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Wrestling’s 4R’s Friday Edition 4.09.10: Raw, Impact and NXT Reviewed!
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By: Jeremy Thomas
Raw 04.05.10:
QUICK RESULTS:
Sheamus d. Kofi Kingston [* ¼]
Eve won a Red Carpet Dressed to Impress Battle Royal [½*]
The Big Show & Miz d. John Cena & Batista [* ¾]
Ted DiBiase d. Christian [** ¼]
Randy Orton d. Jack Swagger [***]
The Big Show & Miz d. John Cena & David Otunga [**]
PIPE MEETS SLEDGIE: Following his flattening of Kofi, Sheamus knew ‘H was coming down to the ring, so apparently he just said “screw it” and got on the mic. He talked about how he had accomplished in six months what Michaels needed eight years to do. Then he went back to talking about losing to ‘H at WrestleMania, so he got revenge by taking Hunter out during his grand moment. Sheamus mocked Shawn a little bit, then said the Game was staying past his expiration date and didn’t have one great match left in him. This was pretty decent promo work by Sheamus, and I appreciated the fact that unlike another newly-pushed man into the main event, he has emotion in his voice and sounded like a human tonight. Of course the Game came on down to the ring and Sheamus taunted him to get into it, which Hunter took the bait on. Or nearly did. He hopped down to the mat and then went under the ring for…SLEDGIE! Hmm…lead pipe, sledge hammer. Anyone else figure what these guys’ match at Extreme Rules is gonna be? Hunter ran Sheamus off and then got into the ring to grab the mic to make a pipe/sledgehammer joke. This wasn’t anything to be blown away by, but it did exactly what it needed to do and didn’t overstay its welcome. Works for me.
TED DiBIASE vs. CHRISTIAN: Apparently, Teddy has inherited the Million Dollar Belt. You know what…I’m totally okay with that. Ted got on the mic and talked about how Ted Sr. tried to act like a father now that he’s a Hall of Famer, and basically played the “woe is me” spoiled brat. He then said that he was getting a trust fund and the Million Dollar Title…and then made a comment about being “the fortunate son.” Yes, I know it’s more of a silver spoon reference, but did anyone else’s Brett DiBiase ears perk up? This was a rematch from last week, and as Michael Cole recounted the Million Dollar Belt’s history—complete with Ringmaster reference!—Christian and Ted had a pretty damn decent match in the ring. They benefitted from a little more experience against each other and not having the geezers around the ring to get involved. This wasn’t a particularly long match but it played out well, with Ted looking strong for the first time in forever against an opponent…complete with win! I was a fan of this because while I think Christian can take a loss and not lose any credibility, Ted NEEDED this win. I enjoyed this because it’s a step in rebuilding Ted’s character, and playing off the Million Dollar Man’s gimmick is far from a bad way to go. Good work all around here.
THE BIG SHOW & MIZ vs. JOHN CENA & DAVID OTUNGA: Midway through the show, we had this match—oh, wait. Sorry, déjà vu. This was actually our main event, and once again Miz and Show looked none too happy. Otunga came down the entrance ramp to the crowd’s relative apathy before Cena came down to an actual crowd reaction. Cena started off the match against the Miz…again…and quickly tagged in Otunga. We got a few shoulder blocks before Cena got tagged back in and Miz continued to sell for the challengers. Show got a headbutt in while the ref’s back was turned and the US Champion took control. This match was a little bit longer than the first one, and did a better job of getting the tag team champions over by virtue of them beating on Cena for a bit. Cena battled out of the submission attempt and both men went down, but when Cena went for the hot tag, Otunga wasn’t there. That allowed Show to hit the knockout punch and get the pin to retain. I was actually much happier with this because we got a real finish and the association is certainly going to help Otunga. After the match Batista showed up and wiped out Cena with a Batista Bomb, then asked for a spotlight. Otunga then gave Big Dave the floor, and he invoked his rematch clause as we should be expected. This time…Last Man Standing. This was a good way to end Raw, and I was happy with it.
A CROWDED OPENING: Raw kicked off with the new World Heavyweight Champion, Mr. Money in the Bank Jack Swagger coming down to the…wait a minute. That’s Jack Swagger? Looks like Chris Jericho to me. Anyway, he made a slow walk down to the ring in a pinstripe suit and walked into the ring with the same clipboard that he had last week, and stood there like a Swagger-bot until he just said, “Roll it.” They showed us a recap of Swagger’s retention, after which he got on the mic and talked about how he made history on SmackDown by cashing in. He decided to make another “State of the World Heavyweight Championship” speech, but first wanted to explain that he wasn’t going to cash in on Cena last week because he wanted to take on someone better than Cena in Jericho. Heel solidarity for the win! As such, he was planning to give himself over to the Blue Brand because no one on Raw compared to him. Not surprisingly, that brought out the Champ and he marched into the ring in a good mood. The crowd was actually almost entirely on Cena’s side this week. He talked about how Swagger did the easy part by cashing in and how it wasn’t about what you did, but what you are about to do. Keep that in mind, ’cause we’ll be referring to it later. Cena made a bunch of jokes about being sorry to see Swagger leave, and how he was a liar for saying no one on Raw could challenge him. Cena said Swagger was nervous because Swagger hadn’t earned what he had. Swagger…glared. Cena then offered to take Swagger on. In response, Swagger…glared. Cena even offered to put the title on the line, and Swagger was about to explain why it didn’t work for him before Orton came down to the ring. Orton said that he imagined Swagger would want to beat Orton, the man who faced him last week. And then? We had…um. Show Miz. Seriously, they couldn’t even let Orton have two whole sentences?
Anyway, Miz started to chat on the way down to the ring, calling Orton and Cena out for taking over the show, and said it was all about the Unified Tag Team Titles. There wasn’t a huge amount to Miz’s speech, but what little we got was good. Then, out guest host David Otunga—complete with “RAW” shaved into his head—came out and cut a pretty decent promo. He talked about A-List this and A-List that, and then did some match bookings. Swagger was set to take on Orton, while Cena and Batista were going to take on Show Miz. Well, that’s a sure way to book everyone in order to make sure nobody is happy by the expressions. Before the segment ended, Orton tried for a random RKO to Cena, which was pushed off into an RKO on Swagger. It’s all about what you’re about to do, right? I don’t know where to start here. I thought that Swagger did an all right job to start it off, and Cena was fine on the mic also. But I have to say, Swagger looks like he doesn’t have a thought in his head when someone else is talking. There’s no emotion, no acting…nothing. Things soon got way too crowded with Orton and then Show Miz showing up, and then Otunga makes two matches, one of which is WACKY TAG PARTNERZ WHO DON’T GET ALONGZ! And then Orton RKO’s his opponent to be. I’ll talk about why that’s a problem later. Anyway, this was a good segment that went bad by the end, and the median line makes it simply mediocre.
KOFI KINGSTON vs. SHEAMUS: Well, I got a bad feeling about this one right off the bat. Sheamus needed a win, and Kofi is on a downward slide. Yeah, this wasn’t ending well. During Sheamus’s entrance they talked about how he had attacked the Game last week and how reprehensible Sheamus was. You’d think he’d committed necrophilia or something. Once the match began, it was basically a squash of Kingston. Kofi made a brief attempt at a comeback and got a couple kicks, a cross body and a couple of his signature moves. The best moment on commentary of the night was here…
Cole: “Ooh, a kick to the skull!”
Lawler: (frantically covering) “What a knee!”
Gotta pay more attention there, Mikey. It was over right after, as a big kick put Kofi down and the Celtic Cross finished it off. Poor Kofi. I’m fine with the match as it was because Sheamus needed the win; I wish it hadn’t been Kofi because I think the ‘E is failing to follow up on a solid performer, but someone had to do the job. And get blasted with the pipe for good measure. As a match it wasn’t much of significance, but it built Sheamus up a bit.
JACK SWAGGER vs. RANDY ORTON: Remember how I talked elsewhere about how you should remember Cena telling Swagger ” what you’ve done doesn’t matter…only what you’re about to do does”? Yeah, here’s why. Don’t get me wrong folks…as a match, this was a really good one. This sold Swagger’s wrestling skills nicely and he looked like he belonged in there against Orton at times. As a match, this was actually quite a good one and easily the match of the night and then some. I give it a lot of credit for that, and I think that this did do things for Swagger overall. This match proved that he can wrestle—something that, to be honest, we knew but many casual fans didn’t care to remember—and let him kick out of the hangman’s DDT and counter the RKO once. That being said…they needed to do something with this match beyond that. Or at least, they had an opportunity to do it. And that thing they could have done is instantly legitimized Swagger. A win over Orton would have been fantastic, and it would have been perfectly acceptable to do so in a way that protected Orton. Have Swagger pin Orton with a cheap move of some sort. Have him hit Orton with the title while the ref’s back was turned or a bump had happened. You still get Swagger over with Edge’s old gimmick of being an opportunist. This loss didn’t kill Swagger’s credibility, and frankly if he was not a new World Champion this would have been a Right. As it is, I can’t give it a Right because, in conjunction with Cena’s promo that Swagger’s accomplishments meant nothing, this missed a major opportunity. Sorry guys.
RED CARPET DRESSED TO IMPRESS BATTLE ROYALE: Wow. Okay, so I’ll admit that I probably give the Butterfly division a touch more credit than some people. However, no one can deny that there are limitations to them, at best. So what do you do? You put them in evening gowns and let them try and throw each other over the top rope. Freaking brilliant. Maryse joined Lawler and Cole on commentary and critiqued the ladies’ choices of formal ware. Sorry folk, you know I love me some Maryse, but that peacock/NBC joke for Gail fell really flat. Also, Rosa looked like crap. Seriously, terrible dress. Katie Lea looked pretty good and the Bellas were hot. And finally was Eve, who looked pretty damn good, whatever Maryse was saying. What, you want me to critique the wrestling in this? Please. They didn’t even bother to follow Battle Royale rules, as more than one Diva went out through the ropes instead of over them. Yes, I heard Cole talking about how you didn’t have to go over the ropes. Then why bother with making it a battle royale? We had the usual Triple K high spot before Jillian tossed her, and then Alicia got tossed and Jillian lost due to an attempt at interference from Alicia. Maryse’s commentary was tolerable but not great, and the wrestling was crap. Eve was already sort of the de facto #1 contender; why do this? Oh yeah, we needed to waste some time. Well, this was certainly that.
GUEST HOST ANTICS: After a nice little video package that probably did him a lot of good considering it was shown on the A-Show, Otunga was hanging out in the back room with his crew, talking about his demands he made. That brought Santino in, and he made a bit deal about the A-Team showing up. Now that’s a guest hosting I’d like to see. Then Hornswoggle showed up to slobber on the M&M’s and Santino said he loved it when a plan came together. Nice to see the comedy boys earn a paycheck. Complete waste of time.
JOHN CENA & BATISTA vs. SHOW MIZ: Midway through the show, we had this match, which had the worst pop culture reference of the night as Michael Cole compared Cena and Batista to Jesse James & Sandra Bullock. So which one of them slept with a Nazi and a stripper named Skittles? My money’s on Big Dave. Or, possibly, JBL. Jawohl! No one really seemed pleased on the way down to the ring for this match, which is probably understandable. Many, many demerits for neither Cole nor Lawler mentioning that Cena and Big Dave were tag team champions. This was less a match than it was an angle; Show Miz smacked Cena around while the Manimal watched from the sidelines. Then, he decided he was done with it and walked off, which brought Cena down to the ramp in order to attack Dave. That caused the countout, and the champs retained. Apparently, we weren’t done with these guys though, because Otunga decided to book himself into a Tag Team Title match alongside the Champ for later in the night. Um…okay? This was a pointless match considering we had another match later in the night, and the Big Dave/Cena feud wasn’t advanced much here. Completely pointless.
DID YOU KNOW?: Nope. And, as always, I don’t care.
| The 411
This was a less-than-stellar Raw. There were a few good moments and outside of the one backstage segment, Otunga was used okay. I was happy to see DiBiase’s rebuilding begin and they did an alright job working on ‘H/Sheamus for Extreme Rules. The rest of it was mediocre to bad. Swagger didn’t gain as much as he should have, Sheamus wiping the floor with Kofi didn’t help Sheamus as much as it hurt Kofi and the Butterfly Battle Royal was just bad. Overall, I think this was a pretty skippable Raw when all was said and done. SHOW RATING: 5.0 |
From MIKEY!!!!!!!!!!:
Swagger is the new champ, and why do people shit on it?
Oh yes! Because they didn’t ‘call it’ and/or were shocked. Good move WWE!
From Chaos Effect:
The only thing that dampened the whole Swagger title thing for me is his RAW run, I’m pretty close to just not watching RAW at all and I’m sometimes shocked as to how the hell RAW and SmackDown are affiliated with the same company. The Swagger purposely bad speech was frigging gold and as long as he doesn’t rely on it in the future he’ll be fine. Jericho telling him to give the championship back was equally awesome.
From DeeRayMoore
Why does everyone seem to have it in there head that the champion has to look “strong”? Can’t the champion just be a sneaky asshole who manages to hang onto the title no matter what?
It seems obvious that the morons who say things like that haven’t been watching wrestling long enough to have a legitimate opinion.
If you have been watching wrestling long enough…you would remember Shawn Michaels Intercontinental title reign, in which he held the title for almost a year (besides losing it to Marty Jannetty) and probably didn’t have a single clean victory the whole time he was champ.
Same thing with the Honky Tonk Man. And aren’t both of them considered great former Intercontinental champions?
Who cares what Swagger’s record looks like? He managed to sneak in and take the title…and if he’s smart, he’ll do every dastardly thing to keep it.
From Chungles:
Is this really a sentiment echoed by many in the WWE universe?
‘No, he can’t win it, he’s been jobbed out since coming to RAW, he’s not a legitimate choice to opportunistically grab a briefcase in a 10-man ladder match!’
Does the win not play into the kayfabe idea that *anyone* can grab the briefcase? Were the kids at home who buy the merchandise and tickets sitting at home during MitB dismissing any wrestler going through their obligatory moment to shine who hadn’t been pushed properly prior to the event?
I understand from a whiney douche perspective why we’d moan about a guy who was getting beat by Santino a couple months ago now being the champ, but from the viewpoint of the ‘marks’ who actually watch the show as opposed to reading recaps that allow you to bitch at the same time, I don’t think it’s too beyond them to comprehend that the guy has been opportunistic, and that it is his actions *in the future* that will determine his worthiness.
From WWE’s perspective, they’re quickly establishing a guy who they know has all the talent and potential in the world, allowing them now a whole year to build him to a position that otherwise would once again be filled by the same old faces headlining WrestleMania.
It’s widely reported that, while the push for WrestleMania only really gets going around November time within the company, Vince tends to decide on the next year’s headliners pretty much as soon as the fireworks settle on the last. Is it too much of an assumption to suggest he may have thought, looking to next year, ‘you know, maybe some new faces may freshen up the main event.’
Hence the immediate push for Swagger.
Dismiss it all you want, but those boos for Sheamus are increasing by the week. His match with HHH was much better than any of you people wanted, and despite the loss, he’s been/being legitimized by this feud. People like you called that a bad move, but look, they’ve got a new main-event star in 6 months.
From my smarky perspective, Swagger’s in an even better position to establish himself among the top tier of the company than Sheamus was – and Christ, for the first time in ages there’s something truly fresh happening in the WWE.
Of course, I thought that when Kofi’s name was being chanted in MSG, and I thought that when MVP interrupted Orton on RAW, so there’s always the chance Swagger will go the way of them. But, as a wrestling fan, I hope not.
As for the legitimacy of the belt, I’d far rather an All-American wrestler holding it than an immobile Indian…
Basically, this is only a small amount of my problem. Swagger’s been treated like crap for a while and that does hurt the idea that he would be a credible champion. My main concern was that he’s going to be upstaged as a champion. The ‘E seems to have this strange problem of pushing new talent into the main event scene–which is a very good thing–and then cutting their legs out from underneath them. Punk had this problem during his first run in the main event; Randy Orton had the same problem. Both of them took a while to recover their credibility. Rey Rey never really got back up to being a credible World Title contender because of his disastrous reign. Sheamus’s reign wasn’t terrible, but wasn’t a particularly snappy job either. I’m hopeful that they’ll avoid this with Swagger; I just had an iffy first impression based on the way Swagger was upstaged by Jericho and Edge. Chungles, I’m totally with you on what you’re saying and–just in case anyone doesn’t get this from my message–I’m very happy that someone is again being elevated into the main event, and I’m okay with the fact that it’s Swagger. I’m just concerned that they will shoot his reign in the foot, and the Jericho/Edge segment that took Swagger’s over didn’t do much to assuage my fears.
From Dr. MagicPants:
Swagger on the mike > Batista as a face.
So already he’s got that going for him. Just because he’s not at Jericho or Punk’s level (Really who is?) doesn’t take anything away from him.
Let the reign of Swagger begin!
Okay, I’ll give you that. But most people on the mic are better than Big Dave as a face.
From Correction:
Taker’s last ‘heel’ run was not in 2002 as the American Bad Ass…..
He (tried?) turned heel in 2004 for about a week, killing off Paul Bearer and attacking Cena on SmackDown. Needless to say, it did not go over real well.
I remember rumors he was going to feud with Eddie Guerrero (super face), but the next week, Taker just jumped into a title feud with JBL and was cheered on the whole way, never looking back.
Good memory, my friend. I didn’t remember that because it was so short and quickly dropped. I guess I should have said that his last heel run “of any length” was in 2002. Damn my memory!
From Justin Weinblatt:
I really like Tiffany’s theme. It makes me think of Tiffany having sex.
I hadn’t thought of it that way. You know…maybe it will grow on me. We’ll see.
From sj:
even though Shad said it was his time, i still think he would make a good fit in the Straight Edge Society. this way Punk has two hulking, mobile minions to back him up while Serena plays handmaiden.
as for JTG, hell just pair him up with Slam Master J and Jimmy Wang Yang as The Rejects.
From The Great Capt. Smooth:
Post Draft, I can see JTG teaming with Yoshi and making a pretty fun pair. Don’t ask me why, but maybe it’s because they have more charisma than a third of the roster.
Shad could work in the SES, but I would rather see him try on his own. I think that Punk’s nation is perfectly sized for the moment and you don’t want to bloat it too much. Not that Shad will be dead weight or anything, but there is a point where the number of members in a stable starts to become detrimental, just because it makes the members more of a faceless entity. We’ll see how it goes, but for now I think he’s fine.
Oh, and JTG would be awesome with Yoshi, or with Slam Master J and Jimmy Wang Yang.
From Guest#9402:
“If Shawn Michaels the man feels like he’d rather be retired for good and is able to then he definitely deserves to, however he leaves behind a broken and humbled character that deserved a better sendoff than this sad ending.”
This is silly. Shawn Michaels the character fought until the end. When Undertaker told his to stay down, he slapped Undertaker even though Shawn couldn’t fight effectively any more.
Undertaker tipping his hat doesn’t just represent the respect Mark Calloway has for Shawn, but the whole locker room. Watch Flair’s retirement ceremony to understand the point. Undertaker tipping his hat is also fitting for a face retiring another face – “I won, but I respect how hard you fought”. A heel (see: the Miz) would gloat.
Which brings us to why it was right to have a face retire another face. Because Shawn and Flair before him got what few wrestlers have an opportunity to do – say good bye. If a heel retired either, then in kayfabe you cannot have the big ending. With a face, they get to say their piece.
None of that makes the character weak. Characters get emotions too, if we are to relate to them. They aren’t always breathing fire. The character got the right ending – trying to climb the highest mountain because it was there. Failing like others, but having given more in the attempt than his predecessors.
Couldn’t have said it better myself.
From Loki:
Normally on SmackDown, when a heel holds the gold I love them (Punk, Jericho etc.)
This is an interesting experience … there be a heel champion that I don’t like (Sheamus and Orton don’t count – I just didn’t care about them) – I feel like a mark again!!
It’s a nice feeling, isn’t it? All of us “smarks” don’t get to mark out often, but it’s always a fun feeling when we do. Glad you’ve got that going for you!
From Hopeful:
“THE GREAT KHALI vs. DOLPH ZIGGLER”
Continuity!!!
What was Dolph’s first SmackDown feud after his US Title mini-feud with MVP?
You know, the one that made him a semi-legitimate midcarder?
You know I’d love to see a Finlay/McIntyre mini-feud. Working with Finlay will help any superstars ring work, and the whole Scotland/Ireland would work nicely into proceedings.
I remember that feud, and it was nice to see a rematch, though I don’t believe the announcers referred to it so it was probably lost on most. I’m gladder they used Khali’s exit to help restore some legitimacy to someone like Dolph. It was a good show of company loyalty by Khali. As for a Finlay/McIntyre feud…that would be interesting. I doubt it’ll happen, because Finlay doesn’t seem like a guy who gets feuds anymore, but it would definitely have potential.
From Joe Schmoe:
“Dolph finally went over someone with the Sleeper Hold. When was the last time we saw that?”
One week prior when he KO’d Shelton Benjamin on Superstars. Weird to try and get over someone’s finisher on a show that no one watches, of course…
Unrelated, but I think DH Smith is irredeemably bad on the mic–he seems a very socially awkward guy. I hope that’s not the case, as it could drag the otherwise great team down a lot. Fortunately both Natalya and TK have loads of promo potential.
Ahh, okay. I don’t usually get a chance to catch Superstars, so there you go. As for Smith, I don’t think he’s a lost cause. He doesn’t have Kidd or Nattie’s mic skills, but he’s not terrible. Hell, they’ve given Evan Bourne plenty of chances to talk and he really DOES seem like a lost cause. Time will tell, ultimately.
From Chris Jericho:
I can’t hear it when marks talk, you insipid slug. You’re lucky this is Thomas’ review, with all his wrestling knowledge he might shoot on me if I try to attack you.
Now
I think the important thing that we can all take from this is simple…
JERICHO FEARS THOMAS!
I expect to see that sign in arenas soon.
By: Chad Nevett
iMpact! 04.05.10:
QUICK RESULTS
– Rob Van Dam defeated James Storm [**]
– Rob Terry (C) defeated Homicide for the TNA Global Championship [1/2*]
– Tara, Velvet Sky, Angelina Love & Daffney pinned Madison Rayne, ODB, Lacey Von Erich & Hamada in the Knockouts Lockbox Showdown Elimination Match [-*]
– Mr. Anderson defeated Kurt Angle in a Ladder Match [**3/4]
– Team 3D defeated the Motor City Machine Guns via disqualification [**]
– Douglas Williams defeated Generation Me in a Gauntlet Match [**]
– The Pope D’Angelo Dinero defeated Desmond Wolfe [3/4*]
ROB VAN DAM vs. JAMES STORM: Following the revelation of the remaining members of the two Lethal Lockdown teams, we got this match, which is Rob Van Dam’s first real singles match since coming to TNA and he looked good in it, though a little winded towards the end. Nothing really stood out in this match as both men hit some moves their known for and Storm mocked RVD’s thumb-pointing gesture. It was a solid match to begin the show and continued after with Storm nailing RVD in the head/face with a bottle, bringing out Jeff Hardy to stop him from doing more damage, and, then, Robert Roode came out (ironically through the crowd ala Hardy and Van Dam) and laid Hardy out, leaving the two members of Team Flair standing and the member of Team Hogan on the ground. This did a good job at making Beer Money and Hardy/RVD enemies heading into Lockdown rather than random heels and faces thrown onto opposing teams. Nice bit of storytelling.
KURT ANGLE vs. MR. ANDERSON IN A LADDER MATCH: I found a lot of this match pretty uninspired and a little dull, but it picked up toward the end. It began with a lot of standard stuff before progressing the inclusion of the ladder with some more standard stuff with some false attempts to grab the key to the cage they’re fighting in at Lockdown and some bumps off the ladder. However, somewhere near the end, this match picked up as both men seemed to finally click and deliver some very good spots like the moonsault or the missile dropkick. The ending of the match with Anderson using the warrior tag’s chain to choke Angle out before claiming the key was a great finish. That was the one part of the match that seemed to build on what came before nicely. After the match, Anderson walked away with the key (which was attached to a piece of wood with CAGE KEY written on it, something I found hilarious) and delivered a solid promo about how he’s going to go backstage and celebrate — not this victory, but his victory at Lockdown. Overall, not as good as I was hoping for, but the final few minutes picked up enough to at least have the match end strongly.
MATT MORGAN: “WE ARE THE TAG CHAMPS”: This was a solid little promo with Christy Hemme asking Matt Morgan about the future of the tag team champions and him responding that they were right there and they would be defending the belts. But, Morgan was alone and kept saying ‘we.’ Hemme was very confused, but the message was clear: Morgan is going it alone at the one-man tag team champion, taking on all comers, and referring to himself in the plural from now on. Works for me.
DOUGLAS WILLIAMS vs. GENERATION ME IN A GAUNTLET MATCH: Before the match, Williams delivered a solid promo about how the X-Division is full of acrobats and what they need is someone with solid technical wrestling, not people doing flips all around the ring. And, of course, he is a master of technical wrestling and, as such, he demands that he now be called by his full name: Douglas Williams. Jeremy (the blonde one) of Generation Me began against Williams in this gauntlet match and didn’t last that long, but neither did his older brother Max. Both got off some nice moves, but Williams overpowered them and wore them down with holds. After the match, Shannon Moore came out and tried to put make-up on Williams who split. Moore then demanded a shot at the X-Division title, called Williams boring in the ring, referred to the Book of Dilligaf, and, once again, gave off the impression that he thinks glam rock and punk rock are the same thing. Moore’s character is really fucking stupid and makes me want to change the channel whenever he’s on. The Book of Dilligaf? The book is has spikes on it and is on a chain. Really? I didn’t think anyone could build a character around a lame internet acronym, but here we are.
TEAM HOGAN AND TEAM FLAIR SHOWDOWN: The show began with Hulk Hogan, Abyss, and Jeff Jarrett coming out and cutting a pretty decent promo on Ric Flair and his team heading into Lockdown. Nothing spectacular, but solid. I liked how Abyss kind of gave us an idea of what the match involves by mentioning the lowering of the cage roof and the weapons. Flair coming out and introducing his full team of Sting, Desmond Wolfe, and Beer Money was done well and he put over everyone well, but it also kind of dragged. Jeff Jarrett demanding an explanation of Sting felt like an entirely different segment that got jammed into this one because, hey, what the hell, and the ensuing brawl was pretty tame and plodding. Hardy and RVD coming out to the make the save was a good way to introduce them as the final two members of Team Hogan. This did a solid job of introducing the rest of each team and leading into the RVD/Storm match, but had some rough patches like the Jarrett/Sting confrontation.
ROB TERRY (C) vs. HOMICIDE FOR THE TNA GLOBAL CHAMPIONSHIP: Instead of the usual Rob Terry squash match, Homicide actually put up a fight by using chops and open-fisted hits, none of which accomplished anything. We learned that the Freak (Terry’s new nickname) wants to be a fighting champion, so is requesting these matches, something that makes them slightly more tolerable. Funny that Homicide, who we haven’t really seen in three months, lasted the longest against Terry out of any of his opponents (including the X-Division champion). After eating the running powerslam, Homicide nailed Terry with a couple of chair shots that had no effect except to induce a trickle of blood and piss Big Rob off, so the Freak destroyed him and, then… Orlando Jordan came out and spilled lots of white, creamy lotion on his chest that he then ate some of. The subtext, of course, being that it’s meant to be seminal fluid, because he’s bisexual. I guess this is supposed to set up a feud with Terry, but considering the constant rage-face that Big Rob has, I’m not sure he’s the right person to have Jordan go against first unless TNA wants the storyline to be ‘roided-out freak commits hate crime.
TEAM 3D vs. THE MOTOR CITY MACHINE GUNS: Man, this match was just getting good and, then, it went to crap thanks to interference by the Band. This was to determine the number one contenders for the tag belts and began with some one-on-one stuff as each team made some tags before progressing into some great double-team work by both duos, building the match up nicely. It wasn’t anything groundbreaking or mind-blowing, but I was engaged and wanted to see what was coming next, but the Band ruined that by attacking Team 3D and the Guns, laying them all out and setting up the next segment. I understand the point, but why ruin a good match for that crap? The match was good and could have been better if it got to finish, but the ending screwed that up.
THE BAND RUN THE SHOW: Prior to the Team 3D/MCMG match, Hogan had a run-in backstage with Bubba the Love Sponge after JB made the horrible mistake of thinking that his job description involves interviewing people. Hogan basically called out Bubba on hanging out with the Band, how that’s a stupid move, and that he should listen to Hogan since Hogan knows this business. Bubba responded that he wasn’t having any fun hanging out with Hogan. The segment ended with Jay Lethal cheering up Hogan and anyone else turned off by the sight of Bubba the Love Sponge. After the Band’s beatdown of Team 3D and the Guns, the show went to commercial and, when it came back, we got this little segment where Kevin Nash told us that the Band runs the show from now on. And… well, nothing else, actually. They made some comments about Hogan, but the point was that they run the show now… because they beat up some dudes in the middle of a match. I kept waiting for Eric Young to come out and say “You weren’t running the show last week when Hardy, RVD and I beat your asses in the cage,” but, alas, that didn’t happen. Why couldn’t we have just gotten the rest of the tag match?
THE POPE vs. DESMOND WOLFE: Another in their long feud and this one had a good stipulation added before the match: if Wolfe won, he’d pull double duty at Lockdown, being part of Team Flair and taking the Pope’s place in the TNA World Heavyweight Championship match. The match itself was barely anything. The Pope winning was the right call, of course, but this needed a lot more time. As it was, Wolfe ate the pin in, what, two minutes? We’ve seen these guys have much longer and more hard-fought matches. This was nothing except ‘the Pope gets his win back in the most boring and easier fashion possible to leave room for AJ to come out and beat down the Pope.’ Abyss coming out to make the save went nowhere and just continues to suggest that Abyss/Wolfe will be an actual feud sometime.
KNOCKOUTS LOCKBOX SHOWDOWN: THE MATCH: I liked the build-up to this match with the Beautiful People talking about how they planned to win three of the keys and ODB talking about how, if she won the contract for any match, she was going to challenge AJ Styles for the world title. Tara agonized over losing her belt or her spider (maybe even both), but not being able to keep both. The match itself was really just an exercise in selecting the four winners in such a mechanical, obvious way that I wonder why they even bothered. One pinfall happened during the commercial break, two happened as a result of the exact same move (a missed moonsault) and the winners (Tara, Daffney, Velvet Sky, and Angelina Love) were obvious. None of the wrestling was impressive or worth seeing. If anyone wondered why they crammed it all into one match, it’s obvious: the match was a pretense and, really, meaningless.
OVERALL PRODUCTION VALUES: Not something I normally discuss, because it’s not my place usually, but the production values on this show were noticeably bad throughout. Lots of split-second camera miscues to full-arena shots of the Impact Zone, and numerous instances of going to commercial early, cutting off Taz and Tenay and the action in the ring. Problems happen, but this wasn’t the first live Impact and these issues showed up continually throughout the show. It makes the show looks amateurish and not worth taking seriously. Add in Tenay’s calls for people to call, e-mail, and text their friends to tell them that Impact was on during the first 40 minutes or so of the show, and it the whole thing looked a little sad. Part of competing with the WWE is looking as professional as they do and this week, TNA failed at that.
KNOCKOUTS LOCKBOX SHOWDOWN: THE RESULTS: Oh, where to begin? First, the concept: four lockboxes, each containing an item, and each of the winners of the match having a key. The four items: the Knockouts title, Tara’s tarantula Poison, a contract for any match with any stipulations, and an order to go the ring and perform a striptease. So, yeah, Tara could lose her belt despite having pinned Madison Rayne in the match earlier in the night. Seriously: a champion WON her match (or part of the match) and could still lose her belt. And Tara did. She got her tarantula back and was ever-so-happy! Until she realized that, yeah, she lost her title. (I’m also wondering how TNA management got the tarantula back from Daffney…) Velvet Sky won the contract for any match, while Angelina Love is the new Knockouts champion, and Daffney had to perform a striptease. These results left Tara and Love, two faces, fighting over the belt, Daffney stalling for time as Lacey Von Erich struggled to hit her mark to come out and do a striptease instead, and Velvet Sky cashed in her contract on Angelina Love for a non-title lace and leather match? We’re to believe that Velvet Sky, who has been ducking Angelina Love for weeks, now wants a non-title match with her? What kind of nonsensical bullshit booking is that? Why is the match not some over-the-top three-on-one handicap match for the title where the Beautiful People can beat her up and steal the belt? Hell, why not take the idea of a contract for any match with any stipulations to its logical conclusion and book the ultimate in one-sided matches: the contract holder versus the TNA World Heavyweight Champion for the belt in an elimination match where it’s the champ versus everyone on the TNA roster. In addition, if the champ is disqualified or counted out, he loses the title. And he’s also blindfolded with one hand tied behind his back. Oh, and, if the champ loses, he doesn’t get another shot at the title. In fact, if the contract holder wins the belt, a new rule comes into effect stating that the TNA World Heavyweight Champion doesn’t have to defend the belt for an entire year! Sure, it would be awful, but it would make sense. Unlike any of the crap that concluded this week’s episode of Impact.
| The 411
Lots of wrestling, but most of the matches didn’t do anything that great. They were short or got interrupted just as they got going. The ladder match began weak, but finished strong, and seeing RVD in a proper singles match was nice. So much of the show was focused on the sheer awfulness that was the Knockouts Lockbox Showdown that it really killed the episode, good ratings or not. The fact that a title changed hands at random still makes me (and pretty much everyone else, I gather) mad and confused. Also, the production on the show was fairly bad. SHOW RATING: 4.5 |
By: Jeremy Thomas
NXT 04.06.10:
QUICK RESULTS:
Darren Young d. Daniel Bryan [* ¾]
Justin Gabriel d. Michael Tarver [**]
Wade Barrett d. David Otunga [**]
Kane d. Heath Slater [**]
JUSTIN GABRIEL vs. MICHAEL TARVER: During the entrances, we got a promo from Tarver where he compared himself to a pit bull who’s about to have his leach broken. Carlito may want to get rabies shots. It was noted that Tarver was eighth in the WWE.com poll, and frankly, he didn’t look all that good in this match. Some of his punches to Gabriel looked pretty weak and it was kind of clear who the better in-ring guy in this match. Gabriel hit some good high spots before Tarver started to fight back and did an all right job, but it wasn’t long before Gabriel knocked Tarver down and hit the 450 for the pinfall. Gabriel’s clearly one of the front-runners at this point, and Tarver’s there to fill time. Decent match thanks to Gabriel, and the right guy went over.
DAVID OTUNGA vs. WADE BARRETT: Otunga came out first for this and got a prerecorded promo where he talked about being disappointed in his ranking, but felt it was because the pros were threatened by him. Riiight. Barrett’s promo was a little better in my time where he was not satisfied with being second, and he came across nicely. Barrett looked impressive in there, and Otunga looked pretty decent himself. Clearly this was Barrett’s match though and he controlled the majority of this match. Otunga fired back and looked good there for a while before Barrett tossed David off the ropes and then finished the match off. This was not at all bad for a power match and it put Barrett over strong; I’m happy with that result because Barrett could use the win more and Otunga had his moment to shine for the week.
KANE vs. HEATH SLATER: This was our main event, thanks to the opening segment and of course building off the Kane vs. NXT match on SmackDown. They recapped what happened there as Kane went down, then Slater made his walk down the aisle into the ring. Slater had his moment to shine early on before he decided to start brawling, and that didn’t play out so well as the big guy took control. Obviously, the result of this was never in doubt; the point was how good Slater would look and how impressive his ring work would be against a seasoned veteran. He actually looked better than I expected here, and frankly I think Slater looked as good as a lot of the SmackDown roster tends to look against the Big Red Machine. This wasn’t a five-star classic but it did exactly what it needed to do and worked fine as a main event for the show. Slater took his lumps like a man and sold the choke slam well; that gave Kane the win but gave Slater a little boost which I can’t complain about.
THE BARREL CARRY: NXT started off with Matt Striker on the ramp, introducing the rookies in order of their rankings. It’s quickly obvious who have connected with the crowd from here: Justin Gabriel, Daniel Bryan, Heath Slater and David Otunga. The rest didn’t get much in the way of reactions. Striker gave Darren Young a hard time, and then talked about Otunga’s hosting of Raw and his chance to win the Unified Tag Team titles. Otunga got on the mic and said that he was able to do whatever he wanted, but he chose to not tag Cena’s “whimpering hand” because he doesn’t share the spotlight; instead he put himself on the Miz’s good side. Nice stuff there, and I can get with that. Striker then asked if Bryan deserved to be In the top spot, and Bryan gave a pretty good promo where he trashed Otunga, the Miz and Michael Cole. Bryan then said he didn’t deserve to be Number One, and Striker called him out on it while Michael Cole acted like a douche. Michael Tarver was then asked about Bryan, and he said that he wasn’t following the rules anymore. Striker did a decent job here as host, and the rookies were pretty decent on the mic.
Then, we got to the annoying part. Striker announced we were going to have physical challenges each week. This week, it was the Keg Carry. Why exactly are we doing this? They had a good thing, and adding to this with complications was pointless. But they did it, and Bryan went first with just under twenty-five seconds. This continued on with Barrett beating Bryan by ten seconds, then Gabriel came down to finish first at the time. Rinse, lather, repeat…Tarver dropped it and looked like a goof, while Slater picked up the win. That meant he got his “prize”…getting his ass handed to him by Kane. That’s one hell of an award. You know, I didn’t hate this. I just think it was boring. Sure, this is partially a reality-show (kind of), but they have to keep people entertained as well and watching eight guys carry a “liquid”-filled keg—PG WWE for the mediocrity!—was not particularly entertaining. I’ll give this a pass this week, but just barely.
SKIP PLAYS THE TARVER CARD: After the keg challenge, we went backstage to where Striker was standing by with Skip Sheffield. He told Skip he was the odds-on favorite to win but failed to do so; Sheffield responded by saying that he was done being a nice guy and playing by the rules. This would have been perfectly fine if he hadn’t basically run the same kind of promo that Tarver did at the beginning of the show. Nothing against Skip, I think he’s a decent enough guy but his promo skills are iffy at best and he just comes off as goofy to me. I wanted to give this credit because I like that they’re doing stuff to put the rookies’ characters over, but I just didn’t like the delivery here.
DANIEL BRYAN vs. DARREN YOUNG: Okay, so at what point do we start the betting pool for whether Bryan’s going to win while going completely winless here? Now, I enjoyed this as a match for the most part. Bryan and Young worked decently against each other, and I thought that they had the beginnings of a good match here. However, it was too short and the pin came out of nowhere. I’m happy to see that Young got a win because I think the guy does have an upside outside of being the “black John Cena,” and a win over the #1 guy is going to give him a boost. But then, as we know on NXT, wins don’t mean everything, right Daniel? Again, this was all right, even if it didn’t run very long; what ruined it for me was Michael Cole’s commentary. Yes folks, ready your hate buttons, I don’t like Cole’s commentary. Here’s why. Michael Cole can be the announcer that hates the internet and Daniel Bryan. I am 100% totally okay with that. There’s only two problems with this. First off, he’s not a guy who has the creativity and skill to play a heel announcer. What did he bitch about here? That Daniel Bryan was posting on his blog about being a vegan. Oooh, zinger! Also, the big thing that irritates me is that on Monday nights, Michael Cole is a face. Sometime between Monday and Tuesday, he seems to run across Jon Heidenreich, and the trauma of those Tuesday morning dates turns him into a bitter little punk who gets better again and decides to be a face on Mondays again. Listen, Lawler is basically a face now. You can have Cole go full-on heel; it’s okay. Actually it’s not, he’ll suck at it but it will at least be consistent. Again, if the idea is to get Bryan over by virtue of the hatred of a man reviled on the internet, then more power to them…but Jesus, a BIT of continuity would be nice! I don’t care that Bryan lost, but the match wasn’t much and again, Cole’s commentary ruined it.
NOTHING.
| The 411
This show certainly had some good and bad points to it, and it wasn’t the best NXT episode by far, but it still worked well enough to get a mild recommendation. All the rookies looked good except Sheffield and Tarver who I am moving closer and closer to the “lost cause” category and the main event was a nice way to play off last Friday as well as get Slater over as a top contender. If they can make Cole figure out whether he’s going to be heel or face, that will improve things greatly; as it was, this was an okay show. Not much more to say than that. SHOW RATING: 6.5 |
Until Monday, keep on kickin’ it!
~461~
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