The 411mania Imperial Rumble 01.30.10: Round II.5

Posted by Aaron Hubbard on 01.30.2010

We are halfway through this thing, and with big names still in and bigger names still to come, this Rumble is guaranteed to be the greatest fanfic garbage event of all time!


Entry #16: "Impact Reviewer"

Morgan: And number sixteen is... Oh you've got to be kidding me.
Buddy: A large black man in a TNA mask! Is it time to cross the line?
Morgan: Oh come on, count the chins. That's obviously Lansdell.
Buddy: Lansdell would never sink so low! But this Impact Reviewer certainly knows how to wield a chair! Just don't give a pole.
Morgan: Burning Hammer to Wilcox! He's out of here! Now he's going after Small and Slimmer, but he can't win the numbers game! Damn, I hate myself.
Buddy: That's the most cliche call I've heard since Vintage. I think this guy is my new pick, Morgan.
Morgan: He has the brawn, but he's certainly lacking in the brain department. Slimmer and Small keep bailing each other out at the last moment, and the Impact Reviewer is wasting precious energy!
Buddy: He can afford to waste energy, he's only been in there two minutes.
Morgan: Oh come on, you can cure blindness with a mere touch but you can't see that gut poking out the jumpsuit?
Buddy: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Morgan: Just forget about it... Oh! A massive double lariat knocks both men silly!
Buddy: There is no man as dominant as the Impact Reviewer right now! No one can stop him...


Entry #17: Ryan Byers

Buddy: OH NO! Ryan Byers! This man is more biased against TNA than Jim Cornette!
Morgan: Now that's just not fair. Byers hates all mainstream wrestling equally. He's going after the Impact Reviewer... and he's going for the mask! Kevin Ford just blew a gasket!
Buddy: Oh my! It IS Chris Lansdell! Hahahaha, my bank account is safe!
Morgan: And Byers should be glad this isn't CHIKARA! But wait, it's commissioner Hannah Csonka! She's seen enough! Don't celebrate just yet Buddy, Lansdell is disqualified!
Buddy: WHAT? That little pipsqueak! THIS IS NOT FAIR TO LANSDELL! She knows he'll win and beat her for the title. And I thought Ryan was biased.
Morgan: She's not having it though. Lansdell is daring her to do something about it!
Buddy: AN RKO! That's what finished off the Snowman! That little brat! I oughtta...
Morgan: You oughtta remember who signs your paychecks!
Buddy: Certainly not Vince McMahon. He wouldn't even pay for my plane ticket to Backlash.
Morgan: Regardless, Lansdell is out of here! It took half a dozen security guards, but he's out of here!
Buddy: He's a conspiracy victim Morgan. I just hope Byers can live with himself now.
Morgan: Byers doesn't seem to mind at all, going after Dunn. And it looks like... Yes, the Slimmer/Small alliance is over too. Small moves to toss Slimmer, who takes it rather personal.


Entry #18: Mike Campbell

Buddy: But we have more important things as Mike Campbell is the next entrant! He's rushing to the ring barefoort and he's going right after Bauer!
Morgan: The man wants his crocs back! If I were him, I'd be glad to be rid of them.
Buddy: Nobody said he had any fashion sense. And judging by how he jumped over the top rope after throwing Bauer out, he doesn't have much sense of any kind!
Morgan: He just wanted his crocs back! And... well to send Bauer's head into a low orbit I suppose.
Buddy: That was a Viper-like punt, and I guess those crocs are something special. Too bad, because he's out of here!
Morgan: But... what's this? The referees must be crocs fans! They're letting Campbell back inside!
Buddy: You're kidding me! They let that hack back in but not Lansdell? That's the worst executive decision since the Steel Asylum!
Morgan: Regardless, he's making the most of it! Kicks to Slimmer! Kicks to Small! Kicks to Dunn! I haven't seen this much crockery since that tornado tore through the local Pottery Barn!
Buddy: Yeah, those kicks are impressive, but what's he really accomplishing? I'm not even going to bother rating his performance.
Morgan: Well you can't argue with the results. There's only one man standing in that ring right now, and it isn't Lansdell!
Buddy: Don't make me call my Dad, you jabroni! I can't work like this. I need a glass of water.


Entry #19: Ari Berenstein

Morgan: And the next entrant is... Ari Berenstein! And what a time to come in, with most of the people in the ring down and out!
Buddy: It's a good thing for this no-name backyard submission slug too. I mean, seriously, the Bear Claw in 2010? Why is Mike even selling that?
Morgan: Because it works, that's why! Look at him squirm!
Buddy: There's no psychology at all here, Morgan. There's a reason this Bear Jew is in the minor leagues. I expect a baseball bat to show up at any minute to cover up his so called "wrestling skills".
Morgan: It might be unorthodox, but the results don't lie. Meanwhile, it looks like Dunn has the right idea. He's taking a breather in the corner, and nobody has noticed him! If he keeps this up, he might actually pull it off!
Buddy: Well, he has been in there for over thirty minutes at this point, but that's only because Larry barred his wife from the Rumble for her own safety.
Morgan: What would she have to fear? We might have some knuckledraggers and mouthbreathers in this thing, but I don't think any of them would be stupid enough to touch the boss's wife.
Buddy: They won't touch her, but she'll touch Jeremy Thomas. She STILL thinks he's Larry.
Morgan: Looks like Thomas could use all the help he can get, Byers is all over him.
Buddy: Somebody help Thomas! I hate Byers! I hate him.
Morgan: I thought you'd be more upset at Berenstein.
Buddy: I'm upset at everything right now. Good thing I can turn this water to wine.
Morgan: You're not going to share, are you?
Buddy: Share? What do I look like, a preacher?
Morgan: Right now? You look like the guy at the bus stop who's always looking for change. When you mentioned turning water into wine, I didn't know you meant Wild Irish Rose.
Buddy: What? I can't hear you Keith, the boos in this building are deafening. Oh, now I see why. Small and Slimmer are trading punches in the middle of the ring.
Morgan: Isn't the crowd supposed to yell "yay" for one of these men?
Buddy: No, but Small chants "Gay" for Khali. And wow, look at that, a Cactus Clothesline sends them both over.
Morgan: And the crowd goes wild! They are out of here!
Buddy: But they are still fighting! I tell you what, these Rumble matches always bring out the worst in tag teams.
Morgan: The crowd doesn't seem to care much though.
Buddy: Indeed, it seems the only people who care are the referees.


Entry #20: Randy Harrison

Morgan: And it looks like we're heading into the home stretch now! It's Harrison!
Buddy: And there GOES Harrison! Eliminated by Ari in less than a second, he will never live this down.
Morgan: And you doubted the power of the claw! He certainly made a believer out of Harrison with that one.
Buddy: Wait a minute! The referees didn't see it! You've got to be kidding me, Morgan. Everyone else is ignoring Small and Slimmer‘s catfight, why can't the refs?
Morgan:Well, they're getting paid to pay attention to stuff like that. Hopefully not too much, after that little gaffe... looks like Harrison has the right idea, and he's hiding under the ring. Let's hope he went to the bahtroom beforehand.
Buddy: What a chicken move. I hope he gets molested by Hornswoggle. And look at Byers and Campbell just sitting there talking to each other! I guess laziness is a popular strategy this year.
Morgan: Well, everybody's a critic. I doubt they can find much to criticize about the performance of Dunn though. He's woken up, and now he, Berenstein and Thomas are putting on a clinic! They must be getting paid by the snowflake!
Buddy: They are certainly putting on a clinic, but my powers of divine clairvoyance tell me that Byers and Campbell are blasting every second's hesitation, every contrived spot, and every small lapse in psychology they can find. It's like they are looking for faults


Entry #21: Steve Cook

Morgan: Let's hope for their sakes they can stay unnoticed. Here comes number twenty, we're in the home stretch now... and it's Cook!
Buddy: Well, that's definitely his music, but where is he? Oh, there he is, in the crowd, drinking beer like Raven or some guy or other from Extremely Crappy Wrestling.
Morgan: He's in no hurry! I can smell him all the way from here! Where does a man that drunk find the hand-eye coordination to control a sixpack with just one hand?
Buddy: It's one of the great mysteries of life. Another great mystery is why Small and Slimmer are still brawling in the crowd. Are they so blinded by hatred that they can't tell that no one cares about their petty squabbles?
Morgan: It would appear to be so. It looks like Cook has made it down to the ring, and he's down to his last beer.
Buddy: Ari is swinging around the Sword of Omens! That Bear Jew has lost his mind!
Morgan: And... oh dear, it looks like Cook has lost his head!
Buddy: THAT'S HOW HE ROLLS, MORGAN!
Morgan: Oh will you shut up! Can't you help the man?
Buddy: I'm on a several thousand year vacation. Besides, he's still officially in the Rumble, and that would be cheating.
Morgan: Well you have a point. His feet didn't touch the ground. It looks like Campbell and Byers are taking care of him though.
Buddy: And thankfully, Ari has come to his senses and has thrown the Sword out of the ring. It's about time, this is 411, not CZW.
Morgan: Although you couldn't tell with all this carnage. I'm glad I'm not the one responsible for cleaning up that mess.
Buddy: I'm glad you're not responsible for anything. But the bell is counting down to our next entrant...


Entry #22: Mathew Sforcina

Morgan: And it's Scfornica! Look how proud he is wearing that belt! Well, as proud as you can reasonably be with two belt extenders strapped on. Can't fault him on his choice in company though.
Buddy: Indeed, Asian Chicks and Tara! I tell you what, I'd die for Tara if I hadn't already.
Morgan: You'd have to get through Scfornica first though. Listen to that crowd! They love the big man!
Buddy: Certainly a massive pop for the big man from Down Under. And what a number he drew at twenty-two!
Morgan: And here I am with no actual money on him! Look at him going to work! Byers is sent into the corner! Berenstein is right behind him! He's stacking up Campbell with them! He's lining up... and a massive corner splash on all three men! I don't know how they'd recover from that one!
Buddy: Oh for crying out loud, SAT and Nevitt are back out again. You know, if I was going to crash a party, I wouldn't do it with Sforcina there.
Morgan: Let's hope the big man can teach them a lesson! A trully massive black hole slam to SAT! Let's hope the ring crew packed a spatula!
Buddy: Just because you couldn't pass the SAT test doesn't mean you have to take it out on the poor man, Sforcina! And he powerbombs Nevitt over the top and onto his partner. You know, for a guy who claims to take the low road, he's picked up some frequent flier miles in this one.
Morgan: I doubt he'll be coming back for this one though, here come the stretchers, just in time to bring out our next entrant...


Entry #23: Paul Roma

Buddy: It's Paul Roma, the greatest horseman ever and champion of the comment zone! Can he put an end to Sforcina's momentum?
Morgan: He doesn't have to worry about Byers, Sfornica just tossed him like he was yesterday's garbage.
Buddy: He is yesterday's garbage! Good riddance you biased hack! And Roma is out already, courtesy of Sforcina. I thought there was something special about him?
Morgan: Apparently not. Wait a minute, are Slimmer and Small still out there?

Hannah: THAT'S NOT IN THE SCRIPT! THAT'S NOT IN THE SCRIPT!

Buddy: Yes, and Hannah Csonka is right behind them with a megaphone. I always told you she was the real mouth of the south. Come on Small, nail her and I won't tell Dad about your thing with Patrick Swayze.
Morgan: That's... wrong on so many levels.
Buddy: You have no idea, Morgan. But thankfully here's someone to put our minds out of the Katie Vick gutter, entrant number #24...


Entry #24: PPV Recapper

Morgan: It's the... oh you, not again...
Buddy:Who is it? Yes! Yes! Yes! It's 411's PPV Recapper! Look at that incredible Darkwing Duck costume! This guy is my new favorite.
Morgan: Oh come on, he even smells like Lansdell!
Buddy: Oh come on yourself, not even he's that thick. And it looks like he's going to give Byers a piece of his mind!
Morgan: That's the Pimp Hand Strong! How can you not see what's going on!
Buddy: What, like two wrestlers can't use the some moves? What about Hulk Hogan and Mr. America? Or Dusty Rhodes and the Midnight Rider? Or...
Morgan: I'm not even going to dignify that with a response. At least he's heading into the ring, he has his sights set on Thomas!
Buddy: And it looks like the rest of the guys have smartened up! Dunn Campbell, and Ari are all trying to throw Sforcina over! Too bad Sforcina is the size of a newborn blue whale, because they have had no success.
Morgan: It looks like commissioner Csonka has given up on Slimmer and Small.
Buddy: See, this PPV recapper is so intelligent that everyone else gets smarter by his mere presence. Hannah's walking to the back to cry to daddy...


Entry #25: Larry Csonka

Morgan: Speak of the devil, it's the bossman!
Buddy: Ray Traylor?
Morgan: Ugh... I'm not even going to bother anymore... poor Hannah, she just wants to give daddy a good luck kiss, but she can't reach him for all the strippers. Glad to see our pay cuts are being put to good use.
Buddy:This is quite the auspicious entrance for Larry, but I can't blame him for stalling. After last year's stunt, he's going to have a huge target on his back.
Morgan: Indeed he does. Maybe he could've used the stripper funds to hire some big burley men in stead.
Buddy: Or perhaps to buy an alibi, because he just spotted Hannah staring at him. He's shooing the strippers to the back, but if looks could kill, Csonka would be headed the way of the tag team and the manager.
Morgan: I guess we know why Christi wasn't invited this year... isn't this the sort of thing your dad generally frowns on?
Buddy: Typically yes, but Larry loaned Mary to Him a few millennia ago, so we overlook a few things. But Larry is not overlooking the foot that just went back under the ring. I think we all know who that is.
Morgan: Indeed it is, and Larry has the Sword of Omens... looks like Harrison has no choice but to participate now, Csonka just dragged him in!
Buddy: Thank goodness for that sight beyond sight. And Harrison is out again, thanks to Dunnage. I can't believe this, two Santino Marella eliminations from the same guy!
Morgan: And Dunn is still in this somehow! He'll have to get his act together now though.


Entry #26: John Meehan

Buddy: And here's someone to brighten the mood, one of the most positive men in this Rumble, John Meehan!
Morgan: If I didn't know any better, I'd say he's happy to be out here. Everybody is all over each other, and he's jumping right in!
Buddy: And there he is with his Shining Wizard variant, the Twittering Mage! This is cutting-edge entertainment. Such original and innovative offense displayed by Meehan.
Morgan: And the crowd is eating it up! Twittering Mage to Dunn! Twittering Mage to Csonka! Twittering Mage to Lansdell!
Buddy: Lansdell's not in this, you ham 'n' egger! And..another Twittering Mage to Ari. Methinks he needs to come up with something new, because this is getting old really fast.
Morgan: And the crowd seems to agree with you. They loved him a minute ago, and now they're all over him. He's not letting it slow him down though.
Buddy: Yawn...another Twittering Mage to Sforcina. But he's gone to the well once too often, because Larry has thrown him over. He's holding on by a thread...
Morgan: Ouch! That was straight to the eyes! Looks like Meehan won't be getting a Christmas bonus this year.
Buddy: What a super poke by Meehan! He's a genius, the most innovative grappler in this whole thing. And he rolls under the ropes and pulls out...a sheep! The crowd loves his new Facebook-inspired moveset!
Morgan: He's aiming that thing right at Csonka! Oh no! Csonka ducks! Berenstein takes it square in the kisser! He's out of here!
Buddy: The bear is eliminated by a sheep! As if he wasn't enough of a joke already. We are getting right down to the nitty-gritty here, who is lucky #27?


Entry #27: JP Prag

Morgan: It's JP Prag! He'll have to fight through a whole lot of talent to capitalize on it though.
Buddy:I think he is the hidden highlight of this match so far. But Sforcina ripping that sheep in two was an overt highlight.
Morgan: I can't blame him, it must have been at least five minutes since he had a snack.
Buddy: Meehan seems to be coping well with that barbaric end to his sheep. I guess that's what an eternal positive attitude can do for you.
Morgan: Or a full frontal lobotomy.
Buddy: Which is just what he deserves for going after the PPV recapper! We need this guy or we'll never get any hits!
Morgan: He'd better get us some hits considering he's listed three times on the catering bill. Meanwhile Campbell has Csonka... Kawada Kicks! Oh the humanity!
Buddy: Those crocs are devastating weapons of mass destruction, and he is unleashing his fury on Csonka! How do you feel about his foot apparel now, Larrold?
Morgan: He's got the boss in the corner! If this Yakuza kick connects, we might be looking for new jobs by the end of the night!
Buddy: Or maybe not, as Mike takes a tumble to the floor! If only he had worn some real shoes, he might have been able to win this thing!
Morgan: Oh well, better luck next year... is that Prag eliminating Sfornica?
Buddy: It's not going to work Morgan. There is not one person in here who can take Sforcina out by himself. They are going to have to work together, and maybe with the next entrant, they'll have man-power to do it!


Entry #28: Ron Gamble

Morgan: And it's Ron Gamble, the former Rumble winner! Here's a man who could win it all!
Buddy: Morgan, this guy is a veteran, but he hasn't won a match since Ed Lewis and Joe Stecher's anti-classic. And look, JP Prag is already insulting him with a one-foot cover!

Prag: COME ON, BABY!

Morgan: Now that's just bad manners, not to mention bad tactics. You want to at least keep some people on your good side for as long as possible.
Buddy: There are no friends in the Royal Rumble, Keith. And Prag just learned that the hard-way, as The Cleric Larry Csonka has thrown him over the top. I hope the Hamilton Ave Journal didn't put too much stock in him.
Morgan: That pun deserves to be taken out back and shot in the neck.
Buddy: And so do SAT and Nevitt, who are coming out again! But it looks as if they've finally got the memo, because Sforcina's look is just flat out evil. Indeed.
Morgan: I can't blame them, the big man is hungry, and he knows he's in the perfect position to win it all here tonight!


Entry #29: Joseph Martinez

Buddy: And drawing one Hell of a number is Jospeh Martinez, the Smackdown! Reviewer! What would it mean at this stage in his career to win this Rumble and face Hannah Csonka for the title at some point in the near future?
Morgan: I honestly have no idea, and I'm glad I won't have to face that moral dilemma... What would You do?
Buddy: I'm not going to tell you that, I've got bills to pay! But teaming up with the PPV Recapper is sound strategy in my book, and a great way to get on my good side.
Morgan: And it seems that this alliance too wasn't destined to last. They've got everyone down, but Lansdell just tosses him without second thought! What horrid manners!
Buddy: For the last time, Morgan, Lansdell was disqualified ages ago! And Sforcina just eliminated Meehan, I'm positive of it!
Morgan: Wait, is that Slimmer again? Can't you smite him or something?
Buddy: I've been trying to get in people's good graces since that whole Palin debacle, and smiting just isn't good P.R.. And Slimmer is under the ring! Small is befuddled! What is he doing?
Morgan: Is that a... a cape! And a mask! Who does he think he is?
Buddy: Judging by the lucha moves he's hitting on everyone, perhaps a certain nephew of Eric Bischoff? Why, that's an insider shoot! One that all of about five people probably got!
Morgan: He does seem to have gone to a similar educational institution! But look at him fly! Quebrada inverted DDT to Csonka! Tornillo quebradora to Lansdell! Desnucadora to Martinez!
Buddy: I don't speak Dutch, Professor. And he finishes it all with a Sasuke Special on Small! There's only one entrant left, and I think I know who it is. I just hope he came to this arena and not the Helsinki Armory!


Entry #30: Samuel Berman

Morgan: BERRRRRRRRRRMAN! Well it seems like he's made it after all... and... Oh goody, he has a mic.

Berman: That's right, I made it the big leagues, in front of 50,000 xenophobic assholes who wouldn't know good wrestling if it hit them in the face. Indy wrestling is the wrestling of the future. Your "superstars" of tomorrow are our wrestlers of today! I will win this Staff Rumble and prove my superiority, and the superiority of...
Crowd: BEEEERRRRRMAN! BEEERRRRRMAN! BEEERMAN!

Buddy: Wow, the crowd is definitely on his case, Morgan. I can't even hear you talk, which is the best thing to happen to me all night.
Morgan: What?
Buddy: Ah, music to my ears! Wow, Csonka just eliminated him with the Attitude Adjustment! The irony is overwhelming!
Morgan: Indeed, who do we have left in there now?
Buddy: Well, Csonka obviously, Thomas and Dunn, somewhat surprisingly, Gamble for reasons only I know, Sforcina by sheer force of weight, and Lans...I mean, uh, the great PPV Recapper!
Morgan: Would you believe that Dunn is still in here? He's obviously been eating his vitamins, but has he been saying his prayers?
Buddy: Wouldn't know, he only believes in my Dad. But I'm saying my prayers. Please let the PPV Recapper win, PLEASE let him win! I'll never do or say anything bad again! I'll give Hannah a birthday present, I swear!
Morgan: sn't gambling a sin? Something about casting lots and all that? I'm fairly sure it's in here, let me look it up...
Buddy: Give me that or I'll beat you with it! Call the action why dont'cha? Larry just hit Sforcina with the Pedigree, a risky move considering his knee surgeries, but you take any risk when you get this far.
Morgan: What do you have to hide anyway? I reckon... thunderclouds overhead, point taken. It seems like Gamble and Thomas are on the same page though, with a well-timed Lionsault and leg drop combination.
Buddy: And Lansdell has him up, LET'S! GET! DANGEROUS! Dunn is up, and he connects with the Flying Headbutt! What an incredible series of moves there! Is this finally the end for Sforcina?
Morgan: The big man's world has been rocked! I can't believe my eyes! Csonka has everybody working for him! Even Dunn is trying to get the big man over!
Buddy: It's a great team effort, but Sforcina is just too massive! He knocks them all back like dominoes and Thomas gets shoved right over the top rope! What an excellent run by him, but there can only be one winner!
Morgan: A for effort. Sforcina has targeted Lansell... he charges...
Buddy: NO! NO! DAMMIT! NO! Sforcina eliminates Lansdell, and I'm broke. You have no idea how many chairs I'm gonna have to sell to make up the debt!
Morgan: Well, maybe your dad spoke out against it for a reason. We're down to four men now, with Sforcina, Csonka, Gamble, and, against all odds, Dunn, still battling it out.
Buddy: Well, I think I'm gonna take your side on this thing, because Sforcina is dominating! A Goddess Special to Larry! The Funny Video Alert on Dunn! And Gamble can only last so long!
Morgan: Sforcina seems to have found his stride. Nothing is going to stop him now, he has the bossman goozled!
Buddy: And a chokeslam for Larrold Q by Massive Q. And the Phaser for Gamble! But he's back up...oh I don't believe this, he's hulking up! That crap doesn't cut it in the twenty-first century, Morgan.
Morgan: You of all people should believe in the power of miracles! He has Sforcina up! And he's down! Look at that ring shake!
Buddy: It's the slam heard 'round the Outback! Wait, somebody's coming down to the ring...HAHAHA! The Serious Man, writer of "If I Can Be Serious for a Minute"! Let him in!
Morgan: Oh come on, who is running security on this place?
Buddy: Have you seen what gets through the comments filter?
Morgan: You have a point there. Lansdell seems to be a slow learner though, as he's right back out, courtesy of Gamble!
Buddy: Not again! This is getting ridiculous! At least Sforcina threw Gamble out. So long, has-been.
Morgan: And now there are three, and I don't like Csonka's chances here!
Buddy: He has better chances than Dunn. And look at that, Sforcina tried that chokeslam one too many times, and Csonka has that Ankle Lock! I guess writing for the MMA section pays some dividends after all.
Morgan: But this isn't MMA! Sforcina tries to shake him off!
Buddy: Sforcina is rolling through, and he's climbing up the ropes, he's gotta be careful here, Larry is pugnacious or tenacious or some sort of stubborn!
Morgan: He's taking his time to measure his attack and he's... oh for your dad's sake!
Buddy: Who's that wearing the Ultimo Breakfast mask? Why, it's the Sunday Bruncher! And he pulls Csonka to the floor!
Morgan: That's... unbelievable! He's eliminated the bossman! Dibs on his office!
Buddy: You can have it, I work for a higher office! And The Bruncher is in, NO! NOT AGAIN!
Morgan: Oh that has to hurt! The human body was not designed to withstand that kind of impact, and you should know.
Buddy: He doesn't have any gimmicks left, Morgan! Lansdell is crying, but not as much as me!
Morgan:But look at Larry, he's giving him a Nintendo Controller? Could Lansdell be the new video games editor?
Buddy: What a consolation prize! What a swell guy that Csonka is!
Morgan: Looks like it comes with some strings attached though! What a massive pedigree!
Buddy: Why you no good prick! Leave the memories alone, Larry, don't change a thing!
Morgan: I doubt Lansdell will have many memories to leave alone after that one! We're down to the final two!
Buddy: It's Sforcina, and defying all the odds, Dunn is still in there! Even I'm impressed with his performance, Morgan.
Morgan: Can he find his redemption after last year's embarrassing elimination? He's certainly willing to take a risk, going on top... but the splash connects!
Buddy: But Sforcina has taken him out with another Phaser, and he's going for the belt! That's totally unnecessary!
Morgan: He'll have to do what he can to outlast the big man! He's made it this far, and now he's willing to do anything to win!
Buddy: But he has at least a two-hundred pound weight advantage! Who's coming down to the ring? Come on, Lansdell, even I'm sick of this by now.
Morgan: That's not Lansdell! That's Iron Jay Coles! The man that was robbed for the belt Sfornica wears around his ample waist!
Buddy: Outback Jack's long-lost son with a love of fish fillets, Jack comes in and steals the belt that's rightfully his, and NAILS HIM! What an incredible turn of events!
Morgan: Sfornica is rocked! Sfornica is rocked! Dunn is pushing him over! He only has to use one finger but Sfornica is going down!
Buddy: And with Sforcina out on his feet, he can't fight his most dangerous rival...gravity! And oh my sweet self, J.D. DUNN HAS WON THE RUMBLE!
Morgan: Yes! Redemption for Dunn! He's done it! Look at him, he can barely believe it!
Buddy: Yes! J.D. Dunn's eighteen year oddyssey has culminated by winning the Royal Rumble! Good night everyone, and thank you for joining us!
Morgan: Don't you think that call is a little inappropriate Buddy?
Buddy: No, why?