The Wrestling News Experience: 02.22.10

Monday, February 22nd, 2010

From 411Mania’s Canadian offices in Kitchener, Ontario, Canada, this is The Wrestling News Experience, with Stephen Randle!

I Aim To Misbehave

Good morning, everyone, and welcome to the Experience. I’m Stephen Randle, and with the Olympics in full swing, there is not a damned thing on TV any more. Which, I guess, allows me to catch up on the seven different shows I like that all happen to air on Mondays. I’m completely serious. Six other days of the week, nothing on that I want to watch. Mondays, I need three Tivos plus the night off of work just to keep up with everything. And I don’t even own one Tivo.

And let’s not forget that Spring Training is coming, which would mean something to people whose team didn’t just trade away the best pitcher in franchise history and is deep into a new “five-year plan” to maybe contend at some point. But I’ll keep watching, because let’s face it, I’m a fan of professional wrestling fan, it’s what we do. We keep watching.

Hey, anyone remember the definition of insanity?

Moving on.

My Black Friend has the live recap.

John Cena won an Elimination Chamber Match to win the WWE Championship

Order of Entry

1. Kofi Kingston
2. Sheamus
3. Triple H
4. Randy Orton
5. Ted DiBiase
6. John Cena

Order of Elimination

1. Ted DiBiase eliminated Randy Orton (pinfall, pipe shot)
2. Kofi Kingston eliminated Ted DiBiase (pinfall, Trouble in Paradise)
3. Sheamus eliminated Kofi Kingston (pinfall, Celtic Bomb)
4. Triple H eliminated Sheamus (pinfall, Pedigree)
5. John Cena eliminated Triple H (submission, STF)

Interesting that everyone made it into the match before they started the eliminations, unlike the second Chamber.

It can’t be just me who thinks the face turn might actually be on for Orton? I mean, he seems to be taking the high road against his nefarious partners, and it seems like the fans would accept it. And maybe this time, they won’t screw it up and ruin his character.

All hail the increased possibility of a potential super-team of John Cena and Randy Orton that we’ve desired since we learned that it was possible to give someone an Attitude Adjustment into an RKO!

Batista defeated John Cena to win the WWE Championship

Well, that’s twice that Cena has lost the WWE Championship immediately after an Elimination Chamber match, although arguably, this one was a little tougher on him than when he faced the massive challenge of Carlito and Chris Masters. I guess Batista-Cena will involve a title this time.

Drew McIntyre defeated Kane to retain the Intercontinental Championship (pinfall, Future Shock)

Anyone not see this coming? Okay, we’ll move along.

Michelle McCool and Layla defeated Gail Kim and Maryse (McCool pinned Kim, Styles Clash)

I’m not sure why Maryse never considered that Gail, likewise a Canadian, could understand French. We all be parle’ing le francaise up in here.

Meanwhile, what the hell was this all about? We get it, the Divas Championship isn’t exactly a real title, but continuing to put off the title match and leaving the division without a champion isn’t exactly the best way to make it any more credible. Especially since the match ended in the most obvious finish possible. Because we didn’t know that Maryse is a bad person before she screwed Gail Kim in a meaningless tag match?

The Miz defeated MVP to retain the WWE United States Championship (pinfall, Big Show KO)

Well, that about wraps that up. I suppose there’s always the Money in the Bank for MVP…oh, wait…

Chris Jericho won an Elimination Chamber Match to win the World Heavyweight Championship

Order of Entry

1. R-Truth
2. CM Punk
3. Rey Mysterio
4. Chris Jericho
5. John Morrison
6. The Undertaker

Order of Elimination

1. CM Punk eliminated R-Truth (pinfall, G2S)
2. Rey Mysterio eliminated CM Punk (pinfall, springboard splash)
3. John Morrison eliminated Rey Mysterio (pinfall, Starship Pain)
4. The Undertaker eliminated John Morrison (pinfall, chokeslam)
5. Chris Jericho eliminated The Undertaker (pinfall, Shawn Michaels’ Sweet Chin Music)

Thank whatever demon Vince gets his orders from that they didn’t decide to screw with us in this case and just did the only logical finish available to them. So, we’ll get Edge-Jericho at Mania, though I suspect Batista-Cena will actually be the final match. Plus, obvious transitions via elimination to Punk-Mysterio, Triple H-Sheamus, and of course, HBK-Taker, in the sequel that everyone wants to see but fears will disappoint.

And how many more types of matches are there where CM Punk can manage to find alone time with a microphone in the middle of the action?

Oh, and what was the deal with the John Morrison ankle injury that didn’t come into play tonight? Do you really need a red herring to cause speculation when you’re going to do the same interference regardless of whether Shawn is actually part of the match or not?

In breaking news from the PPV, apparently The Undertaker’s coat caught on fire during his entrance due to misplaced pyro, burning his arm, which he soaked with water bottles while inside his pod in order to control the pain. How many pyrotechnic accidents will this man be involved in before we cut back on his entrance a little? Maybe get rid of the atomic firebursts or something?

Tonight’s Host:

Wait, seriously? Jewel? Seriously?

Last night, John Cena emerged from the Elimination Chamber as the new WWE Champion, but his joy was short-lived as Vince McMahon inserted him immediately into a title match against Batista, resulting in The Animal walking away with the title. One can only imagine that Cena will be looking to right a very large wrong tonight.

Meanwhile, how is Bret Hart after his freak accident last week, which left the Hitman with a broken leg? Will Vince McMahon take the opportunity to kick his adversary when he is, apparently, down? And is this all part of a larger scheme that could see Hart finally get his match with McMahon at WrestleMania?

Plus, Shawn Michaels screwed the Undertaker out of the title last night, presumably in order to force the Deadman’s hand over his choice of WrestleMania opponent. But has HBK bit off more than he can chew this time?

Have we reached the bitter end of Legacy? With Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase combining to eliminate Randy Orton from the Elimination Chamber last night, a parting of ways may be in the offing, and one would think that none of these three men will go quietly.

And will Edge make his decision on his WrestleMania opponent tonight? Will it be Batista, or Chris Jericho? I can tell you which I would bet on. The answers to all these issues, possibly, and more, tonight on Raw!

Readers, last week, I was once again accused by my detractors of being too hard on TNA. I want to make things perfectly clear: I hate TNA. It is the wrestling company that is destroying civilization. I’m fairly sure that Panda Energy built its millions of dollars that it uses to fund TNA by creating fuel sources through the killing and burning hundreds of actual, live pandas. Actually, I was originally okay with that, until I learned that despite their name, pandas are not a part of the bear family. I have it on good authority that Dixie Carter is an unholy succubus from the fifth ring of the Inferno, sent by Lucifer to draw wrestling fans into his evil army of destruction. She may or may not also kick puppies. I believe that Hulk Hogan, Eric Bischoff, Vince Russo, and Jeff Jarrett are the latest incarnations of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, and not the good kind that Arn was talking about. Some people will try and tell you that TNA has its good points, but those people are Communists and not to be trusted. Yes, I hate TNA, with all the fervour and passion that Stephen Colbert, the most trusted legitimate news reporter in America, the man who I model my entire news report around, hates President Barack Obama on a weekly basis.

NPH Explains My Hatred of TNA Through Interpretive Dance!

There, I’m glad we cleared that up. You see, I’ve picked a side. I am standing by my McMahon. And as I warned you so many weeks ago, it’s time for every wrestling fan to pick a side, because starting on March 8th, WWE and TNA will once again plunge us into

That’s right, it’s official, as TNA will make the move to Monday nights starting in March, right in the middle of the build to WrestleMania. From then on, Impact will run live every other week, with a taped episode running in between, which they will record on the Tuesday after the live show. Unlike the previous January 4th special, however, Impact will run simultaneously with Raw, from 9-11 pm, which is a questionable decision to say the least, given the option for a free, uncontested first hour with which to attract new viewers. But hell, WCW had a free first hour against Raw way back when, and they used it to parody the Tonight Show, so, at least TNA won’t try something like that. Probably. Although arguably if they did a Tonight Show parody now, more people might watch it than Jay Leno.

And the worst part about the whole deal is now I have to write two different show previews every week. Oh, and Lansdell will get stuck live recapping Impact and never get to watch Raw ever again. Quel dommage.

See? I told you we all know French.

Meanwhile, WWE has revealed the roster for WWE NXT, the replacement for the ECW brand, which will feature “pros” (already on WWE roster) mentoring “rookies” (talent from FCW), but about which there is very little other information. After a quick switch, the latest roster is as follows:

– Chris Jericho -> Wade Barrett
– The Miz -> Daniel Bryan
– Matt Hardy -> Justin Gabriel
– William Regal -> Skip Sheffield
– Carlito -> Michael Tarver
– Christian -> Heath Slater
– R-Truth -> David Otunga
– CM Punk -> Darren Young

Of course, the most fun story is that of The Miz, former reality TV personality who has been on the WWE roster for less than five years, and who will be mentoring Daniel Bryan, previously known as “The American Dragon” Brian Danielson, who has wrestled in the biggest indy federations for over a decade, and is generally considered one of the greatest technical wrestlers active today. Perhaps this pairing can be best summed up by John Morrison, who claimed that when the roster was announced, he wet up to the Miz and said “Pssh, he knows more than you do”.

But we’re always forgetting one thing: Vince McMahon is an evil genius. You don’t think he chuckled himself silly when he thought of this one? Can’t you picture him sitting back in a big plush chair on wheel, stroking a long-haired Persian, detailing his plans to his cadre of associates? “Yes, I can see it now. We’ll take everyone’s favourite independent wrestler, and then we’ll make him fetch coffee for The Miz! And in the meantime, we’ll repeatedly tease them with aborted pushes for CM Punk! They’ll froth at the mouth and still buy the latest “Straight Edge Society” t-shirt at the same time! Mwahahahaha!” And then everyone else breaks out into evil laughter, Stephanie shatters a plate glass window with her voice and the meeting breaks up shortly afterwards.

Oh yes, and speaking of the amount of work I do around here, WWE has seemingly finally realized that increasing the number of PPVs in a year is probably a bad idea when you’re at a low point creatively, only six years after everyone else pointed it out!

Anyway, he’s the new schedule as we know it:

– Royal Rumble
– Elimination Chamber
– WrestleMania
– Extreme Rules
– Wild Card
– Fatal Four Way
– Money in the Bank
– SummerSlam
– Night of Champions
– Hell in a Cell
– Bragging Rights
– TLC

Hey, look, another “playing card”-themed name. Well, I guess five years after the poker boom is the right time to be capitalizing on it. This is the same company that just finally connected Jerry Springer to their product in 2010.

Inactive List as of 02.15.10

WWE Raw

– Melina, out indefinitely as of January 4th (torn ACL)

WWE SmackDown

– Jim Ross, out until March 2010 as of October 20th (Bell’s Palsy)

TNA

– Awesome Kong, out indefinitely as of February 12th (suspension)
– Roxxi, out indefinitely as of December 21st (broken ankle)

Transactions

– Kazarian, TNA, returned to TNA on February 20th Impact

Apparently Suicide is not done with, but will be played by someone else. Yeah, because the gimmick is such a winner, we should never let it die.

– Caylen Croft, ECW, moved to Smackdown
– Trent Baretta, ECW, moved to Smackdown

I’m not sure where Matt Striker was getting their gimmick from, but I guess it’s better than my original idea for their team, “Zach Ryder and Curt Hawkins Version 2.0”

– Ezekiel Jackson, ECW, moved to Smackdown

Right, he’s the best thing to come out of ECW. Sheesh.

WWE

**NEW** WWE Champion: John Cena
– 2 second reign, defeated former champion Sheamus, Triple H, Randy Orton, Ted DiBiase, and Kofi Kingston in an Elimination Chamber Match on February 21st (Elimination Chamber PPV)

**NEW** WWE Champion: Batista
– 1 day reign, defeated John Cena on February 21st (Elimination Chamber PPV)

Top 5 Contenders

1. John Cena
2. Triple H
3. Sheamus
4. Randy Orton
5. Kofi Kingston

**NEW** World Heavyweight Champion: Chris Jericho
– 1 day reign, defeated former champion The Undertaker, CM Punk, R-Truth, John Morrison, and Rey Mysterio in an Elimination Chamber Match on February 21st (Elimination Chamber PPV)

Top 5 Contenders

1. Edge
2. The Undertaker
3. Rey Mysterio
4. John Morrison
5. CM Punk

**FINAL** ECW Champion: Ezekiel Jackson
– 1 day reign, defeated Christian in an Extreme Rules match on February 16th ECW on SyFy
– Title retired with ECW brand

WWE Intercontinental Champion: Drew McIntyre
– 71 day reign, defeated John Morrison on December 13th (TLC PPV)

Top 5 Contenders

1. R-Truth
2. Kane
3. John Morrison
4. Ezekiel Jackson
5. Dolph Ziggler

WWE United States Champion: The Miz
– 141 day reign, defeated Kofi Kingston on October 5th (Raw)

Top 5 Contenders

1. Kofi Kingston
2. Ted DiBiase
3. Mark Henry
4. MVP
5. Cody Rhodes

WWE Undisputed Tag Team Champions: ShowMiz
– 14 day reign, defeated former champions D-Generation X and The Straight Edge Society in a Triple Threat Elimination Tag Match on February 8th (Raw)

Top 3 Contenders

1. MVP and Mark Henry
2. The Straight Edge Society
3. Cryme Tyme

WWE Women’s Champion: Mickie James
– 22 day reign, defeated Michelle McCool on January 31st (Royal Rumble PPV)
– Next title defense: vs Michelle McCool, February 26th Smackdown

Top 3 Contenders

1. Michelle McCool
2. Beth Phoenix
3. Natalya

Divas Champion: VACANT

TNA

TNA Heavyweight Champion: AJ Styles
– 155 day reign, defeated former champion Kurt Angle, Matt Morgan, Hernandez, and Sting in a Five-Way Match on September 20th (No Surrender PPV)

Top 5 Contenders

1. The Pope
2. Mr. Anderson
3. Kurt Angle
4. Abyss
5. Samoa Joe

TNA Tag Team Champions: Hernandez and Matt Morgan
– 43 day reign, defeated The British Invasion on January 17th (Genesis PPV)

Top 3 Contenders

1. The Nasty Boys
2. Beer Money, Inc.
3. Generation Me

TNA X-Division Champion: Doug Williams
– 25 day reign, defeated Amazing Red on January 28th (Impact)

Top 3 Contenders

1. Kazarian
2. Amazing Red
3. Brian Kendrick

TNA Knockouts Champion: Tara
– 43 day reign, defeated ODB in a 2/3 Falls Match on January 17th (Genesis PPV)

Top 3 Contenders
1. Daffney
2. Angelina Love
3. ODB

TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions: Awesome Kong and Hamada
– 49 day reign, defeated Taylor Wilde and Sarita on January 4th (Impact)

TNA Global Champion: Rob Terry
– 26 day reign, defeated Eric Young on January 27th (UK house show)

Top 3 Contenders

1. Brutus Magnus
2. Eric Young
3. Hernandez

Harrison has the weekend news report.

Hubbard has The Contentious Ten.

Thomas has The 4R’s Monday Edition.

Ford has The CHIKARA Special.

Martell has The Triple Threat.

Ari has Column of Honor.

And I review Ski-Doo Snowmobile Challenge. That’s right, I do reviews now.

411 will have live coverage of Raw tonight starting at 9 pm EST.

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That’s our show, Small is in tomorrow, I’ll be back next week, and don’t forget to look for me this Tuesday in the Games Zone for Four Player Co-op.

Here it is, your Moment of Buddy.

Buddy Says We’re NOT Watching Figure Skating!

Have a good one, and always be a fan.