The Contentious Ten 03.07.11: Best On The Mic

Alright, let’s get this show on the road. Obviously, this list is subjective as all Hell (much like all of my lists), and there will be many great stick men left off of the list and off of the Honorable Mentions list. And I’m sure most people will disagree with the order. As always, don’t take what I say as gospel and feel free to make your own lists.

Honorable Mentions: Jake “The Snake” Roberts, Mr. McMahon, Arn Anderson, The Miz, “Superstar” Billy Graham

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CM Punksize=6>


In a business where virtually everything has been done before, unique, compelling, and believable antagonists are hard to find. CM Punk has all of those traits. Using his real life Straight-Edge beliefs, Punk has been able to cut passionate and entertaining promos. The best villains are the ones who truly believe what they are doing is right, and at its core, Punk’s message is true and a good thing. However, Punk’s self-righteous “cult leader” twist on the message makes him despicable. Punk has verbally torn Raven and Jeff Hardy to shreds. As good as he is in the ring, it is his character and his promos that people will remember about Punk ten years from now.

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“Rowdy” Roddy Pipersize=6>


Of all the people on this list, this placement is the one I think most people will argue with. Hot Rod was an easy choice for this list. With a sharp wit and tons of energy and passion, Roddy Piper was one of the best on the mic to this day. For me, the best thing about Piper was his originality, Unlike most other wrestlers, Piper never worried about throwing out catchphrases. He said whatever came to his mind, with obnoxious and often hilarious results. Piper found a way to verbally tear down anyone he was put up against, working as babyface or heel. However, I feel that Piper’s often overbearing need to get in the last word and tendency to rant about nothing in particular hurts his overall placement. It was good for the character, but I think it limits him when compared to the other eight men on this list.

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Jim Cornettesize=6>


While Cornette and I obviously don’t agree on everything, the man is one of the most intelligent, entertaining and effective talkers in the business. Much like Roddy Piper, Cornette excelled at witty putdowns of his enemies and making you want to see him get beat. He was also an extremely useful mouthpiece for the likes of The Midnight Express, Yokozuna, Vader and Davey Boy Smith. He accentuated the positive traits of his clients, whatever they were. Beyond that, Cornette has proved that he has true passion for the business, whether he is cutting a shoot interview or working as an authority figure or commentating. Unquestionably, Cornette is one of the best mouthpieces in the business, and proof that managers are a lost commodity in the modern era.

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Stone Cold Steve Austinsize=6>



Stone Cold Steve Austin has to be considered one of the best talkers in the business. When you look at the three promos above, you see passion. You feel the intensity. He may not use five dollar words (preferring four letter words), but he knows how to get his message across. Whether he’s being all business like those promos or showing his humorous side by mocking Ric Flair as part of The Hollywood Blondes or singing Kumbayah with Kurt Angle, Austin was able to deliver. His slew of memorable catchphrases (“Austin 3:16”; “And that’s the bottom line”; “Open up a can of whoop-ass”; “What?”) and knack for getting straight to the point was undoubtedly a huge part of why he became the mega-star that he is. Austin also played off other great mic workers (The Rock, Vince, Foley) better than just about anyone.

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Chris Jerichosize=6>



Chris Jericho first became notorious for his promo work by being the most obnoxious man on WCW Television. He had no problem looking like a fool for the fans’ enjoyment, and often cut whiny and at times completely stupid remarks. However, he pulled it off with such flair that it worked. Once Jericho was able to take those promo skills and start ripping apart villains in WWE (like Triple H, Stephanie McMahon and Chris Benoit), he became one of the most popular babyfaces as well. However, Jericho’s true calling was as a heel, and he would reinvent himself in 2008 with his “Honest Man” persona. Rather than being loud and whiny, Jericho was subdued and derisive and arrogant. Perhaps more than anything, Jericho understands the value of not being a cool heel. He wants everyone to boo him and he excels at that. While I think Jericho is often overrated, he undoubtedly deserves his place on this list.

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Dusty Rhodessize=6>


“The American Dream” is probably the only person on this list I would rather listen to than watch wrestling. Dusty is an example of a guy who became a legend because of his charisma and his ability to talk. Physically unimposing and never having a great match that wasn’t a brawl in his life, Dusty is a legend because he could talk and convey emotions. He had the ability to reach out into the audience and pull them in with his “working man’s rap” and powerful body language. In many ways, Rhodes has to be considered one of the first sports entertainers, and his promo style was a major influence on wrestlers such as Hulk Hogan, The Rock and Ric Flair. For my money, the back-and-forth between Dusty Rhodes and Ric Flair is the greatest war of words in wrestling history.

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Bobby “The Brain” Heenansize=6>



If you want to talk quick wit, look no further than Bobby Heenan. Whether you called him “The Brain” or “The Weasel”, Bobby is considered the greatest wrestling manager for a reason. Heenan knew how to get his character over while also making sure his interviews were about his clients and their opponents. Bobby also showed that his gift of gab extended beyond the squared circle on The Bobby Heenan Show and on commentary with Gorilla Monsoon. Without a doubt, one of the most endearing wrestling personalities of all time.

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Mick Foleysize=6>



While Foley’s legacy will probably always be the incredible pain he put his body through, I believe that his best asset was his unbelievable mic work. “Cane Dewey” is, in my opinion, the single greatest promo of all time, and that says a lot with his other great anti-hardcore promos from ECW in that time. However, Foley’s talents extend far beyond the dark and demented. Mick was able to play the entirely different psychosis of Mankind, as well as the bizarre and entertaining Dude Love. His comedy bits such as Mr. Socko and “Rock, This Is Your Life” is some of the best stuff from The Attitude Era. Foley was witty, scary, and very intelligent, making him almost without peer on the microphone.

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Ric Flairsize=6>



It’s tempting to just rattle off all of Flair’s best catchphrases here and leave it at that. “The Nature Boy” Ric Flair, to me, is still the all-around best the business has ever seen. In the ring, he was amazing, but on the mic, he was in a class all his own. Flair spoke with passion, wit and confidence. Whether he was talking about his worldly possessions, his conquest with women, or his position as the champion, Ric in the 1980’s came across as the absolute best. However, he also made sure to sell the entire roster of the NWA as being the best, but he was just that much better. He was a spokesman for himself and for Jim Crockett Promotions. Late in his career, Flair proved that he was still able to deliver outstanding promos, especially in comparison to the work of the younger stars. Ric’s promos would inspire legions of other superstars, including the man who tops him on this list.

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The Rocksize=6>



While I included the most recent promo because of its quality, this is not a bandwagon response. The Rock was the very best on the microphone, ever. While he is famous for a laundry list of great catchphrases and shouting at the top of his lungs, Rock was also able to have a quiet intensity. Like Roddy Piper, he could verbally destroy any wrestler, no matter whether they were on the top of the card or the very bottom. Like Ric Flair, he carried himself as the very best in the business, the kind of class that made world champions. Like Steve Austin, he has an intensity and an ability to play off other wrestlers that made his main-event hype truly epic. And like Dusty Rhodes, Rock was able to interact with the people and make them a part of his promos. While I don’t consider Rock to be one of the all around greatest of all time (Those are Hogan, Austin, Flair, Michaels and Undertaker, in my opinion) due to lack of longevity and some absolutely terrible in-ring work before late 1999, he is absolutely the best to ever pick up a microphone. Other wrestlers were charismatic. The Rock was and still is electrifying.