The MeeThinks Friday FreeThinks: 05.28.10

Howdy, folks. And welcome back to the final installment of the MeeThinks Friday FreeThinks. We’ll have plenty of time for nostalgia at the tail-end of this week’s column, so for those of you hoping to skip out on such memory lane-style stuff: good news! We’re saving all of the tangential stuff for the bottom, which gives you plenty of time to scroll along and catch up on the *actual* wrestling news.

Sound like a plan?

Then for one last time, let’s…

Rock & Roll.

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BONUS CONTENT: A lot of readers have asked for one last hurrah for the intermittently popular Kayfabesbook feature. While I kinda’ feel like Willy Wonka giving his chocolate factory to a young Charlie Bucket — since this is my last column, and all — I’ve decided to do you one better:

Click here to download the Kayfabesbook templates

Fair warning: These suckers took a boatload of time to create (seriously: quibbling over point size and font face is about as tedious a task as you’re likely to encounter), but the templates I’ve saved here most definitely streamlined the process along the way. From here on out, all you’ll need is a working copy of Photoshop, and you’ll be able to make your very own Kayfabesbooks ’till your heart’s content.

(Don’t say I never gave ya’ nothin!)

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Jimmy Uso, Jules Uso and Sarona Snuka – FCW Tag Team Champions and real-life sons of former WWE star Rikishi made their debut on this past Monday’s RAW by attacking the Unified Tag Team Champions in The Hart Dynasty. The woman that debuted at their side is Sarona Snuka (a.k.a. “Tamina” in FCW) — and she is the real-life daughter of WWE legend Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka. Reportedly, the assemblage was called up to the main roster on short notice when Carlito was released from WWE late last week, as the original plans were for the Colons (Carlito and Primo) to be reformed as a tag team in hopes to position them as the next contenders in line for the championship belts currently held by the Harts.

MeeThinks?

Kudos to all parties involved for pulling the audible on such short notice here. Sure, we can rag on the fact that one of the Uso boys seemed to have tripped himself up while scaling the furthest ring post — but let’s chalk that one up to dumb luck and opening night jitters, as all reliable accounts seem to indicate that the Uso boys are indeed among Florida Championship Wrestling’s best available performers, and that Jimmy and Jules may well indeed be two of the best talents in their extended family.

Bonus upshot of the Usos making it into WWE: it reaffirms the company’s commitment to their newly resurgent tag team ranks. For the better part of a half decade, tag team wrestling in World Wrestling Entertainment was something of a lost art. But in recent months, we’ve seen super-tandems of singles’ performers (e.g. – Chris Jericho and The Miz), mesh beautifully alongside outright pairings in the classic “tag team” mold (The Dude Busters, The Hart Dynasty, etc.) in order to color many of WWE’s broadcasts with an overarching sense that yes, a tag team renaissance is indeed in full swing. And considering the fact that tag team wrestling has served as the proving ground to the two men widely considered to be the best technical wrestlers of “The New Generation” (Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels) — perhaps there are big things in store for this current initiative.

After all — wrestling, as they say, is a cyclical business:

1) Sex, drugs, and violence threaten to marginalize the wrestling business.

2) The company reaches out to mainstream “C”-lebrities (Rock & Wrestling / RAW Guest Hosts) and a clean-cut babyface poster boy (Hulk Hogan / John Cena) in order to improve their overall image.

2) Older fans gradually tire of the kid-friendly, celebrity-heavy one-man-superman act, but no worthy successor has yet been groomed.

3) Product shifts to a younger demographic in an attempt to retain viewers from an early age (New Generation / TV-PG).

4) Meanwhile, younger talent makes inroads to success in the undercard/tag ranks. And inevitably…

5) The fanbase gets older and wants new stars and new attitude. With a quick “attitude adjustment” (see what I did there?), yesterday’s midcard & tag performers become the headliners of tomorrow.

Coming from the perspective of a guy who’s calling this his last official column on professional wrestling? It’s kind of comforting to know that things will go on as they always have, and the future is liable to be just as wild (and cyclical) a story as the past.

Carlito – Former United States Champion, Intercontinental, and Unified Tag Team Champion Carlito was released on Friday of last week, reportedly because he was found in violation of WWE’s Wellness policy and refused to enter company-sponsored rehab. Obviously, there are a lot of easy jokes to be made here at Carlito’s expense (most of which involve Amy Winehouse, when you think about it) — but I can’t help but wonder if our perspective on the matter would be more well-informed if we viewed the entirety of the man’s WWE career as a giant circle of cause and effect in light of this new information that he has long struggled with addiction to prescription painkillers.

Here’s MeeThinks:

It’s no secret that Carlito has developed something of a nasty reputation for being one of the most uneven, unmotivated performers in all of professional wrestling. Sure he could occasionally bring his A game when he was “on,” but more often than not, he appeared to be anything else besides — and thus his matches regularly came across as erratic or downright sloppy. Time and again, we couldn’t help but question the guy’s motivation (or complete lack thereof) — and yet today as we learn that Carlito has been battling a painkiller addiction? Maybe it all makes a little bit more sense.

For the sake of this argument, let’s give Carlito the benefit of the doubt, for a second: Let’s propose that when he was healthy and drug free, his in-ring work was at its peak. And when he was ailing (or doping), the addiction was getting the better of him, and thus his in-ring work and onscreen performance diminished accordingly. Suddenly, it makes a lot more sense why his matches were often such an uneven mess, now doesn’t it?

Still not convinced? Alright, let’s assume the WORST about the guy: and let’s say that his “good” matches were merely products of a guy who was too high to notice and/or care that he was putting his body through some serious physical stress on a nightly basis. And that — if lucid and/or drug-free — he might be less inclined to lay it all out there in the ring (which would likewise explain the marked fall-off in his performance quality between bouts). No wonder why the guy half-assed every other performance: he just didn’t trust in his own abilities, and he simply didn’t want to get hurt and end up further reliant on the pills that were allowing him to perform in the first place. Once again, it becomes painfully clear (literally) why Carlito struggled to maintain any true momentum during his WWE tenure.

Make no mistake, however —

Carlito is still very much responsible for his own problems and his own actions. Likewise, he and he alone is wholly responsible for refusing to enter a WWE-sponsored rehab in order to kick his habit once it got out of control to the degree where it became a problem with company brass. So again, for each of these things the finger of blame falls squarely on the individual — and for that, it’s hard to feel sorry for a guy who was given a ton of opportunities to improve his lot in life. All that said, however, it is also a powerful testament to the dangers and all-encompassing nature of addiction to see a guy who would sooner lose his job and deny a problem rather than admit to it and kick the pills that he’d pretty much come to rely on to help him do his job.

Carlito is no saint, but he’s certainly not alone in his sin. For his sake, here’s hoping that he takes the necessary time to address his demons and accept the necessary level of personal accountability, in hopes that his career and his life ends up more closely mirroring that of one Shawn Michaels than of one Marty Jannetty.

Rey Mysterio – The masked luchador will be taking some time off from the company in order to deal with nagging injuries over the coming months’ time. As such (SPOILER), an angle was shot for this week’s Smackdown! taping where Mysterio was dismantled by World Heavyweight Champion Jack Swagger — and thus it appears as if the All American American will be receiving the onscreen credit for putting one of WWE’s most popular acts on the shelf, which should simultaneously explain Mysterio’s absence while at the same time really helping to improve Swagger’s standing as the resident uberheel-in-residence on Friday nights.

Batista – Longtime WWE mainstay Dave Batista officially announced that he had “quit” World Wrestling Entertainment this week, confirming several months’ of suspicion that he was looking to step away from the company and the business for an open-ended sabbatical. This development has been covered at length in recent columns.

Obligatory Social Media Interruption:

Since my pending teaching fellowship will demand 16-hour days for the duration of this summer (followed by a full slate of classes this fall), free time for “leisure” writing will be at an absolute premium, and this will be my last column for 411mania. Still, I look forward to continue my “professional” writing career for years to come, and so I welcome and encourage y’all to follow Mee on Twitter, where I hope to still be found cracking wise, providing updates, and trading stories as I enter what is truly promising to be an exciting new chapter in my life.

Finally, if you’re a tweeting type — be sure to hit up the rest of the 411 posse at the following spots:

http://www.twitter.com/411wrestling
http://www.twitter.com/411moviestv
http://www.twitter.com/411music
http://www.twitter.com/411games
http://www.twitter.com/411mma

Randy Orton – The Legend Killer was the first and most notable among a rash of injuries coming from last Sunday’s Over The Limit PPV, as Orton suffered a separated shoulder during his match against Edge (or slightly before, depending on who you ask). The good news for Orton fans, however, is that The Viper was still awarded a spot in the Fatal Four Way main event thanks to a decision made the following night on RAW — and thus it appears as if he will not be expected to miss too much in the way of actual in-ring time in spite of his injury.

MeeThinks?

Close call here for The Legend Killer — but good to see that he’s alright. That said, it is incredibly insightful to see just how fast so many within the internet wrestling community have changed their tune on the guy (last week he was untouchable, this week? He’s practically an Untouchable) — which may be cause for concern regarding his broader staying power and sudden ascent to the top of WWE’s unlikely cast of babyface performers on down the line.

(Still, one can’t help but crack at least a few jokes about the manner in which Orton appeared to have injured himself. After all, “I separated my shoulder while pounding the ring” is probably just behind Kevin Nash’s “I tore my quad walking across the ring” when it comes to lamest wrestler injuries of all time).

CM Punk – Four-time World Heavyweight Champion CM Punk suffered a serious gash in his head this past Sunday night which required (depending on who you ask) anywhere from 13 to 30 staples in order to close. Insult was literally then added to injury as The Straight Edge Superstar suffered an embarrassing loss to Rey Mysterio shortly thereafter, and was forced to have his head shaved as a result of the contest mere moments later.

All that said —

To his credit, CM Punk took each of these events in stride. First, by rebounding from the head wound to turn up his adrenaline and deliver what was arguably his best PPV match in recent history (if not his entire WWE tenure). Then by writing in dramatic fashion so as to add an insane amount of crowd heat to his head-shaving segment (which really helped put the angle over in high style). And finally? By appearing (SPOILER!) under a mask on this week’s Smackdown! tapings — thus denying the fans of the payoff they had literally paid their hard-earned money to see (which is textbook heel psychology) while at the same time protecting the freshly bandaged head wound that might have otherwise kept CM Punk away from the ring for at least a week’s time, if not longer. This keeps Punk insanely over as a heel while at the same time leaving a window open for a one-on-one revisit to his feud against Rey Mysterio on down the line.

Ted DiBiase – Third-generation superstar Ted DiBiase suffered a concussion at the Over The Limit PPV during his match against Ron “R-Truth” Killings. While DiBiase is not expected to miss any substantial time in terms of in-ring performance, he was restricted from actual competition on this week’s RAW in accordance with WWE’s heightened concerns and recently altered Wellness Initiative policy on concussions.

MeeThinks?

The concussion policy is a welcome and long overdue change to WWE’s company attitude towards how they treat their employees independent contractors. Looking forward, the precautions that the company takes in handling such issues today could really go a long way towards improving the quality of life and careers of their talent in the future — and thus it is hard to find anything of fault in the decision to bench a performer in the wake of a concussion, even if the development may seem minor and or overly cautious at any given time.

None – Things have been relatively quiet on the backstage drama front over the past seven days’ time, though there has been a great deal of murmurings coming out of the TNA locker room that a substantial wave of talent layoffs could well be in the offings in the immediate future. Stay tuned to 411mania as this story develops.

And With That, I’m Outta’ Here

Well, this officially brings my tenure as a columnist for 411mania to a close. For the better part of five years, I’ve called this site home, and writing for it has been a staple of my weekly calendar and fandom of this crazy pseudo-sport of kings. Along the way, I have enjoyed a rare privilege among wrestling fans — the regular opportunity to share my thoughts on the matter and love of this stuff with fans all around the world, and for that, I am tremendously grateful.

I don’t want to get too melodramatic here, but I do feel that a few “thank yous” and reflections are in order at this time:

First and foremost, I’d like to thank Ashish Pabari for his continued dedication towards making 411mania the sharpest, sleekest, and most professional site dedicated to coverage of this often lowbrow and marginalized subculture that anyone is likely to find on all of the world wide web. 411mania has come leaps and bounds from its humble origins in the “green and black” days of 411wrestling’s yesteryear (when I had the brief opportunity to write for the site as — of all things — a video game columnist), and the lion’s share of those successes were made possible thanks to the vision, dedication, and individual efforts of Ashish Pabari. If you’ve ever enjoyed a column on 411mania or any of its subsites — you’ve got Ashish to thank.

From there, I’d like to recognize the outstanding staff of the 411wrestling “family” of news reporters and columnists — many of whom were kind enough to make mention of my departure and dedicate more than a few words of thanks and appreciation my way in their columns this week. The mentions were heartfelt and humbling, and I consider it a privilege to have written alongside such writers of class and distinction as Larry Csonka, Ryan Byers, Chris Lansdell, Stephen Randall, Steve Cook, Jeremy Thomas, and JP Prag.

(Not to mention writers completely lacking any and all semblance of class and/or distinction such as Jeff Small).

411’s coverage is as strong and professional as it ever has been, and as a fan of great wrestling and great writing, I loved working with guys who’ve faded into the background like James Thomlison and Bayani Domingo, and I really look forward to reading great things from the incredibly talented young crop of writers like Ryan Merholz, George Sirois, and Randy Harrison in the years to come.

Finally —

I’d like to thank you folks, the MeeThinks readers, for your continued support, readership, and fandom. A special thanks for the readers from the United States military and to those reading this column in places outside of the continental United States. Week in and week out, I anxiously awaited the feedback and insight that so many of y’all would provide in the forms of e-mails, comments, tweets, and Facebook messages. And to those who’ve sent positive words of feedback and affirmations on columns well-written and/or jobs well done — my sincerest thanks. The life of a writer is so often a thankless job (no to mention a cheap one), and so it is incredibly enriching and rewarding to hear and believe that “MeeThinks” may have — even in some small way — improved or colored your experiences as fans of this crazy business that so many of us know and love so well. The internet wrestling community is often a cold, sarcastic, and meanspirited place to call “home” — and sure, there is more than enough to complain about along the way — but it is an absolute breath of fresh air to share in the pure enjoyment of fandom with like-minded individuals from time to time, and it has meant the world to Mee to share a virtual laugh with y’all over these past five years.

And even for those out there who took the time to comment, flame, or spam my inbox solely for the sake of heckling, “thanks.” Believe it or not, it’s great to watch y’all get bent out of shape over such trivial things — as it helps Mee keep the bigger issues of life in perspective. Moreover, it has really helped reaffirm my belief in my abilities as a burgeoning young writer to see that I could inspire such vitriol with little more than a self-effacing swagger and a few simple keystrokes — often times just for the sake of winding critics up for the fun of it.

Last but certainly not least —

I’d like to thank my dad, who made Mee a fan of professional wrestling in the first place, and has continued to share, encourage, and support my love for this wacky subculture and all its craziness over the past 27 years of my life. We’ve spent more hours “talking shop” on the biz and have been to more wrestling shows together than I can count; I look at each of these moments as the highlights of my life as a wrestling fan. And I love you, big guy.

Thank you all again for reading. If reading MeeThinks over the past five years has been even half as enjoyable for any of you folks as writing it has been for Mee, then I consider my tenure as a wrestling columnist a success. I thank you again for your time, and wish all the best to you and yours in whatever “future endeavors” might lie ahead. And wherever you end up and however you may get there — always stay positive.

– Meehan

The National Domestic Violence Hotline : [phone]-SAFE.