Five-Star Conversation 02.02.10: A New Look at Old Wrestlers

Posted by Geoff Eubanks on 02.02.2010

This old dog can still learn some new tricks as I reconsider opinions I've held for the performers of yesterday, plus iMPACT! comments!

I had hoped this week to be reporting on the first Ring of Honor show to be presented in California at this year's Wrestle Reunion. However, it just didn't seem to be in the cards. I don't know if the confusion of my company having to move within a week's time contributed to my having gotten the date wrong TWICE, or if the physical taxation of having to move the office in a week placed sleep and recuperation above taking in a wrestling show. Whatever the case, when the boss sprang on me we were needed to come in on Saturday afternoon to complete the move, I kissed the show goodbye. I ain't 21 anymore!

That said, if anyone went to the RoH show, or attended any other portion of the weekend festivities, drop us a line here at 5SC and give the studio audience a report!

PERFORMERS IN RETROSPECT
Given that The Royal Rumble just went down last weekend, the timing might seem a bit off for me to bring up Survivor Series; however, I've finally gotten around to renting the Survivor Series Anthology from Netflix and have been struck how far my personal likes and dislikes have shifted over the years where the performers are concerned, in terms of whom I might find myself a fan today…or not. And since we've been raising our blood pressure a bit over the last couple weeks, I thought it might be fun to chill out and talk about the good ol' days. Obviously, this is an invitation for you, the reader, to share in kind, so please do so!

BTW, I just want to say in opening here, I am generally loathe to use WWE-owned videos in my column because they invariably wind up being deleted by McMahonagement's monkeys, but, considering this stuff is pretty under-the-radar and will likely never show up on any DVDs, let's cross our fingers!

"The Magnificent" Don Muraco
Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka
Oh, boy, did my brother and I hate The Beach Bum back in the day. It was Muraco's feud with Jimmy Sunka that really helped to pull us in when we first discovered The WWF. Snuka was normally quite a cool customer outside the ring, and, even when embroiled in battle, attacked with a certain poise and grace not unlike that of a Ricky Steamboat, if lacking The Dragon's more refined ability. However, clearly, as depicted below, Muraco had a way of getting under a guy's skin and pushing him to his breaking point:



Their program, booked such that Muraco, The InterContinental Champion, would find himself leaving each encounter with title belt intact, outraged fans the world over, leaving us in a state of fury not too unlike that of Snuka's (Mom woulda killed us if we'd torn up the living room, though, so we refrained from the chair-hurtling). Even in the epic cage showdown at Madison Square Garden between the two saw dumb luck favor Muraco, as, after a beating at the hands of Snuka, Muraco was thrown so hard against the ropes, the momentum carried him through the door and tumbling to the cold, hard concrete that represented the most severe in a long line of severe ass-kickings/successful title defenses.

The fact is, this program was booked beautifully for the time, down to the end, where the pay-off match is so legendary, the fact that Snuka didn't walk with the title that night is an afterthought; he'd only served to set his name above and out of the ordinary, losing the feud overall, but the momentum he earned in his losing effort certainly helped to carry his name to The Hall Of Fame.

Meanwhile, Muraco would manage that combination strut/slink that he had as he carried The ICT high over his head, that mocking, I-didn't-even-need-to-tell-you-so grimace inviting the fans' disdain, pleased with the knowledge that there were other battles in store for him as the champion, and that the fans would be right there, plunking down their money to see him lose that belt.

If you haven't already, check out WWE's "The History Of The InterContinental Championship" DVD set containing the Muraco/Snuka cage match. Prior to the match itself, they've included Vince McMahon (in his then-ever-present canary yellow announcer's sports jacket, likely bought at Howard Cosell's yard sale) interviewing Muraco in his dressing room. For those of you who aren't quite sure what all this talk these days about "scripted promos" versus "bullet points" and "freestyle", you need to see this one. Muraco just lays it down and Vince lets him do it. It's one of those little things, including this promo on that DVD set, that displays someone is still thinking in Titan Towers.

I really lost a lot of respect for Snuka, though, once he adopted that whole "raving savage" character where he stopped delivering those amazingly intense promos and supplanted that by barking at the fans and getting them to respond in kind. Really? Was this the best thing he could do at that point? I seem to recall that he was kind of deteriorating physically, although I could be very wrong with that, so don't hold me to it, I just know he was at least advancing in age at the time (there are also those rumors that Vince managed to get him out of nasty legal situation involving cocaine and, at the very least, manslaughter, but, as far as I know, those were just rumors). But couldn't he have at least managed…? Something, instead of just acting as if that whole great legacy only half a decade gone didn't happen in favor of barking?

Muraco eventually went on to a meager mid-card face run where he was known as "The Rock", but soon faded from the limelight, his most potent years in the grand spotlight spent as a heel.

But, ironically, it became his relationship with fellow Hall Of Famer, manager Mister Fuji, for which he became most notorious during the twilight of his WWF tenure…who remembers these classic clips?

FUJI VICE!!!


I never get tired of watching this one:


The One-Man Gang
Here's a piece of work with who I was already familiar from his days in The UWF, my personal favorite franchise of the ‘80s (this, of course, is without counting the old school NWA, because I didn't have the means to see it!). Although the video below doesn't really do The Gang much justice with respect to all he was and could have been, because, for being as ungainly as you see him to be here, few at the time could move his girth around with such precision as The Gang. Perhaps it was my own mark-ness and overall inexperience in watching professional wrestling at the time, but when The Gang hit the ring, his size and image really drove home the fact that here was a bad mothertoucher with pain, chaos and destruction on his mind.



Of course, with some experience behind us, we can all look at this clip of The Gang and surmise that, were he to come down the pike today, he'd likely be seen by McMahonagement as another Snitsky or Mike Knox-type character, and, if one looks back to the late ‘80s, it was pretty much in that sort of role to which we saw The Gang relegated, even after he made the switch to the incredibly ridiculous character Akeem The African Dream, which must be seen to be believed:



Wow, not racist at all, there. I positively hated the "revitalization" of Akeem because it seemed to me that The WWF was taking still another bad ass character they picked up from the indies and turned into a ridiculous cartoon, although my brother thought it was the funniest thing he'd ever seen (the fact that I hated it so much was an added bonus for him, I think!). Looking back now, if this were to go down today, I think I'd be able to have a good laugh and see the character as it was meant to be taken, but at the time, I just didn't see the point of cutting the legs out from underneath a solid character who may never have been a main-eventer or a champion, but certainly could always have presented a threat. However, again do I hear rumors of punishment surrounding this "revitalization", but who can say for sure?

Rick Rude
The Ultimate Warrior
The Honky-Tonk Man
Here's a perfect example of someone I couldn't stand back in the day I'd absolutely mark out for today. Back then, Rude's entire gig just made me sick to my stomach – his Tom Selleck-on-steroids mullet, that creepy moustache, his greasy-looking body, those faggotty-ass airbrushed tights and over-the-top Val Venis entrance theme was just overkill for me when I was a kid; add to that his association with Bobby Heenan (whose act, in my markdom, I bought completely! It wasn't until he started in on his career as a "broadcast journalist" that I came around and realized how completely brilliant and adept at his job Hennan was), and there was simply nothing that would redeem Rude in my eyes at the time.

I've admitted this here before and I'm ashamed to do it again, but to completely understand in full my hatred for Rude, one must understand the fact that I, in my misspent youth, really connected to The Ultimate Warrior. I'm not defending myself, simply stating the facts as they were back in the day, although I will say that, by the time The Warrior came to The WWF, I was old enough to have known better…ah, the power of markdom.



I've mentioned before that my buddy Cale and I used to totally dig on The WWF back in the day. We'd loiter in the local Carl's Jr. going back and forth, picturing ourselves in The WWF and what our characters might be. Cale, even as a sophomore in high school, was a big kid, so when he considered what kind of wrestler he'd want to be, he'd say that he wanted to come to the ring to, not so much an entrance theme song, but just of the deepest rumbling bass, such that the crowd didn't so much hear as feel it…and he'd call himself Cale "The Earthquake" Sturge; I was to be his manager, the antithesis, face arch-enemy of Bobby "The Brain", and call myself Geoffrey "The "Genius". Of course, within the year, I believe, did we see the WWF debuts of John Tenta as The Canadian Earthquake and "Leapin" Lanny Poffo make the switch to being simply The Genius.

We also had our own little creative pow-wows, brainstorming what we'd like to see in a pro wrestler. Like, what would it be like if a guy was seemingly impervious to pain, he'd get pounded down, but he'd just sit up and come back for more? Obviously, our answer was The Undertaker. Now, I just looked back at time lines for all of this and everything seems in order, but I think the notion for The Warrior, ie, someone who was just absolute perpetual motion in the ring, who never stopped, despite the beating he'd take, would still manage to absorb it and give it right back, a being of boundless energy, strength and resilience. Obviously, that's The Warrior…as well as proof that, sometimes, wrestling can conceptually be better in theory than practice.

But I also dug how The Warrior was just out there initially, talking about "the darkness" and being resolute enough to step into that darkness and face whatever emerges out of it. That, to me, was taking the lily white, happy-snappy, ready-made for nap-time pabulum of Hulkamania to a new, esoteric level with which I identified (this was never more prevalent in the fantastic lead-in story to WreslteMania 6's Ultimate Challenge, when Hogan and Warrior faced off at Toronto's SkyDome, title-for-title, when Hogan, in his one-dimensional idiocy was referring to the darkness about which The Warrior spoke as something bad and a suspect part of his character, obviously missing the point completely. It made me feel as if I was on the right track in The Warrior's corner.

Quite frankly, I'd rather have been in The Warrior's corner as opposed to Hogan's any day, but, all that aside, once the ball was staunchly in The Warrior's court after having defeated Hogan for The HWT, he really went off the deep end and even I had trouble making out what the fuck he was talking about between snarls and growls and bellows as he stalked in and out of mic range. The blush was going off the Warrior rose pretty well all around at this point.

However, to really understand why I had so much love for The Warrior, one must first have a grasp on why I hated The Honky-Tonk Man so passionately. Yes, this all ties in. Only Hulk Hogan and Roddy Piper score higher on my own personal "most-hated" list. For one thing, I just can't stand Elvis Presley's music. Hate it. I know his legacy lives on in the hearts of millions, so if that offends you, I'm sorry. Nothing personal, I just can't stand anything about him. The sneer, the hair, the jumpsuits, the movies, the music and especially his voice. It neither appeals nor identifies with me, nothing right or wrong with him or me.

However, for those predisposed to cringing at the mention of Presley's name, you can imagine how unwelcome Honky's presence in The WWF was for me. Now, today, yes, I can see what a brilliant gimmick this is – bring out someone with a musically-connected gimmick, a kind of music that's going to get a rise out of the majority of fans in attendance because they either hate the genre being featured or because the personality performing the music in question just absolutely sucks…then give them abnormally long promo time to really piss off the fans. It totally worked with Honky, and having the shrill screeching of Jimmy Hart blaring over his God-forsaken megaphone, this really was a heel package made in musical hell.

(As far as I can tell, this gimmick has been recycled twice since Honky's heyday in the late-‘80s/early-‘90s, with Jeff Jarrett to a lesser degree, his gimmick coupled with the "fact" that he intended to use success in The WWF as a springboard to a legitimate recording contract before having been defrauded by his roadie, Jesse Jammes, and, to greater effect, though still not everything it could have been, in WCW with Three Count. Three Count was off to a great start in much the same manner as was Honky, but, I surmise, because they were CruiserWeights, the time invested in setting up this potentially career-making gimmick was ultimately wasted.)

The thing that really bothered me about Honky is the fact that he was just a shitty wrestler, plain and simple. He had absolutely nothing in terms of being able to work a decent match. He was simply allowed to hold hostage The ICT belt for close to a year-and-a-half, and for what? Part of the reason I think Vince is as stagnant as he is now is because he blew all his creativity on figuring out how to keep that goddam belt around the bloated waist of Honky. I even have more respect for Piper than I do Honky, because at least Piper can appear to hold his own against someone the caliber of a Bret Hart, Honky'd just get in the ring and expect (need) to be carried till his screwy finish.

So when The Warrior showed up, embodying my "wrestler in perpetual motion" gimmick, all decked out in those bright colors and fringe and whatnot (all of which added to the visual aspect of the persona), eventually being named the Number One Contender to The ICT after Brutus Beefcake, Honky's former top challenger, was involved in the legendary parasailing accident that all-but ended his career (and saw virtually Columbia's 1988 National Gross Product explode from his nostrils), erupting from the backstage area to defeat the hated Honky for the belt in 31 seconds, how could I not become a Little Warrior?

In turn, when Rude ended The Warrior's ICT reign with the help of Heenan, who was hanging his full weight on the ankle of The Warrior from the floor, a count that shouldn't even have gone down in the first place because The Warrior had his foot under the rope and hanging off the apron, much the less Heenan's interference on the sly, my utter hatred and disdain for Rude and Heenan had come to completion.

Today, things would be much different. I'd absolutely hate The Warrior, and likely view the ICT exchange between Honky and The Warrior as a lateral move, from one talentless gimp to a one-dimensional fraud and prefer the team of Rude and Heenan above them both combined. It strikes me now that I hated Rude so completely because he was so good at what he did! His gimmick was so complete, his look as that sleazy womanizer who lays so much LCD tail at the bar, he wears his crabs and lesions as scars of honor. Yes, he'd still make me cringe with all of his pre-match histrionics and the whole hip-swiveling and all that nauseating fair, but, once Rude got in the ring and started plying his trade, he was a hell of a worker, much along the same lines as Bret Hart, Curt Hennig, Ted DiBiase and the other technicians of his time. Funny what a little time and perspective will afford one…

Randy Savage
Here again, a performer whose unique personality, which really rubbed me the wrong way, overshadowed his exceptional gifts in the ring, and so, therefore, could…not…stand. I know, I'm ashamed. It started off innocently enough – for one thing, I just hated the term "macho". It brought up images of The Village People (who still kinda creep me out, to be honest) and has never been a term I found to be terribly complementary. I know it sounds goofy, and I just can't explain it, but there's just some words I hate because of the dorky way they sound; goozle? Really? It sounds more like what you'd call a post-op transsexual fowl. Cahoots? Sounds like someone trying to bless themselves as they sneeze. I know, it's just a weird thing with me.

The other initial thing I hated about Savage was the shady manner in which he treated Miss Elizabeth, and we were supposed to hate him for it, except that his actions were meant to stir as much sympathy for Liz make us hate Savage, for which I didn't really get on board. In my mind, yes, it's wrong for a man to treat a woman the way he treated her, but if she's stupid enough to stick around and take that kind of abuse, I won't say she deserves it, but if you piss the bed in the middle of the night and are too complacent to change the sheets, maybe you belong sleeping in your own waste.

I've mentioned this in the past and gotten a ration of vitriol over it, but Liz never struck me as being the incredibly ravishing beauty she was made out to be. Attractive? To be certain. A gob-smacking vision of unbridled loveliness? Not quite. Thus, it always had me rolling my eyes when everyone would fall all over themselves to extol the vastness and depth of her so-called goddess-like physical appeal (although, granted, compared to just about any other woman involved on-camera to that point, she was quite an evolution).

She also had absolutely ZERO personality and was in the negative integers when it came to charisma, depth and acting ability. Lord, I recently (in watching the Survivor Series Anthology) saw a promo conducted, I believe, after the whole Jake Roberts cobra attack thing went down, the event that was the eventual catalyst for Savage's kayfabe reinstatement to The WWF's active roster where Savage brought out Liz and thought, "Wow, it's too bad she couldn't deliver lines as well as she snorted them."

As Savage's character continued to evolve and develop, I began to wonder if he was suffering from the most horrendous case of constipation known to medical science. He seemed perennially to be attempting to squeeze out a turd that was just determined to remain lodged in the Macho Colon, to the point that, once he gave this promo, I was convinced he was going to squirt something out his ears he needed:



Many thanks to KanyonKreist for sending that to me! Also, as Kanyon mentioned to me when he sent that video, that's certainly another example of the quality of promos you're not going to get in age of scripts, although, some could argue the point of…well, do we really need promos like that? I'd say yes! Of course back in the day, I'd have just been scratching my head going, "…the HELL?!", but today, I'd be laughing my ass off, wondering how they all managed to keep their collective composure to get through such a ridiculous interview segment. It's so obvious the fun they're having (or the quality of coke they were on, one or the other…or both).

But the bottom line is that few could ever work in the ring with the style and grace of Savage. There was a certain fluidity about his movements that put him in a class alongside the likes of Steamboat and Hennig in my book. When Gorilla Monsoon would talk about wrestlers having their moves planned ahead by three or four in a sequence, it's easy to see how Savage would validate those claims. He also had the ability to pull fantastic matches out of performers of a certain questionably-talented ilk. It's virtually an IWC commonality that holds Savage's feud with The Warrior saw the best string of performances The Warrior offered under his WWF (or any other, for that matter) tenure. There's a certain level of ring generalship coming to the fore there, and deserves to be acknowledged. Ah, to go back again and appreciate this man in a manner befitting his considerable talent…

Jim Duggan
My hatred for Jim Duggan has been well-documented here over the years as well, and I'll tell you why – like so many performers over the years whom Vince has turned into a cartoon character over the years, particularly during the mid-‘80s – early-‘90s (Bad News Brown, The Bushwhackers, Dusty Rhodes, Harley Race, etc.), Duggan was a double-tough, rugged man's man who was never going to startle a crowd with his chain wrestling, but was one of the best brawlers of his time and could more than have gotten over in The WWF on those merits alone. Let's go back to The UWF again, which was where I first discovered Duggan before he jumped into the throes of nationalistic mental retardation under Vince's employ:



What you just saw was the final match between Duggan and legendary Freebird Terry Gordy (Slam Master J's daddy) in The UWF's tournament to crown a new UWF Champion. I forget what all went down to set up what we have here, but it seems as if The One-Man Gang was taking exception to having been eliminated earlier in the tournament and was throwing out a challenge to whomever walked with the belt, displaying a clear preference for Duggan, because they have history and he wanted to have the pleasure of beating the shit out of Duggan and taking the belt for his trouble. Duggan, being the bad ass that he was, invites Gang to bring it, to which The Gang responds, effectively,



But what really matters is what follows. You see Duggan, bloodied and battered, taking a beating from The Gang, yet still getting back in the ring to fight for the UWFT against one of the greatest brawlers in history. Yes, it's a No-DQ match, yes Michael Hayes gets involved on the part of his Freebird brother, but, yes, Duggan fights to the very end where his injury, the blood loss and the toll taken out of him by first The Gang then Gordy forces him to make that one crucial mistake that costs him the match. But now, don't you want to see a rematch between Duggan and the now-champion Gordy for the belt when Duggan has a fair shot at going over? Don't you, furthermore, want to see Duggan get even with The Gang for basically costing him the belt? It's good, simple booking, no frills in the script or attached to the performers, just a solid, rugged battle for the franchise's top belt.

And you know what? Duggan made the fans care not because he was a loveable outpatient living in the halfway house down the street with the snot in his beard and his crossed like a moron, without reliance upon a plank of wood and without having to rally the fans behind him with some cheap nationalistic sentiment. As a matter of fact, Duggan's character in The UWF was still a proud American, but he didn't have to bellow USA! USA! at the top of his lungs to get fans to care. To me, this is simply where lazy booking began to creep into The WWF/E to saddle a genuine, if somewhat limited talent with a broad characterization as opposed to a specific character with whom fans might personally identify, as opposed to some easy-to-swallow catch-all, pigeon-holed personification…does that make sense? Think in terms of what Vince did to his own creation of John Cena in the same vein and I think you'll see what I mean.

It was my intention to discuss more performers of the bygone era (or, TNA's current roster), but room must left over such that I can respond to some of the awesome comments left…by YOU!

COMMENTPALOOZA!
not sure how anyone could defend last weeks impact show.... glad you at least tried, but time to give up the whole 'wait and see' approach.....
Posted By: perez

It wasn't my intention going in to writing last week's column to either condemn or defend that particular installment of iMPACT!, just to describe what I saw and how I felt about it as a long-time wresting fan. Quite frankly, I was pleasantly surprised at how much of it actually didn't offend, irritate or insult me, but there's still a lot going on at a very fundamental level that doesn't appear to be boding well for the long-term success of the Hogan/Bischoff-run TNA; that's what I've said all along, that those two have proven to me they know how to come in to a bit of a stale situation and stir up some dust, but when it comes down to creating a successful, lasting, long-haul business model, they're still highly unproven.

However, as I said last week, as dubious (to put it nicely) as I've been over the prospect of these two taking over TNA, I felt I owed it to myself and to you readers to give it an honest chance to see what was happening. I still think it's too early to call this guy in:



…but there are some important things that seem to be focal points of "the new way" that are quite troubling. I'm willing to hang on a bit and see how things develop and where some of the stories and talent go for a bit, as it appears some things have direction and purpose, but I'm not brimming with confidence.

it's hard to keep up with TNA now...too much going on. cut waltman, hall, rob terry, the nasty boys, orlando jordan, sean morley, and shannon moore..focus on the title's.....EY hasn't even had a challenger for his legends title it doesn't seem like...who is the x division champion?..last i heard amazing red...then it changed?...the only title they have kept up with is the world title and TTT's.....and the TTT's will belong to the Nasty boys before long...and the world title program is one from 1997 WWF.....bring back joe as the badass ...have Sting get in Jeff Hardy's corner in the future. ala nature boy....try some new stuff instead of focusing just on whether hogan and bischoff qualifiers
Posted By: Rob

Word has it Hogan/Bischoff are not fans of Daniels, Suicide, Eric Young and Beer Money.

All of whom are not featured in the next two sets of iMPACT spoilers in anything of note.
Posted By: Reports

Actually, Rob, it seems to me as if TNA is easier to follow now than it's been in quite some time, and I'll attribute that to the influence of Hogan and Bischoff…it just becomes a matter of whether or not one personally cares for what they're doing now. True, The Global and (especially) X-Division Titles have all but fallen off the map, but with The TNA Title, Tag Titles, KnockOuts Title and KnockOuts tag Titles in addition to the aforementioned two, how much attention do you think we're likely to see at one time? This is why I was opposed to the addition of the KnockOuts Tag and Legends/Global Titles in the first place, because TNA was notorious for not having enough qualitative focus such that it could run a solid story behind each of the titles it already had (at the time, TNAT, XDT, TTTs & KOT), why the hell were they going to convolute the picture even more with two more belts liable to get lost in the shuffle?

I know there's a lot of people looking at TNA and looking backwards, but this many belts (and the rate at which they're being ignored and, thus, devalued) is too reminiscent of Attitude Era WWF, when The ICT was a proverbial midcard hot potato, The European Title was a joke and The Hardcore Title, what could have been a trendy little idea, was so poorly executed by a company that only knew enough of Paul Heyman's business model to rip it off and put a brighter coat of paint on it.

I'd suggest getting rid of the KOTTTs and, if nothing else, trading in the GT for a TeleVision Title, to be defended only on television and under a time limit of, say, fifteen minutes…? But then that's an old school nod that RoH is taking care of, and under the guidance of Jim Cornette, will fair better there than in TNA, so perhaps just drop the GT, too…? Again, we come back to the whole "There were parts of TNA they had right to begin with that just needed addressing, why are we taking so many pains to change so much?!" argument…

And, Reports, it doesn't surprise me in the least to hear that Hogan/Bischoff do not dig the performers you named. Exactly how one could not like Daniels, EY or Beer Money is beyond me, but it doesn't surprise me in the least. The fact that EY couldn't even be booked on television to lose his belt on iMPACT!, plus, in favor of Rob Terry, of all people, is a sad harbinger for what we can expect, I think. Yes, I know, Terry is British and he won the belt from a Canadian while in on the European tour, I get all that, but still…isn't Terry one of, if not the least prepared for a singles career in the entire company, much less to hold a title?! But, as I said last week, "Terry's got the muscles, brother." Just more disrespect to Eric Young, as if that Nasty Boys match wasn't bad enough. Maybe he can come to WWE and tag with Christian on SmackDown!...?

2nd the Kong as Maryse's back-up idea.

The Nasty Boys bit has turned me off of TNA for good. It encapsulates everything that is wrong with Hogan nicely. He pushes his buddies no matter how untalented they might be. He refuses to believe that time has passed him and his ilk by. He has no concept that wrestling ought to be believable. He constantly pisses down the fans' back and tells them it's raining. TNA had a chance to be a real alternative to WWE, but it blew its chance.
Posted By: Iron Knee

TNA was good this week except the Nash EY Nasty Boys encounter. It is really beyond me that the Nasties have a job anywhere not titled "Legends Tour". They are more of the problem than "The Band" IMO.
Posted By: Carnivore

I hate myself to say that hogan doesnt make good decisions and I hope he is realizing that. I want hogan vs kong at the next ppv lol. ok with the team 3d vs nasty world at the next ppv but what else? hall is out of shape so who cares about him. the next impact show must be good because you'll start losing fans after that. wake up and make it interesting where it counts the most: in the ring...not in bischoff's office!!! we're tired of this s**t!!! Where the hell is robbie v? bring my favorite wrestler back ! gosh mr anderson has a lot of work to do to regain his value
Posted By: dalpe

Geoff, I must admit to marking out for Pity City and The Nasty Boy's punch-fest in the corner looks like it would hurt like hell. Finally, LONG LIVE KONG!!!
Posted By: The Great Capt. Smooth

I think dalpe said it best – "Okay, 3D versus The Nastys…but then what…?!" One has to wonder, and if The Nasty Boys do manage to climb the ranks as a result of that feud (ie, they go over and move closer to a TTT shot), then I think the lamentations on the subject by my old pals Iron Knee and Carnivore will be a whole lot more spot on, rather than speculation over what's wrong with Hogan and Bischoff (although I don't think they're off the mark).

Schmoove, my man, what can I say…? sigh

What was with the note for note screwjob? Awful, and I daresay, Goddamn awful. And the Bischoff/Foley thing? This is bad for TNA. This is the style of excessive cliffhangers with no resolution. Why didn't 3D run in on The Nasty's match? Where's Hardy? When the hell are they going to concentrate on an angle not involving the world title? Where's the X-Division?

At least they got rid of the hexagon ring. They are doing SOMETHING right.
Posted By: ThePants

You know, this is something upon which I meant to comment, but neglected to last week. When it comes to changing the ring, I'm kinda ambivalent. I never really cared for the six-sided ring, but I never disliked it, either. Like Lance Storm said, every time he looked at the TNA ring, he was led to think "gimmick gimmick gimmick". That was never really the case with me, but I'll absolutely not stand up to argue with him. I think that came about as the main difference between TNA at its inception and TNA now, that being, when they started, the thinking was, How can we be as different as possible from WWE, whereas that mode of thinking has gone into absolute turnaround and has become, How can we be as much like WWE as possible? Actually, that's where they were prior to the current regime talking power; now the overall point appears to be, How can we be just like WWE, except to beat Vince at the game he created, which, I'm sorry, no one has still managed to outVince Vince, and I doubt we'll see it here in TNA's case.

And thank Flair someone else agrees with me that Hogan/Bischoff create drama for drama's sake as opposed to telling a coherent story from beginning to end, rather, preferring to cause a big stink to get people talking to such a degree that a real resolution becomes a moot point.

The one thing I'll praise TNA for is that they seem to be able to do multiple stories for multiple people at the same time (even if the stories suck. Another Montreal screwjob story? Seriously?) while the WWE seems to only be able to do a one main event, one midcard, and one diva story at the same time, leaving most of their roster dangling.

I also support the idea of Awesome Kong as a bodyguard for someone ala Chyna. Because if they don't take that route they'll just turn her into Bertha Faye 2.0 (I'm already hearing Faye's old theme music with Kong's name inserted instead in my head) and we do NOT want that.
Posted By: JLAJRC

I touched on this earlier, and, yes, there does appear to be a certain hierarchy of talent the current regime appears concerned with pushing, but I'm convinced that they're all going to be pushed, for the most part, into the same gang warfare story while the rest of the roster about whom Hogan/Bischoff couldn't be concerned atrophying in the back, just like back in the old days, except that, if I'm correct, in TNA, unlike the old days of ATM Eric in WCW, if a performer doesn't make TV, s/he's more than likely not going to make PPV, and if a performer doesn't work (since Hogan seems to have his heart set on abolishing house shows for the time being), s/he doesn't get paid. Now, to the fellow who was upset at me for suggesting that I was trying to deny Orlando Jordan a living, this is what you meant, I think. There's no greater way to push someone out of a company by refusing to utilize them and forcing them out of earning a check.

Eubanks: if you're not already, start checking out Lance Storm's blogs on StormWrestling.com. His thoughts on last week's Impact were very interesting to me. The man's got a good head on his shoulders, Forest Gump haircut be damned....
Posted By: KanyonKreist

Kanyon, I did indeed check out Storm's blog on the iMPACT! in question and was quite impressed, not just because it seems to me that he and I came to a lot of the same conclusions (the bait-and-switch, management not honoring its' own stipulations and the fact that we seem destined for gang warfare), but he touches on so much more, I highly recommend Storm's blog on the subject, because he brings up so many awesome points in terms of the gaping plotholes that already face TNA (that will just be powered over to get to where they want us to go, which is likely and ultimately nowhere).

It occurred to me that Kong attacked Bubba in order to facilitate her release.

He is an ideal target. Close to Hogan, so he would be pissed off. Rubs people the wrong way and shot his mouth off. I mean, was anybody eager to rush in and save Bubba? Yet wrestling seems to be a rough and tumble life, so this was less likely to lead to charges being filed. Try this at an accounting firm and life may be different. I don't know what locker room culture is like, but wouldn't Bubba lose all respect if he did go to the police?

I think the majority of wrestlers who leave would be better of in ROH, if only because of size and WWE's bloated roster. If it does happen, I hope it leads to a resurgence in ROH.

Give Hogan and Bishoff's tastes, they may very well help TNA's ratings while releasing wrestlers that would help ROH's cause.
Posted By: Guest#5950

Did you hear that Hogan was commiserating with Bubba on his radio show when they were talking about it and Hogan, the boss, attributed Kong's outburst to her Aunt Flo visiting? I mean, how could this man find himself divorced with that quality of sensitivity toward women? And what an employer. Did Kong think she could pounce Bubba for his idiotic statement and get away with it? Sure, because it's wrestling and TNA still has that old school thing going on in the back, whereas it might not be as tolerated in WWE's new, modern corporate halls. Did she do it to facilitate a release? That I don't know, but I'd hope she'd have something lined up before she looked to part ways from a paying job in such a manner. I've found in my own experience that a shitty job working for pricks and with assholes is still preferable to no job at all. At least after the first couple of days!

As for TNA forcing workers away, we touched on that a moment ago, and I think it's exactly the case. This way, if Hogan and Bischoff decide against using people they don't see fitting into their "master plan", they just make them redundant such that they have little choice in seeking out opportunities elsewhere. This could be quite a blessing for both WWE and RoH, more so the latter than the former, especially in the long run.

RoH has a certain work style and will, thus, not accept just anyone for their name value the way TNA did every time WWE did a housecleaning or a WWE talent decided he'd rather smoke weed than work for Vince and pay him a $1000 a month. Performers like Daniels and Eric Young could find a very happy home in RoH (I know Daniels has already been there and, if EY hasn't, he's familiar with a good chunk of the roster already). I'm not going to wave any flags or anything, but RoH appear to be on a crusade to increase its' visibility this year and if a few key names can make it to the franchise, with the talent they have already, I'm not saying either WWE or TNA need to start looking over their shoulders, but if increased visibility is what they're after, they stand achieve that goal.

As far as WWE, one of the things that has managed to hurt its overall product is the company's inability to establish a solid, reliable, consistently successful self-training facility for itself, and, when the rosters get thin, they induce proverbial labor on too-green talent and send them onto a stage for which they're clearly not ready and inevitably fail. Why is this so? Because in having bought WCW when and as suddenly as he did, as ECW was going under (to say nothing of having destroyed the territories to such an extent that, in over 15 years it's not rebounded), he lost his feeder system, forcing him to create talent when he really just made his fortune by enticing it, already seasoned, from other places.

If talent is forced out of TNA, and some of it, say, Beer Money, for example, finds their way to WWE, that's two reliable performers who can be used first in the tag ranks, run their course, then be split up and sent to different brands with momentum and they can be on their way to being established WWE stars. There's actually a lot of such room in WWE for TNA ship-jumpers, IF Vince decides he wants to use them. In this way, I think Vince is smarter than Dixie's proven herself to be, because Vince will never allow even ECW to become the home for wayward BROTHERS, but there are very likely a solid handful of performers whom Vince might happily sign and push into stars, just to prove how much power he has, and how much more of it he has over TNA, Dixie, Hogan and Bischoff, and to display exactly what he could do with TNA talent if he a) has it with which to work and b) wants to put forth the effort.

And if he does, I say more power to him, because this is a way he can firmly establish himself and his company as being the true #1 power in the business and do it at TNA's expense, which we've seen before, Vince is excellent at doing (as in the whole Bret screwed Bret era). The thing is, and here's where Vince has the opportunity to really prove he's the genius he loves to tell us he is – if he gets the opportunity to have a little breathing room in that he can acquire and push already seasoned talent, then here is the opportunity to really concentrate on creating a successful developmental system, such that, should the business change drastically again and his new feeder system stalls, he has the means in his possession to truly create his own stars, and not solely in his own idealized vision.

One thing about Bubba and his history of controversial comments is that he was protected. He could argue with people over the radio, say disparaging things about people - but nobody would ever physically confront him.

Bubba learned a difficult lesson that wrestling and wrestlers have a different set of rules. When a wrestler screws up - they would usually send them into the ring with JBL or Steven Regal or Bob Holly and they would stiff them. Bubba's not a wrestler - but he deserved a little bit of "wrestler's justice" and he got it.

TNA needs Kong. Kong doesn't need TNA. She probably could get a WWE contract. And she definitely could book herself in Japan as much or as little as she wants and get paid top dollar.
Posted By: SpankyHamm

Backstage confrontations are nothing new and with Bubba's attitude it was only a matter or time before this happened. The only way this scenario could have been funnier or more appropriate would for JBL to have been Bubba's tour guide of the shower facilities.

I hate to see Kong go as she has really been the cornerstone of the division and one of the few characters that I've felt was used well in TNA, scratch that, the only character I've felt used well in TNA since Gail Kim left.
Posted By: Pete

Kong should be released. There's no reason to attack a shock jock. Should Imus have been punched for his Rutgers comment? Or anything Stern has said? Wrong, and even more so because Bubba is basically a non-wrestler (I only saw that one match at that Memphis supercard some years back).
Posted By: ThePants

Spanky, I agree. If people typically out of reach of those whom they disparage, they'd likely, as Jerry Lawler says, "keep their words soft and sweet in case they have to eat them, later". These pricks like Bubba, like Limbaugh, like all these mouthy people (okay, I'll include myself in there, too, because I certainly qualify) were held accountable in such a manner as Bubba and Kong, radio and the internet would likely be a much more uninteresting place to be, although it's one thing, IMO, to bag on a proven cokehead like Ed Leslie and saying the kinds of hateful, selfish things Limbaugh and Pat Robertson and Bubba have said in the case of Haiti, as an example.

And yes, Bubba should be thanking every god in every mythology he didn't say that shit in the same locker room as JBL, lest he be given the Duke Droese shower suite (Good call, Pete!).

And, yes again, Kong could move to Japan and live like a QUEEN.

BTW, as for the discussion we had regarding wrestling and politics, where they are appropriate, they will be discussed, though not ad nauseum. In this case, they were appropriate, so they were discussed. No offense meant at your particular political leanings if you disagree.

Actually Alissa Flash is pretty hot (though not in a model sense) and she has had tryout matches with WWE before so I won't be surprised if they pick her up. Even if she only gets 5 minute matches at least she'll get a nice salary, better than TNA presumably.

It's uncertain about Kong's future if they grant her a release, but WWE so needs to waive their Diva-hiring policy for her. A dream feud against Beth Phoenix please! And of course a Diva slaughter to ensue.
Posted By: Guest#0893

I find Alissa Flash hot.
Posted By: who cares

I just want to clear up something, I in no way, shape or fashion meant to refer to Flash as being unattractive! She most certainly is, but there is a definite difference between her appearance and that of Michelle McCool's (make your own observation). I'd love to see both Kong and Flash in the WWE Divas ranks, because they could certainly use a shake-up. I also stand by my idea that Kong find herself as Maryse's back-up, and thanks to everyone who liked the notion!

If WWE gets their hands on Kong, knowing Vince McMahon, we'll be seeing her in Shelton Benjamin's corner in a moo-moo.
Posted By: KanyonKreist

True enough! I laughed out loud when I read that!

Then go and have your root canal, friend. Nobody's forcing you to read this.

Geoff, good article as always. Don't listen to these haters. I really look forward to your column each week, and this week's was really good. Keep up the good work.
Posted By: James

Ah, yeah, thanks, James. For the uninitiated, James was responding to an insignificant little pissant who keeps thinking if he picks a fight, he'll get some heat from me, but, quite frankly, wiping my ass takes more effort because once I'm done, I still have to flush.

That's all for this week…thanks for reading!
RESPEEEEEECK!!!

RIP Jack Briscoe