411’s Instant Access 01.31.10: WWE Royal Rumble 2010

Hey kids, I’m Scott, and this is 411’s Instant Access: WWE Royal Rumble 2010. 411’s Instant Access is the companion piece to 411 Live Pay-Per-View Coverage and features immediate reaction to wrestling pay-per-views. The focus in Instant Access is on first thoughts and initial reactions instead of play-by-play with the goal of providing you with instant access to one two three four FIVE writers’ thoughts on the show. That’s right, Instant Access will now feature multiple analysts for all WWE pay-per-views. Here’s the team for Royal Rumble:

• Scott Slimmer, author of Don’t Think Twice. Tonight, Slimmer is enjoying a spicy tuna roll.
• Chris Lansdell, 411’s NEW Games Editor and author of Lansdell’s Lair. Lansdell can’t remember if he cried when he read about the widowed bride.
• Rob McNew, author of 411’s WWE Raw Report and 411’s WWE Superstars Report. McNew once ate seven double Whoppers at a single sitting. He now regrets that decision.
• Jeremy Thomas, editor of 411’s Wrestler of the Week and author of The Hush-Hush Movie News Report. Thomas really thinks that there needs to be a lavender Hulk.
• Jeff Small, author of the Tuesday Small-For-All News Report. Small doesn’t want to talk about what happened at the bicycle shop.

Okay kids, enough with the explanations. Let’s get to the wrestling.

ECW Championship Match
Christian (Champion) vs. Ezekiel Jackson
Match Result: Christian defeats Ezekiel Jackson with the Kill Switch.
Match Length: 12:00
Match Analysis:
Slimmer: Like many recent ECW Championship Matches, this was a great choice to open the show. Christian can always get the crowd excited, and I was pleasantly surprised by Big Zeke’s ability to keep up with him for the entire twelve minutes. Zeke definitely looked like a monster out there, but to his credit he resisted the temptation to become yet another slow, plodding, boring monster. Zeke definitely isn’t ready to win the ECW Championship at this point, but his performance tonight makes me very optimistic about his future. I wouldn’t mind seeing Christian and Zeke feud for another month, but there are also a number of other possible contenders on ECW that could be elevated into a title feud as well.
Lansdell: Hands up everyone who was shocked that this went on first. Put your hand down in the back! It was pretty much a given with the card we had, but I have no complaints. I reckon you’ll see a lot of people saying that Christian carried Ezekiel to a watchable match, but an experienced viewer can tell you that very little carrying was going on and that Big Zeke held his own. That man is legit huge by the way, even if he does use a remixed Brawl 4 All theme. Now as for the result…I don’t get it. Where do they go next? Christian has gone through everyone on ECW and unless the plan is to debut someone or to go with Vance Archer, I’m at a loss. I could have lived with Zeke as champ even if it did mean Zeke vs. Kozlov, but then I like Kozlov.
McNew: I keep thinking Christian is going to lose the title eventually so he can move on to bigger and better things, but every month he ends up retaining. This one was no different. The match was ok, but nothing special. Zeke controlled far too much of the offense to make it anything to memorable.
Thomas: Just think about what would happen to people if the ECW Title match went on as the main event one day, just to screw with people? Yeah, not gonna happen. I thought this was a perfectly acceptable match; not the traditional high-paced opening match, but far from bad too. Zeke did well for his coming-out party on PPV, and while the result doesn’t surprise me I am surprised Christian won cleanly. I would imagine we’ll get a rematch soon enough because I don’t think this feud is over quite yet despite the clean win. I enjoyed it but didn’t love it.
Small: We all know that Christian can go, but what about Ezekiel Jackson? Judging from tonight’s match, with the right opponent, Ezekiel is more than serviceable in the ring. While I would cringe if he was matched up against another “big”, he, at least, is better than his old tag team partner Kozlov. Speaking of which, whatever happened to that Russian? Then again, the less heard about Vlad, the better. Big question now is who’s next for Christian as his feud with Regal is staler than Slimmer’s jokes, Jackson’s time has passed, and Zach Ryder is in mid-card hell.
Match Rating:
Slimmer: ***
Lansdell: **½
McNew: **
Thomas: **½
Small: ***
Average Match Rating: **½

Impromptu United States Championship Match
The Miz (Champion) vs. MVP
Match Result: The Miz defeats MVP with a small package.
Match Length: 7:15
Match Analysis:
Slimmer: I’ve never understood the logic behind booking impromptu pay-per-view matches. The entire concept behind pay-per-view is that people pay for the show because they want to see the matches that have been advertised, so why would you waste time on impromptu matches that no one paid to see? The other problem with impromptu matches is that, more often than not, they seemed to be booked rather hastily and thus end up feeling like afterthoughts. That was definitely the case here. There was certainly nothing wrong with this match, but it was just too quick and underdeveloped to really mean anything. In fact, the only memorable part of the match was MVP’s post-match pseudo-heel turn. I’d be more than happy to see MVP turn heel once again, but this match and that angle could have just as easily been played out on an episode of Raw. There are definitely some unresolved issues between Miz and MVP (especially after their confrontations later in the Rumble), so I would certainly expect this feud to continue for at least another month.
Lansdell: Somebody please tell me we have a US title match made on the night of the PPV by the GM of another show, when it could as easily have been made in ANY OF THE 7 WEEKS between TLC and this show? Regardless, these two work well together and the match was pretty good. Miz winning in a somewhat underhanded fashion means that the feud can go on, and if that means more awesome promo work I will be a camper that is happy. Nothing memorable here, but it was a welcome addition to the card.
McNew: This impromptu match was again nothing all that memorable. Miz retains clean, and then MVP in a very heelish move attacks him after the bell. The crowd let him hear about it too. Miz is on a real roll right now while MVP continues to be stagnant. Two guys going in opposite directions.
Thomas: Honestly, I thought this match was a bit of wasted potential. Again, it wasn’t bad by any stretch, but I thought it would have gotten a little more heat if it had been promoted before the show. I thought these two went out and did about what could be expected of them considering it seems like a last-minute addition, but the match was just sort of there and didn’t really do anything for either man or the US Title. The feud is obviously continuing, so in that context this was fine for what it was.
Small: Holy impromptu match, Batman. Honestly, there’s no reason why this match was not announced beforehand as it was built up quite well with great dueling promos from both men the last few weeks on Raw. As for the match, it was better than MVP’s last singles outing against Jack Swagger, but nothing special. MVP is much better suited as a heel so here’s hoping that the fallout from this feud leads to a fresh start for MVP. As for the Miz, why he’s awesome and continues on chugging to WrestleMania.
Match Rating:
Slimmer: **¼
Lansdell: **¾
McNew: **¼
Thomas: **¼
Small: **½
Average Match Rating: **½

WWE Championship Match
Sheamus (Champion) vs. Randy Orton
Match Result: Sheamus defeats Randy Orton by disqualification due to interference from Cody Rhodes.
Match Length: 12:34
Match Analysis:
Slimmer: I suppose this match delivered just about all that we could expect it to deliver, but ultimately I’m just not sure that was enough. I was worried about booking a heel / heel title match, but luckily the crowd picked a side very early and stuck with Orton throughout the match. Orton has had that so-bad-that-he’s-damn-near-good kind of charisma going for more than a year, and it’s surprised me that WWE has never pulled the trigger and turned him into an antihero face. We may have seen a glimmer of that after the match, but for the most part we’ll have to wait until Raw to see how the Orton / Legacy feud develops. The real problem with this match was that Orton’s style and Sheamus’ style just don’t lend themselves to a very exciting match, and the result was that this title match served little purpose other than to progress the Orton / Legacy feud by a step or two. Orton could certainly make a case for getting a rematch since he was screwed by Cody, so we might see this feud continue. However, Cena and Triple H are also perennial title contenders, so I could easily see them finding their way into the title scene sooner rather than later.
Lansdell: All night as we saw Orton backstage he was getting a good reaction from the crowd, and it got louder as he came out (very slowly) for this match. I was convinced this match would both suck and kill the crowd, but it did neither. It was a little slow but it was a good, old-school wrestling match with some decent psychology and selling and a non-finish that didn’t have me reaching for a large brick to hurl through the screen. The post-match shenanigans will hopefully lead to a Legacy triple threat at Mania, but then why the pump kick from Sheamus? Ah well, it was good stuff.
McNew: More of a backdrop for the Legacy breakup, and what appears to be an Orton face turn. The crowd was solidly behind him. The DQ finish leaves a bad taste in your mouth, but it did work with the story that was being told. The only problem here is that Sheamus as Champion looks second rate, and is only there to further other angles. The match itself was going along fine until the finish, but was like the first two, somewhat unspectacular.
Thomas: This was a remarkably dull match. Sheamus and Orton tried to get something going but they just don’t seem to have a lot of chemistry to them. It picked up a bit toward the end but really it was a throwaway match, the kind that the Rumble is known for. The DQ finish I was fine with because the angle is more important in this case. I’m really not sure where they’re going by having Cody cause the DQ accidentally unless Ted stands up for Cody and then gets turned on, because clearly we won’t be getting a Cody heel turn. Could Orton turn face and feud with Legacy? That would be somewhat interesting…unlike the in-ring work of this match.
Small: Like last year’s JBL/Cena match, this title match revolved around a storyline and not the in-ring action. And thank goodness for that since there was nothing in this match that I would want to see again. Not that it wasn’t technically sound – but the main reason for this match was to set up an Orton face turn and further his feud with Legacy. Sure Cody’s interference was a tad odd (by now, he should be the master of cheapshots), but it accomplished the task at hand. And kudos to the WWE for having Sheamus have the final shot on Orton as to not overshadow
Match Rating:
Slimmer: **½
Lansdell: ***
McNew: **
Thomas: **
Small: **
Average Match Rating: **¼

Women’s Championship Match
Michelle McCool (Champion) vs. Mickie James
Match Result: Mickie James defeats Michelle McCool with the Mickie-DT.
Match Length: 0:18
Match Analysis:
Slimmer: Well, that was… um… unexpected. And short. I mean, I did expect Mickie to pick up the win, regain the Women’s Championship, and get revenge on that dastardly Michelle McCool, but I also expected some semblance of a real match. This Piggy James storyline has been the closest thing to a real feud that we’ve seen anywhere near the Women’s Championship in quite some time, and it just seems like a waste to pay it off in a one move squash match. I love me some Mickie James, and I truly am happy to see here once again wearing the Women’s Championship. I just would have liked to see her win the belt in a real match.
Lansdell: OK, so we spend more time with Michelle McCool in the ring trash talking than we do on the blow-off match to the first real women’s feud in WWE in a long-ass time? Wow, way to show what’s important to you WWE. I know many people on this site think women’s wrestling is pointless…I disagree but if that’s the way WWE feels why on earth would you waste all that TV time in making the feud in the first place? Pointless.
McNew: Total squash, but given the storyline that’s exactly what it should have been. The heels got their comeuppance, and that’s all you can really ask for. If all diva matches were 30 seconds or less I might not hate them as much. It was a DUD, but a satisfying one.
Thomas: I was already cringing when this whole thing began, because Michelle started a comedy routine that made Dolph’s at Breaking Point look like a Eddie Murphy classic. And then they brought out Layla as Fat Mickie and it got worse. The one thing that I will say about this is that I’m glad Mickie flattened Team Lay-Cool. I would have vastly preferred a five to six minute battle where Mickie fought the odds and won, but as we discussed during the match the WWE doesn’t care about Diva wrestling. The match was nothing but the angle paid off exactly as it should, and everyone who’s been talking about how Mickie’s on her way out can officially suck it.
Small: I am actually shocked that the WWE went with a squash to end the “Piggie James” storyline. Considering some people HATED this storyline (I loved it since it was funny), I am guessing that a squash is the best way to end the feud properly. I know some people would rather see a hard-fought competitive match, but face it, this is the WWE and a five minute Diva’s match, no matter the quality, would end with boring chants. This way, Mickie gets her revenge, wins a title, and further embarrasses the heels with cake. We are all winners… well except McCool in this one.
Match Rating:
Slimmer: ¼*
Lansdell: ½*
McNew: DUD
Thomas: ¾*
Small: 4 Waffle House Pancakes (Editor’s Note: I have idea what the conversion rate is between Waffle House Pancakes and snowflakes. Please leave suggestions below.)
Average Match Rating: ½*

World Heavyweight Championship Match
The Undertaker (Champion) vs. Rey Mysterio
Match Result: The Undertaker defeats Rey Mysterio with the Last Ride.
Match Length: 11:08
Match Analysis:
Slimmer: This match had quite a bit of potential, because both the Undertaker and Rey Mysterio still have the ability to put on great performances when necessary. In addition, we’ve seen Taker work well with smaller opponents in the past, and we’ve seen Mysterio work well with larger opponents in the past. Unfortunately, Taker and Mysterio just didn’t seem to click with each other tonight. I like the idea of speed versus power, but too many of the spots they attempted seemed awkward and clunky. The other problem with the match is that the outcome was never really in question. It just wouldn’t have made any sense for Mysterio to win the title at this point, so a certain sense of drama was missing from the match. There’s no reason for this feud to continue any farther, so I would expect Mysterio to move on to something else while the Undertaker finds himself an opponent for WrestleMania.
Lansdell: I expected this to be good, and it was. Not great, but good, a fine way to bring us into the Rumble match. Rey bumped like crazy for Taker but the kind of offence he got was believable and even made me believe he might have a shot at winning this one. Of course any modicum of thinking would tell you that with this going on before the Rumble, Taker had to retain or HBK would lose his inspiration. I wouldn’t mind seeing these two go one-on-one again, they seem to work well and the size difference was not as bad as you’d think.
McNew: Another match that was just okay. They had some nice spots early, but it slowed a bit near the middle and had a very predictable ending. You could see the last ride counter of the West Coast Pop coming a mile away. I’ve got no problems with Taker retaining however, because if I never see another Mysterio World Title reign again it’ll be too soon.
Thomas: This match was, again, what it was. It was fine in that respect, and on another Pay-Per-View it would have been unforgettable amidst all the other matches. Here on the Rumble where “fine for what it was” seems to be the norm, it seemed to keep things moving sideways, not forward as the night went on. I don’t think anyone actually believed that Rey would win and that took a little of the shine out of the match; I do think it was the best of the non-Rumble matches. They had a few fun spots and it worked in that respect; honestly, I think this was the best match we could have gotten out of them at this stage. Also, I was happy to see no Batista interference.
Small: (Editor’s Note: Small says that he missed his match because his stream died, but I’m guessing that he got distracted by that damn 2 Girls 1 Cup video again. Sick freak.)
Match Rating:
Slimmer: **½
Lansdell: ***½
McNew: **½
Thomas: **¾
Small: N/A
Average Match Rating: **¾

The Royal Rumble Match
Match Result: Edge wins the Royal Rumble.
Match Length: 49:18
Match Analysis:
Slimmer: Okay, confession time. I had been telling people for a few days that I expected Edge to win the Rumble. Big return, shocking win, yadda, yadda, yadda. But I can’t really do the whole “I told you so” thing right now, because honestly, I never actually thought that Edge would return. I was just shooting the moon on a one-in-a-million chance, but I actually thought that the final four would be Shawn Michaels, Triple H, John Cena, and Batista. Oh well, turns out I got three of the final four right anyway. That being said, given that Edge did make his triumphant return, whey the hell wasn’t he given the #30 spot? I know that Cena did the exact same thing two years ago, but the symmetry is what would have made Edge’s victory so entertaining. When Cena and Edge stood toe-to-toe as the final two men in the ring, it would have been wonderful to see Cena realize that Edge has just beaten him at his own game. As we move forward, there are really two big stories coming out of the Rumble. The first, of course, is that Edge will now be challenging for a title at WrestleMania? Will he face the Undertaker or Sheamus? Assuming that both men are still the champions at Mania, the only logical decision would be for Edge to face Taker. Edge and Taker have a ton of history, while Edge and Sheamus are virtually strangers. Of course, if one or both of the Hell in a Cell Matches at No Way Out Hell in a Cell are for a championship, then there is the distinct possibility that we may have one or two new champions defending their titles at WrestleMania. Edge / Jericho would seem to be the most promising pairing, especially if a title was on the line. But back to the Rumble, the other big story tonight was of course Shawn Michaels eliminating Triple H and then snapping after he himself was eliminated by Batista. This means that the Undertaker will have to lose the World Heavyweight Championship in order for HBK’s coveted rematch to occur, but where would that leave Triple H? My gut says that D-Generation X is going to implode once and for all in the very near future, and that means we’ll be seeing Shawn Michaels vs. Triple H at WrestleMania.
Lansdell: First of all, what the hell was with the match being less than 50 minutes? That thing was crazy short, but they packed in a lot of fun. I loved CM Punk’s promoitus interruptus, the match was helter skelter and kept me guessing. Although Edge winning was a surprise, his actual appearance was less of one. WWE has done the “surprise late entrant wins it all” thing just a couple of years ago, and this time it didn’t work as well. It DID still work though. The final four for a change did not have any obvious weak links in it, in fact the final 6 didn’t. This was a packed Rumble and they showed it by having the last men standing be the big names…for the most part. I LOVED Beth Phoenix in the match, and I wouldn’t mind seeing her against men more often. She looked awesome against Punk, and something tells me that most women in WWE could not handle her wrestling like that. Legacy were very much a non-factor for most of the match, and it felt weird seeing HBK dominate a section of the match, but I enjoyed the whole thing.
McNew: A little quick for my tastes, but a fun Rumble with TONS of memorable moments nonetheless. Edge winning was a surprise as I didn’t think they’d repeat the Cena finish just two years later, but still was a fantastic finish. Everything from CM Punk’s early sermons, to Beth Phoenix tossing Khali, to HHH’s shocking mid-match elimination, and Shawn snapping worked very well. I’m interested to see where things go with Edge having the title shot, but that should keep things a bit unpredictable on the road to mania.
Thomas: Was it short? Absolutely. But I enjoyed the hell out of it. From Beth kissing Khali out of the ring to CM Punk getting a little rush of eliminations and giving a promo in the middle of the match, the early parts were great. It had a few moments where the ring got crowded but I always enjoy those, and there were memorable moments throughout. You would expect that ‘H would be smarter than to let Shawn superkick him out of the ring twice in six months, but I guess the Cerebral Assassin has lost a step or two. I was surprised to see Legacy get knocked out so quickly but they’ve got their own thing to do, and of course the appearance of Edge was phenomenal, as was him winning. This may not have been the most stunning Rumble ever and I understand if people will complain about the shortness, but I enjoyed it quite a bit.
Small: What an interestingly booked Rumble. Unlike the majority of previous Rumbles, this one flew by (the entire thing clocked in at under 50 minutes) as there were no real dead spots and tons of memorable spots. However with the match being so short, it was hard for anything to register as it kept on moving so quickly. Sure we will take away Punk’s stealing the entire third of the show with his outlandish promo between eliminations, HBK eliminating Triple H, and his subsequent elimination at the end, but what about all the other fun moments of the match? Beth Phoenix’s entry has already been forgotten by most (except for Khali). In the grand scheme of things, will R-Truth get a push due to eliminating the Big Show and Mark Henry? And what about Edge eliminating Jericho? There were tons of shocking moments in this match but stacked on top of each other with the entirely too fast pace and this match felt like it was booked by Michael Bay. (By the way, with Edge winning the Rumble, it easily throws a wrench in most fantasy booking. Will Jericho now win an Elimination Chamber match only to be a one-month transitional champion? Will Edge take on Sheamus? Edge vs. Christian? I doubt the WWE would do Taker vs. Edge again. While I love the surprise of Edge winning, this year’s WrestleMania seemed to have enough going for it without this swap. I’m just afraid things will get all clusterfuck-ish like last year. That said, it does make things very interesting.)
Match Rating:
Slimmer: ***½
Lansdell: ****
McNew: ****
Thomas: ***¾
Small: ***½
Average Match Rating: ***¾

Final Thoughts

Match of the Night:
Slimmer: The Royal Rumble Match (***½)
The Royal Rumble Match is almost always the star of the show to which it gave it’s name, and this year was certainly no exception. This may not have been an all-time classic Rumble, but it certainly outshone the other middling matches on the card.
Lansdell: The Royal Rumble Match (****)
Well, duh. I think the only year in recent times when it wasn’t the MOTN was the year Cena beat Umaga. I could be wrong on that though, before the commenters assault me. Not that the rest of the card was bad, but the Rumble match is always the favorite for MOTN.
McNew: The Royal Rumble Match (****)
You can pretty much pencil this in at the beginning of the night, and this year it wasn’t even a contest. With all the undercard matches just serving as filler to get to the Rumble, and with the Rumble being one of the better we’ve seen this is an easy choice.
Thomas: The Royal Rumble Match (***¾)
This is really a gimmie. The Rumble was the most memorable and fun match of the show by far, and it’s what everyone’s going to remember for the right reasons. It wasn’t even close to the greatest Rumble match of all-time, but it was a lot of fun and helped save the show…or nearly save it.
Small: The Royal Rumble Match (***½)
While definitely not my favorite Rumble as it was way too rushed, it was definitely the most important moment of the evening. Especially considering how weak the undercard turned out to be.

Trash of the Night:
Slimmer: Michelle McCool vs. Mickie James (¼*)
This wasn’t so much a bad match as a bad booking decision, but there’s just no way to forgive an 18 second match on pay-per-view. The other four title matches on the card may have been relatively forgettable, but this match was memorable for all the wrong reasons.
Lansdell: Michelle McCool vs. Mickie James (½*)
Yeah, it too was a given. I could have called both of these last night. Shame, because the feud had been built quite well and deserved more.
McNew: Michelle McCool vs. Mickie James (DUD)
My default answer is always the diva match, but this time my complaints won’t be as loud because it was both short, and served as a solid payoff to the feud.
Thomas: Michelle McCool vs. Mickie James (¾*)
I enjoyed the finish, but I hated everything leading up to it including the stupid-ass promo and Layla appearance that happened just before Mickie came down to kick ass. Nothing even comes close to this.
Small: Sheamus vs. Randy Orton (**)
While most of us expected the worst, I was hoping for something a little more star-affirming from our rookie champion.

Final Analysis:
Slimmer: The Royal Rumble is traditionally all about the Royal Rumble Match, and that was once again the case tonight. I was disappointed by the brevity of the Rumble Match, and the lack of quality in the undercard matches did little to help the situation. And while a number of big angles developed this evening (Edge’s return, the implosion of DX, the implosion of Legacy), I have to wonder if the storyline development actually made up for the forgettable in-ring action. Ultimately, this Royal Rumble was a bit of a disappointment when judged as a stand-alone pay-per-view, but it did give us quite a start down the Road to WrestleMania.
Lansdell: The Royal Rumble PPV is almost always a one-match show, and we all go in with that knowledge. This year really proved that, with only Rey-Taker being a match I would recommend seeing outside of the Rumble itself. That said, I think altogether the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. The PPV just seemed to fit together and flow, which made for easy watching.
McNew: The show was going to live or die by the Rumble, and it certainly saved the show. Not enough to make this more than a thumbs in the middle because the undercard was such crap, but enough to save it from being a total stinkfest.
Thomas: Honestly, I think this was a just barely above mediocre Rumble. The last non-Rumble match was okay and the Rumble was a hell of a lot of fun, but everything before that falls under “decent enough” with the exception of Orton/Sheamus which I didn’t like much and Mickie/Michelle. Both of those had important storylines though, so I could dig that. Would I watch this again? Probably not. But I didn’t regret watching it or anything, so there is that.
Small: Color me disappointed with the 2010 Royal Rumble. The undercard was nothing to write home about as believe it or not, the ECW championship match was the best of the main title matches. Seriously. That said, the show always lives or dies by the Rumble. This year’s edition was memorable and entertaining though not the classic it needed to be to save the show.

Verdict:
Slimmer: ***
Lansdell: ***¼
McNew: **½
Thomas: **½
Small: **½
Average Verdict: **¾