Match A Day 11.18.09: Week 31 - TNA Slammiversary

Posted by Jake Chambers on 11.18.2009

TNA comes out of nowhere and may very well have put on the greatest wrestling event of all time! Prepare yourself for the glory that is Slammiversary 2009




[All Matches are from TNA Slammiversay, June 2009]

Match #206 – Sunday, October 25th
X-Division Title, King of the Mountain Match: Suicide vs. Chris Sabin vs. Alex Shelley vs. Jay Lethal vs. Consequences Creed

Innovation! TNA is famous for innovations, and this match is the perfect example. If you've never seen one of these awe-inspiring King of the Mountain matches, let me explain the rules and you tell me it doesn't sound amazing!

Five guys are in the match (not six because that would be ridiculous, and not four… obviously) and the goal is to fight to pin one of these opponents. Once a wrestler has been pinned they have to go into a ‘penalty box' cage, that looks like a really cool phone booth, for two minutes… just like in hockey! The guy who made the pin, is now ‘qualified.'

The qualified wrestler is now allowed to find a ladder, put it in the middle of the ring, and climb to the top. Hanging above the ring is a hook. A big, badass hook! To win the match, a wrestler has to find the Title on the line in this match, laying somewhere around ringside, and safely climb up to that hook and hang the title!

Instead of retrieving the title and wearing it around their waist (so typical), they get to put it on display for the whole arena to see. Try to tell me this is not the most awesome sounding match ever!

Have you ever seen a ‘hesitation drop kick' before, like the ones Consequences Creed and Chris Sabin do in this match? I wasn't sure that ‘hesitation' really made any sense at first, but the Professor Mike Tenay is a brilliant commentator so I knew that word had to be right.

In the end, things were just insane! Suicide suplexed Creed onto the ladder and it catapulted Jay across the ring! Strange how Jay was crouching suspiciously on the ladder for more than a minute before hand, kind of like he was waiting to pop off the ladder when the impact hit, but that couldn't be possible right? TNA wouldn't fake stuff just to look good when it was so obviously fake looking in the first place; that would be ridiculous! Instead, I surmised that he was doing a ‘hesitation' catapult!


Match #207 – Monday, October 26th
‘The Franchise' Shane Douglas vs. Daniels

I'm so happy that Daniels is back! Isn't it awesome that he's just going by one name now, Daniels… how bad ass is that? Just like when Frankie Kazarian became Kazarian, or like when Kazarian became Kaz!

And whoa, watch out, Shane Douglas is back! Everywhere this guy goes he sets the standard of excellence. Everyone knows that you have to beat Shane Douglas to be the man in wrestling. How else do you think people like Pitbull #2 and Michael Shane became household names? You better watch out Daniels, ‘The Franchise' is about to ‘Franchise' you next… no wait, wouldn't that be a good thing? I'm confused!

Since Shane was wearing a t-shirt throughout this match, I kept waiting for him to whip it off to make all the girls scream, like when John Cena or Matt Hardy wear shirts in matches. I guess Shane forgot.


Hunk!

Match #208 – Tuesday, October 27th
TNA Knockout Title: Angelina Love vs. Tara

Wow! What beauties! These two make those girls in the WWE look like pigs, and that's not meant as an insult. First of all, look at that Tara, she's gotta be what, like 48! C'mon, for a woman who's almost the same age as my mother she's only got like half the wrinkles, so that's hot comparatively. And wow, Angelina Love, usually when you say ‘horse face' that's an insult, but she's such a hot ‘horse face' that in this case it's a compliment! Damn, to see chicks this hot, usually you have to go to a strip club… near the airport… in Buffalo!



I'd talk about the match, but I was drooling so much I couldn't really pay much attention, but I'm sure it was top quality, this is the TNA Knockout Division we're talking about here, the ‘best booked division in all of wrestling,' I just wish they didn't use such distracting hotties!

Match #209 – Wednesday, October 28th
Monster's Ball, Mixed Tag Team Match: Raven & Daffney vs. Abyss & Taylor Wilde

Holy sh*t! Forgive me mom (and you too Tara), but I don't know what else to say. In this match I saw guys get full on hit in the head with a TRASH CAN! Plus, folding chairs and, you're not gonna believe this one, a kendo stick! One of the people who work for TNA must practice kendo/gumdo and brought it with them to practice on the road or something!

But wait, I'm not done, oh no, someone… a girl even… Taylor, jumped OFF the entrance ramp onto her opponent, on a TABLE! I'm telling you, you've got to see it to believe it! The most insane thing though, had to be when Abyss took out a small sack, and there's no way in hell you'll be able to guess what he had inside that bag. …, nope, …, nope… nope, Boo-Yah!... it was THUMBTACKS! As the Professor said at the end of this one, "New levels of violence!"

Match #210 – Thursday, October 29th
Sting vs. Matt Morgan

Another classic! Just two matches ago, Daniels put his spot in TNA on the line against Shane Douglas, and that was so intense because it meant that one of those guys was gonna be out of TNA forever after the match. Thank god TNA knew they had a good thing going with that stipulation, because here's another match with that exact SAME awesome idea, only this time "The Icon" Sting put his spot in the vaunted Main Event Mafia up against "The Blueprint" Matt Morgan. Makes sense I think, even though Matt hasn't been in any main events or won any titles, it's obvious to anyone who knows anything about wrestling that he'll be doing all those things one day, so of course he should be in the Main Event Mafia! Maybe next time though, since he lost this one, but there's no way Matt's shot at the main event is Ov-aH just yet! I mean, c'mon, let's be serious here, Matt is the biggest person ever in the history of American Gladiators, yes, even bigger than Saber! And that dude starred in Mortal Kombat Annihilation!



Match #211 – Friday, October 30th
TNA Tag Team Titles: Team 3-D vs. Beer Money

Two best teams in wrestling history! No doubt. Too bad I can't remember much about this one, it was weird. It was like the wrestling was so crisp and exciting and so unpredictable, that my eyes kind of blurred over and I was in a trance, kind of like being in a museum and seeing a masterpiece painting and getting lost in the colors and textures for so long that you forget how long you've been standing there. I'll definitely have to try to watch this one again some day!

Match #212 – Saturday, October 31st
TNA Title, King of the Mountain Match: Mick Foley vs. Kurt Angle vs. Jeff Jarrett vs. Samoa Joe vs. AJ Styles



There was 15 minutes of videos, entrances and announcements before this match, I counted. You know a match is important when there's so much hype before it like this; it put me on the edge of my seat with anticipation! Of course though, we've got Mick, Jeff and Kurt, three legends probably in the best shape of their lives, and two guys in Joe and AJ who are in their wrestling prime and not wasting it in nonsensical singles matches like they would probably be in if they were stuck in the WWE. Nope, all of these amazing wrestlers are about to be in the most innovative environment possible… (you don't need me to explain the format of the match again? I wouldn't blame you, that's like trying to say you understood ‘Ulysses' the first time around!)

Di you say you wanted violence? Well, how about a guitar smashed over a head? An Irish whip into a ladder set up in the turnbuckle? Two guys fighting at the top of a ladder and then falling to the mat? And I remember seeing Mankind fall off the top of the Hell in the Cell all those years ago, but that was nothing compared to the iconic image of Mick jumping off the top of the King of the Mountain Penalty Box!

But the ending… wow, I was speechless! Samoa Joe, a man who was threatening to kill people with a knife and started his own "Nation of Violence," well, contrary to appearances, it turns out that he's actually not that nice of a guy! He sold out the TNA Originals and handed Kurt the belt so that he could win the match. I'm flabbergasted!



TNA, I don't know how they did it, but they brought it! And by ‘it' I mean the stuff! It was all that! And by ‘that' I mean it had the it factor that most pro-wrestling events are lacking! Where did TNA come from this week! I'll never forget it, and by ‘it' here I mean that.