News From Cook's Corner 02.09.10

Posted by Steve Cook on 02.09.2010

It's a special Tuesday edition of the Corner as we discuss an interesting episode of Raw, say goodbye to Big Poppa Pump, talk about the plans for WWE NXT, and appreciate my favorite news anchor!

Hi, hello and welcome to a special Tuesday edition of News From Cook's Corner! Don't adjust your monitor, I'm Steve Cook, and I'm here today because the honorable Jeffrey Small is having some traveling difficulties due to the Snowpacalypse that hit the Northeast this weekend. He should be home in time to bring the goodness that is the Small-For-All on Wednesday, but I'm here today to hold you Smallophiles over until then.

I probably could have phrased the last part of that sentence better.

Did you guys watch the Super Bowl? Stupid question, I know. It was a great game, and although I was at a party with friends that were mostly rooting for the Colts I was pleased to see the New Orleans Saints come out on top in a well-played game. You had to love their ballsy play calling…had that onside kick to open the second half not worked, Sean Payton would have been the biggest idiot in the world, but the Colts had no idea it was coming and got worked. Great performance by the Saints, who proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that they belonged on the big stage. I felt bad for Indy, who just didn't take enough chances to win like the Saints did, but there's no reason they can't come back in the next few years and win it all. Pierre Garcon & Austin Collie are only going to get better, and there's that Peyton Manning guy that isn't going anywhere. One ill-timed interception doesn't make him any worse of a quarterback than he was last week. Of course, they'll have to step aside for the Bengals next year.

What?

I also hope for less commercials with ugly people in their underwear next year. There was way too much of that going on. On the flip side, I wouldn't mind Carrie Underwood coming back to do the national anthem every year with that outfit. Good stuff.

It seems somewhat slow on the wrestling news front, but it is my duty to present all the latest wrestling news with the occasional witty banter and general tomfoolery that I've become known for presenting. And since my head and neck are feeling a lot better this week, let's get right to it!



I enjoy doing Fact or Fiction, Buy or Sell and columns of that nature because I get to express my opinions on things that I usually gloss over in news reports or completely ignore because Randle/Small/whoever has already covered them. I also enjoy the varying reaction of the readership, and it's always interesting to see what they have to say. Most of the opinions don't bother me (I got over the "I hate this because somebody on the Internet said it" people a long time ago), but a comment by James on last week's Fact or Fiction raised my eyebrow.

"Robin Meade= Overrated. That's right I said it!!"

I can not let a blatant falsehood like this stand. I've also noticed in the past that my fellow 411 writers are woefully unaware of Ms. Meade, as some of them are too busy obsessing over Kelly Ripa. As somebody who goes to work before 9 AM, I don't get to watch the Regis show more than once or twice a year, so I don't see Kelly very often. But, since Robin's show is on the comparatively low-rated HLN (Headline News) and may fly under the radar of those who either hate cable news or are Fox News watchers *shudder*, perhaps it is my duty to educate the masses on the merits of Morning Express with Robin Meade, which airs weekdays from 6-10 AM on HLN.

So here are the merits…

-She's hot
-Jennifer Westhoven (financial correspondent) ain't bad
-The annoying dudes aren't on very long

I can't really vouch for the accuracy of their reporting because I'm in the process of waking up when watching it. I can say that I haven't found a morning show with a better ratio of hotties to useless crap. The only thing they're missing is a hot weathergirl, but maybe that'd be too much for the viewers to handle. I also don't like it when Robin's on vacation and there are no viable female fill-in hosts to do the honors. They used to have Natasha Curry fill-in and she was more than acceptable in the role, but since she had a kid I haven't seen her on there.

The bottom line is that the world needs more Robin Meade, and I shall do my part to help.



Vancouver wants to host WrestleMania in either 2013 or 2014. They need to get some snow for the Winter Olympics before hosting more events. How come they can't get any snow and my hometown is currently buried in it? Bring the Olympics here, I'll offer free lodging to Lindsey Vonn if she needs it.

WWE NXT (being pronounced letter by letter)will be premiering on February 23rd. The concept, as I understand it, is somewhat similar to shows like Tough Enough & The Ultimate Fighter, in that they'll be following new wrestlers inside and outside of the ring, documenting their path to the top of WWE. The goal WWE's hoping to accomplish here is enabling their fans to connect with these guys from the beginning, getting insights into their goals and personalities, so that when they come out on PPV you won't be able to hear crickets. It sounds

WWE has apparently not decided what to do with the ECW title. While the show is definitely going away, some feel it may be worthwhile to keep the title around as something they can use on the under cards of PPVs as an attraction. I would ordinarily recommend getting rid of it, but the belt looks so darn cool that I can't really hate on keeping it around. It'd be tough to explain why it's still there after awhile though.

Ron Simmons retired from pro wrestling after competing on a Purks International Championship Wrestling card in Georgia. Oddly enough, he teamed with two people I haven't seen in ages…David Young & Air Paris. Man, the last time I saw Air Paris was on the side of a milk carton.





- I think the Penguin wrote Vince's speech towards Bret from last week's Raw. I have to say that I feel really uncomfortable whenever Bret takes any kind of offense from anybody. I can't imagine watching him work a match at this point.

- I hope Hornswoggle isn't spinning around in one of Carl Edwards' Daytona cars. The Roush Fenway people must be having seizures watching this. I know I am. Kelly Kelly sighting! Bellas sighting! You know, when I hear Cypress Hill I immediately think "Carl Edwards". Yay backflip! The fans in Louisiana seem pleased with the result of the Super Bowl. Sheamus comes out to confront Edwards and calls him "fella"! Them's fightin' words. Christian comes out because his show is ending in a couple of weeks. The peeps are in full effect, but his WNBA joke falls pretty flat. "Snaggletooth" gets a pretty good response though, as does his ripping on Sheamus's tan. ECW champ vs. WWE champ, both born with no last names? BOOK IT CARL~! And he books it right now! Edwards doesn't mess around.

- Christian had a really good 2009 that seemed to fly under most peoples' radars…perhaps a trip to Raw in 2010 will gain more attention. He had quite the good match with Sheamus here, showcasing the young Irishman that's slowly gaining credibility with the Raw audience. They may have pushed him a little too far too soon, but the kid's got potential. Put him in the ring with folks like Captain Charisma, and we'll see it sooner rather than later. Lawler seemed pretty excited by Christian's offense, which may be one of the positives of people inside WWE not really paying attention to ECW. Sheamus wins, getting a reaction similar to Saints fans' reaction to the first quarter of the Super Bowl.

- At least with DX having dissention, they're talking about WrestleMania instead of plugging their merchandise. Speaking of dissention, Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase talk about how Cody didn't get in the Elimination Chamber and how Ted is better than Cody. Orton comes in and mentions that DiBiase is booked against Cena, and Rhodes will be facing…Orton. So if Edwards is John Cena's friend, why is he catering to Randy Orton's whims? Hmmmmmmm.

- Tag team championship time! Teddy Long at ringside to support his Smackdown wrestlers…Punk bitches out the Louisianans for turning to drugs and alcohol…I think he's just bitter because the Bears haven't done a whole lot since 1985. Punk calls out Jared from Subway, who's in the crowd for some reason, and tries to recruit him as a spokesperson for the Straight Edge Society. Jared has none of it, preferring to have a Bud Light with his subs. Fortunately DX's music comes to the rescue before I try to analyze whether Jared's sticking with his Subway diet or not.

- The tag title match was pretty fun. It'll be sad if Shawn never does the kip up again because Orton pinned him off of it one time. Michaels pinned Punk! OMG BURRIED~! I'm kidding. We do have new champs though, as ShowMiz overcame DX! Miz now has three title belts, which makes him the most awesome wrestler in the history of awesome. Shawn Michaels has had a rough couple of weeks. Does that make a heel turn imminent? I can't say for sure, but he hasn't seemed very friendly lately.

- I was ready to call our new tag team champions "The Miz Show", but Big Show convinced Miz & myself that "ShowMiz" is a better name. Kinda sounds like "Show Biz"…I like it! Shawn Michaels tries to get Teddy Long to get him onto Smackdown and put him in the Elimination Chamber with the Undertaker. Triple H confronts Shawn and asks him if he wants to throw his career away (not sure if I like H equating being sent to Smackdown with throwing his career away, but it gets us to where we need to go here and maybe he meant that assaulting Long, a WWE official was throwing his career away with a possible suspension instead of subtly burying Smackdown)…Shawn replies that his career is over, super kicks Teddy Long and walks off. Yeah, aside from that one minor quibble that was awesome television. HBK seems headed towards heeldom, but a match with HHH at Mania is looking more likely than one with Taker right now. Everybody says that HBK vs. HHH has been played out since 2004, but perhaps a switch of the face/heel status would add a lot to the proceedings. I'm willing to give it a shot.

- Jillian & Gail Kim have a match, but I'm distracted by Maryse doing commentary. It doesn't much matter because Gail won in like a minute. Probably for the best, though they have had fun matches on Superstars. Maryse plays nice, but something tells me that she might be saying something meaner when she switches to French. What can I say, I'm used to French girls talking dirty to me.

- The Million Dollar Man is your next WWE Hall of Fame inductee. Well deserved, and we get to see fun clips!

- Carl Edwards, Jared & Santino Marella. A true meeting of the minds! Edwards books Santino vs. Jack Swagger for Superstars, and Jerry Springer will be hosting Raw next week. Jerry Jerry Jerry!

- IT'S A NEW DAY! I HEAR VOICES IN MY HEAD! Man, I haven't seen Orton move this quickly towards the ring in months. The match moves along as you'd expect…until Sheamus distracts Orton, Rhodes hits CrossRhodes and wins! Well, that was unexpected from where I sit. Orton gets booted in the skull by Sheamus, but you can't really feel sorry for him because he's been punting people for years now. Rhodes comes to Orton's defense with a chair, but one has to wonder if Orton can trust young Cody, or if the grandson of a plumber has cast his lot with Sheamus.

- Edwards books Orton vs. Sheamus, DiBiase vs. Kingston & Cena vs. HHH for next week. He also tries to book himself a Daytona 500 victory, but NASCAR's having none of that.

- Speaking of people having none of things, Cena is all pissed off after Batista beating him up last week and decides to take it out on Ted DiBiase. He STFs Teddy on the floor and we don't even get a match! That's no way to treat a fellow Marine.

- Cena wants Batista! After he figures out that Batista isn't coming out, he decides he'd like to talk to Vince McMahon. I'd like to talk to Vince too, but he never strides down my hallway when I call him out. Gotta love the Vince walk. Only ten security guards…Vince must be feeling the economic crunch too. Vince is the ALPHA MALE! Where's Monty Brown when you need him? He's pretty proud of the whole Bret thing, but he proclaims that he had nothing to do with Batista attacking Cena. He doesn't like Cena much though, or Louisiana hayseeds, for that matter. Cena gets on Vince for the whole money thing, and says he doesn't wrestle for the money. Yay Saints cheap pop! Cena cuts a good promo here and the fans like him for a change. Cena says that Bret Hart wants to wrestle at WrestleMania against Vince…Vince thinks Bret doesn't want any of him, but accepts the challenge anyway.

- A recap video of last week at 11:05? Interesting. Well, after that Bret comes out and attacks Vince and his security guards! After that, Vince changes his mind and decides he won't wrestle Bret. He deserved to be screwed! Bret destroys crap and makes it explode! He takes out the announce table like he did in Montreal, but doesn't paint the letters "WCW" with his finger.

- Nice way to finish a pretty darn solid episode of Raw. I'm still incredibly uneasy about this whole Bret wrestling thing, but I like the idea I read somewhere of Bret getting 5 minutes with Vince if Cena beats Batista at WrestleMania. That sounds a lot safer than trying to have Bret work a singles match, or even a tag team match.



Scott Steiner is reportedly done with TNA. I've seen no official reason why, but apparently Steiner has been unhappy with the organization for sometime now, and there was a meeting with him and Terry Taylor on January 5 to discuss his future with the company. The fact that he hasn't been used since kind of speaks for itself.

I have enjoyed Steiner's TNA run a lot more than I thought I would when it began. He had a largely disappointing stint with WWE from 2002-2004, bounced around for awhile until he arrived in TNA in 2006. Highlights have included a feud with Samoa Joe, a Steiner Brothers reunion that went better than anybody could have thought, fighting his way back from a nearly fatal throat injury in Puerto Rico, joining the Main Event Mafia, and nearly all of his promos. Given his past with WWE, it's unknown if Steiner would be willing to return there, so we might have seen the last of Big Poppa Pump on a national stage.

Unless he shows up at the next Impact tapings. Which is always possible.

Awesome Kong will be staying with TNA after all, due to the fact that they wouldn't grant her release. It appears that the heat between her and Bubba the Love Sponge has been resolved after a meeting Bischogan had with the two. I'm still hoping for a rematch between Kong & Bubba at a future UFC event. While Kong will stay, word has it that she's not happy with the money situation…it's been said that the only Knockouts getting paid all that well are those who have previously worked with WWE. I'm not sure how that makes the Knockout division different than the rest of the company.

There was a wardrobe malfunction during Tara's bout with Angelina Love on last week's Impact…while Spike TV managed to keep us from seeing nipple, Bravo in the UK doesn't care about these things and let it fly. I would confirm this report, but Mathew Sforcina has quarantined the footage for himself and isn't letting anybody else watch it. I'd say something about it, but I haven't been cleared to wrestle after the whole beheading thing yet.

To update a story from last week, TNA is going to allow the Young Bucks to wrestle at the Dragon Gate USA shows on WrestleMania weekend after all. Considering I already told TNA that they didn't need to do that, that's pretty nice of them. While we're talking about DGUSA, I'll go ahead and mention that they also won't be pursuing legal action against Davey Richards, and that the Japan office wasn't very happy with how the whole thing was handled. So, that ends that.

In more story updating, the Honky Tonk Man revealed that he lied about TNA being interested in bringing him in. He proclaimed that he worked the Internet, putting him in elite company with Matt Hardy, Vince Russo & the San Diego Chicken.

I'm making up the part about the Chicken, but it's a nice way to segue into our



I have to share this with you fine people…I found it on one of my favorite U of L sports blogs last week and spent the next ten minutes laughing so hard that I actually cried. First time I've cried in three years, and it's pretty amazing that I can remember that…especially since I was totally plastered when it happened. At any rate, WDRB in Louisville was having this "Mascot Bowl" thing on their morning show, featuring a bunch of people in animal outfits playing football. Somehow this ended up happening:



1. Donovan McCrabb? Peyton Manatee? Tremendous.
2. It's amazing how Buddy the Bat resigns himself to his fate.
3. I have no idea what happened to the pants of the small bird.
4. Are the other mascots trying to break it up, or are they just going to laugh at the bat?
5. This actually aired on television.

Robin, your reaction?



I agree.



In some bad news for my friends in the Louisville area, Six Flags Kentucky Kingdom is closing its doors after twenty-one years of operation. Though I lived within a couple of miles from the Kingdom and went to other areas of the Kentucky Fair & Expo Center rather frequently, I never had the opportunity to visit the theme park. This was mostly due to money issues and the fact that I'm not much of a rollercoaster nut. It was on that list of things I'd like to do that I never got the chance to do. KK hosted multiple Ohio Valley Wrestling events every summer from 2002-2008, with cards featuring guys like Ric Flair, Jerry Lawler, Kane & Rey Mysterio in addition to OVW regulars like John Cena, Batista, Randy Orton and countless others. It's a sad day to see a place like that close, but it's the reality we're stuck with in this economy.

Speaking of OVW, they'll be moving their tapings from Wednesday to Friday. I always wondered why they always taped on Wednesday, because I figured their crowds would be higher on Friday nights when more people were out doing stuff. Then again, maybe their crowds were taking in the Louisville bar scene on Fridays, which is something I still miss from my days there. Ah, memories.

Ring of Honor had to cancel their Saturday TV taping due to the crapload of snow that fell on Philadelphia. They managed to have a Friday show somehow (WWE canceled a show scheduled for Philly, but Saturday definitely would have been pushing it.

Roderick Strong has extended his contract with Ring of Honor, which probably bodes well for his title chances. With Tyler Black's popularity with the fans waning, Strong seems like the smart pick to dethrone Austin Aries as ROH Champion. His interview skills will never be anything to write home about, but his in-ring ability can't be denied.

Human Tornado has retired from pro wrestling after seven years in the indy scene. He was most prolific in Pro Wrestling Guerrilla, but also made a handful of Ring of Honor appearances and was likely most well known for his stint with Wrestling Society X and appearance in Nacho Libre as El Snowflake. For those of you unfamiliar with the Tornado, here's a video that explains what he was about.

(Don't worry, my international friends…it's YouTube. I had no idea you guys don't get Hulu. Being a man that was bereft of Hulu access until just recently, I feel your pain.)



Catchy, no? Tornado is only a year older than I am, so I wouldn't rule out a return to the squared circle.

Finally, I have to plug this event that I got an e-mail about because it sounds too awesome for words…

The "Wrestling To Rebuild" Cruise to Bermuda just became "One of a Kind" As "Mr. PPV" Rob Van Dam and "The Homicidal, Genocidal, Suicidal, Death Defying" Sabu will be on board the Explorer Of The Seas.

ALLENTOWN - This past Sunday, the Uso's Foundation and WXW C4 proudly announced that joining Al Snow and Head will be former WWE World Champion: Rob Van Dam and former ECW World Champion: Sabu, along with the already scheduled former WWE Tag Team Champion: Headshrinker Samu and Legacy Member: Manu aka Afa Jr. all to help raise money to rebuild Samoa after the devastating Tsunami's hit the island last year.

A number of the stars on board will be taking part in unique Q&A Sessions and Autograph Sessions for fans aboard. For the up and coming wrestler, a number of wrestlers will put on valuable seminars for the up and coming wrestler that wants to come on board and learn from some of the top stars in wrestling today. In addition to all of this, a ring WILL be on board the Cruise Ship and a number of live events will take place throughout the week.

In order to take part in this "one of a kind" cruise, act fast because reservations need to be made by the end of March and can be done so by calling Reese at Smooth Sailing Cruises at 877-258-8281 or email [e-mail]. Prices start at $1,045.00 per person and include all meals, taxes, gratuities and wrestling events! There are only a number of reservations left so act now in order to be on board to Bermuda!

Please visit the WXW C4 mini-site, dedicated to the "Wrestling To Rebuild" Cruise to Bermuda by visiting the BRAND NEW www.WXWC4.com!

So you get to go on a cruise with Sabu, RVD and various Samoans? This sounds like an old WCW PPV promo video…all we're missing is a demented midget blowing up the boat. Sounds like fun if you're got the money.



This column is rated RRR.

Ari claims he's a baby face while attempting to murder your humble correspondent.

Hubbard lists his top ten Edge matches. I have a hard time thinking of my favorite Edge match, but my favorite series of Edge matches was easily the TLC matches with E & C, the Hardyz & the Dudleyz. Good times.

Edge winning the Royal Rumble? High Road!

Sarnecky books WrestleMania, saving WWE the trouble. He's a considerate man.

Weyer pays tribute to the legendary Jack Brisco.

And in our AJ Grey post of the week, 411 readers reveal their thumb fetish. That's…rather disturbing.

Be sure to check out my good friend Geoff Eubanks' column today, along with other Tuesday staples Gerretsen & Byers. Oh, and there are other zones of this website that would also appreciate your perusal.

Small will be in tomorrow, and we'll go back to our usual schedule next week when hopefully there won't be blizzards getting in the way. Until then…