Five-Star Conversation 12.22.09: The Holiday Commentpalooza Extravaganza!

Posted by Geoff Eubanks on 12.22.2009

Commentpalooza featuring Maria, DX, RoH, Sheamus, Umaga, WrestleMania plans, Bret Hart, Vince McMahon, Shawn Michaels, The Undertaker and more!

In an attempt to reconnect, we delve well under the mistletoe in this week's column, responding to all the good little boys and girls who've written to me! I can't promise a Wii under every tree, but we do aim to please!

In my on-going salute to awesome funky mamas, here's my new love, GloZell:



COMMENTPALOOZA!!!
I don't get how the average fan squares HHH being McMahon's son-in-law (a fact they recently admitted) with his DX persona. You really can't be the anti-authority, dick joke guy when your wife is second-in-command. If the WWE kept the HHH-Steph relationship out of the storyline universe, then this would not be an issue. As it is, they broached the subject during the Orton-McMahon Saga; so how do the mouthbreathers in the crowd cheer when DX sticks it to the proverbial man when HHH is said man?
Posted By: Iron Knee

That's the thing, though, Knee, DX is no longer the same animal. Just as the hippies grew up and sold out, so have DX (sorry, I just saw "Taking Woodstock" for the first time last night, so the ‘60s reference was fresh in my noggin). Granted, that's not necessarily a dig on them; Triple H and (especially) Shawn Michaels remain two of my all-time favorite performers and, when it comes to the ringwork, I don't foresee anything changing to alter that opinion. They always bring the work boots, and that, in the end is really what matters.

However, and this is something about which I've wanted to talk, but just didn't really have any impetus to do so, it simply amazes me how the modern-day WWE has managed to turn two personal favorites of mine into two characters about I could care less in the grand overall. Rather than being the juvenile pranksters of old, if we see them backstage today, it means one of two things, 1) Useless product shilling or 2) a leprechaun sighting, both of which I can frankly do without on my Monday evenings.

Yes, Cole Slaw bleats like a lamb till he's blue in the face trying to make that whole "most controversial team in history" schtick stick, but we all know that side of their personality has long gone by the wayside in favor of Tri actually supporting his role in the McMahonagement hierarchy to shill products for a buck. This, of course, is not to suggest that I am against the merchandising of characters, not at all! It's how a lot of the boys rake in some extra cash, kinda like when you tip the counterperson at Starbucks; I know it seems greedy to have a tip jar sitting in front of the cash register, but, when I worked at Starbucks long ago, and was decidedly not doing well financially, my cut of those tips got my laundry done.

But I digress. Merchandising is part of the industry, and a good part, too (one actually wonders where WWE might be if it weren't for its ability to sell itself so well…?); this all really just to say that, if you're still looking for DX to carry a sense of that old school danger, then you're living in a bygone era. DX is all about the corporate buck now, and we can't really blame them, given their overall position in the company and that, the older one becomes, the more concern one tends to assign to financial stability, especially once your own nuclear family begins to grow. Does that mean I don't miss cutting edge d-generation-X? Absolutely not, but then I miss cutting wrestling period. The times have simply changed.

I haven't seen the WWE in a long time, this awards show seems to be a bit of a joke. Didn't the Slammys used to go out the night before Wrestlemania?
Posted By: Captain_America

Yes and no. The original Slammys took place in 1986 in December around the heyday of the "Rock & Wrestling Connection" and was created by The Academy of Wrestling Arts & Sciences, whatever that is. Sounds like something Cook would make up to me. The following year, an expanded version of the original show, which also took place in December, began to resemble more of the show we see today, with manufactured, wrestling-related categories that ostensibly built toward existing rivalries and feuds in The WWF at the time.

It wasn't until 1996 that the third edition of the program came to light, and this time, yes, was built into WrestleMania weekend, and was something more of an opportunity for talent and families to ease off the kayfabe somewhat and have a bit of fun in spite of themselves, although, as was the case with Owen Hart stealing Slammies he couldn't win and claiming them as his own, there was a definite bleed-over into WWF story-telling.

A fourth "ceremony" went down the following year in 1997, also to commemorate WrestleMania weekend, but The Slammys went back on the shelf until 2008 when the show was added to Raw as a means to make an event of the program itself, rather than to help promote WrestleMania (The Hall of Fame ceremony appears to have pretty well taken over the decidedly more frivolous Slammys in an effort to give more of a respectful air to The GrandDaddy of ‘em All).

So, yes, in effect, The Slammys are a joke and are meant to be presented, performed and taken as such. At least…I hope so after that broadcast last week, which left me a bit like this:



You know, yesterday was the first time I deigned Raw to be worthy of viewing since the unspeakably excellent job Jesse Ventura did three weeks ago. I decided to cut short my vacation from said weekly two-hour DX/shopzone commercial. If nothing else, I was curious to see how Dennis Miller would fare...

The good news is, Dennis Miller played his part impeccably. He did so with enthusiasm and feeling. In other words, he didn't phone it in like 80% of the previous hosts have done. Good work there...

The bad news is, Miller was the ONLY person involved with the production of last night's broadcast who didn't phone it in. It was the lousiest, most pointless, nothin-goin-on Raw I've seen in forever, and that's goddamn saying something.

I managed to hang in there till the special, one-night-only "Who Gives a Shit" Six-Man Tag ExtravaWhatever involving six guys who showed up to the arena with their tights. I like every single wrestler who was in that match, but it ended after, what, twelve seconds? I'm not surprised by that result, but even I was taken aback to see EVERY SINGLE MATCH last night being relegated to that sort of time slot. And they also left out any shred of build for the next PPV card. ON A THREE-MOTHER-GODDAMN-FUCKING-BALL-SHRIVELINGLY-LONG SHOW.

I did tune in for the final moments of the overrun, to see Cena slam and pin Orton and blah blah blah. I was out of Ambien, is all...

Two guys standing -- one in the ring, one on the stage -- and staring at each other. Fade to black. That's how you end your show... again. Fine.

Can we not talk about Raw any more for a little while, Eubanks? It just hurts too much... In all seriousness, though: Raw, right now, is the worst that it's ever been in its entire "LONGEST-RUNNING WEEKLY EPISODIC TELEVISION PROGRAM" tenure. That's how I feel, anyway.

But yeah, that was a good title match on ROH...
Posted By: KanyonKreist

Did you really like Dennis Miller?! I'm a big fan from way back, but he just seemed so painfully out-of-place. I texted Cook and his response was, "He was as comfortable out there as King Louis XVI was during his execution". I responded with, "I haven't seen anyone that uncomfortable on camera since Michael Jackson kissed Lisa Marie Presley. I think a slug outta the old boot flask was had during breaks". The fact that the crowd was apparently crap didn't help matters, either. It seemed to me Miller went into the task at hand ready, but apprehensive. He tested the waters, found them shallow and polluted and, thus, retreated to a script. What does that say…?

Agreed, though, Kanyon, there wasn't much else really going on there that night. I daresay it is to this sort of programming to which Jim Cornette refers when he condemns "sports entertainment". Now, yes, there have always been aspects of SE implicit throughout the proud history of traditional professional wrestling, and each of the most-well-known circuses have always done their best to display a different quality of the show in each of its' rings; however, it's clear exactly which ring is being favored on Monday night, and it is this particular aspect that many of us are over.

It's odd. One of the characteristics I assume Vince categorizes as being the more "unsophisticated" portion of pre-PG WWE was the strong, raw violence offered by The Attitude Era, that which was derived (most recently) by Paul Heyman's ECW, which, I'm sure, many could argue was just as singularly-minded in purpose then (on violence) as upon which WWE, particularly Raw, is focused currently (variety show-like laughs), however, turning "The longest-running weekly episodic television program" into Laugh-In-The-Ring has even less to do with wrestling than did all those "garbage matches" being held in the bingo hall.

The fact is, Vince appears to really be digging what I've heard referred to as "the refreshing of the product" in Monday's respect, because now it appears ECW, as we'll discuss next week, as well as SmackDown! are being put under Vince's microscope (which, to the rest of us, is generally called a kaleidoscope) with the rumored intent of a similar such "refreshing". I'll repeat my mantra in the face of distressing news such as this, "Wait & see", but it seems each time I say this, a little life, sense and respectability seems to be drained a little more out of whatever is in question…

Geoff, during the Sheamus/Cena staredown to end RAW last night, I just got the feeling that the wrong guy had the belt. No disrespect to Sheamus, but his win looked rather cheap and I thought something that big needs to have a special feel. If this is a big failure, it shouldn't follow him. The 1-2-3 Kid's win over Razor Ramon is a "good" upset, this was not. Between this, Dennis Miller hosting RAW, and the lack of a single Umaga mention on WWE TV, the WWE is really starting to baffle me. Up is down. Down is up. Booby dancing is getting people over (I am happy for Masters). At least we have the chance of an HBK/Taker rematch.
Posted By: The Great Capt. Smooth

Schmoove, I will maintain that, aside from just basic experience (in which he's getting a crash course at the moment), the only thing really lacking in terms of Sheamus leading to a big match, is a manager. Here again could a manager have filled in those empty spaces left by a simple stare-down. All the greats, Lou Albano, Gary Hart, Skandar Akbar, Jimmy Hart, Bobby Heenan, Paul Heyman, hell, even Oliver Humperdink and Paul Bearer would have been screaming on a microphone from behind his massive charge, cajoling in that special manager's language about how Sheamus is the new man, Sheamus is the new measuring stick, that Cena's time has past, etc., etc. That sort of thing really matters, the way we always talk here at 5SC, those little things that make so much difference in the overall that's just lacking in today's WWE product.

As for no mention of Umaga, are you really surprised? I think I touched on it earlier, that the Wellness Policy is in effect in WWE just as much to help control and protect its' performers from the temptations of the road, and I think that's a good thing, for the largest part; however, I also think, especially in Umaga's case, that The Policy exists just as much for WWE to keep it's nose clean of a proverbial Benoit booger. Sure, individual performers were allowed to make mention on their little Tweets or blogs or whatever about his passing, etc., but the company hardline clearly was "He hadn't worked for us for months by the time he passed," before it ever got around to "…oh, yeah, and God rest his soul…"

I understand to a point. It's a fine and delicate line between a warm corporate heart and a similarly warm (ie, securely covered) hind end in business, especially when the former CEO is running (an ultimately futile) Congressional race. I wasn't as offended as most that WWE made no mention of Umaga's passing, although, considering the amount of members of that family with whom WWE has a longstanding history of having worked with over the last three decades, one would think, circumstances notwithstanding, something could have been said, the excuse to a potentially critical media being that long-standing familial relationship, stressing that, above and beyond anything else, WWE is a family business that honors its' relationships with other families. Might actually have been the opportunity to put a really positive spin on the situation, but then I'm no publicist, so what do I know?

Watched this on DVR today and boy did it look like real horseshit. Unsurprisingly, the crowd ate it up like a poop sandwich and even the Boss didn't look too happy. Dennis Miller as host was a huge misfire. The teases (HBK challenging Taker/Miller calling out Hart as a host) were forced and came off as no chance in hell. Hopefully, they go back to the format of taping it as a black tie event and using the footage on RAW. Hopefully.
Posted By: ThePants

I actually prefer this format, as long as it's not as slipshod. I know there's supposed to be some sort of tongue-in-cheek affectation in WWE's delivery, an attempt to spoof the looseness of other televised awards' shows, but let's face it, subtle humor has never been WWE's gold standard and it shouldn't be attempted in this forum. It's said that sarcasm is the lowest form of humor, and I'll agree to a point.

Sarcasm is seen as the lowest because virtually anyone can grasp and espouse it, although 95% of it ultimately makes the user appear petulant and obnoxious (just take a tour through the majority of the comments on this site, or venture into the forums, if your nuts could use a good shave); however, as with any form of expression, in the hands of a master, say, the late greats George Carlin or Carol O'Connor, sarcasm becomes a sophisticated tool of comedic artistry. Call me a purist, but the wellspring of humor who masterminded Doctor Heiney is hardly in rarified Carlinesque air, so perhaps it might be best to leave the more complex areas of humor to those best suited to it. Even Batista's attempt to pull a Kanye on Maria fell flat, and not just because 1) there was an opportunity to feature Batista in a much better manner elsewhere in the show that McMahonagement felt it better to avoid, and 2) Big Dave, in his shrieking pink polo with the popped color and sunglasses made him look more like the bastard child of Jon Gosselin after the steroids and Bruce Banner after the Gamma rays.

What seemed odd to me was Vince's appearance with Miller. Vince, to me, seemed genuinely perturbed at the live crowd. However, one can only speculate about what the fans in attendance were supposed to be so excited, the half-assed little Slammy skits or the two-minute wrestling matches with their arbitrary, dead-end "outcomes"? It seemed, for the first time, Vince came face-to-face with a modern crowd displaying its' ambivalence toward such a mediocre product and he seemed genuinely to bristle over it, in a haughty "How dare you…?!" manner.

Otherwise, Miller, who obviously knows squat about the product (to the end that he refers to one of the top stars in the industry over the last decade as "The Show" instead of "The Game"), is the one to get in Vince's face about bringing back Bret Hart? Really? Miller is a better candidate to get in a lather over bringing back "new" Coke. Rumors since have suggested that Hart has, in fact, signed a talent contract with WWE that would basically allow him to start work with WWE in time to host the infamous January 4th Raw, on through to working an angle, reportedly with Vince, through WrestleMania. If that's the case, the scheduled Vince/Taker WM program is being scrubbed, thus making room for Taker/HBK @ WM II, which is probably why that appeared to come out of nowhere, as well, although, ever since Taker returned, every time he and HBK have been in each other's space, there's been a noticeable tinge of discontent in the air, so this doesn't seem as abrupt to me as it might to others.

"Lord knows how many years that spectacular match took off their careers."

Spoken like a true mark...

Both are 44 and Michaels wrestles a part time schedule...

Couldn't have been that bad...
Posted By: Guest#9120

Raw can't be worse than some of the shit they produced between 93 and 95...

Also Taker probably did take a couple of months at least off his life with that insanity dive. Plus calling someone a mark is so 2004. We all know you want to be the uber-informed professional wrestling genius, but we here don't take it that seriously, so take your high horse and prance away cap'n.

ROH was great again, The tag match was bomb as well as the four man. I'm loving some ROH these days!

The Slammy's were all over the place this year and made very little sense.

As for Shemus' win, I feel like it did come off as something of a fluke, but the announce team played it up and Cena sold it like a champ. Not to mention it was a table match and Cena took an un-calculated risk and paid for it.

And before the Guest calls me a mark, even though I know it's pre-determined I look for some logic in the match. Which oft leaves much to be desired in WWE land but alas I enjoy it still.

And to the HHH thing, never question the sheep! The sheep keep this wacky business we love afloat.
Posted By: Carnivore

A Carnivore sighting! Welcome back!

First of all, with respect to the "mark" comment, I don't mind "marking out" or making "mark" comments, provided they are genuine and/or said with a basis of logic, as Carnivore says. I think maintaining that "markability" baseline helps one to keep one from becoming overwhelmed with the desire to bottle one's own flatulence so as to enjoy it later at one's own convenience, the way we see many "knowledgeable" contributor doing around 411 these days.

Look, pal, yes, they're both "only" 44, young in the grand scheme, but they've been wrestling for 25 years, which is a hell of a long time to be grinding out this physically demanding, destructive, even, business, especially considering the corporeal circumstances some of the brutal matches in which they've involved themselves in their long and storied careers to make their careers such.

The only times they've not been subjecting themselves to a grueling road schedule which saw them sacrificing their bodies to their craft was when…? When they were out rehabbing injuries. Remember that it's a miracle that HBK is even able to walk today after suffering two herniated cervical vertebrae and crushing a third…when? In a match against Taker. Remember when it hurt to even watch Taker limp down the ramp circa. The Ministry of Darkness, when he eventually stood up to Vince by walking out on him and his company because he simply couldn't walk, much less perform, owing to a pair of severely pulled groin muscles and shot knees?

Yes, the reason they both work an abbreviated schedule these days is to prolong their in-ring shelf life. That's a privilege extended to those who require it, not because Vince thinks it's a great idea to keep two of his top stars boxed up like a toy only he gets to play with once in awhile. Don't condescend to me about my markdom when the real issue is common business sense.

Carnivore, with respect to your comment about the alleged quality of Raw circa. 1993-1995, as far as I'm concerned, The WWF was allowed some leeway during that period because the whole "Raw"-type program was coming from the experiment-to-work-in-progress stages, there had never really been anything like it and Vince was, indeed, still revolutionizing the business.

Now, however, it shouldn't be a huge deal for WWE to produce compelling, episodic dramedy, as, I'd imagine, is their goal, especially if they're going to have Cole Slaw shill it down our throats every week about being the longest-running, blahblahblah. You know what, Wile E. McMahon, SOOOO-pah GEEEN-ius, instead of telling me how great your flagship show is, why don't you show me?

I still have yet to see last week's RoH main event, but I'm pleased with what I've been seeing lately, too, and this is a great time to get in on the RoH product, as the whole Jim Cornette acquisition is making some new ripple effects, it seems. I haven't checked yet, but does anyone happen to know if last weekend's PPV is on YouTube.com…? I read the report and it seems like a really fun show, even if the TNA PPV actually appears to have delivered a bit more on the ringwork end of things, where Kurt Angle/Desmond Wolfe and AJ Styles/Daniels is concerned, although that's just what I infer from reading the reports. I'm looking forward to discover and appreciate more about Ring of Honor in the coming weeks and I hope you are too!

Man, it must suck sometimes to have a column talking about RAW posted the day after the program.

Anyway here are my thoughts:
I don't mind that Maria won Diva of the Year. But they need to pair her with someone. I know the Maria/Dolph Ziggler thing didn't work. But I think a Maria/Santino pairing would be fun.

I would have picked Bob Barker, too. He's still the best so far.

HBK superkicking the girl was just funny and unexpected. Should have won.

Exteme Moment: The Big Show Spotlight wins.

Shocker of the Year: I actually would have picked Randy Orton ambushing Stephanie. It was that kiss that made it especially creepy and memorable.

Break Out Star of the Year: If I had to pick among those 4, I guess I would've picked Yoshi. Although I'm more partial to Zack Ryder than any of them, despite not being nominated.

Tag Team: Jerishow wins, although I have no problem with DX.

Match of the Year: Taker/Michaels.

Superstar of the Year: I have no problem with Orton winning, but the way the entire thing was set up sucked. I was salivating for Cena/Taker, as that's a match that is fresh at the moment. Plus, why didn't Kofi come down to help Taker out with Orton/Legacy? Is that feud done? Plus, the matches weren't good, anyway.
Posted By: JLAJRC

@JLAJRC

I totally agree about Maria needing to be paired up with someone. The Homewrecker said they could've been a modern day Macho Man/Elizabeth type duo. Ziggler being a dick to everyone but her would've been pretty cool and it would've been good for his eventual turn down the road.

Also, Yoshi over Sheamus as Breakout Star?

Geoff, I hope that weed put your ass to sleep because Raw sucked Monday.
Posted By: Angry Bear

Angry Bear: Watching the storyline, it seemed like they were possibly planning on turning Maria heel for a bit. She was becoming increasingly angry with all the other Divas mentioning Dolph cheating on her, I could have seen a brief Melina feud before realizing that they were correct and turned on Dolph.

Not that I don't think a Maria heel turn wouldn't work. Remember those times when Maria would say something extremely intelligent? Just have her get a head bump and amnesia, make her an intelligent know-it-all and make her part of CM Punk's "straight-edge" gang. Or maybe Jerishow could make her their manager. Or pair her with Jack Swagger.
Posted By: JLAJRC


JLAJRC - an intelligent heel Maria manager would be interesting. It would be kind of cool if her airheaded-ness was all an act to manipulate her way to the top of the WWE.

Geoff- I was watching impact last night and it hit me that Mick Foley would be a great manager. Kind of like Capt Lou V2, but instead of Hawaian shirts, flannels. I bet he would the idea. I don't mind seeing him tag with chrabyss but I don't think I'd care to see him in a singles match ever again. The manager gig would beat the hell out of his backstage office segments.
Posted By: Angry Bear

LOL @ JLAJRC! Yeah, it can be a bummer sometimes, although I did help to set up Cook with a great link hook in his column last week: "This week, Eubanks previews The Slammys after they already happened." I had to laugh out loud at that and honor it with a "RESPECK!" text in response. Yeah, it can be a bummer, completely, especially when I actually sit and take notes on Raw with intention of discussing something, and then, by the time I'm even submitting the damn thing for next day submission, there's (ideally) been a page turned in that story, but, considering this site racks up the bulk of its' hits on Mondays and Tuesdays, it's best to be scheduled to run on one of those two days, so I don't mind too much, because, statistically speaking, anyway, even if I only receive mediocre hits on Tuesday, because Tuesday does better in terms of general hits overall, the likelihood of my column doing better than something that runs, say, on Friday, is better in the overall, so one takes the good with the bad.

I expect that we'll be seeing a lot more of Maria in the coming weeks. Now there can always be an auspicious eye cast upon anything WWE claims is "voted upon by the fans" because of the outcome contrasts with that which McMahonagement wants to see occur, there's always that chance that it will be tampered with on the sly anyway. But, assuming Maria's fan vote for Diva of the Year is legitimate, that's curious, because she had been out for months filming "Celebrity Apprentice" and was in that dreaded wrestler puRgatory (shout out to the old days there) called "Out of sight, out of mind"…or was she, to have won despite a lack of presence on WWE-TV?

Now, granted, she had just returned after a good chunk of milk carton real estate, so the newness of being back could have stirred the hearts of fans into voting for someone they enjoy, but it strikes me as odd that, as perennially popular as Melina seems to be with fans, that it should be a returning Maria who gets the nod. Personally, I'd love to see a breakdown of the voting, but, again, the outcome is dubious to begin with, after all, WWE has have a cross-promoted appearance on a mainstream television show to shill now in her regard and it sounds a lot better to bill her as WWE's Diva of the Year in those promo spots.

I agree, I'd love to see her hooked up with someone, too, because I thought that thing she had going with Dolph Ziggler had some legs on it, but apparently, between her impending absence from WWE-TV and dwindling faith in Ziggler (although I'm not too sure why, exactly…maybe they think they left Jack Swagger out in the rain too long and he shrunk…?), it seemed they felt the best decision was to split them up, despite the fact that they could have done a lot between the two to rally even more sympathy in Maria's regard and to draw a buttload of more heat on Ziggler before they pulled the plug.

If they want to move on with Maria in this direction, and I think they should, because every non-wrestling Diva should be involved somehow as a valet or manager (and, let's not kid ourselves, she improved, but Maria is still not a wrestling diva). Maybe we bring Zack Ryder up to Raw and put him together with Maria and Take Two in Maria's abusive relationship status, only play it out completely?

I do, though, like the idea of her being with The Straight-Edge Society, too, as someone who got scooped up in the passion of Punk's rhetoric and reverie, not the dingbat she used to be, but not some whiz-bang know-it-all, either; rather, like some kind of Manson follower, someone who was innocent and somewhat ignorant who is swallowed into the wrong crowd. It could make for an interesting break once/if Luke Gallows' (who I am more than willing to give a chance) role as Punk's underling runs its' course and he breaks out on his own. Using Maria as a catalyst, as someone who shows Gallows how to have fun in moderation could turn him into a fan favorite, even if only by virtue of the fact that he stands up to Punk and walks away with the hot chick.

I didn't care much for the manner in which SuperStar of the Year was determined, either, although I give them points for trying something different with an "on paper" appeal. Unfortunately, considering who was involved and the manner in which everything worked out, it was pretty obvious Cena was getting back his heat at Orton's expense, Cena proving he's still that mountain Orton can climb but not conquer, reserving some momentum for another go-around later. Hopefully much later.

I wasn't as down on their longstanding program as were many others, but what stank to me was he self-determination with which McMahonagement seemed to taunt us all with allowing that program to go far beyond the interest of many, and then try to make amends by hot-shotting Sheamus into the main event as some smug, half-assed apology. I know if questioned, McMahonagement would spin some "hangin on th'end uvvuh lahtnen bolt" promo about how there's room in the modern day for long-term programs in the modern age, that it was attempting to create an old school feud for the current time, but what it really comes down to is the fact that they were stalling for time as they attempt to pad out an anemic roster by blasting new talent into a position for which they may or may not be prepared.

BTW, considering I saw an advertisement for a WWE super show with a six-man on the card consisting of DX & Kingston vs. Legacy (Orton, DiBiase & Rhodes), I'm hoping we're not abandoning Kingston just yet, because it feels too soon and messing with the formula at this juncture could damage Kingston's upward mobility.

Bear, I've been waiting since Foley was supposed to have retired after WrestleMania 2000 for him to transition into a manager! But then he came back and did right by helping Edge and Orton up the ladder, earning their stripes and the fans' respect by hanging with him in his own environment and I was like, Okay. I was even more all right with the whole commentator's position, especially opposite Jim Ross, because it was in a role at which he was quickly excelling, but, quite frankly, I'd have told Vince where to stick his "What a maneuver!!! Come ON, Mick, SAY IT! WHAT A MANEUVER!!!" in my ear while I was trying to work, too.

No, Foley's venture down to Dixieland should have been where he transitioned to a managerial role, not re-living his old glory days at half the speed and twice the weight. Foley should have been backing Abyss from the beginning, and then TURN on him to pull a Paul Bearer, IMO, all the while working backstage, helping to mold the angle such that Abyss eventually makes his way through being the walking freak show and into a legitimate contender, much the same way Foley himself went from being Cactus Jack to Mankind and then back again. THEN, once Foley is established as a manager and Abyss has a handle on as a main-eventer/upper-mid-carder, transition into managing smaller guys, or the guys who don't speak well for themselves. It doesn't mean he can't get involved physically in the matches of his protégées, but if he were to do so on a selective basis, he'd look better and therefore contribute in a more positive fashion.

Besides, with his mind for wrestling, he should be working with the talent and helping plot some courses at the creative meetings, too.

I'm another fan who's just now getting into ROH, and I don't even receive HDnet. That Youtube channel is a lifesaver. I mean, I've watched the occasional out-of-context match now and again for the past few years, but now I'm just beginning to follow the continuity. So, you're not alone there.

BTW, isn't it great that in your column, unlike many others, the statement that you're just getting into ROH can elicit reactions OTHER than just "ROH sukcs! their pale scrawnie nobodys with no pyro!" OR "I saw Bryan Danielson get concussions on two different occasions LIVE, n00b!"?
Posted By: KanyonKreist

Agreed, Kanyon, thank God for ROHBrasil! I'm really enjoying getting into this product and exploring some new talent/getting better acquainted with talent I've seen only once or twice. It's great to see motivated workers not mired down in banal scripts and with organic characters. Considering characterization is one of the main things about which Cornette was hyped about working with the RoHster, I'm looking forward to seeing how these characters expand and grow. I'm also super-stoked that Steve Corino has returned!!!

And, yes, I was really reticent to discuss RoH as a bandwagon fan, because I was concerned the long-standing fans, who have the reputation of being condescending, would hurtle just such comments my way, but I think if I display a genuine interest in the product and show the proper respect for what they accomplish, and am honest and pragmatic about its' short-comings, I don't see why my interest should earn a poor response.

Didn't Claudio sign with WWE or TNA a while ago, but something happened like a failed wellness or something?

I love Cornette's letter to the fans. I hope he's not just being the windbag that he tends to be at times.

RIP, Umaga. That's exactly the reason I pretty much quit drugs when I hit my mid-30's. Eventually, your mind gets fried or your heart gives out. 36 is too young to die. I hope his family is taken care of.

You gotta love Mark Cuban. What other millionaire other than Vinnie or Shan-o Mac lets you put them through a table?

Take care, Geoff.
Posted By: Angry Bear

Claudio actually knocked back a WWE offer a few years ago. Wonder if he's regretting that now?
Posted By: AngryTas

Totally agree with you on Claudio and DCFC. I actually thought Claudio would make the WWE before American Dragon as he has the look Vince loves and can work. DCFC will be in TNA sooner rarher than later as they really care about tag teams and could use a monster heelish team.

As much as I want Cornette to make RoH work, I have real doubts about the long-term viability of the promotion. So long as Vince has lots of cash and Dixie has some cash and an easier schedule, RoH will be AAA to the majors. Any talent who comes through will likely be swayed by either TNA's or WWE's offer, as anyone would be.
Posted By: Iron Knee

As I've said, I'm really new to RoH, so any backstage stuff before the past month, even, unless mega-hyped like Bryan Danielson and Nigel McGuinness' departures, I'm pretty much in the dark, although I do know enough such that I don't want to see The Briscoes bounce to WWE, because they'd be jobbed, used, abused and regurgitated. The Young Bucks, it might seem, would see greener pastures in TNA, although, who knows, maybe HoDix would just see clear to use that acquisition as a means to split up MCMGs…do we want that…? That all said, it wouldn't surprise me at all if Claudio had been given a WWE audition that he turned down. Quite frankly, I think it may hold him in good stead, because if he can rise to become a dominating force in RoH, he'll be worth more money elsewhere should someone decide to ring that doorbell.

Knee, you make an excellent point, but (and not to undermine you), hasn't that basically always been the curse of the indies, especially once Vince, Junior started cherry-picking back in the early ‘80s? It all comes down to who digs doing what and where. Even when times were despondent in ECW, guys like Tommy Dreamer and Rob Van Dam stuck around until the bitter end, because they knew how things would be run elsewhere and they were comfortable doing what they were doing for Heyman. That could be translated as "better the devil you know", as well, but no matter how you slice it, some folks are comfortable in a certain environment. Claudio could be one of those people.

The trick to running a thriving indie fed is to always have your ear to the ground, to have feelers, to talk with the boys about where they've been performing on the road, what which new, potential talents have they worked and who might fit with the company and giving that new kid a shot. Then you have to be clever enough to work his best spots, hide his worst and make sure you've got enough quality on your roster such that they all complement one another in varying combinations. That way, if the talent is really benefitting from your booking and your talent, if they get scooped away to a franchise higher up the ladder, as much as you want someone to succeed, if your better booking presents the talent in a better light than that of a less-hands-on writer, that talent returns to you and your franchise with a little more of a nest egg in his bank account and you continue to work magic together.

I don't like the way Cornette tars Smackdown with the same brush as Raw.

Raw is sludge. Raw is a putrid, horrible, unwatchable, undefendable, detestable smelly pollop on the anus of Wrestling - this is true.

However Smackdown, whilst not perfect (Piggy James, Vickie G and Escobar, Slam Master J etc) is a fine mix of wrestling action, storytelling and character interaction. It has only a fraction of the SNL-Lite guff Raw has, and more often than not delivers a good show.

The problem with 'Sports Entertainment' is that it isn't entertaining any more. If all comedy segments were as funny as The DX Nation, instead of focusing on Hornswoggle and guest hosts, I'd have little to moan about.
Posted By: Biased to the Blue and Silver

A pollop on the smelly anus of wrestling. Yowza.

I have to agree that Raw and SmackDown!, for the most part, are two different animals and that Fridays have a whole lot more going on in the way of coherent storytelling and matches that are allowed to blossom and tell a story of their own featuring some of the brightest young performers under the WWE umbrella. I certainly can't speak for Cornette, but part of me wonders exactly how much of the complete WWE product he's seen, and if he catches wind of the Raw shenanigans and assumes that's all that's going down across the board…? I'm not saying it's right, but if the caterers show up and the first bite of steak tastes like shit, are you gonna have a look at the chocolate cake to follow and think it's going to be much better?

I get what you're saying and I appreciate it, and I do think Cornette is painting WWE with a really wide brush at the moment (although, as much as I hate to say this, I've found ECW to be unwatchable, too, for months now), understand that wrestling is Cornette's one true passion in life and he's watched it be highjacked and malformed from the place he once loved it. I'd be bitter too!

That's all for this week, peeps. Thank you for reading, and for all my Jewish friends, I hope you had a fantastic Hanukkah season this year! For those celebrating Christmas, have a holly-jolly! This one's for YOU!



RESPECK!!!