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411’s Instant Analysis 09.01.11: Impact Wrestling

September 1, 2011 | Posted by Sat

Welcome to this week’s Instant Analysis of Impact Wrestling. I’m your hated/beloved (depending on the final rating) reviewer, Chad Nevett, and September is here. Also, tonight’s Impact Wrestling comes from outside the Impact Wrestling Zone. That should give the show a different feel. Let’s get to it…

SEGMENT ONE: The Main Event is Set

There wasn’t much that stood out in this opening segment beyond Kurt Angle explicitly stating he’s with Hogan. Up until now, he seemed somewhat detached from Hogan and Immortal, but this confirmed that he trusts Hogan completely, which is… well, kind of stupid. Otherwise, this was part recap of the Hogan/Flair/Sting situation and a set up for the main event where Sting will get his World Title rematch and Hogan will be the enforcer. Mostly utilitarian and not much else.

Rating: 5.5 out of 10

SEGMENT TWO: Bound for Glory Series – Gunner vs. Rob Van Dam
Match Result: Gunner pinned Rob Van Dam
Match Length: Five minutes

Well, with Crimson injured by Samoa Joe last week, the final four in the Bound for Glory Series seems set with Bully Ray, both members of Beer Money, and the winner of this match. The little confrontation between Samoa Joe and Matt Morgan was smart. Of the feuds that could come out of this, that’s a good one with Joe injuring people and Morgan taken out of the tournament because of an injury. The match itself featured a couple of sloppy bits (RVD’s kick off the top rope near the end looked awful), but the booking was right. Pretty much pull the trigger on some more RVD/Jerry Lynn stuff and put Gunner into the finals. They’ve backed off his push lately and this is a good way to make him seem big without needing to actually push him any further. He can lose at No Surrender and still look good. More a match I liked for its booking than its in-ring work.

Rating: 6.0 out of 10

SEGMENT THREE: The Knockouts Division Gets a New Boss

Of course, Traci Brooks wasn’t going to be put in charge of the Knockouts. For some reason, I was expecting some WWE castoff that hadn’t yet made it to TNA, but Karen Jarrett works as a choice. She’s aligned with Bischoff in Immortal and people already hate her. Authority figures work best as heels. Smart choice. I don’t really care and kind of dread the increased presence of Karen on the show, but this was a smart choice still. My problem is that the way it played out was hammy and obvious.

Rating: 5.5 out of 10

SEGMENT FOUR: Austin Aries & Kid Kash vs. Brian Kendrick & Jesse Sorensen
Match Result: Jesse Sorensen pinned Kid Kash
Match Length: A little over five minutes

This was a nice combination of the two X Division stories they’re telling right now: Austin Aries coming after Brian Kendrick’s title, and the growing rivalry between veteran Kid Kash and rookie Jesse Sorensen. The giant corner spot was a little awkward in its set up but looked cool when it happened. And the way they split the two pairs up was great. Austin Aries’s little celebration after hitting the suicide dive was great. The finish was a little predictable and a repeat of a previous encounter between Kash and Sorensen. But, it worked. Fun little match.

Rating: 7.0 out of 10

SEGMENT FIVE: Jeff Hardy is Coming Back and Hulk Hogan Wants Kurt Angle to Kill the Network

Okay, Hulk Hogan wanting Kurt Angle to kill the entire Network was pretty damn funny. The other bit of news, which is no surprise… well… that’s horrible. Still, does no one tell Hogan anything?

Rating: 4.0 out of 10

SEGMENT SIX: TNA Knockouts Ladies Championship Match – Winter (C) vs. Mickie James
Match Result: Mickie James pinned Winter
Match Length: Six minutes

So… Winter is a vampire now, too? This was match that fluctuated quite a bit. I liked the chain of pins the two did right up until Mickie James repositioned herself before Winter broke the count by putting her foot on the rope. From there, the rhythm of the match was broken and that final kick was brutal to see. Otherwise, these two had good chemistry and worked a decent match. The title change is a little puzzling unless this is just so Winter can win it back at No Surrender, leaving the door open to Velvet Sky at Bound for Glory (yes, I’m pushing for that). If they tightened this match up a little, it could have been really great. Still better than 90% of the Knockouts (or Divas) matches on TV.

Rating: 6.5 out of 10

SEGMENT SEVEN: Samoa Joe vs. Matt Morgan
Match Result: not a match really… but Joe
Match Length: didn’t time it

Following up on their confrontation earlier in the show, Morgan calling Joe out was great and that Joe took out the ref so it wouldn’t be an official match was smart. That let them fight it out while delaying the actual match. Morgan looked dominant, while Joe needed the rookie ref getting in the way, another kick to the balls, and a chair to get the advantage. I’m probably setting myself up for a fall, but I love the idea of these two feuding.

Rating: 7.0 out of 10

SEGMENT EIGHT: AJ Styles vs. Daniels
Match Result: Daniels pinned AJ Styles
Match Length: A little over seven minutes

I still support Robbie E. and Rob Terry teaming up. Throw in Eric Young in a horrifying Speedo and you’ve got an amusing segment. Not a home run or anything, but amusing.

Not to be a jerk, but, at this point in the show on Smackdown on Tuesday night, they were beginning the Steel Cage World Heavyweight Championship match. We still had the main event after this. “Wrestling matters.” Nonetheless, this was an entertaining match, especially once they went into that final stretch with a lot of cool spots and counters. What sold me was the difference in their attitudes. AJ was dedicated and focused like always, just sort of going about his business as usual, while Daniels sold the idea that he really, really wanted to win. When he finally broke AJ’s string of offense he seemed ready to celebrate ala Austin Aries. A small thing that I loved: the look on Daniels’s face when AJ hit the Pele. Awesome. The finish was unexpected and fit the story perfectly. One of those rare instances where a shitty finish was the best choice. AJ flubs the springboard and Daniels jumps on the victory, even refusing to shake hands after the match. I do prefer Daniels when he’s a heel…

Rating: 7.5 out of 10

SEGMENT NINE: TNA World Heavyweight Championship Match – Kurt Angle (C) vs. Sting
Match Result: Kurt Angle pinned Sting
Match Length: Six and a half minutes

“Big fight feel, big fight feel right now.” Oh, Taz tries, but he was dead fucking wrong. With the match starting at 10:55, it’s hard for this to be taken seriously as a main event or a world title match. It felt like a throwaway, an angle, not a main event title match, especially with Hogan at ringside as the special guest enforcer. Up until the ending, they were working this match on fast-forward. No selling, just move after move after move. When Sting put on the Scorpion Deathlock, things got wacky. First off, that was one of the worst-looking Deathlocks I’ve ever seen. Then, there was Gunner, Sting shrugging off a chair shot, Angle hitting the Angleslam onto the chair in front of the ref, and winning. Plus, the big brawl after the match with Anderson coming out. Fuck this shit. That was just bad. The match was rushed and the finish was awful.

Rating: 3.5 out of 10

FINAL THOUGHTS

Segment of the Night: Daniels vs. AJ Styles

Trash Segment of the Night: The World Title Match

Final Analysis: TNA really tried to make this feel like a big episode with two title matches, the match that determined the last member of the final four in the Bound for Glory Series, and AJ Styles vs. Daniels. That match and the X Division match were both pretty good, even the Knockouts title match was above par. The main event was garbage, though. Just typically pisspoor TNA bullshit. They tried to make this feel like a big episode, but the execution let them down as always. Well, that and bad booking.

Verdict: 6.0

411 RATINGS SCALE:
0 – 0.9: Torture
1 – 1.9: Extremely Horrendous
2 – 2.9: Very Bad
3 – 3.9: Bad
4 – 4.9: Poor
5 – 5.9: Not So Good
6 – 6.9: Average
7 – 7.9: Good
8 – 8.9: Very Good
9 – 9.9: Amazing
10: Virtually Perfect