

I should mention that TNA had a really good PPV on Sunday and I hope to watch it in approximately thirty years. That's about the rate my friend and I are watching PPVs by WWE & TNA these days. Soon I look forward to watching this Ultimate Warrior guy face off against some Hogan dude. Brother.



Bad news for former WWE & current UFC heavyweight champion Brock Lesnar, as his physical problems have reportedly worsened over the past few days. Lesnar has mononucleosis and an intestinal disorder that required minor surgery on Tuesday. It was revealed that the disorder was in fact diverticulitis, which is a disease I am familiar with…not from a personal level, but I do know somebody who has had it. The main way to treat it is to not eat certain things, and apparently in extreme cases like Lesnar has it requires surgery. It's not a life-threatening disease, and the person I know has largely returned to their previous lifestyle since being diagnosed and treated for it a couple of years ago, but their day job isn't working as a mixed martial artist. Lesnar will be unable to compete in mixed martial arts until further notice.

I don't think its hyperbole to say that Brock was one of the top ten athletes I've ever seen in professional wrestling, maybe even top five. He had sick physical gifts, and they translated to pro wrestling and MMA very well. Hopefully he'll recover, but the fact that UFC figurehead Dana White is trying to get him into the Mayo Clinic can't be a good sign. On the bright side, UFC obviously cares about the health of their athletes, so you gotta give them credit for that. I'm not a doctor, so my opinion that Lesnar should be able to return to the octagon once he's healed up and done the proper training shouldn't be taken too seriously. But given what I've seen from the disorder before, I am confident that Brock can regain his health and once again pwn some foos.

Speaking of UFC, Shane McMahon and former WWE Canada head Carl DeMarco both met with UFC officials last week. I would assume that DeMarco's purpose would be helping the UFC expand further into the Canadian market, while Shane could help them expand into other markets around the world, which is something that UFC is definitely interested in doing. Shane getting into MMA promotion wouldn't surprise me, as he is a pretty big fan of the sport and a couple of years ago he was rumored to be in talks to buy PRIDE Fighting Championships (a Japan-based MMA promotion that had many critically acclaimed shows featuring people like Fedor Emelianenko) until UFC purchased the group and eliminated one of their main competitors. Dana White did not comment about the meeting with McMahon, so it's too early to say if anything will come of it.

You know who's having a really good year? Davey Richards. Putting the FIP championship and the ROH tag team championship aside, Richards seems to have some sort of diplomatic immunity that pretty much allows him to do whatever he wants. I wouldn't think ROH would want to push somebody that's opting to work Dragon Gate USA shows on WrestleMania weekend over ROH, or somebody that's facing Rob Van Dam in Europe instead of appearing on an ROH show in Canada, or somebody that's forming competing wrestling promotions with Gabe Sapolsky, but he's still in main events reportedly having match of the year caliber stuff with Austin Aries. I support such things, but one has to wonder what Richards has on people.

Maybe it's nothing and Richards is just very productive with his time, unlike that hippie Bryan Danielson, who used to be the best in the world until he signed with WWE & disappeared.

Brian Kendrick was not happy that his match on a Dragon Gate USA PPV was edited. You'd think he'd be happy about even being on a PPV after a long stint in WWE where PPV appearances were few and far between. This does explain Lansdell thinking the match between Kendrick & CIMA seemed rushed.

Kevin Steen apparently needs knee surgery according to three doctors, which should come as no surprise because his knees have been less than 100% ever since the first time I saw him wrestle. He's a great wrestler for a man of his size, but that size will come back to haunt him…and unfortunately it seems that it already has.

Best wishes to longtime Mid-Atlantic wrestler Sandy Scott, who is recovering from surgery to remove pancreatic cancer. They're hopeful that they got it all out, so let's hope that is indeed the case.



Last time we left off with the emergence of Sable as the first woman to get over in professional wrestling based solely on breast enhancement. Wrestling promoters quickly figured out they were on to something, and us fans got to see an influx of silicone-injected beauties. There were positive developments, and there were negative ones.

Remember Terri Power?



Probably not, but you probably remember her as Tori, assuming you were watching the WWF in the late 90s.



A little different, yeah?

How about Tina Ferrari?



OK, I don't expect most of you to remember this GLOW personality, unless I'm really off on what the 411 demographics are. But I'm sure you remember Ivory…



Tori & Ivory had been in the wrestling game for a long time, but had never gotten the chance to showcase their talents on WWE television until the late 90s and the plastic surgery explosion. Isn't it grand that these two got that chance?

And then there's Chyna.


Before



You know, I can't decide whether she fits in the good or bad portion of this debate. I mean, the boob enhancements and jaw re-alignment obviously helped her look like a woman. But she became such a train wreck after leaving WWE…I don't know what to make of her.

I do know what to make of these two…





Thanks to the "work" of people like Sable, Lita & Trish Stratus got to do their thing. Yes, there's some artificialness there, but their talent was anything but. At the end of the day, you can have all of the physical enhancements you want, but if you've got no talent you've got nothing.

WCW had a couple examples of this in the late 90s. Take Major Gunns.



Not a bad looking girl. And she did help the Misfits in Action get over…but it wasn't due to her wrestling or speaking ability. Therefore, she didn't last long past the MIA angle. Eventually she showed up in XPW, which was just full of chicks who had nothing going for them besides T & A. Unless somebody wants to defend the merits of Lizzie Borden.



I'm pretty darn sure nobody wants to defend the merits of her husband, Rob Black. That guy was an insult to the term "sleazy small-time wrestling promoter". Black & Borden were also both involved in the porn industry, which brings me to another great contribution by silicone to pro wrestling: Jasmin St. Claire…



OK…I am not a prude by any means, but when you main claim to fame is that you let hundreds of guys have sex with you within a twenty-four hour period…well, there's really no way I can defend that. She brought absolutely nothing to pro wrestling except some money with which she ran a Northeast indy promotion that nobody really wanted to work for.

So, on one hand you have Lita & Trish. On the other you have Lizzy & Jasmin. Sometimes you just have to take the good with the bad, and luckily for us the good has certainly outlasted and overshadowed the bad. Therefore, after a way too long period of thought and discussion, The Cook's Corner Editorial Board supports breast implants and other ways to enhance the appearance of our favorite lady wrestlers.

However, there are some we feel should be left alone, much like Stacy Keibler was. Bella Twins, we like you just the way you are, so no running off and getting boob jobs. Besides, if one of you got a lopsided job and the other didn't, it'd totally ruin your whole identical twin gimmick.



This isn't a plug, but congratulations to my archenemy Stephen Randle for celebrating his Wrestling News Experience's sixth anniversary this week. That's approximately five and a half more years than anybody thought it'd last.

The Superstars Rs are starting to bore me. I can't really help it…I get bored easily. The worst part is when the girl notices.

What?

Ford talks EVOLVE & CHIKARA.

Sat & Chad Nevett talk about Batista's heel turn.

Buy or Sell's Northeast bias refuses to admit that there are too many indies in the Northeast.

Weyer plays some backstage politics.

Eubanks wonders if Chris Jericho is a racist homophobe. I can assure Geoff that Chris Jericho would say that he doesn't care what a sycophantic troglodyte like Geoff Eubanks thinks about the man who is the best in the world at what he does.

And in our AJ Grey post of the week, Eliza Dushku shows off her thong. Come on Eliza, the best Laker you can get is Rick Fox? Really? I mean, Luke Walton is right there…

Don't get the Penguin or I started on the greatness of LUUUUUUUUUUUUKE. Anywho, the honorable JP Prag will be in tomorrow and I'll be back next week! Until then…