The Third Annual 411 Staff Rumble, Part DOS!

Steve Calloway: The first half was a wild one, with big names like Larry Csonka and Jeremy Thomas being the highlights. Entrants of every kind entered, from the obscure (Porifio Diaz, Steve Gustafson) to the just plain wacky (Gargoyle Ant, Sorceror Ant, and a Wrestling Bear). Dustin James formed an alliance with Csonka, who Mysterious predicted to be the winner, while Michael Ornelas (#1 and still going strong) and Aaron Hubbard formed a partnership near the end of the first half to eliminate the gimmicks and bring some respect and prestige back to the competition.
The Green Bastard: Well after a good night’s sleep, our surviving competitors are making their way out, somehow just as fatigued and in the exact same condition that they were in at the end of yesterday’s first half! One by one, here’s Michael Ornelas, Larry Csonka, Adam Hill, Dustin James, Steve Gustafson, JP Prag (of Hamilton Ave Journal fame!), Porifio Diaz, Jeremy Thomas, and Aaron Hubbard!
Steve Calloway: Wow, there were actually eleven eliminations Bastard? I honestly don’t recall it being that eventful. Hopefully this second half will make up for it.
The Green Bastard: Uneventful, Steve? There was sorcery. There was Gargoy…lery. The winner was announced! Ornelas got some PG action from AJ Lee, there were not one, but TWO Drew Carey style eliminations! Byers flip-flopped between Japanese and WWE styles, ultimately leading to his demise. We saw TWO PRAGS, a ghost, a circus bear!! It’s as if Vince Ru[—-Censored by our Sponser—-]…booked this thing!
Steve Calloway: Careful, we just got that censor fixed. I don’t know how long it will last. And conveniently, we came back just in time for our next entrant….Nick Bazar. Well…that was anti-climactic.

#21: Nick Bazar

The Green Bastard: In a BAZAR turn of events, Nick’s on a war path towards Gustafson? I guess he can actually SEE him since Bazar is arguably MORE obscure than the Movie 5 & 1 author!
Steve Calloway: That…actually makes sense in some strange, convoluted way.
The Green Bastard: Hubbard and Ornelas are wrecking everyone up, most notably Dustin James and Larry Csonka! I don’t think anyone can form a more powerful tag team than these two. Michael hits a FIVE DRAGON SUPLEX on Porifio!!
Steve Calloway: That is just about the most devastating combination in the book, but Hubbard just might be topping it with those elbows to Bazar! I’ve counted at least fifty in that short amount of time.
The Green Bastard: Speaking of time, we’re 4 seconds away from our next entrant.

#22: Greg DeMarco

Steve Calloway: I’ve counted another 73 more elbow in those four seconds! And the next entrant is Greg DeMarco, the Wrestling 5 & 1 Writer. And Hill and Gustafson seem to have been waiting for this! They grab Bazar and collectively throw him out! What’s the common denominator here, Bastard?
The Green Bastard: The Music, Movie, and Wrestling 5 & 1 writers are joining forces to wreck shit up, as the kids say. And congratulations Steve, for pronouncing Gustafson correctly for the first time tonight! I guess the kid IS making a name for himself after all!
Steve Calloway: Up….Bastard. You do know this is a PG show, right?
The Green Bastard: Suck it Steve, we’re in the SECOND half now! It’s the War Zone!
Steve Calloway: FINALLY! FUCK THAT PG SHIT!
The Green Bastard: Speaking of which, the 5 & 1 group is fucking everything up! Ornelas is up first and he eats a TRIPLE TEAM Power Bomb! He’s practically knocked out, but luckily is able to roll under the bottom rope to the floor. He’s safe! Hubbard’s up next as he is raised onto Adam Hill’s shoulders…who’s elevated onto Greg DeMarco’s shoulders!!! Gustafson hits them with a Three-Tiered Doomsday Device!! Hubbard also rolls to the floor!
Steve Calloway: And Diaz has been tossed out! What a dominant trio these three men are! This could change the complexion of the entire Rumble!
The Green Bastard: Bazar is not far behind him, Steve! He chose the wrong guy to get up all in his grill, as the kids are saying, when he went after Gustafson.
Steve Calloway: Kids actually say that? No wonder our comments section has gone to pot. And speaking of the comment section, #23 is none other than Kelly Kelly Lover!

#23: Kelly Kelly Lover

The Green Bastard: Holla! That’s about as far as I can get into that song before I hate it. Hopefully this guy wrestles better than K. Kelly or else we’re in for some plodding in-ring “action” Steve.
Steve Calloway: I wouldn’t mind seeing Kelly Kelly in action if you know what a mean, Bastard.
The Green Bastard: I just hope it’s not with Sean Waltman! I need some variety in my wrestling sex tape viewing, Calloway!
Steve Calloway: And with that unpleasant thought, I will go back to calling this match. You know, with the various alliances here, this could almost become War Games if only we had a cage.
The Green Bastard: Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that. Leave the dead buried, Steve. Speaking of alliances, Hubbard and Ornelas are finally getting to their feet on the floor right here in front of us! Here comes Ornelas!
Michael Ornelas: You’re doing a great job calling this, Bastard! You were my favorite in your prime!
The Green Bastard: You’re not too bad yourself, Mr. Ornelas!
Steve Calloway: Get in there Hubbard! Do it for God and Country and babies and puppies and cherry pie!
The Green Bastard: Mark…
Steve Calloway: What, Hubbard’s a simple man, I know how to motivate him!
The Green Bastard: Simple indeed Steve. Kelly Kelly Lover is trying to eliminate Csonka! That’s a bad move. Dustin James dives at the knees and KKL is down! CSONKA delivers a K-2 on Kelly Kelly Lover!
Steve Calloway: And you have to feel for Jeremy, who’s become the target of scorn for the 5&1 Horsemen. I guess they just can’t accept that the 4 R’s are in fact superior to their product. And the counter is counting again, Bastard!
The Green Bastard: When are the 5 & 1 World Order going to learn that quality writing always trumps tits and ass? Ooh, and what an interesting situation we have here! We have TWO men coming out as the next entrant!

#24: Chad Nevett or SAT

Steve Calloway: Why, it’s SAT & Chad Nevett of High Road & Low Road Fa…Knowledge. And it appears they are going to toss a coin to see who comes out!
The Green Bastard: They’re flipping a coin to see who gets to enter! From the looks of things, SAT has won the toss! He’s making his way down the ramp, but Nevett BACK RAKES him!! THAT’S THE MOST BRUTAL MOVE IN THE 1980S PLAYBOOK!! Nevett’s taking the spot anyways!

#24: Chad Nevett

Steve Calloway: Why, that no good prick! He’s taking the Lowest Road of All Time. Betraying your partner is just downright wrong. He should be ashamed of himself!
The Green Bastard: He’s clearly not as he goes after JP Prag!
Steve Calloway: This is an atrocity. I want him out even mor than I wanted the bear to go. Someone toss that no-good snake!
The Green Bastard: The crowd is NOT happy about his betrayal. They’re actually chanting “Let him fight! Let him fight!” at SAT! Let’s see how that goes as the countdown is at 7!

#25: Ashish
The Green Bastard: It’s Ashish, but not as a participant! He has a microphone.
Ashish: Due to the betrayal by Chad Nevett, I’m taking the High Road, and allowing the twenty-fifth entrant to be none other than…SAT!

#25: SAT

Steve Calloway: Why, that has to be the best executive decision of the night! What a great guy that Ashish huh? And so handsome too. In a completely heterosexual “I admire your abs” kind of way.
The Green Bastard: SAT’s still hurt on the ramp. He has until the next entrant to make it to the ring!
Steve Calloway: Run SAT RUN! You’ll never get a box of Chocolates this good again! Ha. Movie References. I’ve devolved into JD Dunn.
The Green Bastard: SAT’s crawling towards the ring, in which Hubbard and Ornelas are aligning with Jeremy Thomas to face 5 & 1-Generation X and Larry Csonka. Dustin Thomas and JP are kind of doing their own thing in the corner. Kelly Kelly Love is still selling the effects of Csonka’s K-2. The timer is approaching for the next participant.

#26: UncleTrunx

Steve Calloway: Selling? Did kayfabe break too? And oh my Lord, it’s UncleTrunx! He hasn’t been here in years!
The Green Bastard: But SAT’s not yet in the ring! He’s on the steps while Trunx breaks into a sprint!!!
Steve Calloway: SAT IS IN!! And with the last bit of energy he has, he takes the backstabbing Nevett out with a Cactus Clothesline! Well that takes care of SAT too, but Uncletrunx is in to keep that particular brand going strong.
The Green Bastard: After all that chaos, can we just get a jobber for number 27 so I don’t have to get too emotionally involved?
Steve Calloway: That would be nice, but 27 is a very lucky number you know. And despite the statistical unlikelihood, there’s still several big names left in the final fourteen.
The Green Bastard: With 40 entrants though, Steve, this year’s lucky number has got to be 37! So I’m praying for a jobber. And the entrant is….

#27: Mat Sforcina

Steve Calloway: There is no statistical evidence on numbers 31-40 for comparison. And 27 is….MASSIVE MAT SFORCINA! The Ogre from the Outback, the former AWF Champion, and at this late, he’s got to be considered a heavy favorite, no pun intended.
The Green Bastard: He’s definitely in the top five choices to win this thing, but Csonka’s already penciled in to emerge with his arms raised as he heads for the winning prize ex-Diva, Tara’s, “down under”, pun intended. I do know, however, that with the prize being what it is, for some reason Sforcina has been training like a pedophile trains to be a substitute teacher.
Steve Calloway: There is no way to spin that comment positively, you greenest of Bastards. Well, Sforcina has made an immediate impact, tossing out Kelly Kelly Lover, which is….well almost impressive. And James and Csonka’s partnership pays dividends as they chuck Adam Hill over.
The Green Bastard: Two eliminations since Sforcina entered the ring, and there looks to be a third! Mat is a MONSTER! UncleTrunx is in trouble as he pressed above Mat’s head! There is nowhere to go but down and DOWN he goes! Just in time for the next entrant!

#28: Jack Bramma

Steve Calloway: They are dropping like flies! And our next entrant is…Jack Bramma? Any relation to the Rock that you know of?
The Green Bastard: Gargoyle Ant at BEST, Calloway. Jack’s running to the ring with some sort of metal object in his hands! They’re HANDCUFFS! He handcuffs himself to the top rope and is fending off attackers with kicks and his other hand. EYE GOUGE to Prag! BITCH SLAP TO CSONKA!! That will NOT end well for him!
Steve Calloway: That’s…actually a brilliant strategy when you think about it! I mean, Csonka just about kicked his head off, but with those cuffs attached to the ropes, he’s still hanging on! I don’t know if he can win this way, but he’s going have a Hell of a time losing!
The Green Bastard: Csonka can’t see, Steve! Ornelas is thinking that this is his time to shine! He has Csonka against the ropes and he’s starting to lift him over! He needs some help, as Csonka’s massive ego can’t POSSIBLY be eliminated by just one man, can it? Here’s Hubbard joining in the fray, but it’s not enough! Prag, Jeremy Thomas, and the remaining two members of 5 & 1-volution, DeMarco and Gustafson all run to assist! I can’t help but feel that they’re one man short, but Dustin James won’t join in, and Bramma is handcuffed to the ropes!
Steve Calloway: And luckily enough, the 2 seconds pass by quickly and it’s…RANDLE! Oh no, this is the man who sold out to Csonka at the first Rumble. We were so close too.

#29: Stephen Randle

The Green Bastard: Randle’s in the ring and he can’t decide what to do! Luckily, he’s not armed with invisible grenades to break the group up this time. What will he do? He PLANTS Dustin James with his patented RANDLEBAR MOUSTACHE DRIVER!! It seems he’s chosen a side! He charges the pile and is able to get Csonka over the top! The crowd is finally embracing him again! This is his moment!
Steve Calloway: And Csonka is tilting….tilting…AND HE’S OUT OF THERE! The fate has turned, predestination was undone, Mysterious was proven a fraud, and this Rumble is anyone’s game! And may I say, Randle has never had a finer moment under the sun!
The Green Bastard: Csonka can’t believe it! The crowd is chanting “Na na na na, hey hey hey, good-bye!” Might I add good riddance! After last year’s fiasco, he got what he deserved! That was arguably the most exciting minute of 411 Rumble history, and here comes are next entrant!

#30: Buddy the Cat

Steve Calloway: Buddy the Cat? From one of the most breath-taking moments to one of the most mind-boggling. When did 411 became a zoo anyway?
Last message received on 1/28 at 1:00 AM
The Green Bastard: About the same time comments were enabled, Steve.
Steve Calloway: Well, you said it, not me. And Buddy seems to be useful; Randle just shoved that dirty Business Man Prag right over the Cat, and he tripped right to the floor! It’s 2nd Grade all over again!
The Green Bastard: I’m glad Prag’s gone. He thought money could buy him success, but true skill…and a cat…are really what it takes! Ornelas and Hubbard are wailing on Jack Bramma, who’s still handcuffed to the rope. Sforcina and Jeremy Thomas are sharing some heated words, and the team of Gustafson and DeMarco are in a slugfest with Randle and Buddy! Time is running down for our next entrant. Who is it Steve?

#31: Todd Vote

Steve Calloway: It’s Todd Vote! He’s rushing to the ring…carrying a controller? What does he think he’s playing Smackdown vs. RAW? Why, Hubbard just sent him tumbling out with a Roaring Elbow!
The Green Bastard: These Games Zone writers just don’t get along, Calloway! Hubbard’s the mutt that’s half wrestling, half games. I guess he didn’t like the pure breed.
Steve Calloway: Of course not, they’ve never fully accepted him in the Games Section. But then again, the wrestling section is probably worse, so who knows what his logic is?

#32: Ben Piper

The Green Bastard: Honestly Steve, I could care less about Hubbard. He’s one of the lesser writers on the site. The man to talk about is Michael Ornelas, who was the NUMBER ONE entrant in the match, and is still alive! Wait a second Steve…do you hear bagpipes?
Steve Calloway: I do….could it be the Rowdy One? Well, no actually, it’s just BEN Piper. But we are happy to see him, of course! And yes, Ornelas is definitely the Iron-Man of this match and deserves a year’s supply of cupcakes for his efforts.
The Green Bastard: He’s already got AJ Lee’s cupcakes, what more could the man want?? Anyways, back to the action, Piper goes straight up to Dustin James, who has lasted surprisingly long, and busts out an AWFUL WAFFLE, of all things! Why would he use THAT manuever?
Steve Calloway: Maybe it was PIPING HOT?
The Green Bastard: Clever pun, Steve.
Steve Calloway: Why thank you, I had that prepped six months in advance! Wow, how about that, Csonka’s lackey James just got thrown out by Ben Piper! You know, honestly it’s amazing that James survived that long after Csonka was tossed.
The Green Bastard: You said it. Has it been a minute already? We have a fresh competitor, and it’s none other than Wrestler of the Week fan favorite, Samuel Berman!

#33:Samuel Berman

Steve Calloway: BERRRRRRRRRMAAAAAANNNN!!! You know, honestly, that never gets old. And we’re actually in a small enough venue that he was interested in the card this year!
The Green Bastard: He wastes no time getting into the fray, going after the biggest man in the match, Mat Sforcina!
Steve Calloway: The 5&1 Gang are trying to get Bramma out of those cuffs, but he’s holding on for dear life. Meanwhile, Hubbard is is getting scratched to bits by Buddy the Cat! Ornelas and Piper are going at it, and Randle and Thomas are putting on a wrestling clinic! Who could our next entrant be?

#34: Proud Linda Supportor

Steve Calloway: Oh, for the love of all that is unsacred and PG-13, it’s Proud Linda Supporter!
The Green Bastard: You call the match for a minute, Steve. I need to go take a Blumenthal.
Steve Calloway: Well, thankfully, you don’t have to worry about it, because Jeremy Thomas has dropkicked the Supporter right back out. Back to the campaign trail with you! Better luck next election, Linda!
The Green Bastard: Steve, it appears as the Gustafson and DeMarco have broken Bramma’s wrist, but he is STILL not getting out of those cuffs! Time is running out though, and we have Mike Campbell!

#35: Mike Campbell

Steve Calloway: And the crowd is completely apathetic. I’d say he’d rate the match, but I doubt he’d condescend to give it a star rating. Doesn’t matter, it’s a lock for 411’s Match of the Year award.
The Green Bastard: Ornelas and Hubbard immediately move in for the beatdown on Campbell, and he is having a ROUGH initiation to this match!
Steve Calloway: I’m sure that’s not the first rough interaction Hubbard and Ornelas have had with another man! The ring is really starting to fill up again, but with this many entrants, it’s no real surprise.
The Green Bastard: Well, since we’re now in the WAR ZONE, I can say with insider knowledge that Ornelas is tappin’ dat ass that AJ brings to the table. But I totally buy that about Hubbard!
Steve Calloway: Wow, didn’t think Styles swung that way. That’s a very juicy piece of gossip. I bet he’s quite the Young Stallion…and well, I didn’t expect that to lead in so perfectly to the next entrant, Paul Roma!

#36: Paul Roma

The Green Bastard: Roma’s tripping all over himself. I don’t think he’s capable of putting on a good match anymore!
Steve Calloway: Anymore? Did he ever? I mean, really, when you think Paul Roma and great matches…well that’s the end of your train of thought, quite frankly.
The Green Bastard: True that, Calloway. DeMarco and Gustafson are taking it to Piper and Randle. Buddy the Cat is up top. He hits a missile dropkick that knocks down the 5 & 1 Warriors!
Steve Calloway: Wow, that Cat is one heck of an athlete! You remember when you said 37 would be the new lucky number? Well, that number is up, and it’s….JP PRAG? You’ve got to be kidding me, this is a serious miscarriage of justice!

#37: JP “The Lawyer” Prag with JP’s Stenographer

The Green Bastard: JP Prag, the author of “In Defense Of…”, was a GREAT lawyer, and he has his stenographer to accompany him! His stenographer seems to be allergic to cats though, as Buddy chases him out! Buddy is now crawling underneath the ring?
Steve Calloway: Well, I’m sure he has his reasons. Cats need their space, you know? Oh my….he’s got a fish of some kind! WATCH OUT! It’s loose and on Piper! It’s a piranha! And it’d devouring Piper to bits! Thank goodness we aren’t PG anymore, or we’d be thrown off the air!
The Green Bastard: Well I’ll be damned. If that wasn’t this year’s “Sword of Omens”, I don’t know what was, Steve!
Steve Calloway: I don’t think he’s technically eliminated, but he’s darn sure not going to contest the outcome of this contest. Sforcina’s massive girth is working against him as Hubbard and Ornelas almost toss him out, but one watermelon sized headbutt takes them both down!
The Green Bastard: I wonder if they realize that only one man can win this match, and it could very well come down to the two of them. But not until everyone’s in the ring, and joining the fray next is…

#38: Michael Bauer

Steve Calloway: Michael Bauer, who doesn’t look to be in a pleasant mood. And who can blame him? He ran the 411 Top Five for a year, and there’s nothing more stressful than trying to organize this ragtag group of miscreants and ne’erdowells.
The Green Bastard: Bauer looks pretty rough around the edges. This could very well be his last Rumble before retirement. It’ll definitely be sad to see him go.
Steve Calloway: Yeah. Tragic. We wish him the best in his future lack of endeavors. I mean, he’s not even doing anything in here, although it’s all one big blur of flesh to me, other than Sforcina, who can’t help but stand out.

#39: Scott Slimmer

The brawl is raging on as our next entrant comes out. One who you might say is SLIMMER than the rather rotund Sforcina.
Steve Calloway: You’ve exhausted every ounce of your wit, haven’t you? Have to say, best entrance theme the whole night. Classic that will be remembered for ages to come.
The Green Bastard: Prag hits a HUGE clothesline on Bramma, who’s still handcuffed to the top rope and he flips over! He’s hanging there, as his feet are mere inches off the floor! Gustafson and DeMarco roll out of the ring and each grab a leg. They PULL his feet to make contact with the floor and it counts! Bramma has been eliminated!! Here comes a referee with some bolt cutter to break the chain on the cuffs! Praise Jebus! I was worried he was going to win like that.
Steve Calloway: What, with the headscissors over the top? No one’s dumb enough to fall for that trick. And, I can’t believe I finally get to say this, but…we are 10 seconds from the last entrant! It’s the Final Countdown to reveal….DANIEL BRYAN!!!! We’re not worthy!

#40: Daniel Bryan

The Green Bastard: All the writers have stopped dead in their tracks! Ornelas has his iPhone out to vote Daniel Bryan Wrestler of the Week JUST FOR APPEARING and all the rest follow suit!
Steve Calloway: This is the greatest day in 411 History! This is the greatest day in the history of history! It’s like if Rob Van Dam got baptized by Christ as a One Shot Deal, only better! And…well, PETA’s not going to like this, but Buddy the Cat just got his FUCKING HEAD KICKED IN! And I thought he was vegan…
The Green Bastard: Nah bro. He’s at LEAST been with Gail Kim.
Steve Calloway: VEGAN, Bastard! At least he gently put him over the top, and Buddy even landed on his feet! But wait…I see something that gives me a bad feeling in my stomach….who are those men coming to the ring? We don’t have MORE entrants, do we?
The Green Bastard: No sir, that was number 40. Oh no, I recognize these guys. It’s the WRESTLER OF THE WEEK COMMENTERS!! Truth, KMONEY, Guest #2843, Realistic Fan, and SeanTNA!! Everyone in the ring is frozen in their tracks!
Steve Calloway: And the great moment of Roma being tortured by Cattle Mutilation is RUINED by these selfish, immature, nut-brained, jingoistic, xenophobic morons who take things far too seriously! Don’t tell me….NO, Bryan has been tossed out to the floor!
The Green Bastard: Truth is CHOKING him with a TIE!! This has to be stopped…and SOON!
Steve Calloway: The 411 Writers are still in awe of The Best Wrestler in the World’s mere presence, but look who is coming to the rescue! BxB Hulk, Fire Ant, Masato Yoshino, Madison Eagles, and leading the pack is CM Punk! They are beating those voters to a bloody pulp, and about time too!
These guys need to go to 411WWE or 411TNA so they can complain to their heart’s content. But in 411Wrestling, their whining is unwelcome! In the ring, it appears DeMarco is trying to spit some game to Madison Eagles. He’s asking her to be a DeMarcette!
Steve Calloway: And there comes Prag with the Judge’s gavel to the top of the head, and DeMarco just falls out, completely in a daze
The Green Bastard: Prag turns around and SPINNING BACKFIST from Gustafson! Prag is sent over the top and he’s gone!
Steve Calloway: Wow, that was impressive, but highly unimpressive when you get clotheslined out by Roma seconds later! And Roma suffers a similar fate at the hands of Randle and is gone!
The Green Bastard: Randle takes a second to celebrate, and that’s all it takes! Campbell eliminates him with a running big Croc-boot!
Steve Calloway: But Campbell is halfway over already, and all Berman has to do is hit a dropkick to send him over. And…wow, Bauer just chucked Berman out right after that. This is kind of surreal and unexpected.
The Green Bastard: What’s Slimmer up to? I didn’t know a HADOUKEN TO THE FACE was in his arsenal! Bauer is sent over the top rope and lands in the FOURTH ROW!!
42,183 Fans in Attendance: HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!
The Green Bastard: That was SEVEN eliminations in 20 seconds, Steve!
Steve Calloway: That has GOT to be some kind of record. Slimmer came out on top of that in a big way though. Could this FINALLY be the year he breaks the glass ceiling of 411 and cements his name among the elite?
The Green Bastard: It doesn’t seem like it. He just eliminated himself! He’s curled up in the fetal position, cursing Small for not being here! He’s repeating the phrase “we said 411 for life.” That was bizarre, but we’ve still got our final four in the ring!
Steve Calloway: Well, that’s Slimmer for you. You have to move on sometime if you ever want a singles career. And what an interesting final four here; Matthew Sforcina and Jeremy Thomas, both deserving potential winners, Aaron Hubbard, and, shockingly, Michael Ornelas, who entered #1 and has made it to the end. That’s the power of planning and teamwork!
The Green Bastard: Hubbard and Ornelas reassert their alliance by shaking hands, but as soon as Aaron turns his back, Jeremy Thomas NAILS him with a flying knee, sending him to the outside!! Thomas runs to the other side of the ring, and Hubbard thinks Ornelas did it! Michael tries to explain what happened, but Aaron isn’t one to understand things rationally when emotions are involved. He’s just sitting there in disbelief.
Steve Calloway: Well, he’s certainly been known to throw a tantrum or two, but what can you expect from a 21-year old kid. And unfortunately, as inspiring and star-making of a performance as it’s been, I don’t like Ornelas chances here with arguably 411’s best.
The Green Bastard: Jeremy Thomas is setting up for his running knee strike on Ornelas as well, but Ornelas dodges it! Thomas flies over the top rope, but grabs on. He’s positioned on the apron as Sforcina now charges Ornelas. Michael flips him overhead into Jeremy, causing Thomas to hit the floor! Ornelas is in position to win!!
Steve Calloway: Sforcina is on the apron! Sforcina is on the apron! I don’t believe this, the rookie could do it! He has a chance, a real chance here!
The Green Bastard: Michael’s on the other side, readying for a running dropkick, but he collapses mid-stride! Sforcina makes it back into the ring. Michael sweeps the leg and locks in the Moss-Covered, Three-Handled, Family Credunzle!
Steve Calloway: What a brutal submission hold, and it’s a miracle he can get that on Sforcina! But Sforcina is powering up! He’s got the pure physical strength to stand up and throw him over the ropes! And by all rights it should be over, but Hubbard has caught Ornelas. The alliance is going to save Ornelas once again! He cradles Ornelas, looks him in the eye and….
Hubbard: I’m sorry. I love you.
Steve Calloway: And he drops Ornelas on his ass, probably breaking his tailbone in the process! Sforcina has won the match, but perhaps the bigger story is Hubbard’s abrupt end to a budding partnership! They could have been tag team champions one day! What is the story here?
The Green Bastard: Michael makes his way to his feet, and seems more put off by Hubbard’s “I love you” than losing the match! He’s still young though, and after this performance, he’s almost guaranteed to win a future Rumble! But the real story here is Mat Sforcina’s victory!
Match Result: Mat Sforcina via elimination @ 1:04:37.
Match Rating:*****1/2
The Green Bastard: THERE IS CONFETTI COMING DOWN FROM THE RAFTERS, BUT THAT’S NOT WHAT SFORCINA WANTS! MASSIVE MAT WANTS HIS PRIZE, SO HEREEEEEEE SHEEEEEE COMES! Former WWE Diva, former Undertaker’s wife, and former….whatever: SARA!

Steve Calloway: What? That’s not what my runsheet said!
The Green Bastard: …Ooh…there’s a chance we may have made a typo. Yeah, it’s Sara…
Steve Calloway: LET’S GET OUT OF HERE, BASTARD!! WE’VE ANGERED A GIANT!
The Green Bastard: Bastard, out!

So, in the second half, we saw a bizarre three-way race involving SAT, Chad Nevett and the returning UncleTrunx. Larry Csonka was shockingly eliminated by several staff members, including Stephan Randle, who redeemed his betrayal from two years ago. Bizarre entries like Kelly Kelly Lover, Proud Linda Supporter and Buddy the Cat made their entrances, as did the favorite wrestler of the staff (Daniel Bryan) and the favorite wrestler of the readers (Paul Roma). The readers made their presence known by screwing Bryan out of certain victory; many writers were eliminated in 20 seconds, and Slimmer continued to suffer from Small Withdrawal. Hubbard and Ornelas continued their partnership to be in the final four with Sforcina and Thomas, but the partnership fell apart as Hubbard emphatically ditched Ornelas and walked away, leaving more questions than answers. Sforcina won the match, but not Tara, and who knows what consequences that will bring.