The Wednesday Wire: 01.11.12: Now Back To Our Regular Programming

Posted by Nick Marsico on 01.11.2012

The Funkasaurus lives! Also on the menu: TNA gets another chance, WrestleMania predictions and other musings!

The time for reminiscing is finally over and now on the 11th day of January 2012 we are back to the regular, above-average, once-a-week, first time for real in the new year Wednesday Wire. What's being stored within the bar from which you must pull the lever in order to dispense?

Every year (sometimes after Bound for Glory) I tell myself I'm going to give TNA one more shot. And every year I try for a little while and every year it's underwhelming television that I can nix in order to find a better way to spend my time. Inevitably it gets another chance year-in and year-out (if not a tad more often) -- it's like I'm TNA and TNA is Jeff Hardy. Combine that fact with the super-talented Greg DeMarco's appeal to watch TNA in his most recent Wrestling 5 & 1 and I'm actually almost excited to give them a shot in the new year. More on this later.

The Royal Rumble is on its way and that means we're getting ready to begin the official Road to WrestleMania. When better than the first official WedWi of the year to make a few WrestleMania match predictions?

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Haikus make me glad
So I share them with my friends
Wrestling stuff now

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Joey Styles will appear at the final professional wrestling show (of the foreseeable future) in the old ECW Arena. The second half of a double header along with CZW will be EVOLVE 10: Tribute to the Arena. The DGUSA/EVOLVE newsletter that I'm subscribed to sent out this update along with the announcement that New Jack will be present at the show. The quote from the newsletter:

"We will state now that the final segment will not follow EVOLVE rules and regulations. Anything can and will happen! We will let it slip now that New Jack will be in attendance. Be ready for more extreme surprises!"

So pretty much what Gabe is saying is that New Jack is going to be hitting people with a lot of shit for a while as the show ends. It's something different for EVOLVE and it's a fitting tribute.

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The Rock's new movie is filming currently. It's titled "Snitch" and features stars such as Barry Pepper and Susan Sarandon as well as Michael K. Williams. Rock's the lead, too. Interesting. I want a scene where Rock is in a bad neighborhood at night with "The Farmer in the Dell" being whistled somewhere nearby.

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Three top indy-turned-FCW stars have started touring with WWE and wrestling on the house show circuit. Seth Rollins and Dean Ambrose started a week or two back, mostly teaming, and Antonio Cesaro (Claudio Castagnoli) teamed with Michael McGillicutty in a loss to Mason Ryan and Alex Riley. I can't see how being in the ring with those three could have possibly helped AC impress anybody. Good luck and godspeed.

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Shane Helms thinks he's somebody special, and claimed in a recent interview that he was selling more merchandise as Hurricane (I assume in 2002) than anybody other than Austin and Rock. He also makes a claim that solidifies why a lot of people think he's an asshole:

"My last point when I was on that ECW Show - which I wasn't a fan of - was hard for me because I've always been a Varsity guy. I don't like being on J.V. That's just me personally. That's not saying it was an awful show. It was just that I wasn't a fan of it and it was hard to be on it and motivate yourself when you know you're a part of something that isn't that good."

He's "always been a varsity guy"?? Really? In what company? Omega? The guy was a low-card comedy act in WCW and then carried over into a low-card comedy act superhero in WWE. He found some success as the Cruiserweight Champion when he became Gregory Helms for a while, but it was the Cruiserweight Championship. The only time that belt ever got any respect was the one night in San Diego when Rey Mysterio beat Matt Hardy to win it in the main event of SmackDown in 2003. Is Helms really that full of himself? Guys like Christian and Big Show were on that show, guys who were and always will be bigger stars than him. What an asshole.

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John Morrison has just booked his first in ring date since leaving WWE. He's going to be wrestling on February 4th for WWFX in Manilla. They're advertising him as John Hennigan. At least TNA would have called him Johnny H or something. Ya know, I never thought about that. What name would he go by outside of WWE? Christian had "Christian Cage" from his pre-WWE days, Kurt Angle uses his real name, RVD owns his ring name, as does Raven... Morrison has nothing. Think Morrison will be back in WWE in 2012? I'd love to see him get a shot in ROH.

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In some Ring of Honor news, the team representing CHIKARA in Philadelphia on January 20th has been announced. The Briscoes will give Jigsaw and Hallowicked a shot to gain a tag title match in the Proving Ground on that night. ROH has also announced that they have hired a new female backstage interviewer and that she will be making her debut soon. I'm going to say that it's Maria.

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TNA Impact is going international in January, as they will return to London and tape Impact Wrestling on January 28 at the Wembley Arena. TNA has a very large following over in the UK and I wouldn't be shocked at all if these tapings drew their biggest paid crowd yet.

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Edge has been announced as the first entrant of the WWE Hall of Fame Class of 2012. They did a darned good job with the opening of the video that announced his induction, as it took a moment to realize that the guy bouncing on the ropes from afar was Edge. Once I realize that it was him I just said "It's Edge!" over and over. I wasn't expecting this to happen so fast, but he's certainly deserving. My wife may or may not have cried while watching the video.


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So on RAW this week we saw Kane stalking Zack Ryder throughout the night, which is EXACTLY what Truth did to Miz last week. Is there anybody in the back that pays any attention to continuity? The world misses you, Chris Kreski.

I originally wrote that this show was borderline atrocious, but after letting it settle in for a bit I will take that back. As a whole the show was pretty boring. The sum, as they say, however, was not a good indication of its parts (or however that goes). Going segment-by-segment:

Kane starts the show babbling, Cena comes after him and they brawl. Kane disappears before Cena is able to fight back. Pretty crappy. There was zero progression in the storyline and Kane said nothing of interest. It's a great idea to have Kane try to get Cena to "embrace the hate", but whoever is in charge or writing this angle has no imagination. I'll admit to getting a kick out of watching Ryder walk around the arena terrified and I thought the tire change stuff was hilarious, but if the intention was for it to be funny then why is it part of this angle?

Santino and Sheamus defeat Wade Barrett and Jinder Mahal. I think I want to like Jinder, but for some reason they treated him like a jobber for 2 months and then completely out of nowhere they're acting like he's a threat. Chris Kreski would be crying if he knew about this. The segment was fine. I like Santino and the crowd loves him, Sheamus, as directionless as he has been for about 5 months, is still awesome and Barrett is getting TV time so we don't forget him leading up to the Rumble. It's placeholding filler, which isn't a good thing, but as long as it's mildly entertaining it isn't a bad thing either.

John Laurinitis refuses to give The Miz security detail and calls himself "Big Johnny". I have been saying it for a couple weeks and I'll say it again this week. Laurinitis is really growing on me. I think he actually fully "gets" what his character is supposed to be and he's playing it darn well.

Daniel Bryan defeats Kofi Kingston in less than 2 minutes. After the match, Big Show comes out and announces that on SmackDown this week there will be a rematch with no disqualifications and no count-outs. Bryan was amazing here. He continued the facetious "nice guy" bit and acted like he was looking forward to the rematch with seemingly impossible-to-overcome stipulations. He claimed that he hated the way the match ended and pretty much said that as a fighting champion he wouldn't stand for such an ending to a World Championship match. I really hope he gets a chance to hold the belt for a while and become an established heel. Defeating Kofi in such a dominant manner gives me hope, but who knows what Kofi may have done to get himself in trouble.

The Funkasaurus finally makes his (re)debut on RAW, dancing to the ring with two lovely ladies and proceeds to squash the hell out of Curt Hawkins. I don't think anybody saw this coming. Wow. I love how they slooooooowly zoomed in ever so slightly on his name and tried to convey the feeling of an ominious presence that was about to be upon us, and then BOOM, from Planet Funk, The Funkasaurus Brodus Clay! My one and only issue with the new character is that the hat and jumpsuit combination is an old school hip hop getup, not something a funkadelic dude would wear. I absolutely LOVED his talking in the ring."My bad!" Awesome. I am definitely looking forward to what happens with him next week. If he puts his all into playing this character it will get over big time.

CM Punk beats Jack Swagger and gets Swagger and Vickie banned from ringside during his WWE Title defense at the Royal Rumble. The match was very solid. I even take back what I said a few times over the past few months as far as Swagger being taken off TV and repackaged. As long as they treat him like a threat and let him wrestle, his character can feel fresh again. Monday night was a good start. Plus he has Zack Ryder for the US Title next week. They barely even mentioned it, which is a shame, but I guess they have to get that Kane/Cena angle over!

Ricardo Rodriguez is forced to call out R-Truth, who comes out, makes him sing "La Cucaracha" and beats him up. Miz attacks but is chased off by Truth before any damage can be done. Ricardo, who has silently become one of WWE's best performers, was very funny getting into his singing of La Cucaracha. He started out with the cracked voice, but then declared that he actually had some experience singing the song and busted out his own version followed by a CHICKA-CHICKA REEEEMIIIXX! Seriously, Ricardo is the best. Truth is also hilarious as he's carrying the insane character over to the face side and it's working brilliantly.

Chris Jericho enters, smiles, cries and leaves. This segment was much, much shorter than last week when he returned and that may have made it less impactful, but the idea seems to be there. I'm still confused as to what they're going for here, but the intrigue is not gone. Did anybody notice that throughout the course of the night Michael Cole kept claiming that Jericho didn't speak last week due to being choked up over the emotional response he received? That didn't happen! He was all smiles and laughs last week and there was no sign whatsoever that he was finding himself unable to speak because he was trying not to cry. Then this week comes and he does exactly that. Kreski would like to ask everybody to not jump the gun. This week he seemed to be too choked up to talk. Last week there was some other less discernable reason.

Zack Ryder rescues Eve from a possible attack by Kane and has to change his tire before he can hightail it out of the arena. He is unable to get it done quickly enough and Kane catches up and chokeslams him off of the loading dock (kinda). Cena is able to make some distance and get away from his opponent TZZM but runs right into Kane's trap. The show ends with Kane smothering Cena for a third time and is the conclusion of the fight that kicked off the show. Oy. As I said above, I thought the tire changing was funny as hell, but I don't know if that was the idea. I loved how Eve asked Ryder if he knew what he was doing. My big problem with the whole angle is that it's just too cartoonie and long winded. There's no real focus other than "Kane thinks everybody in the world is miserable like he is and he wants Cena in particular to embrace the hatred within". I just don't see how the B-horror movie antics have anything to do with getting Cena to realize that he should stop being so happy-go-lucky all the time. It's just dumb and boring to watch and it's a total unfair waste of Zack Ryder, who should be off and concerned with his own matters. Instead he is becoming John Cena's blundering sidekick.

Overall: The show had absolutely no flow to it, which made it hard to get focused and into watching. Daniel Bryan's new act stood out, as did the redebut of Brodus Clay and the singing of Ricardo Rodriguez. The rest of the show was either bad (the Kane/Cena stuff) or just there (everything else). I'm also annoyed that The Zig Zag Man was treated like a complete afterthought. Not cool.


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They're not quite predictions, per se, more like educated guesses combined with what I would like to see at the big event. We're far enough in advance that nothing is obvious (outside of Rock v. Cena and possibly Show v. Shaq), so why not give it a shot now and see if I get anything right? You're welcome, as always, to tell me why you disagree with my choices and to give your own.

The Rock v. John Cena

This one was announced a year in advance. The crowd will be out of their minds and it should be a good match. It won't have much trouble topping the travesty that closed out last year's show.

Big Show v. Shaquille O'Neal

This has been speculated for a couple of months by now, and it's a great spectacle match. I love Shaq and Big Show is the consummate professional. Show v. Akebono was what it was, but Show v. Mayweather was a heck of a lot of fun and this one stands a chance to be great to watch as well.

CM Punk v. Chris Jericho, WWE Championship

The speculation abounded even before Jericho actually stepped back onto the scene last Monday night and now that he is officially back in WWE it seems that everybody is jumping on the bandwagon for this match. Count me in right along with the rest of them. This could be spectacular both in-ring and out.

Daniel Bryan v. Rey Mysterio, World Heavyweight Championship

Bryan's going full-on heel and Mysterio could be back for WrestleMania. You KNOW this would be a great match, and Booker's boy D-Bryan would be great in making fun of Mysterio's size.

Cody Rhodes v. Goldust, Intercontinental Championship

Goldy has been pushing for this one on Twitter and it seems that, if nothing else, he's getting the storyline with his brother. I have seen a bunch of people complain about it and say that it would be fine as long as it doesn't get a spot on WrestleMania and instead is on the Elimination Chamber card, but I like this idea. It's a higher profile match than anything else Cody could have as far as defending his title and it has the kind of backstory that a showdown at the biggest event of the year needs. It has to be Goldust, though, not Dustin.

The Undertaker v. Wade Barrett

A whole lot of people wanted/expected this to go down at 'Mania last year. A bunch of people are also expecting that they'll do a 'Taker v. Triple H rematch this year. I would like to see Barrett get his shot at WM XVIII in a hard-fought loss. If this is going to be the Dead Man's final WrestleMania (which is what we say every year), it might not be the high profile match one would expect, but he could do a lot of good for Barrett by giving him the best match possible and making him look like a star in defeat.

Zack Ryder v. Kane, United States Championship

I debated over what I wanted to see Ryder do at WrestleMania. My only other thought was a triple threat with Jack Swagger and Brodus Clay, but I would prefer to see him get some retribution on Kane for attacking him just for being associated with John Cena. Kane is one of those guys who has always been used to put others over, and at this stage in his career it's the number one thing he should be doing. A win over Kane could do a lot for Ryder and it would be interesting to see how the feud and match would play out.

Mark Henry v. Sheamus

Give us the freakin' rubber match! They had a really good match at SummerSlam and then another on SmackDown after that. Henry won the first by count out and Sheamus won the second the same way. Let's get a winner!

Randy Orton v. The Zig Zag Man

It's possible that Orton could end up taking on Daniel Bryan for the World Heavyweight Title and it's even possible that Orton could take the title before WrestleMania and end up defending it against Bryan or whomever, but let's see if this one happens. I'm not sure how it would happen or why, but it would be a big match for TZZM and I would LOVE to see the two best wrestlers of 2011 go one-on-one.

Air Boom v. Epico & Primo v. The Usos, Tag Team Championship

What else is there to do? I'd like to see all three teams get a shot to do something at the show, but I don't really think it will happen. It would be a great opening match, though.

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This does end up leaving off The Miz, R-Truth, Jack Swagger and the women as well as Christian and Del Rio if they're good to go. What do you guys have? Think of something I can't!


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It's 2012 now, and according to a few sources, TNA is finally beginning to "get their shit together", as it were. Looking at the recent PPV cards I must agree. Bobby Roode turned heel and took the World Title from James Storm, which put Roode on top of the pile and helped Storm also become a star. He's not in a high profile feud with Kurt Angle, and he's being treated like a star. Roode has defended so far against AJ Styles and Jeff Hardy, so we're not seeing the old guys hogging the spotlight there, and they continue to not hog the spotlight in the sense that Hogan is nowhere to be found, Flair is managing a lower card guy and Sting is a fairly inobtrusive face authority figure.

So I decided that it would be fair (and hopefully entertaining) for me to go over to TNA's Youtube Channel and check out what they have been doing for the past couple months. I was pleased to see that they have each episode of Impact Wrestling separated into their own playlist of clips -- that was a very welcome resource for me to use in order to catch up so I can follow the show week-to-week. I haven't had a chance to catch Genesis yet, but it looked like a good enough show with some fun matches and young talent.

Starting next week I will be following TNA weekly and I shall opine about the show here in the WedWi. In the meantime, are there any matches that happened in TNA in 2011 that I should check out?


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The end is here again, folks. Check out some of my virtuous collegues:

Stephen Randle's Wrestling News Experience
Steve Cook's News From Cook's Corner
Nick Bazar's Contentious Ten
Ari Berenstein's Column of Honor
The 2011 411 Wrestling Year End Awards: Part One Part Two

Next time: TNA?


- Nicholas A. Marsico