Our Take On 01.01.10: The 2009 TNA Wrestling Awards Spectacular!

Introduction:
Steve Cook: You know, it’s not too often that the band gets back together these days. We are very important people and have many individual responsibilities to attend to. So whenever the Impact Playaz appear at the same place at the same time, it’s a special occasion. We are the best at what we do. That’s why Larry has a $10,000 Rolex on his wrist and lives in the biggest house on top of the biggest hill in the biggest part of town. That’s why I’m wearing $1,000 alligator boots, am custom made head to toe and have fifteen beautiful women waiting on me at the penthouse suite at the Hilton. That’s why we only drink the finest liquor and only make love to the finest women. There is no two man group in the IWC that can compare to us on our best day, or even us on a bad day…but when you’re as great as we are, you don’t have bad days. Diamonds are forever, and so are the Impact Playaz.

Larry Csonka: You know I always love a good Steve Cook promo. Yes it is true, the 411 Impact Playaz are back together once again to deliver our TNA Awards Spectacular! This has been our tradition since before we started here at 411, and we continue it again this year. But it just isn’t Cook and Csonka this time, no sir, we have added another to the mix. This year’s special guest is none other than Chris Lansdell. Lansdell gets no face time to talk, because he is bringing in the beer for Cook and I. He is also the designated driver. Let’s rock…

The “What Were They Thinking” Award

Chris Lansdell – Winner: Cody Deaner, Knockouts Champion: From its inception, the Knockouts division in TNA was high quality. For a while they were the best part of a pitiful Impact week in, week out. As the match quality and stories for the men picked up, so the women faded into the background. Oh sure they got a tag title division but they no longer main event shows and aren’t the top segment on the broadcast. The rock bottom of the whole shebang was making a MAN your women’s champion. Yes Ed Ferrara, I’m looking at you. Making the match with Cody having a chance at the belt, against two women, was bad enough. Having him get the pin was plain horrible.

Larry Csonka – Winner: Putting Jenna Morasca In The Ring: This, this…this almost defies words it was so bad. I mean, we’re not talking about a bad women’s match here, we are talking possibly the worst match in TNA history, and that includes the Johnson’s and the midgets early on. First of all, they were too concerned with Sharmell’s gimmick to have her wear ring gear, she wore this dress, an evening gown that was shedding the whole time and limited her movement. She does have experience, let her wear something she can move in, don’t limit her in a match that was already going to be bad. Second of all, Jenna acted like a complete whore, and not in the awesome Beautiful People kind of way. Thirdly, she apparently either didn’t pick shit up OR was given next to NO wrestling training. Bad punches and slaps happen, but she couldn’t run the ropes, didn’t know how to bump properly, which you learn the FIRST DAY, and constantly looked lost in there. They proceeded to have SIX of the worst minutes ever caught on PPV, and when it was all said and done, I don’t know what offended me more, the shittiness of the match or the fact that TNA put her on PPV with such a lack of training that I considered it dangerous. This shit was just horrendous. If you can believe it, this was way worse than I could have imagined.

Steve Cook – Winner: Signing Jenna from Survivor: I’m not going to beat this dead horse into the ground like my compatriots will in the 411 Year-End Awards, but Jenna from Survivor was a signing that did absolutely nothing for TNA except result in the worst match of the year. She made no impact in her role as “random Main Event Mafia chick”, her feud with Sharmell was tough to watch on television every week, and their match on PPV should have resulted in mass refunds. You know an attractive woman had to be really bad at her job if me of all people was complaining about her taking up valuable television time.

The “Where Did She/He Come From” Award

Chris Lansdell – Winner: Daniels: Last year, Daniels was finishing the year as Curry Man. He got fired as a result of the Feast or Fired Battle Royal, then became Suicide. When he came back it was straight into the midcard. He even flirted with the lower card, several times competing in the X-division clusterfuck opener on PPV. Now a year later he’s been involved in 2 of the top 4 matches in TNA this year, has had two world title shots and come close to winning each time. It’s not that we didn’t know he had it in him, it’s more that I was starting to wonder if he’d ever be allowed to show it.

Larry Csonka – Winner: Desmond Wolfe: My counterparts have both named good names for this award, but I personally have to go with Desmond Wolfe. The former Nigel McGuinness was awesome in ROH, and had put together one hell of a body of work. At one time, everyone thought that along with Bryan Danielson, he would head to WWE. But when he seemed too injury prone or failed whatever tests he did, TNA actually swooped in and made a good pick up. Nigel became Desmond Wolfe, and when he came in, he didn’t come in like a whisper, he came in like a fucking hurricane. He talked shit, he took out Kurt Angle and put on TWO awesome PPV matches with Angle since arriving. He made a huge impact, and considering that no one thought he was coming into the company and considering how short his run has been and hoe he has delivered, that is why I chose him for this award.

Steve Cook – Winner: The British Invasion of Doug Williams and Brutus Magnus: Brutus Magnus & Doug Williams’ ascension up the tag team ranks was so shocking that some of our staffers insisted they had to be the worst tag team of the year, though between you and me those people probably never actually watched their matches. The Invasion are currently the TNA tag team champions and also held the IWGP tag team titles for a period of time, which is something that New Japan Pro Wrestling didn’t seem too happy about at first. Whether people like it or not, Magnus & Williams have been very successful in 2009. Rob Terry…well, maybe not so much.

The “What are They Doing on my TV” Award

Chris Lansdell – Winner: TIE – Big Rob Terry and Lacey von Erich: You know why you can’t separate these two? Because they have everything in common. Each is only on the show for their body. Each is completely useless in the ring. Each has damaged the heat of a strong unit. Each is as dumb as a box of rocks. And not bright shiny rocks, I’m talking dull old shale. The only difference between the two? You would never kick Lacey out of bed. you could never kick Big Rob out of bed. Lube up, twink boy!

Larry Csonka – Winner: Lacey Von Erich: God bless Lacey Von Erich, she’s hot and all, but she is absolutely horrible. I mean, considering her pedigree in the sport, she doesn’t know the first damn thing about wrestling. She is horrible, and is NO replacement to Angelina Love. When she comes on my TV, I mute it. She is horrible, great to look at, but she just doesn’t belong in the business on a big time level.

Steve Cook – Winner: Abyss and his various feuds: Allow me to explain myself…I like Abyss the performer and I’ve been told by many people that he’s a pleasure to work with and a great guy. I have no doubt of that. But goddamn is he involved in some really bad angles that I have no interest in watching. This has been going on for a pretty long time now, but reached new heights in 2009. The feud with Matt Morgan wasn’t too bad if you ignore the fact that Abyss was the dumbest person in the world to think that Morgan was ever on his side (I mean, Sting saw that one coming), but this led into Abyss’s feud with Dr. Stevie, which has resulted in some very bad television, though on the bright side it did lead to the returns of Daffney & Raven. But don’t you wish they were doing anything else? Then there was the ridiculousness of Abyss’s relationship with Mick Foley. One week they’re best friends, the next week Foley’s turning on Abyss because he destroyed a picture of Foley & Jeremy Borash (I’m not making this up), then a few weeks later they’re best friends again. You need a scorecard to keep track of Abyss’s alliances. I just don’t know why I should care.

TNA Finisher of the Year Award

Chris Lansdell – Winner: Doug Williams’ Chaos Theory: Surprised? There are moves that make me mark more (Steiner Screwdriver), moves that look better (AJ’s springboard 450) and moves that are used more often, but the Chaos Theory is so rarely used, so unique and so…I don’t even know. It just does it for me. And you have no idea how hard it was to leave off Kong’s bitch-killing Awesome Bomb.

Larry Csonka – Winner: Beer Money’s Drinking While Investing: Damn, this one was hard to call. To be honest with you most finishers are played out to me. And whole there have been some good tag team ones, most haven’t been that established. 3D is always a safe call, because while old, it is still over, but I have decided to go with Beer Money and the DWI (Drinking While Investing). It’s not overly flashy, no complicated and doesn’t have 15 flips, but it is a solid double team maneuver and usually signals the end of their opponents. Plus I am a sucker for a tag team finisher.

Steve Cook – Winner: Scott Steiner’s Steiner Screwdriver: You know that when Steiner busts out the Screwdriver, ain’t nobody kicking out of it. Yes sir! Steiner doesn’t use it often (he used it twice this year that I know of), but that adds to the coolness of the move. Steiner has been awesome the last couple of years in TNA, which is something I never would have expected when he signed with the company.

TNA’s “Shocking Moment of the Year” Award

Chris Lansdell – Winner: TNA announces they are going head-on with Raw: This wins out just ahead of the Hogan signing for me, because there have been rumors of Hogan heading to TNA for a while. Even TNA’s biggest supporters didn’t expect them to go right after Raw straight out of the gate. Not only are they doing that, but they’re doing it with a 3-hour show. Pretty darn shocking if you ask me.

Larry Csonka – Winner: Hulk Hogan Signs With TNA: I don’t care what anyone says, no one called Hulk Hogan going to TNA. The fact of the matter is that he blew them off as the past, and has always used TNA as a negotiating tool to get back with the WWE. Also, Hogan’s advisors have, and continue to tell him not to go there, due to TNA looking small time, something he has generally avoided in his career. But the day of his press conference came, we heard the TNA rumors and the announcement was made. For better or worse, and we could name a ton for both, Hulk Hogan is coming to TNA and debuts January 4th. I think that Hogan to TNA pretty much sums up shocking.

Steve Cook – Winner: Hulk Hogan forms a partnership with Dixie Carter: Yeah, this was pretty shocking no matter what the anti-Hogan people want to say. Whether people are happy about this or not, it’s safe to say that everybody has an opinion about it, and it’ll be interesting to see what it leads to. I wish I had more to say about this, but I’m pretty much talked out about it and am waiting until Hogan actually does something before making any judgments.

TNA’s Tag Team of the Year Award

Chris Lansdell – Winner: The British Invasion: The Machine Guns might be the internet darlings, and Beer Money might be the glamour team that gets all the pops, but British Invasion have had a remarkable year. IWGP and TNA title runs, victories over Team 3D, Beer Money and the Machine Guns, and they are finishing the year on top of the pile after a strong match with the Machine Guns at Final Resolution. Williams might be a step slower but he still has it, and as I said above Magnus has developed a great deal due to this team. They might not be the best team, but they’ve had the best year.

Larry Csonka – Winner: BEER…MONEY!: This one was really hard. The Machineguns worked really hard all year and went almost unnoticed by most. Team 3D added more titles to their legacy, and the British Invasion really had a coming out party as Lansdell mentioned. But overall, no one was more consistent than BEER..MONEY! They cut good promos, they have good matches, and they are constantly over and have managed to do so while not being the full focus of the division. These guys are so money and deserve all the praise they get. While some of us would like them to eventually get singles runs, right now I am fine with them ruling the tag team division with their awesomeness.

Steve Cook – Winner: Beer Money Inc.: This was a very tough choice, as one would have to say that there truly wasn’t a dominant team in 2009 like there was in most of TNA’s years of existence. The British Invasion had multiple tag team title reigns with multiple tag team titles, the Motor City Machine Guns spent most of the year doing nothing but were very impressive when given a chance, and you had teams like Team 3D & Scott Steiner/Booker T…but the less said about those two teams, the better. I think Beer Money had the best overall year out of the whole bunch though, though they haven’t held the tag team titles since April. They had good matches with everybody they faced, and remained over for the duration of the year, which doesn’t happen often in tag team wrestling these days. I still want Csonka to send me a Beer Money shirt.

TNA’s Most Underutilized Performer of the Year Award

Chris Lansdell – Winner: Jay Lethal: I almost chose Jackie Moore here, because she was let go without ever getting a chance to show off just how FUCKING AWESOME she is. But as it stands I had to go with the guy who was screwed over all year, Jay Lethal. His tag team with Creed is not bad, but they never get any airtime. His Black Machismo gimmick is now stale and he’s jobbing every week to “legends” like Who and Tatanka. I’m not saying “Push him to the stars!”, but he deserves more than being comic relief and occasionally having a good tag match.

Larry Csonka – Winner: Jay Lethal: I believe I put Jay Lethal in this spot last year, and well, I will put him here again. How you can take a guy that gets over despite a shitty gimmick, and ruin him after a clean win to Kurt Angle amazes me, but they did it. They continued that this year by making the guy a complete afterthought and mockery of himself with the recent challenges. It is just pathetic.

Steve Cook – Winner: Hamada: This chick made a hell of a debut on the August 27 edition of Impact, defeating Daffney in a brawl that blew mainstream American women’s wrestling out of the water. Many people, myself included, thought that a star was born on that evening. Since then, Hamada has done…………pretty much nothing of note. Which is a damn shame. It seems that she may be forming an alliance with Awesome Kong, which would be pretty bad news for TNA Knockout tag teams, so maybe this underutilization thing will not last. However, TNA certainly should have done more with Hamada immediately after her awesome debut, like they did with Desmond Wolfe after his.

TNA’s PPV Of The Year Award

Chris Lansdell – Winner: Final Resolution: Really tough call between this and Turning Point, but at the end of the day it was the undercard that made my mind up for me. The two main events on each card were stellar, and I think Final Resolution shades it in terms of total stars in that regard too. The fact that there are two clear contenders for this, as well as a couple from earlier in the year, goes to show what a strong year TNA had. Finally.

Larry Csonka – Winner: Turning Point: I have said it before and I will say it again, when TNA stops with the overbooking and lets their talented roster go out there and do what they are capable of, they can deliver on PPV and that is exactly what they did here. The last two matches were awesome (Angle vs. Wolfe/AJ vs. Joe vs. Daniels) and delivered what I hoped that they could. The opener was a good one and did its job, the tag title match was also good and had the only real “bullshit moment” of the night, Tara and Kong had the best Knockouts match in some time, and the six-man was a ton of fun. The only let downs were the Knockouts Tag and Steiner vs. Lashley, which were not good, but also weren’t horrendous. TNA simply delivered a great PPV here, one of the best overall for 2009, and they deserve all the credit they got for that show.

Steve Cook – Winner: Turning Point: You know, there was a time when TNA’s monthly PPVs were usually really good stuff. That feels like ages ago, but they still have flashes of brilliance. Turning Point was one of those shows, main evented by a Styles/Daniels/Joe match that tore the house down. The show also featured a really good Angle/Wolfe match, a Steiner/Lashley match that was better than it had any right being, and a lack of something that was unspeakably bad…many TNA PPVs had at least one match that got them disqualified for consideration in this category.

TNA’s Feud of the Year Award

Chris Lansdell – Winner: Main Event Mafia vs. Everyone Else: It got crazy at times. The booking was wacky at times. Even the matches weren’t always worth watching. What didn’t change was the core MEM group, and the goal of the storyline. It was always about ending with the young guys “graduating” and finally getting that career-defining win, and by and large they all did so. The feud lasted over a year and despite a few detours ended up at the final destination.

Larry Csonka – Winner: Team 3D vs. Beer Money Inc.: This was a hard one to chose as well, as I personally do not feel that there were many “great feuds” in TNA in 2009. The Main Event Mafia fizzled and was never soundly defeated by the “Frontline/Originals/AJ And Friends”, and I feel that Wolfe and Angle had a great start, but was way too fast. But I think one feud that many forget is the feud between Team 3D and Beer Money Inc. The feud didn’t produce great matches, but we had a motivated 3D, very good promo work from all involved, drama, Beer Money beating down old ECW favorites and hate. From there, it eventually turned to respect and friendship, and in the end, Beer Money got the big face turn out of it. Angle and Wolfe has been fun, but this tag team feud was the highlight of Impact at the time.

Steve Cook – Winner: Kurt Angle vs. Desmond Wolfe: Unlike many of TNA’s feuds this one was pretty simple. Desmond Wolfe was a new wrestler looking to make an impact in TNA. He chose to attack one of TNA’s biggest stars in order to do so. They followed this up with two great PPV matches. It doesn’t have to be rocket science, you know. Wolfe didn’t have to kidnap Angle’s dog, Angle didn’t have to start randomly teaming with Wolfe and then turn on him for no apparent reason…it was a simple wrestling feud to find out who’s better. Is it the cocky upstart or the established veteran? Sometimes the best stuff is also the simplest.

TNA’s Wrestler of the Year/MVP Award

Chris Lansdell – Winner: AJ Styles: Kurt Angle would have won this award hands down had it not been for all the drama that’s followed him this year. AJ n the other head has been clean, has had amazing matches and has consistently done whatever he’s been told to do. When AJ (or Kurt for that matter) steps through the ropes you always feel like you’re about to see the match of the night. His mic work improved, he’s no longer a spot monkey, he can carry a match and he’s permanently over. I’ve said in the past that AJ Styles has all the tools to be the next big thing in professional wrestling, and this year he’s lit the fuse on that.

Larry Csonka – Winner: Kurt Angle: I will agree that AJ Styles had a good year overall and did participate in two of the company’s best matches of the year, but I also feel that the Main Event Mafia angle hurt him a lot, and it wasn’t until the end of the year that he really recovered. With that being said, I feel that Kurt Angle was once again the MVP of TNA. The main is held together my duct tape and spit and he “allegedly” lives on a diet of painkillers, but he consistently delivers in and out of the ring. Lets look at some of his in ring work, shall we?

* [TNA TURNING POINT] – Kurt Angle vs. Desmond Wolfe (****½)
–[Impact: 010.16.09] Kurt Angle vs. AJ Styles (****½)
* [TNA GENESIS] – Kurt Angle vs. Jeff Jarrett (****¼)
* [TNA SLAMMIVERSARY] – TNA World Title King of the Mountain Match: Foley vs. Angle vs. AJ vs. Joe vs. Jarrett (****)
* [TNA BOUND FOR GLORY] – Kurt Angle vs. Matt Morgan (****)
* [TNA FINAL RESOLUTION] – THREE DEGREES OF PAIN – Kurt Angle vs. Desmond Wolfe (****)

So right there are six great matches involving Kurt Angle, with a nice variety of opponents as well. The man has great matches, he is a good promo, and despite injury is flat out the go to guy for the company. I don’t want to diminish what AJ Styles has done, and perhaps if he was booked a bit stronger he would have taken the award for me. Last year I said he was the guy to look out for because I felt he would finally get back to be the champion and he did that. But I just feel that Angle was a bit better when you look at the whole year.

Steve Cook – Winner: AJ Styles: After a couple of years of being stuck in the shadow of people with more WWE experience than him and being reduced to a comic sideshow good for a tag team or X division title reign here and there, Styles rose back to the forefront of TNA in 2009. He led the short-lived Frontline faction and spent most of the year as the main opposition to Kurt Angle’s Main Event Mafia. This all culminated in Styles winning the TNA title at No Surrender in September and helping bring about the end of the MEM. Since then Styles has been defending the title against Daniels & Samoa Joe in pretty darn good matches. Nobody in TNA has delivered the in-ring quality that AJ Styles has in 2009. As always, his mike skills aren’t all that great, but if anybody can overcome that it’s Styles.

Who to Look Out For Next Year Award

Chris Lansdell – Winner: Brutus Magnus: This guy has come along so much this year. When he debuted he looked talented, athletic and oh so very green, but putting him with a veteran like Doug Williams and having them feud with Team 3D has done wonders for his ring work. He always had charisma and mic skills. I think the team breaks up in 2010 and Magnus gets a strong push following that. The only potential roadblock is Hogan: what or who will catch his eye?

Larry Csonka – Winner: Desmond Wolfe : While my colleagues have selected good picks for the award, I will go with Desmond Wolfe. Desmond Wolfe hit the scene and made a huge impact, pardon the pun, in TNA and looks to continue to go on from there. The man came in, got to go against Kurt Angle, cut good promos, had good TV matches and two GREAT PPV matches. They realized what kind of talent that they had, they used him very well and even though he lost to Angle both times, he has become an instant star for the company. It will all depend on the booking and how Hogan coming in will change things, but I believe that 2010 could and likely will be a great year for Desmond Wolfe.

Steve Cook – Winner: Hulk Hogan: Let’s not kid ourselves into actually believing that the Hulkster isn’t going to don the red and yellow and wrestle in the Impact Zone or some random arena TNA decides to hold a PPV at. It’s going to happen. The question is whether Hulk will have the temerity to put the TNA World title on himself, or if he’ll just settle for squashing some up and coming mid-card talent. The behind the scenes stuff goes without saying, obviously everybody in TNA’s going to have to watch what Hogan does there. It’ll be very interesting to see whether this goes better than everybody expects, or if it blows up in everybody’s face. I know I’ll be watching.

Biggest Disappointment Award

Chris Lansdell – Winner: TNA Fails to Capitalise, Market and Promote: This summer, TNA broke their own ratings record several times, getting up as high as a 1.4 rating. If memory serves it even stayed high for a couple of weeks, but TNA never did anything to build on that foundation. They changed the formula, reset some pushes and WHAM! Rating goes back to a 1.1 or so. It’s taken them all this time to try and do something with their higher ratings, and now they’re back down to 1 flat. They scarcely advertise outside of Spike, they don’t cross-promote enough and until recently, they generated ZERO mainstream buzz. Now that they are, is it too late?

Larry Csonka – Winner: Some Kind Of Snafu Causes Angelina Love To Be Released, Ending The Awesomeness Of The Beautiful People : I could have picked TNA being TNA again this year, but to me that is beating a dead horse at this point. TO me one of the biggest disappointments of the year was the end of the original Beautiful People. The Beautiful People were such a great act, not all great in the ring, but the act was good and they were very good heels. Love, Sky and Rayne just clicked as a group, and then the drama over the VISA hit, and it was gone. Lacey Von Erich is nice to look at, but lacks the personality of Love, and has about NO in ring skills. It is a shame when an act like that ends and they cannot recover.

Steve Cook – Winner: TNA Continues to be TNA: Yes, I’m stealing Larry’s award winner from last year, but it still applies today, although in slightly different circumstances. See, the last couple of months have featured AJ Styles having great matches with the likes of Daniels & Samoa Joe, while Kurt Angle & Desmond Wolfe have also been tearing things up. But I get the feeling that they didn’t get the memo that the rest of the staff got, because everybody else seems to be on cruise control until Hulk Hogan shows up and they figure out what the hell’s going to happen. This has been a pretty common pattern in TNA history…as soon as they figure out what the answers are, they change the questions. Until TNA finds an identity and sticks with it, they’re always going to be at the level they’re at. And we’ll be saying the same things next year.

What Did You Think?
What were your picks for the awards we gave? What do you see happening in TNA in the year 2010? Let us know in the comments section…