The Wrestling News Experience: 11.30.09

Posted by Stephen Randle on 11.30.2009

In this Experience, we have a preview for Midget Raw, plus the Hulkamania and its continuing ability to run wild, a tragic end to a seemingly destined couple, what's up with Good Ol' JR, and who is WWE giving up on this week?

Monday, November 30th, 2009

From 411Mania's Canadian offices in Kitchener, Ontario, Canada, this is The Wrestling News Experience, with Stephen Randle!


Powered By Caffeine And Rage. Mostly Caffeine.

Good morning, everyone, and welcome to the Experience, I'm Stephen Randle. With Christmas and several other less important holidays on the horizon (hey, don't blame me, maybe if you had Coca-Cola design a loveable commercial entity who disperses free presents to everyone, more people would pay attention to your religious observations), I know what my readers are thinking: "What could I possibly get the man who provides me with the highest-quality pro wrestling news each and every Monday morning?" The answer, of course, is simple. I want to be bitten by a radioactive spider and gain superpowers. So now you can start shopping around.

Don't tell me it's impossible. I saw that whole "Spider-Man" documentary, and if Tobey McGuire can go from mopey midget to beloved hero of the same city that embraces Alex Rodriguez despite knowledge that he's a dirty rotten cheater, then I should at least be able to web-swing around the streets of a small metropolitan area of Canada.

And if you can't manage that, I'll accept cash. Nothing smaller than a fifty.

Moving on.



Tonight's Host:

Well, They've Had Worse Coaches

Last week, we had a surprise #1 contender named for John Cena's WWE Championship (well, a surprise to everyone who couldn't figure out the only heel getting any sort of push on Raw who hadn't already won a World title. Took me two minutes, twelve seconds after Ventura announced it), as the Celtic Warrior Sheamus signed a contract to face Cena at TLC, then added an exclamation point by slamming the champion through a table. How will Cena react to this wild-card challenger who he has never faced before in his career, especially knowing that his title match at the upcoming PPV will have the unpredictable stipulation of a Tables Match?

Plus, D-Generation X was quick to make a challenge to Unified Tag Team Champions JeriShow for TLC, following weeks of both sides meddling in each others' business. With Jericho's partner Big Show temporarily sidelined, what will the last honest man in wrestling have planned for any potential encounters with the degenerate duo tonight? And will D-X have any time to spare for Jericho, what with an impending appearance in "Little People's Court" to answer for their mistreatment of Hornswoggle? Court will be in session, and it does not look good for Triple H and the Heartbreak Kid.

And Kofi Kingston continues to be a nasty thorn in Randy Orton's side, once again gaining the upper hand on the Legend Killer and denying him another chance at the WWE title. How much more can Orton stand before he must finally face his opponent in a one-on-one match to try and re-gain his former dominance over the Raw brand?

All this, plus a great, great many midget-related puns, no doubt, as Raw is live a 9 pm tonight!

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Readers, part of being a world famous Internet celebrity is having to switch things up occasionally, because the jackals of the Internet are always lying in wait, watching for you to become comfortable in your routine so you can be decryed as "no longer cool". And with that in mind, let's look at one of our newest features, as we delve once again into the swamps of Florida for a look into the quagmire surrounding the #2 wrestling promotion in North America, as it seems to slide deeper and deeper into a Hogan-shaped black hole, in our latest edition of our newest feature,



This week, with Hogan adventuring in Australia with the rest of the "no longer ready for prime time players", wrestling Ric Flair in packed houses filled with wrestling-starved fans who still have bitter memories of the WCW tour back in 2000, in a card full of matches rated somewhere between "bad" and "better than another Hornswoggle match", TNA still managed to keep Hogan front and center on their television programming, as both Mick Foley and Kevin Nash spent much of the show discussing the possibilities of the Hulkster's arrival.

Meanwhile, the Immortal One himself deigned to speak with mortal reporters this past week, making sure to mention that Vince McMahon calls him "when he needs a WrestleMania main event", that Vince tried to "put a bullet in Hulkamania" at WrestleMania X-8, and that he feels that the toughest S.O.B. in pro wrestling and other half of a massive dream match had it happened nearly a decade and several various surgeries on both men's part ago, "Stone Cold" Steve Austin, is ducking his challenge to a high profile match. Plus, he said flat out that he will be in charge of TNA, including the booking, which will, apparently, not involve a writing team. Which is probably news to the neck-bearded self-proclaimed wunderkind currently in charge of said team.

And that's not all for the Hogan family, as troubled son "Nasty" Nick was involved in another car accident, thankfully minor this time, this past weekend, when driving home from a benefit for an organization which promotes safe driving. In interesting news, apparently the benefit had some issues with silverware for the event, as apparently they were provided ten thousand spoons, but not a single knife.

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Readers, I was saddened to hear this past week of the unexpected break-up of one of the happiest pairs in pro wrestling. I'm speaking, of course, of the developing nasty split between former Smackdown and Raw GM and current Smackdown consultant, Vickie Guerrero, and her beau, Eric Ssscobar. After literally weeks of blissful contentment, apparently Escobar being on the losing end of only his third singles match ever on Smackdown, leaving him with a disastrous win-loss record of 2-1, it seems that the blandest Latin Lover gimmick ever isn't good enough for the woman who chose to date a guy who is known for cheating outrageously, both in and out of the ring. While things look bleak for the former lovers, what with Escobar responding to the break-up by saying "You can't break up with me because I break up with you first! LOL!", then running off with his tail between his legs, possibly to watch Twilight: New Moon because now he can really understand the pain of the main characters, even though they have the emotional depth of cardboard stand-ups and half as much acting ability, this reporter still holds out hope for the formerly happy couple, because, let's face it, if Vickie isn't distracted by a sexy boy-toy, she might start insinuating herself in important storylines again.

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And I know he thinks we've all forgotten about him, what with that nasty Bell's Palsy attack sidelining him so we can sing the praises of Matt Striker and Todd Grisham hosting Smackdown for the next while, but trust me, Jim Ross, what we're really wishing is that you return speedily from your latest setback. So that you can beat Michael Cole into a coma and reclaim your seat as the voice of Raw. And with that in mind, knowing J.R. is stuck at home with nothing but rampant Internet speculation to feed his inner rage demons, and knowing that even if he won't ever admit it, he knows of my work, I present to you, yet another one of my classic new features,



This week, the biggest rumour that might upset J.R. and cause him to lash out irrationally at the "supposed sources" on the Internet in a blog post that will provide us with endless amusement, is in fact about J.R. himself. It seems that the voice of WWE for many, many years is at yet another point of contract re-negotiation, and it seems like his employers at the friendly, family-style wrestling organization that wants to rule the world isn't in a great hurry to re-sign their lead announcer and man who has called some of the biggest matches in wrestling history. The belief is that they're waiting to see how Ross bounces back before putting themselves into a situation where they might bring him back to work under contract. And to ensure that J.R. flies into a frothing rage, possibly to the point of sarcastically suggesting that I should "check my sources better", I'm starting the rumour that there are forces inside WWE that hope that J.R. will never, ever come back, leaving their fans with nothing to look forward to but endless dull, lifeless conversation between an aging pedophile and Vince McMahon's headset-controlled puppet. Because that's exactly what we want to hear every week!

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And before I leave this segment, it's time for us to run the list of Superstars that WWE has allegedly given up on this week:

- Dolph Ziggler
- Jack Swagger
- Eric Ssscobar
- Santino Marella
- Mickie James
- Melina
- Kelly Kelly
- Tyler Reks
- Finlay
- Matt Hardy
- some guy from FCW who hasn't even debuted yet and now never will
- Kevin Fertig, who was rehired for two hours last Wednesday, then given up on and fired
- MVP
- Zach Ryder
- Paul Roma
- Goldust
- Luke Gallows, thirty seconds after Smackdown aired, because his name is too hard to spell correctly

But, rest assured, they've demanded that CM Punk use all of his powers to raise a Superstar to main event status by any means necessary. Say hello to WWE's next big sensation: R-Truth!



Inactive List as of 11.23.09

WWE Raw

- Maryse, out indefinitely as of July 28th (knee surgery)
- The Big Show, out until TLC PPV as of November 23rd (knee)

WWE SmackDown

- Edge, out indefinitely as of July 4th (torn Achilles tendon)
- Jim Ross, out indefinitely as of October 20th (Bell's Palsy)
- Rey Mysterio, out indefinitely as of November 22nd (knee surgery)
- The Great Khali, out indefinitely as of September 15th (knee surgery)

ECW

- No reported injuries

TNA

- Jeff Jarrett, out indefinitely as of July 21st (self-imposed suspension)

Transactions

- Festus, RAW, moved to Smackdown, now known as Luke Gallows

I wonder if anyone remembered that he was on Raw after the last draft?

- Lauren Mayhew, ECW, short-term contract expired, will not re-sign

- Maryse, RAW, returned to television on November 23rd Raw

- Tomko, TNA, returned to television on November 26th Impact



WWE

WWE Champion: John Cena
- 36 day reign, defeated Randy Orton in an "Anything Goes" Iron Man Match on October 25th (Bragging Rights PPV)
- Next title defense: vs Sheamus, Tables Match, TLC PPV

World Heavyweight Champion: The Undertaker
- 57 day reign, defeated CM Punk in a Hell in a Cell Match on October 4th (Hell in a Cell PPV)
- Next title defense: vs Batista, (likely a) Chairs Match, TLC PPV

ECW Champion: Christian
- 127 day reign, defeated Tommy Dreamer on July 26th (Night of Champions PPV)
- Next title defense: vs Shelton Benjamin, Ladder Match, TLC PPV

WWE Intercontinental Champion: John Morrison
- 87 day reign, defeated Rey Mysterio on September 4th (Smackdown)

WWE United States Champion: The Miz
- 56 day reign, defeated Kofi Kingston on October 5th (Raw)

WWE Undisputed Tag Team Champions: Chris Jericho and The Big Show
- 127 day reign (as team of Chris Jericho and Big Show), The Big Show named as replacement for former champion Edge on July 26th (Night of Champions PPV)
- 28 day reign (as team of Chris Jericho and Edge), defeated former champions The Colons and Legacy in a Triple Threat Match on June 28th (The Bash PPV)
- Next title defense: vs D-Generation X, TLC Match, TLC PPV

WWE Women's Champion: Michelle McCool
- 155 day reign, defeated Melina on June 28th (The Bash PPV)

WWE Diva's Champion: Melina
- 49 day reign, defeated Jillian Hall on October 12th (Raw)

TNA

TNA Heavyweight Champion: AJ Styles
- 72 day reign, defeated former champion Kurt Angle, Matt Morgan, Hernandez, and Sting in a Five-Way Match on September 20th (No Surrender PPV)

TNA Tag Team Champions: The British Invasion
- 43 day reign, defeated Beer Money, Inc., Team 3D, and former champions Booker T & Scott Steiner in a Full Metal Mayhem match on October 18th (Bound For Glory PPV)

TNA X-Division Champion: Amazing Red
- 53 day reign, defeated Samoa Joe on October 8th (Impact)

TNA Knockouts Champion: ODB
- 106 day reign, with Cody Deaner, defeated former champion Angelina Love and Velvet Sky in a tag match on August 16th (Hard Justice PPV)

TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions: Taylor Wilde and Sarita
- 71 day reign, defeated The Beautiful People (Velvet Sky and Madison Rayne) to win the newly created title on September 20th (No Surrender PPV)

TNA Global Champion: Eric Young
- 43 day reign, defeated former champion Kevin Nash and Hernandez in a Triple Threat match on October 18th (Bound For Glory PPV)



Harrison and James have the weekend news reports.

Peters has The Contentious Ten.

Ford has Contemplating CHIKARA.

And Ari has Column of Honor.



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