The Heel Report: 02.01.12: Bearded Glamazon

Posted by James Wright on 02.01.2012

A weekly report charting the efforts of the heels in the WWE and TNA. Can Bryan keep the top spot? Did Ziggler pulling double duty score him points? Has Roode disappeared this week? Read on to find out the top ten heels in professional wrestling right now!

This is the Heel Report. A weekly chart spanning from Thursday's Impact to the Raw Super Show, ranking the heels in TNA and the WWE based on their actions, wins and losses.

Each Week there are ten places, with points out of ten awarded based on these positions. These points are then added to a rolling chart that will continue each week to show who wrestling's overall top heel is.

This is a place where the heels of TNA and the WWE can be praised for all the hard work they do trying to get us all to hate them, so without further ado let's get on with the report…


Weekly Top Ten

1st Place: Daniel Bryan



Who else could it be? Once again Bryan steals the top spot with a mixture of biting sarcasm, surprising wins and over-enthusiastic celebrating. I know the WWE are booking him as the luckiest guy alive who doesn't really deserve it, but look at the stats; Bryan beat two behemoths in a steel cage match to retain his title at one of the company's biggest PPVs of the year, then the next night he got a DQ win over the WWE champion, thus technically proving himself to be the better man, how can Bryan not get the top spot? Apart from anything else Bryan works as top heel because he truly cares about his work, with Bryan on Smackdown and Jericho on Raw I'm thinking that the Road to WrestleMania is going to be paved with some great heel promos and shit-eating grins. The best part of the whole week was probably when Bryan called Big Show ‘No Andre', which was harsh but true and was a real dick move on Bryan's part, further cementing his character.

2nd Place: Beth Phoenix



A surprising number two for a post-PPV report but the numbers don't lie. While Beth didn't really do much in the way of promo magic this week (no one else did much either) she did manage to win three matches, however short they were, in convincing fashion. She won on a PPV and defended her title on Raw, all in a bid to build up a Kharma vs. Phoenix match for WrestleMania no doubt, which will be nice to see. It would be great if in the buildup they just had the two squashing every other diva in a bid to out-do each other, not so great for the division but it would certainly be entertaining. Again my highlight from Beth would probably be when she smacked one of the Bellas super hard and shouted "Get out of my ring!" as she tagged herself in.

3rd Place: Cody Rhodes



Young Master Rhodes gets his way into third place after once again defeating Justin Gabriel on Smackdown and having an impressive run in the Royal Rumble match. While Miz was the ‘Iron Man' of the match, Rhodes managed to get six eliminations by my count, which is pretty impressive. I was surprised not to see Goldust in the match as it seemed to make perfect sense if they were going to have a feud at ‘Mania that the build would start now. Still I'm sure they will find something to do and no doubt he will be in the Smackdown Elimination Chamber match.

4th Place: Mark Henry



An injured World's Strongest Man hobbles his way into fourth place by gritting his teeth and carrying on through his Steel Cage match at the Rumble. While Henry didn't play much of a part in that match he did at least get in some offense and didn't need too much carrying. I hate to go back to it but it is efforts like this that make Victory Road so unforgivable, when guys are going into PPVs with terrible injuries, simply for the fact that they are committed and that they have a passion for the business and being in high profile matches, and then this other guy, who is the champion of the company, decides that the main event of a PPV isn't worth turning up to in a fit state. How TNA and the boys in the back could ever forgive that is unfathomable to me, especially now that the guy is being put back into the main event, it's disgusting.

5th Place: Bully Ray



He may have taken a loss in the Tables match itself, but he more than made up for it by driving that dir-bag Hardy through a table off the top rope at the end of Impact. Bully Ray deserves to be in the TNA title picture right now, whether he deserves to actually win the title is another matter but I am glad that the company is giving him a shot in the main event. Who knows, he could even be the TNA equivalent of Mark Henry, although I'd prefer it if Roode would remain champion for awhile longer to truly establish his title run and make it mean something.

6th Place: Chris Jericho



The False Prophet is next. At first I was pretty annoyed at Jericho for all that ‘end of the world' crap and then nothing actually happens at the Rumble, then it hit me; that is the whole point! This was just another effort to try to troll the fans and get us pissed off at him rather than cheering him on. Jericho is putting lots of thought into his actions, really trying to become a true heel, not just on screen, but on the internet as well. Jericho is one of the few guys who can actually draw old school heel heat, although this time he is aiming his efforts at the right audience; the IWC as not only do we have a tendency to cheer on heels (shocking I know) but we are also unlikely to attack him in a parking lot if he pisses us off. What better way to raise our ire than to invalidate his own storyline and ruin everything he has been doing up to now. Now of course this might not be some grand design, it might have just been that Jericho saw that his efforts were not working so well so he took another direction, or it could all be in my head and the WWE and Jericho just messed up and chose to pull out of whatever they were going to do at the last minute. Either way I am interested to see what happens next.

7th Place: Robert Roode



The TNA world champion makes it onto the chart despite being driven through a table. Roode always seems to rack up the points, mainly because TNA are actually putting in some effort to make Roode the focus of their show. With the company behind him, even seemingly Hulk Hogan, Roode could go far. While both companies might mess up a whole hell of a lot most of the time I have to say that the guys they have holding the big gold are actually the guys who should be and who could become something big if only the companies keep the belt on them and keep feeding them interesting and legitimate challengers. No more hot potatoes and no more filler opponents damn it!

8th Place: Wade Barrett



An underwhelming performance from the Distinguished English Gent in the Royal Rumble. For a man that talked big and looked to be a dark horse going into the match he didn't really make all that much of an impression in terms of how long he lasted or who he eliminated. Barrett was simply eclipsed by Randy Orton, and I'd imagine that the same will happen at the Elimination Chamber and at WrestleMania if they have a match there. I know it is a bit out of left field and I'm not saying it would be the best thing, but I have a sneaking suspicion that they might let Barrett win the belt at Elimination Chamber, only to lose it to Sheamus at WrestleMania. It would make sense if the two keep on feuding and with the main event already set I'm guessing the WWE wouldn't mind trying out two of their bigger guys in the main event. If Bryan and Sheamus start feuding soon then this probably isn't the case but at the moment the two have nothing to tie them to the their possible title match, so it doesn't seem likely that it will be Bryan vs. Sheamus on the Grandest Stage of them All.

9th Place: The Miz



While he was the Iron Man of the Royal Rumble match, Miz wasn't exactly a Ric Flair type of Iron Man, he might not have been a Vince McMahon type of Iron Man but he wasn't too far off since he only actually managed to eliminate two people in the entire time that he was in the match. These two were former associates of his though; Alex Riley and R-Truth, and I'm pretty sure that if Morrison was still with the company, he would have been eliminated by Miz too. Miz's current dealings with his former associates is an interesting angle, I quite like it since it could work for a WrestleMania gimmick or be dropped like a bad habit and no one can really kick up a fuss. Miz also lost to Kofi on Raw and I'm pretty sure that his performance in the Elimination Chamber will dictate who he goes onto face at WrestleMania since it would be depressing if the guy who headlined last year's, and has remained healthy for the entire year, didn't at least have a decent singles match on the card.

10th Place: Kane



The last place on the chart goes to the man who tries to get people to embrace hate by running like a little bitch after being hit with a set of steel steps a couple of times. This whole angle is wearing pretty thin since it is another one of those situations where the WWE is ignoring all previous events and are making out like what both Cena and Kane are doing are heinous crimes against humanity that no one has ever committed on a human being before, despite much, much worse things happening on a daily basis for years. They tried to pull the same thing with the whole ‘Raw is out of control' angle when they decided to get rid of Triple H as GM, which seemed arbitrary at best.


Rolling Chart (Week 26):

1. Mark Henry (150)

2. Cody Rhodes (137)

3. Alberto Del Rio (96)

4. The Miz (89)

5. Wade Barrett (89)

6. Robert Roode (84)

7. Dolph Ziggler (81)

8. Bully Ray (63)

9. Christian (59)

10. Beth Phoenix (52)


The Wright View

The Face-Off: Commentators Entering Rumble

This was just horrible. As soon as Lawler entered and Cole started going on about it not being right for commentators to enter the Rumble you just knew that him and Booker would be next, the bookers' idea of humour via incredibly obvious irony. The whole thing was a shambles and the only partially redeemable part of the whole thing was when Kharma came out and eliminated Michael Cole. Apart from the general waste that was their time in the Royal Rumble, think of all the other people who could have gotten a shot if they hadn't entered; McIntyre, Kane, Mason Ryan, Goldust, William Regal, Matt Striker, Josh Matthews (a much better trio of announcers to see in the Rumble my opinion) Darren Young, Derrick Bateman, Johnny Curtis, and lest we forget Brodus Clay. Any one from that list would have been better, and then there is Christian of course, who most of us thought would be making his return at the Rumble. This whole culture of ‘in-jokes' in the WWE has to stop, where angles and matches are clearly being influenced by people thinking that Cole wrestling is oh-so-hilarious and Booker T's joke of a job as commentator is a laugh riot. Commentators are pretty much the most important part of wrestling besides the wrestlers themselves. They are the ones who convey the aspects of the story that the in-ring action can't convey and they are the first port of call that someone has who is new to wrestling for information on what is going on. I often try to show people around me the product that I love and all they can say is how annoying it is that guys are wittering on about things that aren't on screen that they can't understand while the matches are going on. Something needs to be done about these guys and how they are handled because at the moment it is a running joke that is helping to kill the business.

Fact the Facts: Punk is a Punk

Apart from all the great banter that took place between Bryan and Punk on Raw, as well as Punk's constant affirmations that he is the ‘best in the world', Punk deserves some recognition for his role in the whole ‘Johnny Ace as GM' storyline. There have been parallels drawn to McMahon and Austin and in a way there is a lot of truth in that, although it is for a different time. Austin represented your average blue collar guy who hated his boss, only he had the balls to do something about it. Punk on the other hand represents the smart arse upstarts of today who are massive under achievers and are forced to take direction from guys who are clearly slower than them and so try to constantly undermine them, any college graduate who has had to work a minimum wage job will know what that's like, only he has the achievements to back it up. Both symbolized a large pocket of society and fulfilled a fantasy of taking the power back from a stuffed-shirt authority figure. Both can come across as dicks while doing this, but ultimately you have to recognize and appreciate their role and what it achieves. The most important part of wrestling is making the audience care about the events that are occurring on the mic and in the ring, and while the current writers might not be up to scratch, Punk is certainly making the best of what he has been given. Punk is Punk and he is a Punk, but that's who he needs to be to represent the majority of his fans.

On the Rise: Dolph Pulling Double Duty

Another guy who deserves some praise but hasn't gotten it in the weekly chart is Dolph Ziggler, who again pulled double duty at a PPV and made it look easy. Ziggler didn't eliminate too many people, although he did eliminate Kharma after telling her to get out of the ring (classy) but he did go toe-to-toe for the WWE title, and came off looking at least like a guy who should remain in the title picture for the time being. I'm not sure when Ziggler will actually get his hands on the WWE title, which is a hazard when you don't play hot potato with the belts, but I'm sure when he does it will be more than as a transitional champion, which in the end is better for everyone.

Flat-Footed: John Laurinaitis

I know I flip-flop a lot with Johnny Ace, but that is because his character flip-flops. Sometimes he seems to be fulfilling his role as heel to C.M. Punk perfectly, other times he seems to have zero charisma and have no idea what he is supposed to be doing. He lands in the negative column this week for acting all nice after the sudden announcement that he would be subject to a performance review on Monday Night Raw. Not only did this announcement undercut everything that had gone before it, and make Johnny act like even more of a bore than usual, but it also led to twenty minutes where basically nothing happened and in the end nothing was resolved. This is another case of the guys in the back thinking something is funny, relevant and interesting, when really it is dull, outdated and predictable. It stinks of a mindset that isn't edited anywhere near enough, people need to be kept in check and told when things have run their course, or when there is absolutely no point to doing them. The problem with this is that people then say; well what do you know? What would you book instead? To which I reply: ANYTHING THAT FUCKING RELATES TO THE GUYS WHO ACTUALLY BUST THEIR ASSES EVERY NIGHT IN THE RING FOR OUR ENTERTAINMENT! ANYTHING THAT MAKES FANS CARE ABOUT WRESTLING AGAIN! ANYTHING THAT WOULD STOP THE WWE FROM LOOKING LIKE AN INTERNATIONAL JOKE THAT YOU WOULD HAVE TO BE BACKWARDS NOT TO FEEL EMBARRASSED FOR WATCHING IT! You know, something like that. I don't care if the ending segment on Raw technically set up Taker vs. Triple H for WrestleMania, it is a pointless match that has no intrigue and it could have been done a lot better and sure as hell of a lot faster than it was. My main point is why do the WWE not have someone who can look at the schedule and say; ‘hey why don't we condense that talking segment into five minutes with a quick re-write and add five minutes to our three main matches of the evening, you know the wrestling that the fans want to see. Don't get me wrong, I'm all about the storylines, I don't watch boxing or MMA and there is a reason for that, but by the same token there are thousands of better written shows out there that I could devote my time to, but it is that blend of storyline driven in—ring action that keeps me coming back, and I'm just begging the WWE to see sense and let most of the storytelling be done in the ring, not through over-paid announcers who have no interest in what is going on in the ring or even what they are talking about, and not through segments filled with in-jokes that serve to make one person in the whole audience laugh, while the rest of us hang our heads in shame and wonder why we watch this garbage and if it ever will improve.


That's all for this week. The Royal Rumble wasn't a terrible PPV, and the match itself had its moments, but seriously, when the running joke of the top wrestling company in the world seems to be that they neglect their fans by putting on minute matches in a PPV and having a card with four matches announced and two they just pulled out of their arses then you seriously have to wonder what the hell is going on in the world of professional wrestling. As a fan I expect more, and I think that you should too, this is James Wright signing off.