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411’s Instant Analysis 07.14.11: Impact Wrestling

July 14, 2011 | Posted by Sat

Welcome to this week’s Instant Analysis of Impact Wrestling. I’m your hated/beloved (depending on the final rating) reviewer, Chad Nevett, and it’s time for A Midsummer’s Nightmare. I’ve seen a few matches mentioned for this show, but haven’t read the spoilers and I’m not exactly expecting a follow-up to last year’s Whole F’N Show. Hopefully, I’m proven wrong. Let’s see…

SEGMENT ONE: Immortal Throws Mr. Anderson a Celebration

Okay, I’m done with Sting’s new persona. Yeah, it was a Joker rip-off, but I was okay with that. It was entertaining. That ended when he added Joker clown henchmen in the rafters. That’s officially killed my interest/support in the character. This was your standard ‘everyone get excited for the main event’ promo segment. I’ll be honest: I sort of tuned out when I realized that nothing interesting was happening. Because nothing interesting happened. Sorry, but a bunch of talk we’ve heard before? I want wrestling.

Rating: 4.0 out of 10

SEGMENT TWO: Bound for Glory Series – Samoa Joe vs. Robert Roode vs. the Pope
Match Result: Robert Roode pinned Samoa Joe
Match Length: Just under six minutes

This was a fun match between the only guys with no points in the Bound for Glory Series. Samoa Joe continually getting knocked to the ground whenever he tried to enter the ring was funny. Roode and the Pope worked well together. I really liked the final minute or so of the match, though I don’t understand why Roode didn’t let Joe hit the Muscle Buster and THEN attack Joe. Shit like that always bugs me. Roode’s counter to the rear naked choke was good and Joe flipping out after the match fits his character. Hell, why not pick a fight with Earl Hebner? It’s the only way Joe will win a match these days…

Rating: 7.0 out of 10

SEGMENT THREE: A Couple of Backstage Bits

Apparently, by the surprise on Hulk Hogan’s face, no one in Immortal reads the internet and learned that Jeff Jarrett won the AAA World Heavyweight Championship. That amuses me.

The Pope/Devon confrontation was very well done. The Pope was cocky and apathetic for much of it, while Devon was passionate. I think I may actually care about this feud. Almost.

Rating: 5.5 out of 10

SEGMENT FOUR: Shannon Moore vs. Austin Aries
Match Result: Austin Aries pinned Shannon Moore
Match Length: Three minutes, forty seconds

Not everything worked in this match (Aries just standing there when Moore jumped to the outside), but I enjoyed the story here. Aries was cocky and playful, thinking himself better than Moore, while Moore was his usual angry self. Aries not being able to get anything going because of his ego was good and allowed us to see Moore do… something. The finish fit with the character Aries was playing the entire match and, already, we know exactly who this Austin Aries is. It took him less the four minutes to sell his character completely.

Rating: 7.0 out of 10

SEGMENT FIVE: A Wasted Segment

Oh, darn that Austin Aries for his cheating ways! It’s a complete shame that his promo bit was leagues ahead of Moore and Alex Shelley’s. And, then, dueling promos from Madison Rayne and Tara before their match. Why not just get to the fucking match? What a waste of a segment…

Rating: 2.0 out of 10

SEGMENT SIX: Madison Rayne vs. Tara
Match Result: Tara pinned Madison Rayne
Match Length: Around four minutes

This had a decent story with Tara toying with Rayne and Rayne making brief comebacks that don’t last. The stuff with the present was kind of silly. The tarantula was in the fucking cage! I know, I know, girls are afraid of spiders and bugs, but… come on. That was just dumb.

Rating: 5.0 out of 10

SEGMENT SEVEN: Kurt Angle Will Get His Title Shot at Hardcore Justice

So, Kurt Angle will fight either Mr. Anderson or Sting at Hardcore Justice for the World Heavyweight Championship. He has reasons for wanting to fight both. And… yeah, that’s it. Still, Angle’s delivery was entertaining. But, really, we didn’t learn anything that my title for this segment didn’t tell us.

Rating: 6.5 out of 10

SEGMENT EIGHT: Tag Team Title #1 Contenders Match – Mexican America vs. the British Invasion
Match Result: Anarquia pinned Brutus Magnus
Match Length: Five minutes, forty seconds

The British Invasion came out fighting and were in charge until Mexican America cheated a little to get the advantage and, then, they didn’t really give it up, playing the heel tag team decently. When did the British Invasion turn face? Anyway… the heels cheated, the faces were obviously better, and Rosita interfering helped Mexican America earn their title shot. Meh. Who needs an actually good Tag Title match at Hardcore Justice?

Backstage, Sting’s clowns have been taking out Immortal and Gunner decided that he and Ray should go after them. Ray agreed and, then, let Gunner walk out alone. That made me laugh. The look on Ray’s face was great.

Rating: 6.0 out of 10

SEGMENT NINE: Filler! I Demand Filler!

Kendrick and Shelley cut some decent promos. The match lineup for next week looks decent, but, regarding Velvet Sky/Mickie James, wasn’t Angelina Love or Winter getting a title shot first? Or am I remembering that wrong?

Oh, and Gunner got beat up by a gang of clowns. Oh wait, that’s Fortune (minus Roode because of his match).

Rating: 3.5 out of 10

SEGMENT TEN: World Heavyweight Championship Match – Mr. Anderson (C) vs. Sting
Match Result: Sting pinned Mr. Anderson
Match Length: Just over nine minutes

Up until the ref bump, this was a pretty good match. Sting dominated with crazy until Anderson started working Sting’s left leg. That was a good bit of storytelling. Sting unnerving Anderson with his manic behavior and Anderson taking out Sting’s ability to put in the Scorpion Deathlock or hit the Stinger Splash. Anderson using the Scorpion Deathlock was good — as was Sting responding in kind with a Mic Check. The ref bump and subsequent interference was awful and predictable. But, it’s a war of faces and heels, so clean win? PFT! Anyway, Sting is champ again and Anderson’s reign was utterly lackluster. Again.

Rating: 5.5 out of 10

FINAL THOUGHTS

Segment of the Night: Samoa Joe vs. Robert Roode vs. the Pope

Trash Segment of the Night: One of those wasted filler segments

Final Analysis: Well, of all the episode of Impact (Wrestling) that they’ve built to, this was one of the weakest. There wasn’t much special about tonight except the whole Joker rip-off gimmick taking that one step too far that it became absurd and inane. There were a couple of good matches, thankfully, but too many segments were taken up with unnecessary backstage stuff that could have just been added before or after a match. There’s no need for so many backstage bits. The big draw of tonight’s episode, the World Title Midsummer’s Nightmare match (as I guess it was just the match that was called that?) was pretty good until is descended into your typical TNA bullshit.

Verdict: 4.5

411 RATINGS SCALE:
0 – 0.9: Torture
1 – 1.9: Extremely Horrendous
2 – 2.9: Very Bad
3 – 3.9: Bad
4 – 4.9: Poor
5 – 5.9: Not So Good
6 – 6.9: Average
7 – 7.9: Good
8 – 8.9: Very Good
9 – 9.9: Amazing
10: Virtually Perfect

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