Into the Indies 11.24.09: Goodbye (^o^)/, Goodbye HUSTLE

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Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to Into the Indies, the only professional wrestling column that almost had an unpronounceable symbol for a name.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news. I really do. Unfortunately, in this situation, I have to give to you some of the most disheartening professional wrestling news that I’ve heard in quite some time.

It appears that HUSTLE is dead.

If you’re not familiar with HUSTLE, I provided a brief history of the company the last time I reviewed one of their shows. If you’re not familiar with HUSTLE and don’t feel like reading that, let me just say that the promotion was one of the most bizarre yet hilarious wrestling companies ever formed. It regularly pitted a group of loyal HUSTLErs against an army of monsters and featured such memorable angles as Aja Kong and Amazing Kong turning into frill-and-lace-bedecked girly girls, Akebono hatching from an egg and taking on the persona of a gigantic baby, and ass-kicker Toshiaki Kawada dropping his day job and becoming a third rate lounge singer.

Unfortunately, problems began cropping up for the promotion. It began innocently enough with a show scheduled for August 23 being cancelled. Surely that was just a small aberration, right? Wrong. Though the company managed to put on a few shows after the cancelled August 23 date, including a tribute to veteran Shiro Koshinaka and a show entitled “HUSTLE Jihad” that was supposed to take the promotion in a new creative direction, rumors regarding the financial solvency of the promotion began to swirl. Talent like Hajime Ohara and KG started putting out feelers to other promotions, and Kawada won the World Heavyweight Title of ZERO1, seemingly making that company his focus over HUSTLE.

Finally, just last week, it was announced that there would be no HUSTLE Mania card in 2009. The flagship event of the promotion, along with all over upcoming cards that had previously been announced, are off of the books. It appears that this is a death blow from which the promotion cannot recover, and those of us who have loved the company’s wacky hyjinx over the course of the last several years are going to be headed into a state of prolonged mourning.

As a result, over the next several weeks, I’ll be running through the remaining HUSTLE in my collection as a bit of a tribute to the little promotion that could. You won’t be seeing all HUSTLE, all the time for a month, but I do have a couple of stand-alone shows to get through as a part of the buildup to a final HUSTLE blowout that should be coming right around the beginning of the new year.

This “Final Countdown Tour” (a completely original name that I thought of a few moments ago) for HUSTLE begins today, as we take a look at the company’s card from April 29, 2009. In some ways, it’s appropriate for this show to kick off my farewell to HUSTLE, because, on this show, HUSTLE was bidding farewell to one of its own. A young lady by the name of Chie Ishii was initially trained by joshi school OZ Academy during the middle of this decade, but she didn’t hang around OZ for long. Ishii, who had a fairly decorated career in women’s amateur wrestling and who had a couple of MMA victories under her hat before she showed up in a prowres ring, defected to HUSTLE relatively early in her career, debuting with the promotion in 2006 and staying on their cards until 2009. Somewhere in there, she dropped her real name and picked up the moniker of (^o^)/ Chie, with the string of punctuation being pronounced as “Banzai” and meant to emulate the wrestler’s pose and expression when she called out that word.

Chie, being one of only two women to wrestle regularly in the company, was confined mainly to undercard bouts and was confined mainly to matches against men. However, she remained a rather popular competitor in undercard contests right up to the spring of this year, when she announced that she was going to put professional wrestling behind her in order to marry and focus on her family life.

Let’s take a look now at the April 29, 2009 HUSTLE show, featuring the retirement match of (^o^)/ Chie and the beginning of the end for the promotion as a whole.

Match Numero Uno: Tajiri vs. (^o^)/ Chie

Well, I suppose there’s no sense in wasting time . . . let’s head straight to the retirement match! It’s a handshake to start, after which the parties take it to the mat, where (^o^)/ actually controls early, forcing Tajiri to slip away from her and regain his vertical base. He regains the advantage when that happens, working a headlock and taking his smaller opponent down with a shoulderblock. Chie responds with an armdrag but gets kicked in the leg when Tajiri suckers her in to a second handshake. The Japanese Buzzsaw stays on his opponent with more boots and some chops in the corner, followed by a brainbuster for two. (^o^)/ shows some life by reversing an Irish whip, but she runs right in to the Tarantula and is slammed several times before Tajiri hits a standing moonsault for another nearfall. Tajiri applauds the opposition’s kickout and goes to a chinlock, with (^o^)/ making the standard babyface comeback out of that hold. The wrestlers exchange forearms, and the former WWE wrestler brings the sequence to an end with another kick to the leg. Chie surprises him with a quick rollup and a springboard armdrag, though, following up with a dropkick and a cross arm breaker. Tajiri stays in the hold with his arm fully extended for far longer than you’ll normally see in Japanese match, and then he makes the ropes. He uses those same ropes to his advantage again by hitting his springboard elbow, but (^o^)/ quickly responds with a spear before missing a roaring elbow and getting caught in a German. That gets two, but a Tajiri small package which follows immediately puts the match and Chie’s career to an end.

Match Thoughts: Just last week, I watched a retirement match between two female wrestlers and thought that they devalued the concept of a “retirement match” just a bit because, no matter how hard they tried, it just wasn’t that great and didn’t seem too worthy of being the capper to anybody’s career. In some ways, this was similar, because it wasn’t any better or more memorable than your run of the mill opening match on a HUSTLE card. However, at least in this case, unlike the match that we looked at last week, it wasn’t really MEANT to be an epic battle. It was just a fun little side attraction slapped on to a card that had its own separate purpose and direction. *3/4 Then again, it didn’t really turn out to be a retirement match at all, because . . .

After the bell, it looks like there is going to be a retirement ceremony featuring Tajiri and HUSTLE’s Karate Girl (KG), but members of the Takada Monster Army intervene and attack with kendo sticks, leading to . . .

Match Numero Dos: Tajiri, KG, & (^o^)/ Chie vs. Commander An Jo, REY Ohara, & Blue Onigumi

All three heels bash Chie with their sticks as the bell rings, pausing momentarily to hold Tajiri and KG at bay. Chie eventually ducks a shot from Ohara and spears him to claim his stick, having a duel with the Onigumi and ultimately cracking him across the head. An Jo runs in and nails the woman with his stick, though, even slapping her across the face when she attempts to engage him in a tug of war over the weapon. The Commander’s headlock cannot neutralize (^o^)/, though, as she fights her way out and forces An Jo to tag in Ohara. REY hits the young lady with several boots, and Onigumi joins in with his stick before the two wrestlers miss a double clothesline. (^o^)/ gives Ohara a rana and Onigumi a forearm before attempting to crawl over to her corner. An Jo cuts her off but is hit with a dropkick, and all of the faces hit the ring for punches in the corner of their various opponents. All of the bad guys are whipped into each other at center ring, and the faces land a triple dropkick that sends them to the floor. (^o^)/ climbs to the top rope, wiping out the Monster Army with a big cross body block. Eventually it is REY Ohara and (^o^)/ Chie who wind up back in the ring, and Chie gives her man a back body drop for two. She follows up with a sit-out death valley driver of all things, but An Jo makes the save and we once again have all three wrestlers in the ring. Onigumi tosses some sort of webbing across the ring, and Tajiri and KG sell being incapacitated by it. This allows Ohara to get a DDT variation on (^o^)/, but she kicks out at two. Onigumi gives her a frog splash which looks to finish the match, but KG makes the save. Again the bad guys try to triple team (^o^)/, but Tajiri makes the save with his mist. Ultimately, Chie is left alone with Onigumi, and she spears him before hitting a double jump Vader bomb to get the three count.

Match Thoughts: Now this was a little bit more fun than the originally planned retirement match from Chie. It still wasn’t anything all that different than your standard HUSTLE undercard bout, but it moved at a faster pace than the opening bout and contained a bit more bell-to-bell action. ‘Twas a slight move up the quality ladder, albeit not a great stride. **

Now we get that retirement ceremony, including a tearful speech from the young HUSTLer.

Match Numero Tres: Punch the C vs. Private Shoji

This match is essentially designed to showcase the “C” character, who just debuted on the last show and gets big reactions just for periodically holding up his hand in the shape of the letter so that the entire crowd can shout it out with him. Punch does his C pose early, but Shoji takes advantage by grabbing his arm and hitting a hiptoss that sends C to the floor. The Private follows him out with a corkscrew pescada, which somebody was out of position for, because it looks like Shoji’s feet caught Punch in the face. C is unaffected, though, and he retakes the advantage by putting the boots to Shoji after a bit of evasive maneuvering. Punch works the arm for a bit, but Shoji catches him off of the ropes with a rolling cross armbreaker. C prevents the hold from ever being fully applied and stands up, but Shoji takes advantage of that to pick Punch’s ankle and apply a leglock. The masked monster makes the ropes and again slingshots his opponent to the floor. He fakes a dive and plays to crowd for a considerable period of time, allowing the Private to blindside him with a forearm and a powerslam. That sets up a flying battering ram from Shoji, followed immediately by a jackhammer for a two count. The Private stays on his man with the Oklahoma stampede, but it also cannot put Punch the C away. C gets back on the offensive with a leaping double knee strike and some forearms, but he walks right into another powerslam. It only gets two, and C comes back seconds later to get the victory with a cobra twist.

Match Thoughts: This was a squash, pure and simple. Yes, Shoji got his token offense in here and there, but, if you think that this meant to do anything other than get a bunch of people in the audience yelling the third letter of the alphabet at the top of their lungs, you weren’t paying attention. *

Match Numero Cuatro: Monster HG vs. Magnum TOKYO

This is a rematch from the immediately preceding HUSTLE show, where TOKYO, who was recently reintroduced as the man who could finally save the promotion from the onslaught of the Monster Army, scored a major victory over the heel turned Hard Gay. HG attacks at the bell, but Magnum fires back, even shrugging off an eye rake in route to firing off some kicks and brawling with his opponent in the ringside area. Magnum finds himself whipped into the guardrail, and, before long, the two men are among the fans. Mr. Egoist gets sent through some chairs, after which the Monster nails him with one of the seats and pounds away. Eventually the wrestlers come back to the squared circle, where HG hits his opponent in the face with his crotch (seriously) and applies a choke hold (not to the crotch). HG works a chinlock for a bit, but TOKYO makes the ropes to force a break before finding himself caught in a headlock and bitten. The Monster fires off a spinning heel kick and a brainbuster for a two count before unloading with some good, old fashioned right hands and removing the turnbuckle pad. HG sends his opponent headfirst into the exposed bolt several times, which draws a bit of blood. Magnum manages to go on the offensive when HG runs in to a drop toe hold that sends him into the turnbuckle, after which the good guy uses the uncovered bolt to his advantage. He follows that with his axe bomber/bulldog combination and goes airborne, connecting with a missile dropkick that knocks off a portion of Monster HG’s mask. A follow-up lariat and a side effect each get two counts, after which HG finds himself placed on the top rope. Magnum tries to bring him down with a rana, but the Monster BITES HIS OPPONENT’S CROTCH. I guess that the gimmick is that he’s been turned in to a monster, but even being turned in to a monster cannot overcome HG’s inherent gayness. With Magnum understandably downed, HG gives him a seated senton from the top for two and looks for a tombstone. TOKYO reverses it but lands a forearm and a jumping knee strike. HG responds with a lariat, but Magnum is out of the subsequent cover at two. The Monster’s attempt at a tiger driver is reversed in to a back body drop, allowing Magnum to get in a series of kicks before attempting his Viagra Driver. HG blocks it by biting TOKYO’s hand, but he doesn’t block the victory roll that comes seconds later. That gets Magnum the three count.

Match Thoughts: The first half of this match was a little bit on the bizarre side. It featured HG dominating as though he was a monster heel in the vein of Abdullah the Butcher or Tiger Jeet Singh. That formula certainly works if you’ve got a guy in there who looks and wrestles like Abdullah the Butcher or Tiger Jeet Singh, but, at the end of the day, no matter how you repackage HG, he still winds up looking like a fairly skinny comedian. Even in the mostly comedic world of HUSTLE, having a man with that physique dominate as much as he did here looks just a little bit odd. With that being said, once we got beyond the initial heel dominance and on to the bit of the match where HG and TOKYO were exchanging offense, this turned into a perfectly acceptable little wrestling affair. Magnum, though no longer working at the breakneck Dragon Gate speed that his fans initially became accustomed to him wrestling, remains a perfectly serviceable performer in the slowed down, WWE-style of HUSTLE. He knows exactly how to time and pace that sort of match, and it helped him immensely in getting five or so minutes of good action out of a guy who is still more a stage performer than he is an athlete. **

Match Numero Cinco: Lance Cade & Rene Bonaparte w/ Francoise vs. Shiro Koshinaka & RG

It’s a four-way brawl on the floor to get things going, though eventually RG gives up on fighting and allows the Texas Napoleons to double team Koshinaka, which includes Lance Cade choking the NJPW veteran with his chaps. With Shiro out of commission the ex-WWE wrestlers go after RG, who cowers. Cade loudly screams, “You little faggot!” and prepares to kill RG, but Dupree prevents the murder and offers a hand. Of course, he crushes RG’s hand, and, before long, the heels are tossing RG back and forth. The tiny man unloads with chops on both, but nothing gets sold . . . well, at least not until Cade & Dupree begin beating the ever-loving hell out of RG. The comedian is whipped into the corner and tries to escape the match by climbing over the top rope, but he’s cut off and tossed back in between the ropes. Cade mocks RG’s selling and gives him an atomic drop, which Dupree follows with one of his own. Each time, RG sells it by flying halfway across the ring. The Americans then give their opponent a two man atomic drop, which sends him bouncing off the ropes. Cade allows RG to tag out to Koshinaka at this point, but Shiro ducks a Dupree clothesline, causing the Frenchman to hit his own partner. Cade is isolated and eats many of Koshinaka’s hip attacks, after which Koshi’ goes airborne with a super hip attack. He goes for the cover, but Francoise has the referee’s attention. Shiro remedies that problem by kicking her square in the gut and handing her over to RG, who runs the ropes before sticking his ass in her face. Francoise’s charges make the save and toss RG before holding Koshinaka in place for some slaps. A double team vertical suplex gets the Texas Napoleons a two count on Shiro, as does a double dropkick. Dupree does the French tickler and drops an elbow, which sets up Cade’s top rope elbowdrop for the three count.

Match Thoughts: There was absolutely nothing to this one aside from furthering a story which I assume will ultimately involve Koshinaka going so crazy that he and his partner du jour are ultimately able to destroy Cade and Dupree. Some of the comedy featuring RG got me to snicker and none of the actual wrestling was badly executed, but the match was 90% smoke and mirrors and 10% actual work. *

Match Numero Seis: Toshiaki Kawada vs. Wataru Sakata

This bout also builds off of the last show, where Sakata under his superhero alter-ego of Natto Man teamed with Tajiri to take on Punch the C and Kawada. Sakata was not successful in that match, so now he’s attempting to take Toshiaki out under his real name and in a singles battle. The match-opening lockups produce repeated stalemates, so the two wrestlers decide to go to a chop battle, periodically peppered with Kawada’s kicks. It’s a big foot to the head by Monster K which finally takes Sakata off of his feet, and the All Japan legend follows up by dropping the knee and applying a half crab. Wataru crawls the the ropes relatively quickly, so Kawada tosses him out of the ring and sending him in to the barricade. Once he is placed back into the squared circle, Sakata starts to fire back with chops but is put down again with a BIG kick from K. Kawada takes his man to the corner and lays in the boots there. Again, Sakata comes back with chops. Again, he’s stopped by a foot to the head. A running Yakuza kick in the corner is followed up by a snap suplex, and then we go in to the Stretch Plum. Once more, Sakata makes the ropes. He starts to chop Kawada again when he gets back up to his feet, this time seemingly putting a little bit more “oomph” behind them. He manages to block an attempt at a brainbuster, reversing it into one of his own but getting kicked in the head again while going for the cover. Sakata manages not to get put behind the 8-ball again, though, as he hits a dropkick as his opponent comes off the ropes and goes to the top rope. Kawada joins him there, landing a superplex for a nearfall. Now the men begin trading forearms, but Kawada ends the sequence with a pair of jumping enzuguris and a lariat for another two count. Sakata does a flip bump off of another running Yakuza kick at mid ring, and it looked so good that Kawada decides to do the spot again. Up next is a powerbomb from the former Triple Crown Champion, and he goes immediately in to the cover . . . but Sakata is out of it at two. He reverses a second powerbomb attempt in to a rana, but, before he can do anything else, the lights go out. NATTO MAN appears on the arena’s big screen and gives Sakata a motivational speech, which allows him to no-sell Kawada’s lariats and kicks. He takes Monster K off of his feet with a lariat of his own, then hitting a superkick for the victory.

Match Thoughts: Right up until the finish, this was HUSTLE trying to be serious, and, as much as I hate to say it, when HUSTLE tries to be serious, things get pretty boring pretty quickly. I’ve complained in a few other columns about how I feel that chop/strike/forearm exchanges are getting fairly cliche in Japanese wrestling and should probably be put on the shelf for several years, and this bout was a shining example of that. Literally, these guys came back time and time again to the same tired chop battle spot, relying on nothing else but the quick reaction that they felt it could elicit from the crowd. Kawada was one of the greats in his prime, but it is clear that he is well past that prime now and mainly in HUSTLE to pick up a paycheck while working a style that is very easy on the body that took such epic beatings over the years. Normally that wouldn’t bother me, because he’s earned a few years with a lighter style. However, unlike other wrestlers who have toned down their work in their later years, he hasn’t necessarily added anything to his repertoire that compensates, meaning that modern Toshiaki Kawada is pretty bland unless he’s in a comedy match. *1/2

Overall

This was a fairly disappointing stop on HUSTLE’s last train out of town. Though there were a couple of points at which the in-ring action was above average, a lot of the promotion’s charm was missing from this card, as there were far more straight wrestling bouts than what the company will normally run. There was no Bono-kun, RG was fairly sedate, Natto Man only made a cameo, and Kawada was kicking ass instead of crooning. The sendoff for Chie was handled well for the retirement of an undercard wrestler and was probably a big highlight of the show for those who are huge fans of hers, but it isn’t as though her career was memorable enough for all that many people to get worked up about her stepping out of the limelight. Fortunately, I know what is in the cards for the last several HUSTLE shows that I’ll be able to take a look at as a part of this column, and things do take a decided upswing in those final few cards. We’ll see you then.

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