wrestling / Columns
The Wrestling News Experience: 04.16.12
Monday, April 16th, 2012
From 411Mania’s Canadian offices in Kitchener, Ontario, Canada, this is The Wrestling News Experience, with Stephen Randle!
I Need Help Reacting To Something
Good morning, everyone, and welcome to the Experience. I am Stephen Randle, and I’ve finally started catching up on Justified from the beginning, so if my language starts to wander into that of a formal southern gentleman, that would be the case. Blame Timothy Olyphant. Although I doubt he would truly take any concern from it.
Dammit, there I go again. Moving on.
Rinehart did the live coverage.
Team Garrett defeated Team Eric in a Lethal Lockdown match (Garrett pinned Eric, guitar shot)
Sounds like a big step down for the Lethal Lockdown match, which as I recall has a) been one of the best matches on the show usually and b) been at least the second-last match on the card. But hey, at least Garrett Bischoff gets to stay around.
Samoa Joe and Magnus defeated The Motor City Machine Guns to retain the TNA Tag Team titles (Magnus pinned Sabin, Snapmare-Elbowdrop Combo)
Devon defeated Robbie E to retain the TNA TV title (pinfall, spinebuster)
Gail Kim defeated Velvet Sky to retain the TNA Knockouts title (pinfall, rollup counter)
Crimson defeated Matt Morgan (escaped the cage)
Jeff Hardy defeated Kurt Angle (pinfall, Swanton)
ODB and Eric Young defeated Sarita and Rosita to retain the TNA Knockouts Tag titles (ODB pinned Rosita, Death Valley Driver)
Bobby Roode defeated James Storm to retain the TNA World title (escaped the cage)
So, at some point, Storm gets to win the title, right? Right?
Last week, Brock Lesnar and John Cena had to be forcibly separated by the entire WWE locker room after Cena stormed the ring and slapped Lesnar, resulting in a brawl that left Cena bloody but still standing. When Raw ended, however, Cena was once again face down on the mat thanks to a Lesnar sneak attack. With both men set to collide at Extreme Rules, can they be contained from tearing each other apart before the PPV even happens?
Plus, WWE Champion CM Punk continues to find trouble from all sides, as he went too far in his match against Mark Henry and earned himself a DQ, which led to Henry receiving yet another match for the WWE Title tonight, this time with both DQ and Count-outs waived. Toss in the fact that Chris Jericho left Punk laying, reeking of alcohol, for the second week in a row, and things look bleak for the champion. Can he regain some measure of control this week, or is Punk simply overmatched?
And no doubt Johnny Ace will be around, wronging rights and undoing good deeds, because he’s evil and smarmy and has power and when those things are true, this is what you get. At this point, I’m yearning for the carefree days of the Anonymous Raw GM.
Also, Lord Tensai will undoubtedly continue his dominance over the lower card, and since we’re in London, England, I’d expect they’ll even drag that red phone booth out of storage for the entrance set. Has anyone told them that there aren’t any of those left in London yet?
All this and maybe more, you’ll have to watch to find out, tonight on Raw!
No big news thanks to WWE being mostly overseas and all their important TV happening last Monday and Tuesday, so let’s skip to the jokes.
– The Bella Twins are reportedly done with WWE at the end of the month, unless they’re not in which case we’re just crappy journalists as always. I’d complain about the fact that they just put one of them over the Divas Champion last week, but let’s be real, that title means less than my actual belt with a Mario mushroom buckle I bought for twenty bucks during my vacation in Florida.
– Scott Steiner, who doesn’t work for TNA anymore but still works for Ring Ka King, has spent much of April mocking Hogan and Bischoff on Twitter. If he keeps it up much longer we’re going to have to consider him an honorary member of the IWC.
– Our Lady Peace has made it known that they have retired “Whatever”, the song that was used as Chris Benoit’s entrance music, from their catalogue and will never play it again. First of all, it took them this long (or at least this long for anyone to find out)? Secondly, is there any way we can get them to stop playing “Thief” forever as well?
– Despite the urgings of people who love round numbers, it appears that the Undertaker may have several more Mania matches left in him. This is good news for the Creative team, who were probably getting worried that they might be losing a high-profile Mania match that essentially writes, books, and sells itself to lean on for the next few years rather than build up anyone new.
– Edge threw out the first pitch at a Toronto Blue Jays game last week and they lost. Meanwhile I went to a different Jays game last week and they won. Clearly, the Jays should be offering to let me throw out the first pitch at every one of their games. I await their call.
– Dixie Carter has said that their new deal with Spike TV means that there will be some changes to Impact Wrestling. Ooh, maybe they’ll change the colour scheme again!
– WWE’s No Way Out PPV, which is returning in June, will apparently feature “cage matches with additional stipulations”, which will hopefully differentiate it completely from Elimination Chamber and Hell in a Cell, since those PPV’s only feature cage matches with additional stipulations.
– Apparently Flo Rida is coming after Heath Slater, likely in revenge for WrestleMania, where Slater had the nerve to be shoved by Flo (is that the appropriate short form for Flo Rida? What do his close friends call him?) so hard that he was lucky he didn’t make a cartoon-like hole in the wall nearby. At this time, I would like to point out that Flo Rida would probably make a more believable pro wrestler than Heath Slater.
– There’s a movement afoot to get Bret Hart a star on the Canadian Walk of Fame, which I, of course, wholeheartedly support. As a matter of fact, why doesn’t he have one already? The Walk of Fame already burned through so many famous Canadians that this year’s class is being headlined by one of the actresses from Grey’s Anatomy. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a decent show, but that career gets to be immortalized alongside William Shatner, Rush, and Wayne Gretzky?
– Then again, does Bret really want to be part of a group that considers Nickelback a proud inductee?
– John Morrison has hinted that he might be back in WWE before long. Finally, someone who can make Zack Ryder’s career path look less tragic!
– Speaking of careers going nowhere, it’s rumoured to almost be time for WWE’s Spring Cleaning releases! Time to place your bets on which lower card talents are on the way out and which long-suffering jobbers will inexplicably keep their jobs! I’m putting good money on the fact that, despite offering absolutely nothing to the show, that damned leprechaun will still be employed when the dust settles!
– Of course, all things considered, he probably only collects a very small paycheck. Thank you, I’ll be here all week. Try the veal.
We give Cena crap all the time for laughing stuff off, and rightly so, but the image of Cena with a mouthful of blood laughing and daring Brock to come after him is an image they could replay over and over again during the feud. That is, if they intentionally showed blood anymore. |
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Punk’s promo on Monday was so intense that I’m pretty sure it even intimidated Mark Henry, who actually looked initially reluctant to get into the ring for their match on Raw. Obviously Punk’s going to retain tonight (well, I’d put money on it, anyway), the question is, after another attack by Jericho, just how intense will the Straight Edge Superstar be? |
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Hope you like him, because he’ll be around for a while, apparently. Lovely that they had a Lethal Lockdown match full of so much talent and not only do they book Garrett to be the guy in it from the start, the finish goes to him and Uncle Eric. Couldn’t they have made that Garrett-Eric a separate match and done a no-strings-attached Lethal Lockdown featuring the other, much more talented guys instead? |
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For all the things that TNA does wrong, and there are many, none can fault the work of their champion, who brought it both on Impact with an intense go-home promo and last night at Lockdown. Of course he’s better, he’s Canadian. |
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I said in TWNE After Dark that I’m giving Ryback the win over Tensai so far in their respective careers, so he gets this spot over the former Albert. The sick lariat spot helped as well. Good to get a secondary finisher over now for when he can’t use a Muscle Buster. |
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You can’t argue that Clay isn’t doing the work now that he’s got a feud, and I’ll toss my vote with everyone else who points out that he throws the best big splash in the business right now. It looks like it kills people even though it’s clearly one of the safest moves in wrestling. As opposed to Tensai’s senton splash, which just looks like it may actually kill someone someday. |
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I’m not sure what sort of crazy voodoo mind control powers veganism has given Bryan, but they seem to have worked on AJ. Come to think of it, maybe that explains the “Yes” chants. One thing is clear: |
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Clearly, as part of his regression back into his past, Kane remembered the one man who always had the upper hand against him and has brought that man’s favourite weapon out of retirement to gain vengeance on Randy Orton! That man was, of course, Gene Snitsky and his lead pipe of DOOM! Am I the only one who remembers their Lead Pipe match? I am? Good. |
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Look for Show to make a big move up the charts next week if he can somehow pull off a successful “interrupting Cody’s match to show a replay of him interrupting Cody’s match last week to show a replay of him interrupting Cody’s match the week prior to that to show a replay of him beating Cody at WrestleMania” gambit. It’s Show-ception! |
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I assume I’m required to have him on this list any week that he shows up on TV, although I will give him credit for the gleeful expression on his face after nailing Cena right in the junk. |
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Inactive List as of 04.09.12
WWE Raw
– Evan Bourne, out indefinitely as of March 19th (foot)
– Kharma, out indefinitely as of January 2012 (personal)
– Rey Mysterio, out indefinitely as of August 23rd (knee surgeries)
WWE SmackDown
– Christian, day-to-day as of March 26th (not medically cleared for competition)
– Justin Gabriel, day-to-day as of April 2nd (forearm)
– Layla El, out indefinitely as of May 23rd (ACL/MCL surgery)
– Sin Cara, out 6-9 months as of November 20th (ruptured patella)
– Wade Barrett, out 3-4 months as of Februrary 20th (dislocated elbow)
TNA
– Jesse Sorenson, out at least one year as of February 12th (spine)
– Ric Flair, out 4-6 months as of September 14th (tricep)
Transactions
– Rob Van Dam, TNA, returned to action on April 12th Impact
WWE
WWE Champion: CM Punk
– 148 day reign, defeated Alberto Del Rio on November 20th (Survivor Series PPV)
– Next title defense: vs Mark Henry, No DQ/Countout Match, Tonight’s Raw
World Heavyweight Champion: Sheamus
– 15 day reign, defeated Daniel Bryan on April 1st (WrestleMania XXVIII)
– Next title defense: vs Daniel Bryan, 2/3 Falls Match, Extreme Rules PPV
WWE Intercontinental Champion: The Big Show
– 15 day reign, defeated Cody Rhodes on April 1st (WrestleMania XXVIII)
WWE United States Champion: Santino Marella
– 42 day reign, defeated Jack Swagger on March 5th (Raw)
WWE Tag Team Champions: Epico and Primo
– 92 day reign, defeated Kofi Kingston and Evan Bourne on January 15th (house show)
WWE Divas’ Champion: Beth Phoenix
– 190 day reign, defeated Kelly Kelly on October 2nd (Hell in a Cell PPV)
TNA
TNA Heavyweight Champion: Bobby Roode
– 165 day reign, defeated James Storm on November 3rd (Impact)
TNA Tag Team Champions: Samoa Joe and Magnus
– 64 day reign, defeated Crimson and Matt Morgan on February 12th (Against All Odds PPV)
TNA X-Division Champion: Austin Aries
– 212 day reign, defeated Brian Kendrick on September 11th (No Surrender PPV)
TNA Knockouts Champion: Gail Kim
– 155 day reign, defeated Velvet Sky on November 13th (Turning Point PPV)
TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions: ODB and Eric Young
– 39 day reign, defeated Gail Kim and Madison Rayne on March 8th (Impact)
TNA Television Champion: Devon
– 29 day reign, defeated Robbie E on March 18th (Victory Road PPV)
De Marco has the Wrestling 5&1.
Hawke has Views From The Hawke’s Nest.
Acero has The Triumverate of Truth.
Rutherford has The Wrestling Sandwich.
And this week’s TWNE After Dark podcast is up, featuring a lot of random discussion and a realization that I say “um” a lot when searching for what I really want to say. Create your own drinking game to take full advantage!
411 will have live coverage of Raw tonight starting at 9 pm EDT.
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That’s our show, That Damned Cook is in tomorrow, I will be back next week. Plus, don’t forget to look for me this Wednesday in the Games Zone for Four Player Co-op, and the TWNE After Dark podcast at around 10 pm EDT this Thursday!
Here it is, your Moment of Buddy
Well, That’s Enough Spring
Buddy Suggests We Move Onto Summer Already.
Have a good one, and always be a fan.
