411’s Instant Analysis 05.07.12: WWE Monday Night Raw

Welcome to this week’s Instant Analysis of Monday Night Raw. I’m your humble reviewer, Chad Nevett and I’m back once again to put the ‘analysis’ back in ‘Instant Analysis.’ I usually enjoy the comments to these columns — I like reading what other people thought and receiving feedback. It’s nice. The comments, though, about how I should ‘just be a fan’ or ‘not overanalyze’ the show are the only ones that actually bother me, because it clearly shows a failure in reading comprehension. This is a review column, not a recap. The site already has one of those. And, yes, a review means that it’s my opinion, which I don’t think is any more or less right than anyone else’s opinion (in an objective sense)… except that I’m more inclined to agree with myself than anyone else. If you think differently, that’s fine. But, hey, you’re the one clicking on my review, so don’t act like I’m forcing my views on you. Disagree with me, criticize my writing, argue my logic or perspective, that’s all valid (as long as you keep it civil and somewhat intelligent). But to attack the idea of reviewing something in a review column? That’s inane. Anyway, tonight’s show is apparently three times as good as usual if rewrites are any indication, so let’s get to it…

SEGMENT ONE: Monday Night Raw Starring John Laurinaitis

I forget who said it (a fellow 411 writer, maybe someone commenting on something), but the worst thing about heel authority is that get inserted into every aspect of the show. CM Punk insulting John Laurinaitis was entertaining a few months ago, but it’s the same stuff (minus the voice jokes) and feels tired. There just doesn’t seem to be a lot to Laurinaitis; it’s more frustrating to see someone who’s so clearly bad at what he does continually try to do it than anything else. Some have praised his ‘improvement’ during his time on TV, but I don’t see it. I know I’ve just gotten used to his pathetic on-screen performance and that makes him seem less awful. So, this segment was more Laurinaitis-centered storytelling and was weaker for it.

Rating: 5.5 out of 10

SEGMENT TWO: Intercontinental Championship Match – Cody Rhodes (C) vs. the Big Show
Match Result: The Big Show won via countout
Match Length: Less than two minutes

Is it just me or has the WWE relied on heels just walking away from matches more lately? And doing so incredibly quickly at that. Rhodes lasted all of a minute before he decided he’d wrestled enough for the evening and tried to leave. It’s nice to see the IC Title used as a set up for Eve dressing down the Big Show as part of more Laurinaitis-centric storytelling in a place where it really didn’t need to be. Godawful.

Rating: 2.0 out of 10

SEGMENT THREE: Kofi Kingston vs. Dolph Ziggler
Match Result: Dolph Ziggler pinned Kofi Kingston
Match Length: A little over two and a half minutes

Remember when Kingston and Ziggler seemed to wrestle every week on Smackdown? That seems so long ago and… well, both are still in the midcard and, while it seems like much has changed since then, little actually has. They work well together and managed to pack in a lot despite the very short amount of time given. It still wasn’t anything memorable, of course.

Rating: 6.0 out of 10

SEGMENT FOUR: John Cena Live! …via satellite

John Cena wants to compete and he wants to kick John Laurinaitis’s ass. His delivery was passionate and was to the point, which improved the impression he made. One of Cena’s biggest problems at times is his tendency to meander and not know how to stick to a simple point. That wasn’t a problem tonight. He was succinct and not even Michael Cole’s heel tendencies making a big return couldn’t derail him.

Rating: 6.5 out of 10

SEGMENT FIVE: Layla & Kelly Kelly vs. Natalya & Maxine
Match Result: Layla pinned Maxine
Match Length: A minute

I find the questioning of Layla’s deserving of her Divas Title match at Extreme Rules funny, because are we to actually begin questioning who gets title shots at this point? The Divas division especially has always come off as a random mixture of ‘who do people think is hot?’ and ‘who haven’t we done anything with in a while?’ “Deserve’s got nothing to with it,” y’know? That said, Layla is kind of fun to watch — she seems to be enjoying herself a lot and that helps. I liked her quick turn around when Natalya was about to come into the ring. And then the match was over and I wasn’t sure if anything had really happened of consequence.

Rating: 4.5 out of 10

SEGMENT SIX: Sheamus & Randy Orton vs. Alberto Del Rio & Chris Jericho
Match Result: Chris Jericho pinned Sheamus
Match Length: A little over 13 and a half minutes

There’s something so compelling about that part of a tag match where the face is beaten down and the heels keep preventing him from making the tag to his fresh partner. Chris Jericho livened this one up quite a bit with his posturing and taunting of Sheamus. It makes me want to see Jericho do more tag team wrestling again, perhaps with a partner more complementary than the Big Show. He and Del Rio functioned well as a team — they both shout out their catchphrases before doing moves, for example. I expected this match to end in a similar way to Orton’s teaming with the Big Show on Friday against Kane and Cody Rhodes, but Sheamus hitting Orton with the Brogue Kick accidentally and eating a Codebreaker was a nice twist. This was just an entertaining and engrossing match where everything worked well. The post-match RKO was obvious and, yet, satisfying.

Backstage, the brawl in John Laurinaitis’s office led to altering the World Heavyweight Championship match to a Fatal Fourway involving all four of the men from the tag match. A logical extension of the match and a potentially great match. Also, how awesome is it that Daniel Bryan and Chris Jericho basically traded places post-Extreme Rules?

Rating: 8.5 out of 10

SEGMENT SEVEN: Brodus Clay vs. The Miz
Match Result: Brodus Clay pinned the Miz
Match Length: Around four minutes and 15 seconds

The Miz was downright methodical in the way he tore down Brodus Clay — almost the way the WWE has torn down the Miz since he lost the WWE Title last year. He dominated Clay longer than most of Clay’s matches since returning as the Funkasaurus and, then, it was over after, what, two moves? No one expected any other finish, it’s just disappointing when you see one guy completely carry a match and then get shoved aside at the end so his opponent can no sell by jumping into a dance routine. Despite the finish, I enjoyed this match quite a bit, mostly because of the Miz. Who is awesome.

Rating: 6.5 out of 10

SEGMENT EIGHT: Paul Heyman Speaks on Behalf of Brock Lesnar

Wow, that was a surprise. It seemed inevitable that Paul Heyman would return as Brock Lesnar’s mouthpiece, but that it hadn’t happened yet somehow made it seem less likely. Thankfully, Heyman has returned to be Lesnar’s representative and his message: Brock quits. As a result of Triple H not honoring John Laurinaitis’s verbal agreement with Lesnar, Lesnar isn’t coming back. The segment isn’t wasn’t inherently ‘good,’ but the surprise of Heyman coming out and the intrigue of how Lesnar will show up again now that he’s quit more than carried the day.

Rating: 7.5 out of 10

SEGMENT NINE: Handicap Match – CM Punk vs. Lord Tensai & Daniel Bryan
Match Result: Lord Tensai pinned CM Punk
Match Length: Just under seven minutes

Well, for a handicap match, CM Punk looked fairly strong, like he had a chance at pulling out a win. I’m not sold on Tensai being the one to get the pin when him setting up Bryan getting the win would have kept Tensai looking strong and fed into the Punk/Bryan build a lot more. Granted, the post-match attach is much more a cheap heel tactic, I don’t think that Bryan getting the win would have meant the post-match attack couldn’t happen. The match was limited by the stipulations and the finish was weak, but it still delivered solidly.

Rating: 7.0 out of 10

FINAL THOUGHTS Segment of the Night: Sheamus & Randy Orton vs. Chris Jericho & Alberto Del Rio Trash Segment of the Night: Cody Rhodes vs. the Big Show for the Intercontinental Championship Final Analysis: Talk about a show divided. The first half of tonight’s episode was weak and unimpressive, while the second half was a big step up. The first-hour main event tag match was a turning point for the show and the best part of it. I was also really impressed by the Miz and the return of Paul Heyman was surprising. Less focus on John Laurinaitis would definitely make things better since he seems to infect everything and drag it down a little. Shows like this are hard to judge as a whole, because you want to give it a higher rating for the strong finish — the first half is almost washed away by the second. I’ll split the difference, I suppose. Verdict: 6.5 411 RATINGS SCALE: 0 – 0.9: Torture 1 – 1.9: Extremely Horrendous 2 – 2.9: Very Bad 3 – 3.9: Bad 4 – 4.9: Poor 5 – 5.9: Not So Good 6 – 6.9: Average 7 – 7.9: Good 8 – 8.9: Very Good 9 – 9.9: Amazing 10: Virtually Perfect

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