The Wednesday Wire: 11.30.11: November Precedes December

Posted by Nick Marsico on 11.30.2011

Kofi Kingston's bid for the "Culo" book! Ya know, I considered doing a full pro wrestling culo parody, but then I realized that nobody would read this.

Holy moly he's back again! Shucky ducky quack quack we're on a roll and ready to go! Just call me butter because I'm on... that roll that I already said I was on.

The fall semester is very close to being over and I'm working to keep it together until I have the kind of time on my hands that will allow me to put out the quality column I want to be able to hold myself to doing. Wanna start with a haiku? Me too!

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Is Morrison Gone?
Sin Cara and his penis,
No more t-shirt sales.
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I am feeling quite haikuky today. I'm haiku-ku for Cocoa Puffs! I'm a haikuligan! For dinner I had some haikus-kus! My favourite actor is Steve Haikugan! The baseball hall of fame is in Haikuperstown, New York! Apple is based out of Haikupertino, California! I'm hangin' with mister Haikuper!

That last one was good.

Coming up on this final November 2011 edition of The Wednesday Wire: Love for The Zig Zag Man, curiosity about Daniel Bryan and Money in the Bank, a farewell to John Morrison (maybe) and a look at other things that should be looked at!


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"Sometimes you made me feel bad, so I did some real rotten things." - Rowdy Roddy Piper
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My immediate thought when Piper introduced John Cena was that they were beginning to tease an eventual heel turn. I don't think that's a smart thing to do -- less pandering and more of an edge is as far as they should go. Right now people react, as was made perfectly clear on Monday just like it is every week, like crazy whether it's cheering or booing. What I got from the opening segment is that Piper decided, as Piper does, to stir up some business, and Cena was a little rattled by it. Fantastic segment, but I would not have Cena rail against the crowd at all. Let him be a little less nice and smiley and all will be well. No reason they shouldn't tease the heel turn, though. There's lots of time to fill before WrestleMania.

Hey, what's Cena doing at TLC? I'd toss him in there with Miz, who, like Cena, doesn't have any direction at the moment. Both are coming off major points in their story arcs (Cena had his big square off with Rock and Miz ended his team with Truth) and there's nowhere for either guy to go right now. You can't exactly leave Cena off the PPV and while they can just throw Miz out there for a mid-show promo like they have done in the recent past, he would be better served in a match. I bet they're going to make it seem like Miz has a damn good chance at winning the 2012 Royal Rumble match.

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"Hey guys. I thought I heard somebody say come in." - CM Punk
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My boy The Zig Zag Man continues to shine all over the place, this time in a very strong match with Randy Orton. I don't dislike the new "Show Off" gimmick, but they could be handling it a lot more smoothly than they are. "Hey guys, look at that Dolph, such a show off!" "Oh, Ziggler is doing what he does best! He's a show off!". Alright already. What's next for The Zig Zag Man? He's in a complete stand-still right now. It's kind of a shame that we have two amazing talents in TZZM and Cody Rhodes holding the midcard titles and neither of them are really doing anything with them. At least Ryder is actively chasing the US Title, but Cody continually talks about defending the IC belt and it never actually happens.

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"After the match, he can kiss my bottom. And by bottom I mean my ass." - CM Punk
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Very strong match to close RAW, but the crowd didn't seem to be completely sold on it. When the finish came, though, they came alive and the show ended on a very strong note. I'm going to make the prediction that Laurinitis is going to strip CM Punk of the WWE Title next week on RAW due to how he retained and they're going to have a TLC match to determine the champion at the next PPV. I have no problem with that idea.


Other RAW Thoughts:

- I was looking forward to the FCA match between Miz and Morrison. Remember the one they had on RAW back in January? Good times.

- Odd run-in by Beth and Natalya. Nice to know they've officially given up. They should have caught up with the two of them running backstage occasionally though. Sometimes without even acknowledging their presence and having them just jog past in the background. That would have ruled.

- TOLD YOU! Brodus Clay comes back next week! I hope they don't just have him run through random "enhancement talent" for weeks on end.

- My gosh and golly gee! Laurinitis and Otunga are the biggest pair of geeks I've ever seen in one place at the same time. Seriously.

- Did Swagger really just redo the whole sequence because his foot brushed Ryder's hand? Come on now. I'll say it again. Repackage the fucker and bring him back. He's a joke right now.

- Oh, and someone needs to tell LIIZ that he needs to do more that three "Woo!" fist pumps. That could be HUGE for crowd interaction. You can tell they want to do it.


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Still Guest#8287 opines on The Miz:

"I think Miz eventually have a solid run with the title(3-4 months). I'm not sure if that is that would be long enough for you to think of him as a true main eventer even though he had a good run early in the year. I think he'll be involved in a lot of main event feuds and be more of a main eventer in the coming years."

By true main eventer I mean that he's a guy that needs to be on PPV and not a guy that people don't bat an eye at when he doesn't show up somewhere. He's a guy that should get multiple title reigns of that length (his first WWE title reign was pretty much perfect length-wise) and should always look like a threat and be somebody that WWE could always fall back on when they need somebody proven to hold the belt.

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Loki likes 'em young:

"The reason I loved the Survivor Series is the focus on fresher talent.

Cody, Barret, Morrison, Punk, ADR and especially Dolph Ziggler all shone on the show.

It wasn't focused on the same old shit, which was glorious."

The show still closed with Rock pinning Miz and standing tall after hitting the Rock Bottom on Cena. That notwithstanding, I agree. And The Zig Zag Man is the absolute shit. In a good way. He's The Shit. Not the shits. Clarification victory!

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Our friend HeartBurnKid provides a lesson on modern technology:

"This is why there are DVRs. Also torrents."

SmackDown is also readily available on Youtube, WWE.com and Hulu. That wasn't the point. It's just easier, in terms of writing about the show, to watch it as it happens and type out my thoughts. If it was a 9pm show I would be able to get that done. But yes, a DVR is in my future and it will be used for that purpose.

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APrince66 likes masked men:

"I havnt cared about Kane in years, but if he returns with the mask, I will care for a couple of weeks at least"

Well he is going to be "resurrected". The mask has now been shown two weeks in a row. I know we say this every time Kane and Taker leave for an extended period of time and then return, but putting the mask (or some version of it) back on and going on a strong run would be a good way to close out the man's career.

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I think Hercules Strongs is from somewhere in England:

"We're the best crowd in the country at live events Go fuck YOURself, good sir!"

Yeah! Liverpool! Manchester! London!

Uh...

Mersey?

Mulva?

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Zig Zag Zach likes the quotes:

"I liked it better this week, but I do miss the quotes from the shows. Kurt's comments were funny tho"

I am a big fan of the quotes too, but believe it or not putting the column together like that is pretty darn time consuming. As you see with the RAW thoughts above, I am not abandoning quotes but I will be putting in less. Thanks for weighing in.

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Guest#7167 is right about Cena:

"You can't turn Cena heel, because all those fans that are booing the hell out of him now will go bananas for it."

Yeah, that's pretty much it. They should turn him heel for like 3 weeks (remember when Triple H was face for a few weeks before the awesome swerve heel turn?) and see how much the 18-35 male crowd goes nuts for him and then turn him right back to how he is now. That would be fun to see.

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Dr. Wiki likes FBK:

"Nice Column but missing some personality. Most column here have a few pictures to express themselves such as the girls in 5 1 and even that creepy guy in Wes Column who's name I cant think of. You should keep the Kidman pics as your mascot.

One of th things I meant in my previous comment is that a feud between Brodus and Mason could work to help both guys. Brodus is a big guy with suprising agility and Mason is a monster of a man. As long as they keep things even and more hard hitting they could give you a few PPV midcard matches. A monster heel against a monster face in an immoveable object meets the unstoppable force situation."

I'm working on keeping Fat Billy Kidman going strong. He's my favourite. I saw the Greatest Superstars of the 21st Century DVD (I think it was that one) and Kidman was on there talking about some of the wrestlers featured. He wasn't quite up to FBK status yet but it was hilarious watching Chubby Transitional Kidman.


Hey guys! I just found a great alternative to P90X!

Does it have anything to do with a Brodus Clay/Mason Ryan feud?


As a matter of fact, boss, it does!

Are you being honest Billy? Do you really have something to say about them?


No. I just heard my name and wanted to speak up. Sorry boss.

There's no excuse for that kind of bullshit, Fat Billy Kidman! God damn it!

I'm so sorry about that, Dr. Wiki. Sometimes he just needs to be put in his place. This is a man's world that we live in. As far as Brodus and Mason, since I really do have something to say, I think it would be a great idea that could elevate both men if done right, but Ryan is simply not good in the ring. It would end up dragging Brodus down and both guys would suffer. Right now the best thing for Ryan is to learn from being in the ring with more experienced guys. Brodus can handle his own, I think.

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Missy Lansik showers me with praise:

"I liked this column. It was an entertaining read without having to pander to the comment section with self-serving bullshit like certain other writers. Keep up the good work!"

Hey certain other writers: go fuck yourselves! I'm genuine and you're not! Neener neener neener!

In all honesty, thanks. Like I've been saying since I came back in September, it's not worth my time or any of your time if I put out a column every week with stuff that nobody cares to read. That's why I'm constantly asking for suggestions and constantly changing things up.

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The Great Capt. Smooth and myself continue the casting for our untitled movie venture:

"The lead bad guy would be Hornswoggle: The Mad Genius!

Also, Mason Ryan would be the kind-hearted cop...that you don't fuck with."

I think I could go for that. He'd have to be unknown and unseen for the majority of the movie though. Sitting in a chair that always has its back to the camera. None of the good guys or bad guys ever get to see him until his true identity is revealed to the whole world on live television... by mistake! Don't know how though.

I like the Mason Ryan role. Simple. Perfect. Any idea for tentative titles? And what about the love interest? Whose love interest would she be? Would there be multiple women? Maybe men? Is Mason Ryan a lovable, bad-ass cop who lives an alternative lifestyle?

Oh the possibilities!


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John Morrison exploded in a car of some sort on the most recent episode of Z! True Long Island Story. I haven't seen it yet, but it comes amid the flurry of rumors that JoMo is about to be leaving soon. John Laurinitis addressed it in a WWE.com video and Morrison himself said on Twitter that he's going to update us on his future in the coming weeks. What makes me believe that he's not going anywhere, though, is the "humble pie" reference he made on Twitter after getting his ass handed to him by Miz on RAW. In my mind that means he's going to be signing on that 'ol dotted line and we'll see him back in WWE before he shows up anywhere else.

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According to the former champ, the current iteration of the WWE Championship belt needs to go. I think it's something most people have agreed upon for a while, and with Cena himself agreeing I don't know how it hasn't happened yet. Truthfully the look of the belt stopped bothering me a while ago but change can definitely be good. Punk has talked on TV about getting it changed, so maybe he'll be the one to do it. Maybe in the TLC match angle I mentioned above?

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Matt Hardy is out of jail but has to go back to rehab. It's a sad story. Their poor father must be in pieces about the whole deal. He looked like such a nice old man. I assume he's still alive. Either way, I am pretty sure that his sons weren't raised to pull the shit that they pull. Go back to rehab and get it together, Matt. Also, Jeff is apparently working through a bad back injury or something of that nature. Write him off of TV and let him get that fixed! You can't let a drug addict work (more) hurt (than normal) and expect him to not fall off the wagon. Please, TNA, prove that there's still some decency and dignity left in Dixieland.

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He's had this and the Stormtrooper. Have I missed any?
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The Big Show thinks that Chris Jericho is grumpy, Daniel Bryan has what it takes to be the World Champion and that he's going to be able to wrestle for a while even though he's turning 40 in February.

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The Miz would not be open to going to TNA. In a recent interview with Cleveland's 19 Action News he reiterates the fact that he's always been a diehard WWF/E fan and how it's always where he's wanted to be. I believe him -- what do you think? If Miz was given a shot to jump right to the TNA roster before he got his shot at Tough Enough 6 years ago, do you think he would have taken it?

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WWE's newest developmental signee is former Lingerie Football League player Danielle Mouinet. People are saying she looks just like Kelly Kelly, but I don't see it. She's a pretty, skinny blonde girl. That's about as far as the physical similarities go. I think they're using her to replace tually take Kelly's spot. Mouinet sounds French. I assume she's French Canadian. No research was done on this subject.


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Oh my god I can't believe it! How crazy was that? 45 minutes long and Daniel Bryan beats Mark Henry inside a steel cage to win the World Heavyweight Championship! And KANE RETURNED to interfere in the match, for whatever reason to help Mark Henry, and Bryan kicked his ass too! And then he cut a live promo saying that he's BRYAN DANIELSON. Period.

That probably didn't happen. Maybe it did, though. The show is happening while I'm in class and I'm typing this before that class. Maybe I can write something like that for real on Friday if I have a chance to do a Friday Supplement column.

What are your thoughts on Bryan cashing in Money in the Bank the way he did? He admitted to being a hypocrite, yeah, which I'm glad they had him do, but I don't know if it was a strong enough defense. If he wanted to take the belt from Henry ASAP, he could have walked out on SmackDown last week and said that he's cashing in the briefcase on the live show. That way he isn't a hypocrite because he gave the champion time to prepare. He didn't wait until WrestleMania, but he didn't take the easy way.

So let's say he cashed it in last night after the cage match. Big Show came out and knocked out Henry after the match or he got a surprise pinfall after losing to Henry -- where does he go from here?

If he didn't win last night, is he eventually going to cash in the briefcase by surprise? Will he really wait until WrestleMania this time? Will he still warn the champion at least a few days ahead of time? There are a lot of ways to go with this.

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What do you think? Who is the best wrestler going today? For now let's leave it to guys who actively compete in a North American company (examples: WWE, TNA, ROH, DGUSA, etc).

I've got The Zig Zag Man. Who you got? Why?


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I'm done this week. If I get a chance I'll put something up on Friday. Otherwise you got me in a week. Check out Cook, read some Randle, enjoy a helping of Ari and dig in to some Terra. Check out Ask 411 Wrestling, too! That should be up about now.

Next time: Pro wrestling stuff?


-- Nicholas A Marsico


PATRICE O'NEAL & BISON SMITH
rest in peace, gentlemen