Column of Honor: 01.02.10: First Column 2010

Posted by Ari Berenstein on 01.02.2010

As you continue your weekend detox from your New Year’s Eve festivities, here’s one more edition of the Column, including my personal favorite wrestlers of 2009 along with year-end thoughts and favorite matches for WWE, TNA, CHIKARA, PWG and SHIMMER! I warn you in advance though…I had a hangover of my own to deal with, so this column isn’t for the faint of heart or easily offended.

Oh my god…I have a giant headache…I feel like I slept for a whole two days…I swear I didn't drink that much…well, I can't remember what I drank, really. Drank? Drunk? Drink? Don't mind if I do!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Thasgoooud.

What? It's Saturday? No…no…NO! That means I have to write a column… ANOTHER one? After all that effort from Final Column 2009?

I can't I can't I can't. What the hell?

Whose antique vase is this?

It smells vaguely of vodka, Kool Aid and Pepto Bismol. Hold on.



Keep holding.


Okay. Okay. I found my glasses, so I can see now. Let me put them on…






…



…


OMYGOD WHATTHEHELLISTHATDOINGINMYHOUSE?


This isn't happening. This isn't happening. THIS ISN'T HAPPENING!

I need a plan. Think Ari, think! You're so damned smart aren't you, why don't u think of something!



Okay, got it. Look guys. I'll be honest with you. Ummmm…I have this pressing emergency I now have to deal with…quickly. So, why don't you read these bonus features that were supposed to be included in Final Column 2009 but had to be cut for space. It's good stuff I promise you, all about my favorite wrestlers and my thoughts on wrestling and my favorite matches in 2009 and you know, that's why you clicked on the column in the first place so I'm sure you won't mind that. So you go do that and in the meantime I'm just going to step out and head to the zoo. By the time you'll have read the column I'll be done…hopefully. So I'll meet you down at the bottom of the column okay?

Oh, and Welcome to the Column.



…I really hope that came from Prospect Park and I don't have to travel all the way to The Bronx…




Ring Toss
-My Fave 5 of 2009
-Year End Thoughts On: WWE / TNA / CHIKARA / PWG / SHIMMER



If you haven't checked out the previous parts of Final Column 2009, here are some handy links for your reference:

Part One: ROH Yearbook
Part Two: ROH Yearbook Part Two
Part Three: The Voice of the People
Part Four: Year End Awards
Part Five: Matches of the Year # 100 - 31
Part Six: Matches of the Year # 30 - 1

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=My Fave 5 of 2009=


The following a list of my personal favorite wrestlers to watch and to follow throughout the year. A note to readers is that this one is a subjective-based list and is solely based on opinion and not anything like placement on the card or "number of titles won" or even "had a billion matches of the year". I've been entertained by so many promotions and their roster of superstars and talent, but I'll only list these fave five right now:

1. American Wolves: Every match I've seen involving Davey Richards and Eddie Edwards this year has been one I would want to watch again. They have become one of the most cohesive (if not the most proficient) tag teams of the year. Their chemistry is easy to see. They have the ability to be exceptional antagonists against any babyface and that makes their matches evergreen. ROH rode a lot of shows in 2009 on this team's back and successfully so. They were always one of the top acts that I came to see the shows for this year and they always delivered in that capacity. I've enjoyed Richards laying the bad mouth on an opponent and then kicking indentations into their body. He's done wonders this year as a bad-ass, and his edge, intensity and of course a technical excellence make me want to watch his matches.

As for Edwards, long-time readers of this column remember that from 2006-2008 I routinely criticized Edwards as having no charisma and being essentially a cardboard wrestler (which at the time was true, in part due to the role he had in the promotion which did him no favors). Well, I can no longer make that statement. As a Wolf, Edwards has improved his promo skills and has made improvements in the ring, but no bigger gain was made than his improvement in having charisma and being an interesting wrestler. That the fans chanted his name so vigorously and with genuine appreciation as he wrestled through his major injury at Glory By Honor VIII speaks to the potential that Edwards has for success in 2010 whether as a face or as a heel. I will be watching and interested, which is far more than I ever could have said years ago. Consider that a mea-culpa at this point, because both he and Richards were my favorite act to watch for 2009.

2. CM Punk: I celebrated 2008 in CM Punk's career for his sudden breakthrough to the top of the company with his stunning World championship win. Yet it was 2009 that truly saw CM Punk become CM Punk, the character ROH fans knew and loved to love, or conversely loved to hate. Punk's straight edge saint character slowly emerged in one of the most well-told heel turns of the year, a storyline that showed that WWE can deliver some wonderful angles when they don't get over-complicated and allow character progression to happen organically. It was incredible seeing how Punk and WWE manipulated the crowd to transition from loving him to absolutely vitriolic response with just a few small little quirks of character that built over time. Of course, he did need the right character to play off and Jeff Hardy was the best fit (almost sadly so). Hardy fans almost instantaneously switched on Punk when he "stole" the WWE Title (or "made the most of opportunity" as he would term it) minutes after Hardy won it from Edge. Punk's justification was rational and sound, but most fans didn't buy it. Over the weeks Punk grew more and more heelish until finally he didn't even have to say anything. He just smashed down the microphone over Jeff Hardy's head, and viola—a Straight Edge Hero was born. Since then, Punk has delivered both on promos and in the ring—the fantastically ingratiating "straight-edge means I'm better than you" catchphrase was reborn in WWE, as was a ruthlessness and guile not seen since the Summer of Punk in ROH days. In 2009, WWE had its own Summer of Punk, and as a long time Punk supporter it was great to have Punk do what he did best, just in front of a larger audience.

3. Rey Mysterio: As Undertaker had a return to form in 2006 after being written off as too old and too injury prone, Rey Mysterio thundered back from a slumpish 2007-2008 to have one of the better years of his career. The Mysterio vs. Jericho feud provided the bulk of the return to classic Rey form, but Mysterio also had several terrific efforts with the likes of CM Punk, Jeff Hardy, John Morrison and even Batista. Mysterio's lightning fast win against JBL at Wrestlemania 25 provided an excellent swan song for Layfield as "the heel who got what he deserved", but also notched another memorable Wrestlemania moment for Rey's career. He had missed several due to being out with an injury, but when he has appeared at Mania, he has come through big time.

Jericho vs. Mysterio in the ring had amazing drama and tension to it, I think because of how the angle was built on Jericho attacking Rey's mask as an integral part of his persona. Their in-ring work mixed the best of Jericho as a heel, with Rey harkening back to his more high-flying days and the incorporation of more "Lucha" moves and submissions (The Quebradora backbreaker, the Atlantida, La Mistica, etc.) in order to really elevate the themes at play in the match-how Jericho was trying to usurp and use Rey's Mexican luchador background and heritage against him. The recent feud against Batista could have easily been another tale of Rey being out-gunned by the larger and more powerful Goliath, but this time Rey has been allowed to look like the best "David" possible, outsmarting and even embarrassing his former friend and partner several times despite getting savaged at Survivor Series. In 2009, Rey is still a great underdog, but he is also a veteran who knows how to win…and not only is he being booked that way, I believe that's how many now perceive him and his place in WWE. Rey survived the controversy around a one-month Wellness Policy suspension and not-so-coincidental return late in the year of knee problems which could sideline him at the beginning of 2010 and what shines the most this year about him is the effort he put in the ring.

4. Chris Hero: He's cocky, he's brash, he wants everyone to know how great he is and that he can knock anyone out at will…and I love every second of him doing so. Hero's transformation into the "Young Knock-Out Kid" found its sea legs in 2009. He borrowed from Ali, Tyson and the world of hip-hop, turning very good promos into GREAT promos. He stepped his game up and filled in Jimmy Jacobs' niche of delivering on-point dramatic monologues (and I love me some dramatic monologues). In the ring, Hero took some old school from Memphis (the loaded elbow pad) and some new school from Japan (the strike based offense and his character's inspiration from Misawa, which, hmmm…sounds kinda like I read that from somewhere…) and honed his wrestling style so that not only was it unique, but it was captivating . I was struck with awe and how loud the smack of elbow-on-bone contact could be, rivaling the sound of even Roderick Strong's chops. Hero had some of the more interesting matches in ROH this year, specifically against KENTA for HDNet and against Lance Storm in Canada. These matches drew you in with the very idea of the wrestlers matching up against each other, although with Storm it was a longer and burgeoning grudge that was a year in the making.

5. Chris Jericho: Jericho's return to form happened last year when he turned heel and ruled the world with his new persona—more serious and more dismissive of the fans for being "Sycophants". Jericho provided so much more of that high-quality work in 2009 and while he was never the sole focus of attention this year for major programs, he was a heavy-hitter in terms of contributing to the product. I always knew that whether he would be on either Smackdown or Raw (and most of the time on both shows) that it would be a segment I wanted to watch, which proved to be an invaluable quality on Raw in late 2009. Jericho's consistency almost underplays his quality performances, whether it's using multi-syllabic words to insult the audience on promos, playing the tough guy but cleverly shirking away from major competition that posed a threat (Cena, Shaq, etc.) or delivering in the ring (being the all-important base for his tag team with Big Show, elevating younger talent like JTG in their matches and being the glue that held main events together like the Survivor Series triple threat). I know that Jericho EQUALS Excellence, now more than ever.

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WWE:I thought WWE in 2008 was a great turn around for the Big Titan of the industry. This year? Not so much. WWE demonstrated a bi-polar attitude about its product this year. Either the focus was almost entirely on the "professional wrestling" side of the equation (as it was with the Smackdown brand and version two of the "Smackdown Six" providing superior wrestling matches) or a "sports-entertainment" focus (the Raw brand and its angle-heavy "anything but wrestling" presentation) that was almost exclusively entertainment more than sports. It's not that having a celebrity guest-star or two was necessarily a bad idea, especially when using celebrities who already were fans of the product (or even someone so unflappable as Bob Barker). However, WWE Monday Night Raw degenerated into a weekly version of "Saturday Night Live"— that is the bad years of that show anyway, with unfunny skits, celebrities who messed up wrestlers' names and acted like they didn't care about the company and time wasted on anything but delivering interesting wrestling angles that would persuade me to buy their Pay Per Views and DVDs. WWE had to fragment their storylines and adjust to each celebrity until they found a template to follow for the guest-star format. Ever since then, it's almost become a weekly rerun of the same type of show. Add to that the poor handling of what were supposed to be guaranteed success stories such as Jack Swagger, MVP and Evan Bourne and you have a Raw brand that was not only repetitive, but also mundane, boring and even detrimental to the overall health of WWE as a whole.

Conversely, even though not every show is a guaranteed home run, the Smackdown brand has been the program that more closely resembles the type of wrestling show I'd like to watch. It's not without its own outrageous incidents (as any show with The Undertaker and Kane on it obviously veers more to the sports-entertainment side of the equation). Still, Smackdown used the wrestling to enhance the angles and not the other way around. Smackdown also gave many of the under-card wrestlers a far better platform to show the world their talent, and thus get over far quicker than they would have if they had been stuck on Raw. Talent like John Morrison, Dolph Ziggler, Cryme Tyme and Hart Dynasty forged their place in the promotion with their efforts on Smackdown. Meanwhile, Rey Mysterio revitalized his career and Chris Jericho cemented his awesome legacy by their efforts against each other in the summer of 2009. Of course, when CM Punk transferred over to Smackdown and slowly turned heel, it led to some of my personal favorite moments as CM Punk became the straight-edge heel long-time fans always knew he could become.

ECW also had its ups and downs, depending on the talent involved. The Abraham Washington Show dug deep holes of boring and awful entertainment (despite Teddy Atlas' involuntary awesomeness as the Ed McMahon-like sidekick) and Vladimir Kozlov was no treat to watch in the ring. Yet, there was the excellence of Christian to balance out the equation. Christian's return to WWE was a mark-out moment (which could have been more fruitful if they hadn't audibled out of a planned program against Jeff Hardy), but his true value came as the main event talent of ECW. He was always great for a fifteen-minute match and helped to elevate some of the younger talent like Yoshi Tatsu and Zack Ryder. Paul Birchall really found his place on ECW as well, with his consistently-solid feud against Hurricane and providing some nice matches.

Overall, my love-and-hate relationship with the first wrestling promotion I watched as a child once again bounced back and forth between those two extremes. WWE talent provided some terrific in-ring efforts, but there was always something horrible or in poor taste outside of the ring to balance it out. So it goes.


=My Fave Five WWE Matches of 2009=

1. Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels, Wrestlemania XXV 04/05/09
2. WWE Intercontinental Title: John Morrison (c) vs. Rey Mysterio, WWE Smackdown 09/04/09
3. WWE Intercontinental Title: Rey Mysterio (c) vs. Chris Jericho, WWE Smackdown 07/10/09
4. Ladder Match, World Heavyweight Title: Jeff Hardy (c) vs. CM Punk , WWE Summerslam 08/23/09
5. Elimination Chamber, WWE Title: Edge (c) vs. Triple H vs. Undertaker vs. Kozlov vs. Big Show vs. Jeff Hardy, WWE No Way Out 02/15/09



TNA: The brief and fleeting moment of hope I had for TNA in October as they brought in Desmond Wolfe (Nigel McGuinness) and began to focus on the younger, homegrown stars like they always said they would but never did is now replaced with…well, I don't know what exactly. Not dread for the impending debut of Hulk Hogan and the menagerie of nostalgia acts he is likely to bring with him, but certainly not enthusiasm either. I recognize that anything would be better than the kind of illogical, back-asswards booking that Vince Russo and the rest of the TNA booking team has provided the last two and a half years, but really, is the answer going to come from Hulk Hogan? A man who is mired in his own personal problems and can no longer go in the ring to the point he can't even use his own leg drop? I guess the only thing I can do is give TNA the benefit of the doubt if for just a little bit of time and see what develops.

Again I find myself writing that my problem is not with much of the talent within the company, but rather with how they are used and the incomprehensible angles they are forced to sell to the viewing fans. I applaud the older talent like Mick Foley and even Kevin Nash for trying hard this year, because they really did do the best they could given their physical conditions. However, the hours of their career are fading fast and it's long past time since guys like AJ Styles, Christopher Daniels and Samoa Joe were at the head of the line. Now, finally they are being given the proper attention by being the marquee names of the November and December Pay Per Views, but now it could be easily taken away from them by Hogan's vision of the company in 2010.

TNA can put on some excellent matches, no doubt. However, like WWE, those matches become overshadowed by all the drek that surrounds it when they overcomplicate and overproduce and create illogical storylines or have swerves for the sake of swerve. I want them to succeed, but I don't know if they can.

I did not watch enough TNA programming this year to have a favorites list, but the obvious ones I'd recommend all happened within the last few months, which would be the TNA Title Match : AJ Styles vs. Kurt Angle in the twenty-minute draw on iMPACT, Desmond Wolfe vs. Kurt Angle and TNA Title Match: Samoa Joe vs. Christopher Daniels vs. AJ Styles from Turning Point PPV.

CHIKARA: I am still catching up (as usual at this point of the year) to the events in the second-half of the year, but I know regardless of which show you watch, CHIKARA = FUN. There's something very refreshing and earnest about their presentation. The largest venue they run is the former ECW Arena for their major shows about once a month. The rest of the time they run in small elks lodges and the like. Yet, when I lose myself in the colorful world of their characters and the storylines between the forces of good and evil, I forget where these shows are taking place and just enjoy the show in and of itself.

The commentary format continues to be one of the more enjoyable ones in pro wrestling. When you listen to Mike Quackenbush describe moves and match psychology, it's like taking a master class. Bryce Remsberg's enthusiasm and enjoyment pours through his voice and carries his segments. Eddie Kingston and Ultramantis Black are both hugely fun to listen when they guest commentate. They successfully travel the line between their characters and the service of being a color commentator.

Now, not all is perfect about CHIKARA. Sometimes the younger talent is just learning the ropes and that means sloppiness and the occasional mistiming of moves. Sometimes the multiple man matches become contrived and overcomplicated. As well, CHIKARA booker Mike Quackenbush has shown a reluctance to turn Rudo the wrestlers who are being rejected by the fans. For example the apathy (in some cases) and near-hatred (in others) of Lince Dorado brought down the popularity of both Helios and Jimmy "Equinox" Olsen, the latter of whom cooled off significantly once he joined The Future is Now unit—and yet Lince never turned heel and the team still exists. However, the positives far outweigh the negatives on any given show.

This past year I greatly enjoyed the cartoonish-machinations of Ultramantis Black as he used the Eye of Tyr to corrupt Delirious and break up the Incoherence team as payback for when Hallowicked left the Dark Breed stable. Mantis' Order of the Neo Solar Temple seemed closer than ever to dominating CHIKARA until a series of unfortunate events (losing matches, men in white coming after him for not relinquishing the Eye like the legends say you must) brought about their downfall (albeit temporarily, knowing Mantis is never down for too long).

I was just so impressed this year with the intricacies of the booking in the company, and not just with the season-closing cliffhanger angle—the full revelation of the BDK (Brotherhood of the Cross). The smaller pieces that led up to the angle, such as the introduction of Carpenter Ant and the Tim Donst heel turn on Hydra—all felt natural and organic (some would criticize, saying it was slow-paced, but if you're booking a full season, then that slow pace would make sense to give something to go on from show-to-show). Meanwhile, The Colony cemented themselves as true stars of the show, whether it was their long and intense feud against Team F.I.S.T. or their journey towards achieving the Campeonatos de Parejas (tag team championships) against Amasis and Ophidian. The tag division in CHIKARA is a constant—plenty of great teams providing the meat and potatoes of the action, with one or two singles matches (usually helmed by Claudio Castagnoli) to provide attraction or grudge matches for the product.

Anyone who has not experienced a CHIKARA show should at least try the sampler or best of series available through Smart Mark Video, or should take advantage of the occasional sales and buy in bulk.


=My Fave Five CHIKARA Matches of 2009=

1. Masks vs. Hair: The Colony vs. Team F.I.S.T. Anniversario Yang 05/24/09
2. Mike Quackenbush & Jigsaw vs. "American Dragon" Bryan Danielson & Claudio Castagnoli, Hiding in Plain Sight 09/13/09
3. Golden Dreams Triangle Match: Jigsaw, Equinox & Helios vs. Chuck Taylor, Vin Gerard & STIGMA vs. Fire Ant, Hallowicked & Arik Cannon, YLC VII Night 3 08/16/09
4. Eddie Kingston vs. Claudio Castagnoli, Anniversario Yang 05/24/09
5. Player Dos vs. Kota Ibushi, King of Trios 2009 Night Three 03/29/09


PWG: Although I ordered less Pro Wrestling Guerrilla DVDs than CHIKARA and ROH (obviously) in 2009, I found myself greatly enjoying the several PWG shows I ordered and perhaps more than all but a handful of shows from those two promotions. In many ways PWG reminded me this year of Ring of Honor in 2006-2007: enjoying the fruits of a great exchange-relationship with Dragon Gate, developing wrestlers from the undercard and mid-card and making them into legitimate draws for their shows, and for the most part delivering on simple, straight-forward "wrestling" storylines and angles. PWG doesn't quite push the envelope with epic angles and company-wide changing storylines like ROH did in that time frame, but as far as quality and consistency, its right up there.

PWG was the only place you could see Paul London return to in-ring action—and while he clearly had his ups and downs in that regard, it was still a positive to have him involved in the shows. While his injury in the middle of the year prevented what could have been an all-star tag team with Bryan Danielson (what became known as "The Hybrid Dolphins"), he did give us an unbelievable, almost surreal promo that again showed what WWE misses the boat on—that if you let the wrestlers just go on their natural personality (and maybe also on a joint or two), you come up with something that is a lot more real and entertaining.

Express Written Consent may have been one of the strongest six-match cards ever presented on the independent circuit, plus it had a genuine surprise in the return of Colt Cabana to action anywhere on the independent scene, literally one day after being fired by WWE. Ninety-Nine and One-Hundred were all-star line-ups and top-to-bottom, the wrestlers came through with performances that were absolutely worth the money and more than what you paid to buy the DVDs. While the DDT4 show could have sunk under several injuries and line-up changes, it became (almost in spite of itself) one of the best independent shows of the year. Threemendous II is my choice for independent wrestling show of 2009. It blows anything and everything else out of the water, with six out of seven matches in my opinion rated four stars or more. EVEN if you don't care for stars or snow-flakes, just judge for yourself by watching the show and I don't think I'd be overstepping my bounds in guessing you will be impressed by what you see. That show almost seems to be its own organism, living and breathing and being more than the sum of its parts.

Guerre Sans Frontieres has an incredible final foursome of matches, which rivals the likes of ROH's Supercard of Honor shows of years past. The Danielson vs. Hero title match and title change was super-emotional and presented something very "real", even in the confines of what is a worked sport. Danielson's gratitude is very real, as was the sweat of the effort he left in the ring against Hero on that night. Finally, you had The Battle of Los Angeles 2009 two-night tournament, which told a number of interesting stories within its sixteen-man field and concluded with Kenny Omega coming to the fore as the next PWG Champion but also with a brand new angle that pits him against The Young Bucks and even Chuck Taylor, his former tag partner in that promotion.

It took a bit of time, but PWG has found its next generation of young talents in the likes of Brandon Gatson, Charles Mercury, The Cutlers, Jerome "LTP" Robinson and Johnny Goodtime. You have the constants like The Young Bucks, Scott Lost, El Generico, Colt Cabana, Chris Hero and Joey Ryan, who are the skeleton of the show and not only play their role with aplomb but also are either beloved or behated thoroughly by the fans in attendance. Then you have the guest-stars like Brian Kendrick, SHINGO, The Motor City Machine Guns, Naruki Doi and others who really put the shows over the top—giving the amazing "dream" matches that are often bandied about AND are quite valuable when selling a show to the independent wrestling fanbase. I mean, look at who they are bringing in for their show at the Los Angeles wrestling convention in January: Jushin Liger, Rob Van Dam and The Great Muta. They are laying it out for these huge gets, and I think they will reap the rewards with huge DVD sales for that show. They also have a hardcore and dedicated fan base, who like ROH fans, can be quite annoying and over the top at times (it takes some chutzpah for a few yabos to chant "boring" during a Chris Sabin vs. Bryan Danielson match during Threemendous II or the old guy and his son who were constantly chanting "sellout" at Dragon during his final match) but hopefully these are the minority and not the majority of the Guerrilla Army. PWG ends the year in great position for 2010, with a new champion who the fans will want to support and the PWG Tag Champions The Young Bucks, who the fans can't wait to see get knocked off the top of the charts.


=My Fave Five PWG Matches of 2009=

1. PWG World Tag Team Title Match: The Young Bucks (c) vs. The Motor City Machine Guns, Ninety-Nine 04/11/09
2. PWG Heavyweight Title Match: Chris Hero (c) vs. "American Dragon" Bryan Danielson, Guerre Sans Frontieres, 09/04/09
3. PWG Heavyweight Title Match, Guerilla Warfare: Chris Hero (c) vs. Joey Ryan, Threemendous II, 07/31/09
4. "American Dragon" Bryan Danielson vs. Kenny Omega, One-Hundred, 04/12/09
5. Non-Title: The Young Bucks vs. 2 Skinny Black Guys (Human Tornado & El Generico), Threemendous II, 07/31/09


SHIMMER: I've fallen behind on my SHIMMER watching and still have Volumes 24 and 25 on the docket, but when I do sit down to watch the DVDs generally I enjoy what I see. SHIMMER continues to represent an outlet for females in wrestling to express themselves through the in-ring performance. While there are some very beautiful women on the roster, their beauty or body size / weight do not take precedence over wrestling ability. The major storylines this year have seen MsChif persevering as champion despite constantly being faced with tough opposition to her title. A heel stable led by Annie Social has taken aim at her title, yet MsChif's crowning achievement happened during this timeframe as she pinned Amazing Kong—the first one to do so in the company. SHIMMER Tag Team Champions were also crowned as Neveah and Ashley Lane (Madison Rayne) won a gauntlet match in a minor upset against Malia Hosaka and Lexie Fyfe. The Canadian Ninjas of Nicole Matthews and Portia Perez took the titles from them after a few successful defenses and continue to reign supreme (and full of awesomeness). Perez and Matthews have become the guilty pleasures of the promotion, with Perez in particular really honing her heel act through promos, interaction with the crowd and a very heated feud with SHIMMER matriarch Allison Danger. Meanwhile, Cheerleader Melissa, Mercedes Martinez, Daizee Haze, Sereena Deeb, Sara Del Rey, Nikki Roxx and Wesna Busic filled out the upper crust of the promotion, providing some tremendous matches that make these DVDs worth their purchase. I also continue to enjoy the acts of Amber O' Neal and the International Home Wrecking Crew. Despite being heels, they are easily some of the most entertaining women to watch and yet boo at the same time. They have honed their craft well.

=My Fave Five SHIMMER Matches of 2009=

1. Cheerleader Melissa vs. Wesna Busic, Volume 23
2. Amazing Kong vs. Mercedes Martinez, Volume 23
3. SHIMMER Title Match: MsChif (c) vs. Portuguese Princess Ariel, Volume 22
4. SHIMMER Title Match: MsChif (c) vs. Daizee Haze, Volume 21
5. Four Corner Survival: Cheerleader Melissa vs. Amazing Kong vs. Mercedes Martinez vs. Portuguese Princess Ariel, Volume 21

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Okay… hhhhhhh… hhhhhhhh …I'm back. Did you …hhhhh… read all that? You did? Good. hhhhhhh. Great.

What? What's that behind me? Why, um, nothing…no, no, that's not a grappling hook in my pants. AND NO I'm not happy to see you either. LOOK, DON'T GO THERE. JUST…DON'T, okay?

Look, I've never judged YOU okay? I don't need your look of condescension. I'M ARI FREAKING BERENSTEIN AND SO WHAT IF I STOLE AN ELEPHANT DURING NEW YEARS?

GO **** YOURSELF!!! ALL YOU SONS OF ****** I SEE YOU THERE! YOU, WITH THE GOOGLY EYES. ***HOLE! **** YOUR ***** COUSIN UP THE *** WITH YOUR MO************* **** ALL OF YOU *****************************************(Edited by 411's crack squad of editors because we'll post near naked pics of ever F-list bikini model that AJ Grey can google for us but even this freakout by some pedantic nobody hack who writes about independent wrestling is just too much for us. I mean, Independent wrestling for godsakes! Who watches that stuff? Bunch of no name fast-food workers turned weekend warriors with nylon pants and a wifebeater wrestling in a gym filled with twenty-five people and twenty of those are family members of the wrestlers, four are the owner's wife and her ugly snot-nosed brats and the other one is just someone who was waiting for the bus and needed to duck out of the rain? Yeah independent wrestling, that'll put butts in the seats. Good luck to ya. )**** YOU and the ****** HORSE YOU RODE IN ON YOU *** EATING **** SUCKLING SONS OF ****. **** ********!!!!!.






























Okay then. I feel much better now.

So yeah…I'm taking a week or two off to recover from my massive beast of a year-ender bender that was Final Column 2009 and First Column 2010. I'll be back soon, but until then…thanks for reading.

BROOKLYN!
--Ari--