411's Instant Access 1.29.12: WWE Royal Rumble 2012

Posted by Tony Acero on 01.30.2012

Dolph and Punk steal the show! Sheamus wins the Royal Rumble! Daniel Bryan falls to victory! Join myself, Michael Uphoff and Chad Nevett as we look back on this year's Royal Rumble!

411's Instant Access 01.29.12: WWE Royal Rumble 2012
Posted by Tony Acero on 01.29.12

Hey kids, I'm Tony, and this is 411's Instant Access: WWE Royal Rumble 2012. Instant Access is the companion piece to 411 Live Pay-Per-View Coverage and features immediate reaction to wrestling pay-per-views. The focus in Instant Access is on first thoughts and initial reactions instead of play-by-play with the goal of providing you with instant access to one two THREE writers' thoughts on the show. Anyway, here's the team for the Royal Rumble:

• Tony Acero, author of 411's WWE Raw Report and The Low End Theory.
• Chad Nevett, author of 411's Instant Analysis: Monday Night Raw.
• Mike Uphoff, author emeritus of 411's WWE Smackdown Report.

Okay kids, enough with the explanations. Let's get to the wrestling.

Triple Threat Cage Match for the World Heavyweight Championship
Daniel Bryan (Champion) vs. The Big Show vs. Mark Henry
Match Result: Daniel Bryan
Match Analysis:
Acero: This match wasn't bad by any means, but it wasn't as long or as good as I expected. I think the blame goes to Henry's injury more than anything, and it takes one hell of a man to take on this match, considering his injury and how he could have made it worse. I loved Bryan's ability to keep his character intact as a slimy heel trying to get out of the match as many times as he could. For the most part, I wanted more but understood why I didn't get it.
Nevett: The obvious choice to open the show and it began well. Mark Henry and the Big Show sort of cancelled one another out, while Daniel Bryan tried for quick escapes. Unfortunately, Mark Henry's injury kept him on the mat for most of the match, making it basically a Big Show/Daniel Bryan match with occasional interruptions from the World's Strongest Man. That threw off the dynamic of the match to a degree and, just when it seemed to be finishing Act 2, it ended. I'll give them credit for ending the match in an unexpected place, but that's it. Bryan drops, match over, and everyone says "That's it?" at the same time.
Uphoff: This all began when Bryan cashed in his MITB shot after Show defeated Henry at TLC. Each man would be given a title shot, only to have it end in a no-contest, drawing the ire of SmackDown general manager Theodore Long, thus leading to the triple threat cage match. This was better than I thought it would be, given the limitations that had been rumored for two of the participants. Daniel Bryan has earned the right to be World Heavyweight Champion, and he showed why tonight. He took bumps from both the Big Show and Mark Henry like a true champion, and highlighted his resourcefulness and intelligence at the end of the match. Mark Henry outperformed himself, and I saw no signs of a back injury from the Big Show in this match. Show was pedal-to-the-metal from the get-go, and as a result, we received a good cage match. Was it as good as it could be? Perhaps, and perhaps not. However, the crowd stayed in the match throughout it all, and that is all you can ask for as a wrestler. Good stuff from all three men, and I am looking forward to seeing the American Dragon defend his title in the Elimination Chamber.
Match Rating:
Acero: (**)
Nevett: (**)
Uphoff: (**1/2)
Average Match Rating: (**)

Divas Tag Team Match
Beth Phoenix, Natalya and The Bella Twins vs. Kelly Kelly, Eve, Tamina, and Alicia Fox
Match Result: Beth Phoenix, Natalya and The Bella Twins
Match Analysis:
Acero: This was one hell of a surprise. For a long time now, when you see a Diva, you know the quality of the match will be low. What happened here was that they gave the Divas time. All eight of them had a role that was larger than "eye candy" and because of that, they actually put together something worth watching. Of course, the teaming up made little sense with how often these girls have tangled hair, but I've leared to just let it be.
Nevett: I only saw the very beginning and the very end. The rest was spent using the washroom.
Uphoff: I really hoped with all the Divas involved that it wouldn't be the normal piss/food break. It turned out to be a decent match, playing off some feuds (Tamina/Natalya), and Kelly Kelly provided a great effort in this match. I was glad to see Beth pick up the win here, because she IS the champion and it is absolutely unforgivable that she has not been on television these past few weeks.
Match Rating:
Acero: (**)
Nevett: (NR)
Uphoff: (*3/4)
Average Match Rating: (*1/4)

John Cena vs. Kane
Match Result: No Contest
Match Analysis:
Acero: This match was better than it should have been, considering the players involved and how crappily booked it has been. The match itself was strong and kept had tons of fluid moves and sequences. Kane is a little slower than he used to be, but he's still got it. What really drug this thing down to hell was the finish and what followed the finish. This was all kinds of bad. Poor Zack Ryder is playing the role of jobber while Cena gets to make more and more facial expressions that only constitute constipation. The match was good, and could have gone better. Either we're headed to Elimination Chamber with another singles match, or they'll be thrown into the Elimination Chamber itself, but either way, I'm not interested.
Nevett: The match itself impressed me. Kane looked good, always one step ahead of Cena. Cena seemed frustrated at times and I loved his top rope Five Knuckle Shuffle. The problems came after the match ended (the double countout makes sense, I guess). A big brawl and Kane killing Zack Ryder in front of Eve before delivering an impressive Chokeslam to Cena. The way Kane left was badass. Considering the build to this match, what happened was what was promised... yet, who wanted some more goofy crap that will continue just long enough to kill time until the Rock shows up?
Uphoff: I was surprised throughout this match. Not only did they actually keep me interested for the entire match, but they also kept the crowd into the match as well. I actually like the double count-out finish here, because it protects both men, and honestly either man who took the fall would suffer here. The finish allowed for the beatdown that followed to occur, and I was glad to see that Kane got the upper hand. I was hoping that he would, and it is now clear that Kane's diabolical depravity knows no bounds. Cena tried to be SuperCena and rise above the hate, and in the end, Kane proved to be the stronger and maybe now we will see Cena embrace hate to destroy Kane in the Elimination Chamber. Also, always nice to see someone Tombstoned.
Match Rating:
Acero: (**1/2)
Nevett: (**1/2)
Uphoff: (**1/2)
Average Match Rating: (**1/2)


Singles Match
Brodus Clay vs. Drew McIntyre
Match Result:Brodus Clay
Match Analysis:
Acero: It ain't a PPV without Brodus Clay getting Funky widdit!!! More fun here, but I'm feelin pretty damned bad for Drew McIntyre and what he's going through. I'm supposed to not like this match and what it stands for, but damnit, seeing Brodus do his thing is just too much fun!
Nevett: I was a little disappointed that Brodus Clay wouldn't be in the Royal Rumble match, but this was a better spotlight -- and kept one more piece of goofy entertainment out of the Rumble. Nothing new here really. Clay is just damn entertaining.
Uphoff: This was something that was not needed, but I guess we needed something to fill time. It wasn't that bad, as Drew got in more offense on Brodus Clay than anyone else ever has (in his new gimmick), but this was nothing more than a glorified squash. I'd like to see Brodus go up against a real opponent at some point in the very near future.
Match Rating:
Acero: (*)
Nevett: (*)
Uphoff: (*)
Average Match Rating: (*)

WWE Championship Match – John Laurinaitis as Special Guest Referee
CM Punk (Champion) vs. Dolph Ziggler w/ Vickie Guerrero
Match Result: CM Punk
Match Analysis:
Acero: Amazing match from amazing performers. I had high expectations for this match, and they didn't disappoint! It was every bit as awesome as I wanted it to be and the only negative was the overbooking during the match. What could have been a great match was marred through the unnecessary storyline going into it, and it really broke up the match. The positive is that it was only a small hindrance. This match was back and forth bad assery.
Nevett: The only match that had guaranteed screwiness. When John Laurinaitis had a real ref come out, I'm sure we all mumbled "Ref bump..." at the same time. Yet, they played with those expectations well. Punk was denied victory a few times and almost lost as a result, making his win all that more earned. In between all of that goofiness, Punk and Ziggler did what we all expected them to: wrestled very, very well. Punk taking it to Ziggler after Ziggler showed off a little, Ziggler's chain of elbow drops, and that counter to the GTS... damn good wrestling. It's a shame that the Laurinaitis stuff distracted from it.
Uphoff: I was literally calling for Mick Foley to interfere in this match, and was honestly surprised to see that he did not. I laughed hysterically when Punk called Johnny Laryngitis "Clownshoes." Getting back to the match, this had some really good buildup, and honestly, the result could have gone either way. I do believe that they made the right decision here, as Dolph Ziggler/the Perfect clone has improved considerably in the past year, but I don't think he is quite ready to be the face of the company. I will be interested to see who is in the elimination Chamber next month as CM Punk defends. Was this overbooked at the end? Slightly, but it all made sense. The right man won, Laryngitis gave the illusion that he was calling it fairly, and I'm interested to see what happens on RAW.
Match Rating:
Acero: (***3/4)
Nevett: (***3/4)
Uphoff: (***3/4)
Average Match Rating: (***3/4)

Royal Rumble Match
Match Result: Sheamus
Match Analysis:
Acero: The Rumble match is always so much fun, and this one was no different. It's tough to keep the match entertaining, as dead spots are almost inevitable. For whatever reason, however, they kept this match as 2/3rd's fun and games and 1/3rd seriousness. What this means for the match is that the laughs got tiring and felt forced. It was funny seeing Santino, it was great seeing Road Dogg, Kharma was cool, but it left the ending to be so….blah. I don't know why I expected something big. Sheamus winning was cool, and I'm interested in seeing where they go with it. Other than that, the match felt like it was lacking a particular…spunk.
Nevett: Goofiest Rumble ever? Quite possibly. The one-two entrances of Alex Riley and R-Truth played off the Miz stuff well and things stayed pretty standard until Mick Foley came out. From there, it was Ricardo Rodriguez and Santino. That was a funny few minutes and would have been fine had they left it there. But, then Lawler entered. And Booker T. And Michael fucking Cole. It wasn't until Randy Orton eliminated Kharma that the match seemed to shake that 'just for goofs' feel and settle into a match that actually matters for something. Things were so skewed towards not taking this match seriously that it took something like Chris Jericho and Sheamus putting on a great mini-match to not make the whole thing seem like something of a waste. Okay, that sounds harsher than I mean. One thing that stood out was how minor the entrants seemed this year. We got into the 20s and only a few legitimate contenders had come out. That could be why they skewed so stupid and goofy -- the lack of starpower meant a lot of filler, so why not make people laugh? I was glad to see good showings from Cody Rhodes and the Miz. And I can't speak highly enough of the Jericho/Sheamus finish. Sheamus winning is great -- also puzzling since it's hard to tell where they're going with him now (or Jericho). A memorable Rumble... probably not for the best reasons.
Uphoff: Okay, first off: THIS IS MY HUMBLE OPINION. WHAT YOU MAY THINK OF THIS RUMBLE IS NOT NECESSARILY WHAT I THINK OF IT. That being said, this is without a doubt in my mind the best Royal Rumble match I have ever seen. I have seen the WWE Championship won by Ric Flair in the 1992 Royal Rumble, and I have seen the 2004 Royal Rumble. This year topped both. The Royal Rumble is used for so many things, and it was used to its proper and fullest extent tonight. The Rumble should be used to highlight past and current feuds, and it did that with Miz facing Riley and R-Truth early, Orton facing off against Rhodes and Barrett at the end, Jinder Mahal and the Great Khali, and so on and so forth. The Royal Rumble should also be used as a platform to cater to the fans with just a LITTLE BIT of comedy, and we got that as well with Mick Foley and Santino Marella. They provided their little comedy, Foley actually looked decent, and then they were gone. It was kept relatively short, and the epic battle between Mr. Socko and the Cobra was hilarious. The Royal Rumble should also be used to deliver a bit of nostalgia and keep the crowd on the edge of their seats. The entrances of Booker, Lawler, Road Dogg, and Hacksaw Jim Duggan were great for the crowd, and they popped HUGE for the Road Dogg. The Rumble should also be used to have shocking returns, and we had that with Kharma and Randy Orton, and some others. Cody Rhodes and the Miz were excellent tonight. Everyone worked amazingly well, and it all came together. The only thing that wasn't needed was necessary was the entrant Michael Cole. I get that EVERYONE is eligible, but you want to bitch at Foley being in the Rumble? What about Cole? And finally, what the Royal Rumble should be used for is to launch the career of a Superstar into the main event. And this is why I am perfectly all right with Sheamus winning the Royal Rumble. Chris Jericho does not need the Royal Rumble to get a title shot; he is over enough with the fans to ask for one and get it. Sheamus has flirted with the main event before, and he has also had two fluke title reigns as the WWE Champion. This win helps to legitimize Sheamus and truly help him to take that final step into the main event. What will Jericho do next? I can't say for sure, but I will be watching tomorrow night to find out. What will Sheamus do? Will he challenge Punk? Will he challenge Daniel Bryan? It is so exciting right now as a wrestling fan, and I cannot wait to see what develops. This may be sacrilegious to some fans, but this year's ending may have been better than the one to the 2007 Rumble between Taker and Shawn. This truly was the best Rumble I have ever seen.
Match Rating:
Acero: (***)
Nevett: (**3/4)
Uphoff: (*****)
Average Match Rating: (***1/2)

Final Thoughts

Match of the Night:
Acero: CM Punk vs. Dolph Ziggler (***3/4)
The only competition for this match would have been the Rumble, and there was just far too much going on in the beginning of the entire event to bog it down around three stars. Punk and Ziggler put a match together that, although expected, still impressed beyond. We've seen them lock horns before, but this was Dolph's time to impress, and he did just that.
Nevett: CM Punk vs. Dolph Ziggler (***3/4)
You have to work hard to outshine the Royal Rumble match and these two did, even with John Laurinaitis.
Uphoff: The Royal Rumble Match (*****)
I cannot say any more than I already have. It was perfect.

Trash of the Night:
Acero: World Heavyweight Title Match: Daniel Bryan vs. The Big Show vs. Mark Henry
Although, "trash" is kind of mean. It simply didn't do what it set out to do and seemed like a match that was put there by necessity, rather than a want.
Nevett: World Heavyweight Title Match: Daniel Bryan vs. The Big Show vs. Mark Henry
The Rumble was disappointing, but not as much as the World Heavyweight Championship match. It never left second gear and, then, ended abruptly.

Uphoff:

Final Analysis:
Acero: My immediate response was that this was a one match show. One hour later and this thought has not surpassed. CM Punk and Dolph Ziggler stole the show. I don't share the sentiment that Uphoff does in regards to the Royal Rumble match, but I GET where he is coming from and there was tons of fun to be had. My issue with that is there was a bit too much fun to be had and the final stretch was nowhere near as important as it should have been, considering the winner.
Nevett: A disappointing event on the whole. No match exceeded expectations and a few fell short, including the Rumble itself. The entire night seemed to have been touched by a consistent theme of strange goofiness, like they couldn't figure out how to book things in a straight forward manner. Not at all what I expected, and that's not entirely bad. It was definitely entertaining at times, just not enough, nor in the ways you want from the Royal Rumble.
Uphoff: This was a great PPV from top to bottom. From the beginning of the PPV to the end, the crowd was in it 100%, as were the over 100 people crowded into the bar where I was watching the PPV. Everything seemed to click in a magical sort of way, and we as WWE fans were finally treated to a Royal Rumble PPV that we deserved for our money. This is a PPV that is a MUST-HAVE. If you are a WWE fan, GET IT NOW. There are so many things on this PPV, story development and OH MY GOD moments that make this PPV a must-see. This may be the best Royal Rumble, top to bottom, that I have seen in a long time.

Verdict:
Acero: (***)
Nevett: (**3/4)
Uphoff: (****)
Average Verdict: (***1/4)