The MeeThinks Friday FreeThinks: 03.19.10

Posted by John Meehan on 03.19.2010

Nine days out from The Grandaddy of Them All, and all is quiet on the Wrestling Front.

Greetings, all -- and welcome back to your regularly scheduled dose of intrawebz' rasslin optimism. We're closing in on the home stretch towards WrestleMania 26, and that means that we've got a ton of stuff in the works -- but very little in the way of actual drama or backstage developments from either major North American wrestling promotion simply because they appear to be saving their big surprises for The Grandaddy of Them All and the inevitable reboot of the booking year that follows immediately thereafter.

Still, thanks to YourThinks and the ever-trusty reader mailbag, we've got plenty to tackle in this week's column. So kick back and relax, and we'll see what glimmers of sunshine we can find in this week's batch of 'rasslin news, eh?

Rock & Roll.

The SELL of the week goes to CM Punk. Sometimes, a picture really is worth a thousand words. Last week on Smackdown!, CM Punk ruined a 9-year-old girl's birthday celebration and vaulted himself into a crazy new level of uberheeldom. The video below shows precisely how he did it:

The TELL of the week goes to The WWE Divas. Normally, I'd single out just one particular performer for a particularly egregious flub. But this week on RAW? Six of WWE's most well-recognized female performers hit the ring in a completely nonsensical interbrand brawl which only managed to tell fans just how little the all-important "brand extension" really is when there are simple matters of traditional babyface/heel alignments to be maintained. Look, I get it that WrestleMania was short a proper divas match -- and so I can totally understand just *why* the company felt the need to lump all of these ladies onto the same segment. But judging from the way it came across on TV? Even the most casual of fans at home would look at this segment and say "welp, they clearly have nothing better for ANY of these girls to do at WrestleMania." And that's precisely the kind of *tell* that lets fans know this upcoming diva mishmash is really just a last-second attempt to add some T&A to card that's just as well off without it.

None - As WWE gears up for the final days before WrestleMania 26, both companies appear to be sitting tight with their current rosters and waiting for the booking cycle to begin anew in just two short weeks.


It's like real-time reader feedback on steroids

You've got questions? I've got smarmy comments answers. Keep 'em short, topical, and classy, and I'll post the best of 'em in next week's column.

Submit your questions here.

Now then -- onto this week's questions:

I'ma big TNA mark but Im starting to worry as their storylines seem so off and boring at times.I feel they have all the potential in the world, why is it booked so poorly.Back when they were on FOX WST or something it was better.

TNA's problem is, was, and will likely continue to be in the fact that they just don't know who they are as a wrestling company.

For a company that once so proudly billed themselves as a bona-fide alternative to the sports entertainment world of WWE under the slogan of "TNA: We Are Wrestling" -- they do seem to be dabbling more than a bit in precisely the same sports entertainment waters they once claimed to avoid, and there certainly doesn't seem to be all that much in the way of actual *wrestling* going on during each of their weekly broadcasts, now does there?

These days, TNA's slogan is "Cross The Line" -- but all that really seems to mean is "hey, former WWE guys -- COME ON IN!" And while the company has done a tremendous job of gobbling up "free agents" and WWE castaways up and down the line, they haven't really managed to attract the built-in *FANS* of these same performers, and thus their company continues to sputter along in a rinse and repeat fashion with little to show for it in the way of actual, homegrown momentum.

Again, it all leads us back to what I once joked was TNA's foolproof business model:

Step 1) Sign old WWE stars
Step 2) ?
Step 3) Profit

Problem is -- TNA can buy all of the old WWE stars in the world. And they can trot them onto TNA programming in high style and watch the quarter-hour ratings rise on any given week, accordingly. But until they can figure out how to use these new acquisitions in a way that will actually make fans pay attention to the product for anything longer than the latest "new hire" segment? They're pretty much doomed to more and more of the same.

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Although the ship suppoably sailed on him, do you think in 2010 Ziggler will win the IC title?

Dolph Ziggler is a tough call. The guy certainly goes out of his way to make his opponents look like world-beaters, and he also seems to have a pretty natural charisma about him (when he's not cutting promos against Pat Patterson, of course).

The only problem for Dolph Ziggler (well, aside from his ridiculous name) is that he's currently stuck in the Smackdown! midcard, and that means he's surrounded on all sides by movers-and-shakers from every direction on the card. Some, like Matt Hardy, find themselves biding their time in the midcard as they tumble down from a higher position in the company. Others, like Drew McIntyre, are simply working their way up through the ranks and earning their stripes at the expense of those in the midcard around them.

You know -- guys like Dolph Ziggler.


"Hi, I'm Dolph Ziggler."

So will he end up with the Intercontinental Title in 2010? Tough to say, but my best guess is "no" -- at least not until the midcard talent is more evenly distributed between WWE's two major brands. And even then, Ziggler still has an uphill battle lying in wait.

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What famous wrestlers have innovated their own moves?

In a phrase: "virtually all of them."

Innovation isn't just about creating a move from out of thin air. Instead, it's about taking a pre-existing move (or series of moves) and throwing something extra in there in order to really help put the thing over the top so as to elevate it from the level of "routine" to "extraordinary."

Noteworthy examples include: Jake "The Snake" Roberts (DDT), Ultimo Dragon (Asaii Moonsault), The Steiner Brothers (Frankensteiner), Bret Hart (ringpost-assisted Figure Four), and The Rock (People's Elbow).

Once again -- none of these moves were particularly unprecedented at the time of their creation. Instead, the performers just took a previously existing move and performed it in a different way, at a different speed/height/elevation, or from a different location in the ring.

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I just noticed something, isn't Zigglers "Zig Zag" finisher just a reversed version of Benjamins "Paydirt" finisher?

Hmm, let's see:





Pretty much, yup.

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Why hasn't TNA tried to sign Ultimo Dragon.He could be a great asset to the X-Division.A match between him and Daniels would be awesome.

Because TNA is (in the words of Randy Orton)...


"Stupid, stupid, stupid."

I keed, I keed (well, kinda').

Truth be told, Ultimo Dragon continues to perform, promote, and achieve tremendous success in his native homeland of The Land of the Rising Sun. As a result, his trips back and forth to the US and Mexico tend to have taken something of a backseat in recent years (pretty much starting from the time he left WWE) -- and so it'd probably take a pretty major contract in order to convince him to relocate to the States for a full-time gig. And even then? He might *still* say no thanks, simply because work in Japan is a) more convenient, b) more regular, and c) more lucrative.

TNA's World X Cup was a fantastic way to showcase all sorts of international talent -- but the problem with showing off other promotion's stars is that you run the risk of having them overshadow your own performers. TNA already has a nasty habit of jobbing out their homegrown guys to incoming "free agents" the way it is, and so they've pretty much moved away from the notion of bringing in any international talent unless these freshly imported stars are willing to sign on the dotted line.

And when you throw in the fact that Eric Bischoff (who was notoriously down on cruiserweight wrestling throughout his final days in WCW) is now back in the ranks of the powers-that-be in TNA? I just don't see Ultimo Dragon heading back to this side of the pond any time soon.

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What the hell is Santino's finisher? And what's Goldusts? I remember he did the Curtain Call(Reverse DDT Drop) but I haven't seen him do it since he was IC champ back in the day?

Santino's official finishing move is The Cobra -- which is probably as effective (read: not very) as it is frequent (read: not often). Though just a few short days ago on Superstars, Marella actually managed to hit the move on Zack Ryder. Heck, he even has a t-shirt to herald the finisher's awesomeness.



Golddust's Curtain Call sounds about right for a primary finisher. He's also used the "Golden Globes" punt to the groin on rare occasion, but that was years ago -- back when he was still something closer to a legitimate threat than a mere comedy sideshow act.

This is actually one of the biggest trends among "comedy" supporting characters: because they so infrequently win, their finishing maneuvers are typically played up for laughs. Namely because nobody really pays to see them pick up a victory, and opponents can usually manage to eek out a win even *after* finding themselves on the receiving end of even the most "devastating" of comedy finishers.



Case in point: Scotty 2 Hotty

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Is the torture rack banned from wwes banned list of moves.I'd love to see a guy like Big Zeke bust it out.Anyways what moves are banned in the WWE?

To my knowledge, the Torture Rack is still very much alive and well in the WWE ranks. It just so happens that none of the company's current crop of performers choose to make use of it as their primary or secondary finisher, at this time. And given the size and build of a guy like Ezekiel Jackson? This is actually the kind of move that would look pretty impressive were he to bring it back to the mainstream.

(I mean hey, if Chris Masters can put over the Full Nelson as a legit finishing maneuver, anything is possible).

Regarding moves that are outright banned -- WWE has a case-by-case policy on what their performers can and cannot use at any given time. And so on the rare occassion that a talent (ala Evan Bourne) can repeatedly and successfully demonstrate that they can execute a move safely, the company usually gives them the leeway to perform it as is appropriate.

(Ditto for The Undertaker's Tombstone piledriver, etc.)

If you had to draft up an "unofficial" list of banned maneuvers, it would probably amount to the more flashy -- and dangerous -- top rope stuff (like the 450° and the 630°, for example) as well as some of the more risky impact-based attacks, particularly those that put the damage squarely on the head and neck areas (i.e. -- The Vertebreaker).

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The CM Punks rookie, Darren Young, is he African American or just heavily tanned? And do you see him being either apart of the Straight Edge Society or making it an impact in the WWE.I swear he looks like Cena dipped in chocolate.

According to the ever-reliable Wikipedia, Darren Young is, in fact, African American.

From a totally non-scientific perspective, some older photos of him in his pre-WWE days seem to agree:


I dunno... you tell Mee.

As for whether or not he'll end up joining the Straight Edge Society? Obviously, that seems to be the direction the company would like us to believe they're headed in. That said, Punk's crew doesn't really do all that much in the way of actual wrestling the way it is -- and so one can't help but wonder what purpose it would serve to throw yet another member into a team that's already more of a backdrop than a stand-alone assemblage of supserstars in the first place. So for the time being, at least, it seems like throwing Darren Young into the mix would only distract the group's focus.

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Has their ever been any open lesbians or bisexual wrestlers?

Due to societal pressures and the unavoidably physical nature of the industry, it's not a far cry to say that LGBT issues are still something of a taboo among sports entertainment circles. Obviously there have been a few rare (but noteworthy) exceptions such as Pat Patterson and Chris Kanyon -- but by and large, this isn't really the kind of story that makes the headlines. In addition, a lot of bisexual/homosexual behavior in backstage and offcreen circles is often dismissed as simple acts of "hazing."

(see: John Bradshaw Layfield)

But as for openly bisexual wrestlers, as in "likes people of both genders, but is openly dating somebody of the same gender?" Yeah, there's been a handful. Most recently?



Orlando Jordan.

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do u think if orton builds hiself as a mega face and cena turns hell itll make for a good wrestlemania match with the crowd eventually splitting for the 2 alot like rock hogan?

I like where you're head is at, but this one will take some doing.

Cena vs. Orton has been done *SO* many times that fans are actually more inclined to react with apathy than with *any* form of proper excitement along traditional heel/face lines. While this is made slightly more refreshing by virtue of the fact that Orton seems to be making his way back into the fans' good graces, he's only a marketable babyface so long as he keeps up the anti-hero badass routine. Cena (or WWE), meanwhile, seems reluctant to go anywhere NEAR the usual "rulebreaker" bag o' tricks even when he's getting more boos than cheers -- and so it's hard to believe that pitting Randy Orton (as a mega-"face") against John Cena (as a mega-"heel") will happen any time in the immediate future.

Will it happen eventually?

My gut says "maybe," because it really is only a matter of time before Cena makes the jump to full-blown badguy-dom. The only catch is, by the time he *does* make that jump (and we could be talking a bunch of years down the road here), Randy Orton might be well past the point where he's still best-suited to play a valliant fan favorite role. Because let's be honest, here -- his last babyface run was pretty much a disaster. And there's really no way to predict just how long this latest about-face can sustain him in a main event picture where nice guys typically finish last while rulebreaking baddies like Sheamus and Batista keep finding themselves in the main event spotlight.

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Recently, I've become slowly and slowly more addicted to Maffew's Botchamania series, so that got me thinking 1)Whats your favourite botch? 2)Whats your favourite wrestling story?

The Botchmania series is definitely addictive. Pretty sure my favorite botch of all time has gotta be this one, though:



Classic.

As for my favorite wrestling story?

Back when we were kids, an old friend of mine tagged along with his dad to a WWF autograph signing before a house show. While there, they ran into Scott Hall (in his full-on kayfabe "Razor Ramon" days). Obviously, this was a different era in professional wrestling, and the early-90's WWF New Generation was pretty kid friendly and cartoonish, to say the least. Suffice to say, my friend's dad thought that this would be as wholesome and family-friendly an environment as he was likely to find for some quality male role-modeldom and the typical father/son bonding time.

Boy was he wrong.

From the way they tell it, the situation unfolded something along the lines of the following:

My Friend: (running up to Scott Hall) "Razor Ramon! I'm a HUGE FAN! When I grow up, I wanna' be a WWF wrestler just like you!"

Razor Ramon: (with a chuckle) "That's nice, kid."

My Friend: "Yeah. But my dad says I haveta' get a good education first..."

My Friend's Dad: "Ah, come on, Razor. He's only 10, ya' know. Tell him just how important it is to stay in school."

Razor Ramon: (totally serious, and without missing a beat) "School?! Ah forget school, mang. You don't need no school."

You stay classy, Scott Hall.

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Do you think that John Cena needs that one big thing to put him over the top as the "guy", like Hogan ending the streak of Andre and etc. If so, what do you think that needs to be?

Not really, no.

Simply put, John Cena *IS* "The Guy." His merchandise sales alone seem to evidence that point -- and he's second only to Stone Cold Steve Austin as the single most marketable WWE superstar of all time (which is saying something, because his career should -- by all rights -- still have a good, long while left to go).

As one of the last vestigal remnants of the carnival sideshow-like glory days of the wrestling territory system, a larger-than-life GIANT like Andre was near mythic in his appeal. Needless to say, beating him (cleanly, and at WrestleMania) instantly vaulted Hulk Hogan into a new echelon of popularity -- there was literally no bigger feat in the business that the guy hadn't yet accomplished.

But for Cena, one can't help but wonder just what -- if anything -- that "one great feat" left to accomplish might be. Obviously the fanboy in all of us is secretly pulling for a showdown with The Rock, but let's face it: as far as most modern audiences are concerned, Rocky isn't a wrestler, he's a movie star. And more than that, he's already made a Hollywood return (or two) in order to put over WWE's latest pet project not so many years ago -- ('sup, Brock Lesnar?), and (for a number of reasons) it really didn't do all that much to cement his opponent as *THE* company guy moving forward for years to come.


Granted, much of that fault lies with Lesnar... but still.

With Rocky out of the picture, it seems as if the one remaining "mythic" challenge for Cena to overcome would probably boil down to breaking The Undertaker's WrestleMania streak. But in a scant two weeks' time, such discussion might end up being irrelevant altogether. And so perhaps there truly are no bigger foes for Cena to face than *himself* -- namely, in the form of the "golden boy" image that he has become.

So with Rocky and 'Taker removed from the discussion, this means we're pretty much waiting for that inevitable day when John Cena makes the jump to a full-on rulebreaker. At that point, he will have proven that he is "The Guy" on both sides of the babyface/heel spectrum, and we can all just sit back and watch Hollywood Hogan redux.

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Do you think that TNA will end up having a Hogan vs. Eric vs. Foley vs. Jeff J. vs. Dixie in a power struggle, where they each choose a representative, and who would they pick?

Not likely, no.

Foley and Jeff Jarrett have pretty much been all but written out of their onscreen authority roles altogether. While the TNA Founder and the Hardcore Legend continue to serve as thorns in Bischoff's side, I really don't see the purpose of further muddying the waters by adding either man back into the top-level power struggle that's already occupying more than a healthy chunk of TNA's weekly broadcasts.

As for Dixie Carter, MeeThinks she'd be well-served to pick a role to play in the company and stick with it. As it stands now, she's a "sometimes" onscreen character -- and that only makes the company look all the more out of sorts (and, well, bush league) when onscreen authority figures change the rules on the fly, or when Sleazy E takes particular delight in wreaking havok on his pet-project opponents on any given week.

If she *is* going to remain as an ocassional onscreen performer, then I think that Dixie Carter would be best used as the company's nuclear option; the "deus est machina," Jack Tunney-esque Wizard of Oz figure who only comes out from behind the curtain on the rarest of occasions in order to right the wrongs of what might otherwise be a fickle and corrupt administration (Bischoff, Hogan, etc.) when things get really out of hand.


"As Phantom President of Total Nonstop Action Wrestling..."

Otherwise -- both as a character and as a legitimate business owner -- she just ends up looking incompetent for letting the inmates run the asylum.



None - For the second week in a row, there are no wrestler obituaries, contract expirations, or employment terminations to report at this time. This is typically the case in the final days leading up to The Grandaddy of Them All. However, there have been rare exceptions in the past. That said, provided the WWE roster can avoid throwing flower pots in hotel lobbies and/or accidentally appearing on a TNA broadcast in the next several days -- this trend should probably continue through WrestleMania 26.



Obligatory Social Media Interruption:

Follow Mee on Twitter, where I muse on life, pimp my music blog, link to some pretty funny stuff, and say goofy crap like this:

things i'm actually afraid of: snakes (reptile). "zombie" by the cranberries (song). "the last unicorn" (children's movie)

Finally, if you're a tweeting type -- be sure to hit up the rest of the 411 posse at the following spots:

http://www.twitter.com/411wrestling
http://www.twitter.com/411moviestv
http://www.twitter.com/411music
http://www.twitter.com/411games
http://www.twitter.com/411mma



None - In a welcome development, there are no major injuries to discuss over the past seven days' time. This could have something to do with the relatively limited physical schedule that both rosters are running as we near the home stretch towards WrestleMania. In addition, however -- it is worth noting that WWE recently made a long-overdue change to their Wellness policy, and have henceforth made it a fineable offense for any of their performers to deliberately give and/or receive unprotected chairshots to the skull. Coming on the heels of the Sports Legacy Institute's findings on concussions, this is a huge step in the right direction for the professional wrestling industry on the whole.



None - Once again, performers from both companies seem to be keeping their tempers in check and their heads low this week. On the other hand, WrestleMania is on the horizon, and TNA is taking a beating in the ratings war -- so big changes from both companies seem likely any day now, and there is bound to be some serious fallout both on and offscreen in the coming weeks.



WrestleMania 26 is almost here. Next week's column will focus exclusively on The Grandaddy of Them All -- so we'll cut this section short for today in a blatant attempt to see you back here in seven, yes?

(cue the angry commenters in 3...2...)


Yup, that's about right.

And With That, I'm Outta' Here

Sorry to cut it so short this week, folks. We have a TON of stuff on tap for next Friday, but I wanna' make sure that all of the pieces are in place for this year's WrestleMania card before I go spouting a few thousand words as to just why, exactly, it could end up being one of the strongest PPV offerings in recent WWE history.

Plenty of material awaits us next Friday. So until then, enjoy the start of spring, the last stop on the Road to WrestleMania, and always stay positive.

- Meehan

The National Domestic Violence Hotline : [phone]-SAFE.