The Wrestling News Experience: 04.23.12

Monday, April 23rd, 2012

From 411Mania’s Canadian offices in Kitchener, Ontario, Canada, this is The Wrestling News Experience, with Stephen Randle!

The Night Is Dark And Full Of Terrors

Good morning, everyone, and welcome to the Experience. I am Stephen Randle, the last honest man in wrestling, which would mean more if there weren’t so many ways that the truth can be lies. And now that you’re well and truly confused, which was really my goal all along, we can truly talk about the wonderful world of pro wrestling.

Oh, wait, we don’t have that. We just have the usual. Ah well, moving on.

Tonight, it’s a very special 3-hour Raw for some reason, which you might think would make them less special, but who are we to judge? I seem to recall there will be an “Extreme” theme for tonight, which would make sense (I suppose), since we’re just one week away from Extreme Rules!

Last week, Lord Tensai shocked the world when he defeated John Cena in an Extreme Rules match courtesy of his secret Asian Mist and more than a little help from the outside. Clearly, Cena has been off his game ever since the back-to-back whammies of losing to Rock at WrestleMania and the repeated attacks of the returning Brock Lesnar. Can Cena fight out of his current spiral in time to face Lesnar at Extreme Rules in a match where Lesnar has already guaranteed he is only in for the opportunity to hurt Cena?

Meanwhile, the accusations of alcoholism are coming fast and furious from the lips of Chris Jericho, who has done all he can to get into the head of WWE Champion CM Punk. With both men set to face off for the title in a Chicago Street Fight at Extreme Rules, can Punk maintain his cool in the face of Jericho’s constant assault?

Plus, with the PPV only a week away, we need some matches to get announced! We’ve got four matches on the card and ever so many wrestlers that could use something to do next Sunday, so with three hours tonight, maybe they’ll find some time to make a few matches! Then again, remember when they couldn’t find time in a three-hour Raw for Brodus Clay? How times have changed.

Will there be all this and more tonight on Raw? Our sources tell us, “YES! YES! YES! YES!”

Quo Vadimus

A couple weeks ago I asked “where do we go from here”, in the wake of Brock and all the fallout from WrestleMania. I’ve reflected some on the answers I got and the answers I figured out myself. And after a while, I realized that maybe I’m not the one who needs to be asking the question.

Jokes in the Raw preview aside, apparently tonight’s Raw was initially supposed to be the WWE Draft episode, which it clearly will not be because they would have mentioned it sometime before now. Remember how Vince was putting all his energy into thinking about the Draft once WrestleMania was done? Well, that’s what people told us, anyway, and why would they lie? Turns out, nobody knows if there will be a draft at all this year, since, like everyone and their cat have been saying, there literally is no brand extension any more. You have one GM for both shows and anyone from any brand can appear on Raw (although the reverse is not necessarily true for Smackdown, and apparently you can only go to Smackdown from NXT, if I’ve been following the patterns correctly). At this point, the brand extension only exists in the fact that there’s two World titles and, unfortunately, since he’s the one who has final say, inside the mind of Cranky Vince. No, not the Twitter account, the actual guy. Anyway, nobody knows. Maybe there will be a Draft at the next three-hour Raw in June. Maybe they’ll just “trade” people informally, which makes no sense because there’s only one guy involved in making trades, but hey, it’s an illusion.

It is funny, but the usual response lately has been that “it’s okay, Triple H and Stephanie are assuming day-to-day operations of TV, things will change”. Anyone who believes that a) Vince still doesn’t have absolute veto power over everything and b) people aren’t writing TV with his opinions in mind is absolutely nuts. The only way anyone but Vince has the strong hand on the tiller of WWE’s ship is if he drops dead from a heart attack, and even then, I’d have to see the body, preferably lying in state for at least a week just to make sure he wasn’t just having us on.

And into this mess we’ve got Brock Lesnar, a signing so big that it apparently changed all their plans for WrestleMania 29, and anyone who believes they actually had plans for WrestleMania 29 is almost as nuts as that guy I was just talking about in the previous paragraph. We may have inferred that they had some plans from what was presented, but nothing about the way WWE Creative has worked for many years suggests they have any plans beyond “get to the next PPV”, and the six-week gap between Elimination Chamber and WrestleMania really shone a light on the fact that they have some serious trouble filling TV time for more than three weeks of build, four if one of those weeks is a throwaway “gimmick” week where they don’t actually have to book any storyline progress. But hey, I’m sure they’ll do Rock-Brock at Mania 29. Assuming, as some fear, Brock doesn’t flake out after four months because he doesn’t really need to wrestle anyway and he’s already walked away from big-money contracts just because he didn’t feel like participating anymore.

Long-term booking? WWE’s long-term booking is so predictable that I (and hopefully many others) were calling the progression of the Randy Orton-Kane feud the second it started. In case you forgot, it was along the lines of “Mania match, then a couple more with increasing gimmicks leading to another PPV match where Orton wins so they can pretend it was a drawn-out, epic feud instead of a match created so they both got Mania paydays”. At this point, we’re predicting winners based on what we think we know about contract status and whether they’ve got a DVD coming out or a new T-shirt, and not what’s going on in the ring. And what’s more, we keep being correct!

It’s not all bad. It’s never all bad. The wrestlers themselves can guarantee that, because most of them work their asses off, even with the shitty booking and the ridiculous holding pattern that is the midcard and splitting victories so that nobody looks week, and despite it all, they may get over and things might seem interesting again for a week or two. But the stock is dropping like a rock and nobody wants to even discuss ratings anymore and for some reason we’re all more worried about “social media score”? I don’t even know what that is, and I don’t want to know. All I want to know is the answer to one question. If I could get someone, anyone from WWE to answer me, I would, at least, be able to stop thinking about everything that seems to be going wrong for a company that usually manages to do most things right, even by accident. It’s not a hard question, even if it’s technically in a dead language. It is, simply, this:

Quo vadimus, WWE?

Where are we going?

Change We Can Be Wary About

And on the other front, we have TNA, where they made a format change for Impact where once a month, Impact will be called “Open Fight Night”, where anyone can challenge anyone else, including title holders. How this differs from how wrestling TV shows work now, I’m not entirely sure, but I guess it skips the middleman of a GM who makes matches that night. If that’s the case, why do they need Hogan around again? Never mind, I’m asking logical questions again. The second part of the concept is that someone from “outside TNA” can wrestle a tryout match and three judges plus Hogan decide if they get a contract. It’s like American Idol, but with a miniscule fraction of the ratings, and also hopefully nobody sings! Actually, if they guaranteed that nobody would sing I’d actually be tempted to watch, unlike Idol, which I will never, ever watch, so hey, TNA’s got that going for them. Also, the next sound you hear is WWE signing anyone on the independent circuit that they feel is worth anything just to screw with the concept. Oh wait, they’ve already got mostly everyone anyway. Anyway, we might get a month or so of fun out of this before they forget about the idea and just go back to what they were doing in the first place (coughTopTenRankingshack).

Oh yeah, and one more thing that came out of this was the decree that the TNA TV Title would now be defended every single week on Impact. And if it wasn’t currently being feuded over by the lesser Dudley and the weakest Jersey Shore ripoffs in the short and brutal history of Jersey Shore ripoffs, that might mean something.

Even better, after all this went down on TV, Hogan took to Twitter and ranted about how he had tonnes of ideas for making TNA better, especially the idea that having Impact live would fix, and I kid you not, “75%” of TNA’s problems. Hey, yeah, and maybe they can go head-to-head with Raw again, while they’re at it. In Hogan’s world, presumably most of TNA’s problems revolve around the fact that they’re still somehow in business.

Anyway, this may or may not have worried a lot of people backstage who see Hogan as a guy who has crazy, awful ideas and a whole lot of power to make those ideas a reality. Because apparently none of them have been paying attention to the entirety of Hulk Hogan’s career since he became the hugest wrestling star in the entire universe and developed an ego and attitude to match. I mean, come on, people, sharks swim, wolves eat meat, Hulk Hogan does things that are in his own best interest. Was this somehow unclear?

– Here’s a shock, Linda McMahon is facing criticism about her past as part of WWE during her latest campaign for Senate. Are we seriously going to go through this all over again? Fair warning, WWE, if you start telling me to “Stand Up” for you again, I’m going to stand up, walk over to the TV, and change the channel.

– That joke works better if you’re over the age of 25, I’d imagine. See, TV’s didn’t used to have remote controls, and…you know what, you’re not listening anyway. Damn whippersnappers.

– TNA announcer Christy Hemme recently had to chase intruders out of her house. After following up on this story, it turns out the intruders were just Lance Hoyt and Jimmy Rave, who had nowhere else to go.

– WWE Studios is partnering on another film that nobody will see and will make no money and drive the stock price lower before they finally throw in the towel on the whole division in late 2012! I figured I’d skip ahead to the end of the story.

– Matt Hardy’s court case was delayed, presumably they’re giving him more time to screw up again. Hey, you gotta play the odds.

– One of the guys from The Three Stooges went on Conan and badmouthed WWE after appearing on Raw a couple weeks ago. Give the guy a break, after Will and Grace his career is dead anyway, the Stooges movie was just shovelling dirt on the grave. It’s no wonder he lashed out.

– DDP said that one day he’ll probably be in the WWE Hall of Fame (in fairness, he did say it would be after a lot of other guys got in). Hey, there’s a shock, the most positive guy in the world had an optimistic answer to a question. The best part is, he’s probably not wrong.

1. Lord Tensai Even with the interference, Tensai entirely took it to Cena, and if it had been a lesser man I totally would have called that match a complete squash. The only problem is, Cena’s tied up with Lesnar, so what does Tensai do for an encore?

2. Daniel Bryan Far be it from me to agree with Michael Cole or advocate for being really mean to AJ, but to be fair, Daniel has told her many times that he doesn’t want her around and he did break up with her. It’s entirely not his fault that she keeps stalking him. Also, it’s about this point in most wrestling relationship stories that the little “swerve” light goes on in my head. Sheamus had better beware.

3. CM Punk Hopefully not forgotten in everything else going on during Raw was the great match Punk had with Mark Henry, where he retained his WWE Title in a No DQ, No Countout match, which by any other name, one might call a “*Insert City Name Here* Street Fight.

4. The Big Show Somehow, Show was all over both Raw and Smackdown last week, first taking out the Tag Team Champions, then going toe-to-toe with Del Rio and finishing up on the winning side of the main event on Smackdown. Big man’s plate is super-full right now.

5. Funkasaurus I wish to see more of Clay vs Ziggler, in long format, if only to see how many different ways Ziggler can bounce. I think Clay has to start showing some weakness soon for this to be a true feud, however. Not that I mind him winning and being happy, but it kind of gives the whole act a shelf life.

6. Ryback I’m not sure where they’re going with the backstage viewing parties, but what goes on in the ring is pretty clearly Goldberg-esque. I’m not sure which is more impressive: the clothesline, the muscle buster, or the spot where he effortlessly swung a man off the mat and into a bodyslam position. Anyone else counting the days until he pulls off his power moves against someone the size of, say, Big Show?

7. Antonio Cesaro Well, you wanted him, and you got him. As a rugby player who’s old friends with Aksana, but I can’t imagine anyone’s going to care about his gimmick once he actually starts wrestling.

8. Hulk Hogan Shine on, you crazy diamond. Brother.

9. Young/O’Neal Hey, they managed to escape from the void that is NXT! I didn’t think anyone ever got out of there, and in the case of Johnny Curtis and Kaitlyn, sometimes they get sucked right back in!

10. Brock Lesnar Psst…Brock. Listen, buddy, we love you, but you already implied that Cena had piss running down his leg. Explaining the joke ruins the joke, big man. Words to live by.

Inactive List as of 04.16.12

WWE Raw

– Evan Bourne, out indefinitely as of March 19th (foot)
– Kharma, out indefinitely as of January 2012 (personal)
– Rey Mysterio, out indefinitely as of August 23rd (knee surgeries)

WWE SmackDown

– Christian, day-to-day as of March 26th (not medically cleared for competition)
– Justin Gabriel, day-to-day as of April 2nd (forearm)
– Layla El, out indefinitely as of May 23rd (ACL/MCL surgery)
– Sin Cara, out 6-9 months as of November 20th (ruptured patella)
– Wade Barrett, out 3-4 months as of Februrary 20th (dislocated elbow)

TNA

– Jesse Sorenson, out at least one year as of February 12th (spine)
– Ric Flair, out 4-6 months as of September 14th (tricep)

Transactions

– Alberto Del Rio, RAW, traded to Smackdown brand

I can just picture how that trade negotiation went down.

– Antonio Cesaro, SD!, made WWE TV debut on April 20th Smackdown

– Curt Hawkins, NXT, “fired” from NXT

– Darren Young, NXT, moved to Smackdown brand

– James Storm, TNA, out 3-4 weeks as of April 20th (R&R)

– Titus O’Neil, NXT, moved to Smackdown brand

– Tyler Reks, NXT, “fired” from NXT

WWE

WWE Champion: CM Punk
– 155 day reign, defeated Alberto Del Rio on November 20th (Survivor Series PPV)
– Next title defense: vs Chris Jericho, Chicago Street Fight Match, Extreme Rules PPV

World Heavyweight Champion: Sheamus
– 22 day reign, defeated Daniel Bryan on April 1st (WrestleMania XXVIII)
– Next title defense: vs Daniel Bryan, 2/3 Falls Match, Extreme Rules PPV

WWE Intercontinental Champion: The Big Show
– 22 day reign, defeated Cody Rhodes on April 1st (WrestleMania XXVIII)

WWE United States Champion: Santino Marella
– 49 day reign, defeated Jack Swagger on March 5th (Raw)

WWE Tag Team Champions: Epico and Primo
– 99 day reign, defeated Kofi Kingston and Evan Bourne on January 15th (house show)

WWE Divas’ Champion: Beth Phoenix
– 197 day reign, defeated Kelly Kelly on October 2nd (Hell in a Cell PPV)

TNA

TNA Heavyweight Champion: Bobby Roode
– 172 day reign, defeated James Storm on November 3rd (Impact)
– Next title defense: vs RVD, Sacrifice PPV

TNA Tag Team Champions: Samoa Joe and Magnus
– 71 day reign, defeated Crimson and Matt Morgan on February 12th (Against All Odds PPV)

TNA X-Division Champion: Austin Aries
– 219 day reign, defeated Brian Kendrick on September 11th (No Surrender PPV)

TNA Knockouts Champion: Gail Kim
– 162 day reign, defeated Velvet Sky on November 13th (Turning Point PPV)

TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions: ODB and Eric Young
– 46 day reign, defeated Gail Kim and Madison Rayne on March 8th (Impact)

TNA Television Champion: Devon
– 36 day reign, defeated Robbie E on March 18th (Victory Road PPV)

De Marco has The Wrestling 5&1.

Frame has The Wrestling Sandwich.

Larry has The 4R’s.

Garretson has Three Up, Three Down.

And don’t forget to check out the third-most popular podcast on 411, although I bet I could hit second on a good day given that I don’t let Cook host mine, TWNE After Dark! In our last episode, your intrepid host rambled about NXT, the potential WWE Draft, and in a shocking twist, TNA! Click the banner to get started!

Plus, if you have something you want discussed on the show, put it in the Comments section! Or you could e-mail me. Since when did e-mail become such an inconvenience? Remember regular mail? That was inconvenient! Wait, what were we talking about?

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That’s our show, That Damned Cook is in tomorrow, I will be back next week. Plus, don’t forget to look for me this Wednesday in the Games Zone for Four Player Co-op, and the TWNE After Dark podcast at around 10 pm EDT this Thursday!

Here it is, your Moment of Buddy

Buddy Is Also Full Of Terrors.
But Not So Dark. More Light Brown.

Have a good one, and always be a fan.