The Wrestling News Experience: 03.15.10
Posted by Stephen Randle on 03.15.2010
In this Experience, we've got previews for both Raw and Impact, plus the fallout from the resumption of hostilities, the expansions to the McMahon family, the next Hall of Famer, and the future of the WWE announce table may be decided
Monday, March 15th, 2010
From 411Mania's Canadian offices in Kitchener, Ontario, Canada, this is The Wrestling News Experience, with Stephen Randle!
Last Week's News, Today!
Good morning, everyone, and welcome to the Experience. I'm Stephen Randle, hunkered down in anticipation of the truly epic snowstorm that is likely about to hit before the end of March, in vengeance for the remarkably short and warm winter we've been having. And to hide from the angry people on the American East Coast who suffered through the Snowpocalypse and are bewildered as to how they could get ten times as much snow as the country that was once referred to by some European guy as "a couple miles of snow". Don't worry, Canada always makes up for the snow we don't get. I suspect it will be a long, dark, and cold summer up here. And now I have to hide from angry Canadians for saying that. Seriously, people, if I could affect the weather just by talking about it, don't you think I would have used it for evil by now?
And if you forgot to set your clocks ahead this weekend, you're probably really late for something by now!
Moving on.
Tonight's Host: Hey, He Looks Almost Cerebral
Tonight, it's one of the more-long awaited guest hosts in their shortish history (and can you believe that this is the 38th week of guest hosts and they still haven't gotten bored and given up?), as Stone Cold Steve Austin returns to Raw, and you know that he'll have beer to drink and asses to kick. And indeed, one of those asses may be his old foe Vince McMahon, as the Bionic Redneck presides over the official contract signing for Bret vs Vince tonight.
In addition, it's WrestleMania Rewind week on Raw, as we are treated to rematches from the Manias of yesteryear. From WrestleMania XX (and, technically, XXV), John Cena will face The Big Show, from WrestleMania XXV (again, technically also XXIV), Triple H will face his former protégé Randy Orton, and from WrestleMania 19, Shawn Michaels will face the World Heavyweight Champion, Chris Jericho.
Plus, Michael Cole somehow managed to let slip that Money in the Bank qualifiers are not yet complete, and a tenth man is set to be added to the match tonight! That's right, this year, ten men will try to earn a guaranteed World Title shot at WrestleMania! God only knows how much of a trainwreck that match is going to be with even more competitors.
And is there still any room for more participants in this year's WrestleMania? Is there anybody left not working, yet? The answers to this and more, plus maybe Austin will do us all a favour and Stun Hornswoggle, tonight on Raw!
Last week, as part of his tag team with Hulk Hogan and after a false start earlier in the evening, Abyss pinned the TNA World Champion AJ Styles in the center of the ring. However, the real story of the main event was the return of Jeff Hardy, who ran out to save Hogan, Abyss and The Pope from certain beatdown and delivered a scintillating cut to commercial as Impact went of the air. Tonight, as a result of those actions, Hardy will get a one-on-one shot against Styles' title. Will Hardy's return to TNA see him rocket straight to the top of the heap?
Meanwhile, Rob Van Dam made his first appearance in the Impact Zone, and scored a quick upset win over Sting, only to suffer the wrath of the black baseball bat that is the Stinger's trademark. Will Mr. Monday Night get some revenge against the suddenly evil-intentioned Sting?
And Kurt Angle will take his "win it for the troops" (and this time, he really means it) message into tag team action, as he pairs with The Pope to face two of his biggest nemeses these past few months, Mr. Anderson and Desmond Wolfe.
Plus, in the wake of The Beautiful People scoring the vacant TNA Knockouts tag titles, their former leader Angelina Love has issued an open challenge to face any member of the triad. And in other Knockouts action, Daffney continues to stalk the Knockouts champion Tara with increasingly violent results. When will Tara manage to gain some momentum of her own against the Psychotic Knockout?
All this and probably lots more, tonight on Impact!
Well, readers, the first week is over, let's take a look at the fallout from the
And the ratings are in and I believe it's…yes, it's WWE by a nose…that's three times the size of TNA. No shocks there, let's shovel some dirt on the corpse and move on.
What, they're not giving up yet? Oh, all right, let's humour them.
Yes, there is some light in the tunnel that is not an onrushing train owned by Vince named "The Sexy Bitch" (why yes, he does own a 47-foot yacht by that name, and don't you wish you'd thought of it), and it is the high points of the quarterly ratings from last week, which hit peaks during segments involving The Pope, the X Division, RVD, and Jeff Hardy's return in the overrun. Those same ratings, however, also showed very low points during segments involving Hogan and Flair, and since Hogan appeared in seven segments, one has to hope that he wasn't lying when he said last week was his last match, if only so that it'll be one less segment for him to appear in. The issue, of course, is that TNA is paying Hogan and Flair, presumably, a whole lot more money than the X Division, and thus also presumably expects them to be drawing the ratings.
And then there's that whole school of thought that TNA shouldn't really care what the ratings are as long as Spike isn't planning to take them off the air, since they make next to none of their revenue off TV ads, and should instead focus on getting people to a) buy PPVS, b) buy tickets to house shows, with a side of c) buy lots of merchandise, which would be the strategy around which the last remaining international wrestling organization based its business around. Well, once they forced out all the other territories and signed Hulk Hogan (well, at least TNA got one thing right). But what do those people know. They're obviously Communist-Nazi-Secret Muslim-Hippies and not to be trusted.
But seriously folks, what is it with Russo always trying to turn Sting heel? Does he have to go back to the fluorescent orange face paint and Sergeant Pepper jacket before someone figures out that Sting is one of those guys who just can't be a bad guy? It'd be like if Wayne Gretzky snapped and beat Gary Bettman to death with a hockey stick: Wayne Gretzky is such a classy, humble guy that nobody would believe he actually did it.
Wait, that doesn't work, because in that example, even though no one would believe it, a lot of people would enjoy seeing it.
Congratulations to Triple H and Stephanie, who are expecting their third child. One more and Trip will have his team ready for when they bring back War Games when Vince dies twenty-four years from now.
Oh, man, if that comes true I'm going to feel stupid for wasting my one-time instance of psychic power on that.
Anyway, here's a present for the birth of your third child, courtesy of our sponsor. Enjoy.
If You're Stuck For Names, Could We Suggest "Neil"?
Rumours out of the WWE Hall of Fame selection committee is that former third string catcher and baseball announcer, best known for his famous call "The postgame show is brought to you by…I can't find it. To hell with it!", a man who has seen Mr. Belvedere naked, special WrestleMania guest backstage announcer Bob Uecker will fill one of the remaining spaces in this year's Hall of Fame class, presumably in exchange for letting them use Andre choking him as a part of every WrestleMania highlight reel since it happened. I'd pretend to be outraged that the celebrity wing of the Hall of Fame would be so easy to get into, but in reality, I'm waiting for when they work their way down the list to Jonathon Taylor Thomas for his work at Mania XI, so we can find out what the hell happened to that kid once he fell off the map after Home Improvement.
Jim Ross made some shockingly non-cryptic statements this week on his website, where he intimated that it was "highly unlikely" that he would be working a full-time road schedule with WWE, or paired with Jerry Lawler on a regular basis, if/when he returns to his duties. That is…some startling specificity, to say the least, from the big Oklahoma native. It shouldn't be that shocking, given his recent medical issues, but in other ways, it is a large shock, that the voice of WWE, a role which JR has filled for over a decade, could fade away so quietly into the night. Now, hopefully they'll still break out JR for the big PPVs, like, say that show in a couple weeks that is looking like the best-booked one in a very long time, and I would kill for a JR-Striker combination in some way, because I think Striker's combination of knowledge and heelish tendencies would wake up JR's act a great deal, but if this is truly JR's way of fading into semi-retirement, at least he got out before Vince could humiliate him one last horrible time in his home state, for reasons that have never quite made sense.
Inactive List as of 03.08.10
WWE Raw
- Melina, out indefinitely as of January 4th (torn ACL)
WWE SmackDown
- Jim Ross, out until March 2010 as of October 20th (Bell's Palsy)
TNA
- Roxxi, out indefinitely as of December 21st (broken ankle)
Transactions
- Jeff Hardy, TNA, returned to TNA on March 8th Impact
- Rob Van Dam, TNA, made TNA debut on March 8th Impact
[EDITOR NOTE: Don't forget to put a snarky comment about Jeff's return and RVD's debut here that will piss people off because you don't watch TNA]
- Mickie James, SD!, out indefinitely as of March 9th (staph infection)
Well, I guess that explains dropping the title. I guess.
WWE
WWE Champion: Batista
- 22 day reign, defeated John Cena on February 21st (Elimination Chamber PPV)
- Next title defense: vs John Cena, WrestleMania XXVI
Top 5 Contenders
1. John Cena
2. Vince McMahon - Well, he does have a pinfall victory over John Cena
3. Sheamus
4. Triple H
5. Randy Orton - His loss was at a handicap, while The Miz lost to R-Truth on SD
World Heavyweight Champion: Chris Jericho
- 22 day reign, defeated former champion The Undertaker, CM Punk, R-Truth, John Morrison, and Rey Mysterio in an Elimination Chamber Match on February 21st (Elimination Chamber PPV)
- Next title defense: vs Edge, WrestleMania XXVI
Top 5 Contenders
1. Edge
2. The Undertaker - At least it was a different ending to the Harts-Cryme Tyme Best of 73, 215 Series
3. CM Punk - Moves up entirely on the strength of scaring the crap out of a pre-teen girl by singing "Happy Birthday"
4. Rey Mysterio
5. R-Truth
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Drew McIntyre
- 92 day reign, defeated John Morrison on December 13th (TLC PPV)
Top 5 Contenders
1. R-Truth
2. John Morrison
3. Luke Gallows
4. Kane
5. Matt Hardy
WWE United States Champion: The Miz
- 162 day reign, defeated Kofi Kingston on October 5th (Raw)
Top 5 Contenders
1. Daniel Bryan
2. Ted DiBiase - Legacy team-mates move up with a convincing handicap victory over their mentor
3. Cody Rhodes
4. Kofi Kingston - Made an odd sudden appearance against Batista to end Raw, and disappeared almost as quickly
5. Mark Henry
WWE Undisputed Tag Team Champions: ShowMiz
- 35 day reign, defeated former champions D-Generation X and The Straight Edge Society in a Triple Threat Elimination Tag Match on February 8th (Raw)
- Next title defense: vs John Morrison and R-Truth, WrestleMania XXVI
Top 3 Contenders
1. John Morrison and R-Truth
2. Legacy
3. Straight Edge Society
WWE Women's Champion: Michelle McCool
- 17 day reign, defeated Mickie James on February 26th (Smackdown)
Top 3 Contenders
1. Beth Phoenix
2. Natalya
3. Tiffany
Divas Champion: Maryse
- 21 day reign, defeated Gail Kim on February 22nd (Raw) to win the vacant title
1. Eve Torres
2. Gail Kim - Eve is apparently the next lucky Diva to win the "pin the champ, feud with the champ" roulette game they have going in the back
3. Alicia Fox
TNA
TNA Heavyweight Champion: AJ Styles
- 176 day reign, defeated former champion Kurt Angle, Matt Morgan, Hernandez, and Sting in a Five-Way Match on September 20th (No Surrender PPV)
Top 5 Contenders
1. Abyss - Pinfall over the champ puts him on top of the heap
2. Kurt Angle
3. Mr. Anderson
4. The Pope
5. Desmond Wolfe
TNA Tag Team Champions: Hernandez and Matt Morgan
- 64 day reign, defeated The British Invasion on January 17th (Genesis PPV)
- Next title defense: vs Beer Money, Inc., Destination X PPV
Top 3 Contenders
1. Beer Money, Inc.
2. Team 3D
3. Motor City Machine Guns
TNA X-Division Champion: Doug Williams
- 46 day reign, defeated Amazing Red on January 28th (Impact)
- Next title defense: vs Shannon Moore, Destination X PPV
Top 3 Contenders
1. Shannon Moore - Last time he was in TNA, the current TNA Champion was the X Division top guy
2. Kazarian
3. Daniels
TNA Knockouts Champion: Tara
- 64 day reign, defeated ODB in a 2/3 Falls Match on January 17th (Genesis PPV)
Top 3 Contenders
1. Daffney
2. Angelina Love
3. Hamada
**NEW** TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions: The Beautiful People
- 7 day reign, defeated Taylor Wilde & Sarita and Tara & Angelina Love on March 8th (Impact) to win the vacant titles
TNA Global Champion: Rob Terry
- 47 day reign, defeated Eric Young on January 27th (UK house show)
411 will have live coverage of Raw and Impact tonight starting at 9 pm EDT.
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Posted By: Chungles (Guest) on March 15, 2010 at 12:06 AM
tuesday's headline on 411
raw 3.8
tna 1.0
Posted By: prediction for 'round 2' (Guest) on March 15, 2010 at 12:07 AM
"It'd be like if Wayne Gretzky snapped and beat Gary Bettman to death with a hockey stick: Wayne Gretzky is such a classy, humble guy that nobody would believe he actually did it."
Your best work yet!
Posted By: son of pillman sr. (Guest) on March 15, 2010 at 12:26 AM
Raw missed a prime opportunity with guest hosts. They should have had Rob Zombie freshen up that gimmick by bringing in...HELLBILLY JIM!
Posted By: King Haku (Guest) on March 15, 2010 at 09:30 AM
I can't believe TNA did so poorly in the "war." Maybe they should have went for the Tuesday Night War vs NXT instead. I wish they would, Monday nights are the night that I clean and lube the slurpee machines and it's hard to dvr two wrestling shows and the bachelor/bachelorette!
Posted By: Darth Mortis (Guest) on March 15, 2010 at 10:35 AM
I think the better joke would've been, "WWE won by a nose...Triple H's nose."
No, my yacht will be named The Seaward.
Posted By: neverAcquiesce (Guest) on March 15, 2010 at 01:03 PM
tuesday's headline on 411
raw 3.8
tna 1.0
Posted By: prediction for 'round 2' (Guest) on March 15, 2010 at 12:07 AM
________________________________________
A pre-taped show vs. Stone Cold? Really?
I foresee a smaller rating for Impact than last week, the subsequent fanboyish glee of pubescent wrestling fans on this site reacting to their vicarious win, and an overall reluctance by every writer on this site to soberly analyze the completely expected ratings in exchange for a reactionary, kneejerk dismissal of the show (they didn't watch) and company as a whole, refusing to acknowledge, like any sane, mature wrestling fan, that post-Wrestlemania is when shit should really start getting interesting.
Oh, and some douche will continue purporting to be me as he tries to promote some witless meme... 'It's funny because it's said a lot' isn't grounds for a meme, moron.
Posted By: Chungles (Guest) on March 15, 2010 at 03:14 PM
The haters love to ignore that TNA scored another 1.0 on Thursday night for the replay. Since it's HIGHLY unlikely that it's the exact same audience (honestly, who watches the same show twice in the same week when it's good?!?), that means they had a solid combined rating. But why avoid facts when senseless, blind hatred for the only other alternative to the seemingly hated WWE is so much easier?
However, it also likely means that the move to Monday nights was poorly and hastily promoted and many longtime TNA viewers that don't go to the Internet (it happens people) were unaware of the switch.
Smart move on Spike's part to keep the replay as part of their schedule and smarter on TNA to keep it there as they transcend into a permanent Monday night fixture.
Oh, and regarding Jim Ross' recent comments about not returning full-time, it's worth again mentioning that Michael Cole has been continuously employed by WWE for more than 12.5 years and hasn't improved a fucking stitch since his debut. Biggest mystery ever.
Posted By: Brad B (Guest) on March 15, 2010 at 03:38 PM
Inasmuch as it is possible to do so, I completely and heartily agree with Chungles, for all the assembled prepubescent masses have heretofore shown that they are lack wits and lollygaggers, whereas Chungles has clearly demonstrated that he is a verbose mouthpiece with a superior vocabulary, that should be hearkened unto, lest all be mistaken in believing that their opinions are of any worth, or value. Truly, he is a humanoid of increased cranial capacity, to such a point that any who would attempt to dissemble his statements of fact for the multi-syllabic truths that they, in fact, consist of. You plebeians should feel heaping portions of shame for doubting his abilities to discover the inherent bias that exists in this freely provided font of lies, albeit one richly decorated with images of a humorously feline persuasion. Indeed, the author of this work has showed his colors as being of the yellowish hue, refusing to confront your well-considered arguments and accusations of childishness and immaturity. Fight on, Chungles, for your depth of faithfulness in the superiority of the TNA product has another defender, here and forever after!
Posted By: Chungles' #1 Supporter (Guest) on March 15, 2010 at 04:57 PM
I am not at all sure that Buddy appreciates you sharing his spotlight with Oreo(who is adorable btw) Oreo just better remember who gets the top billing in this column! ;)
On a seperate note, Chungles assesment of the ratings "war" between WWE and TNA is correct in one aspect. No matter what the rating actually are, WWE/TNA fans will never agree on it(and the majority of them will be very childish and ugly about it)!
Anyone who is familiar with my posts knows I am not a TNA fan in any sense of the word, but competition is good and neccessary. I choose not to engage in insults or childish name calling to make a point!
Is a little civility really too much to ask?
Posted By: AndreFan (Registered) on March 15, 2010 at 07:29 PM
hardy and rvd in tna at the same wow thats a lot of weed thats going to get smoked
Posted By: Guest#7567 (Guest) on March 16, 2010 at 04:17 PM
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