Thursday Sports Entertainment News Report 05.10.12

Seriously? Eve. You don’t even know who Nikki Bella lost the Diva’s title to. Dude. L A Y L A.

Posted By: Ryan Haseldine (Guest) on May 02, 2012 at 11:57 PM

Yeah, yeah. Like it really freaking matters.

Something about the “Casual Fans” segment seems phony. There were three casual fans watching the PPV. So why were the words “most” and “many” used to describe them?

Posted By: Guest#6227 (Guest) on May 03, 2012 at 01:14 AM

I assure you, it’s 100% legit. “Most” and “many” were used because there were five of us total, and not everyone had the same opinion at every time. Also, I didn’t want to mention any names to protect the innocent.

This is the least “casual fan” report possible.
I am a casual fan. I bought Wrestlemania because Rock vs Cena was intriguing.
Brock Lesnar however is a dickhead who has hurt the wrestling business with his decisions.
Didn’t buy the ppv and wont when he is involved in a main event.
Start preparing yourself to accept it.

Posted By: casual fan (Guest) on May 03, 2012 at 02:17 AM

I got news for ya, buddy. You’re on a wrestling site and commenting on a wrestling column. You ain’t no casual fan. A casual fan is someone who rarely watches the product, and will usually only tune in when Sports Entertainment is getting a lot of mainstream coverage, like the Rock-N-Wrestling and Attitude Era days.

I don’t even know how to view it illegally. so we always get the shows over at a buddies house and pay for them. our system is I give my buddy $20 he puts that towards his cable bill so we cover the show. anyone else showing up either throws down and orders pizza or brings a case of beer. everyone spends about $20 and there’s tons of beer and pizza for everyone to have. 🙂

Posted By: the mecca (Guest) on May 03, 2012 at 09:46 AM

And that’s how PPVs should be viewed! A number of folks said that they watch the pay-per-views on an illegal stream, which is a shame. It all but guarantees that the programming will be geared toward those who purchase the events legally. I’m almost tempted to say that people who illegally watch PPVs have no right to complain about the on-air product. Kinda like how people shouldn’t kvetch over politicians when they don’t vote in elections.

A (Dentist) must put his skills to the test when (Teletubbies) kidnap his (Confused) (Grandmother). The (Determined Orthodontist) does whatever is necessary to save his (Grandmother) and stop (The End Of The World).

Posted By: Dr Wiki (Guest) on May 03, 2012 at 12:07 AM

Ladies & Gentlemen, get ready for the next WWE Studios film: Extraction, starring Santino Marella!

Greetings, folks, and welcome to another edition of Thursday Sports Entertainment! Indeed.

WORLD (WRESTLING ENTERTAINMENT) NEWS TONIGHT

A moderately slow news week, but that won’t stop us from having some fun with it! Here we go!

– There has been talk of Lord Tensai challenging CM Punk for the WWE Title at Summerslam.

– Also rumored for the event is Triple H vs. Brock Lesnar, as well as a Money in the Bank match.

Oh jeez. You know what’s wrong with Lord Tensai? He’s just a big fat guy pretending to do Japanese stuff. When he moves his arms all dramatically like a stereotypical ninja, I LAUGH. No one is buying what this guy is selling. Why is he even in discussions for getting a WWE championship match? I don’t care if he supposedly did some great stuff in Japan. That’s Japan. He’s done nothing compelling in the weeks since he’s debuted back in the USA.

Triple H vs Brock is a good match that I actually care about. Think Brock will win this one? The cynic in me thinks that HHH’s ego will prevail, but part of me is optimistic that HHH has moved beyond the need for such pettiness, especially since his in-ring days are winding down. No matter the setup, I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that Brock wins this match.

As for Money in the Bank, this one is a head-scratcher for me. A month prior to SummerSlam is the Money in the Bank PPV. I find it hard to believe that they’d have that many Money in the Bank matches so close together. The safe money is on there being no Money in the Bank match at SummerSlam this year.

Paul Heyman will be appearing semi-regularly through at least Summerslam.

The idea is to have a reenactment of the actual legal battle the two sides (Lesnar and WWE) had years ago. This would see Lesnar sue for breach of contract, which would include all sorts of viral campaigns to get the storyline over to the masses as a legitimate issue.

The deal came together over the last week, as the original plan for Lesnar in the company did not include Heyman. He is not expected on the road full-time for the company, and is only expected to be involved in the Lesnar angle and not in WWE creative.

One reason Heyman returned was to work with Lesnar, but also to potentially work with CM Punk down the line. The two have shown a lot of mutual respect for one another over the years, but have never got the chance to work together on camera. Punk knew Heyman was coming to Raw as he teased all day about knowing something and there being a surprise on the show. He even tweeted a photo of Heyman backstage.

Oh thank God. Lesnar has been god awful on the live mic. I like this because it keeps Brock off of TV but still in our minds, since many still associate Heyman with Lesnar. I like that they’re planning to play up the fact that Punk is a “Paul Heyman guy,” and it’ll be interesting to see where Heyman’s loyalty lies when Brock and Punk inevitably cross paths. This has the potential to be big. I feel it. And that feeling I am feeling is a feeling because I can feel you feeling that feeling I’m feeling.

The Ultimate Warrior claims that he wasn’t fired from WWF in 1992 along with British Bulldog due to failed drug tests as Vince McMahon claimed. Warrior told MLW.com that he and Bulldog were made scapegoats for the federal steroid investigation…
He noted that the doctor in charge of WWE’s drug testing testified that he wasn’t fired for failing a drug test, saying, “We deposed Dr. Di Pasquale, who was in charge [of the drug policy]. We went to Canada and deposed him as part of the litigation and he said it wasn’t true. He was the guy that had the absolute authority in the program to decide who should be let go or if there was a different way of evaluating something. If they saw something on a wellness program test or something, it was up to him. He said he was totally shocked and surprised when Vince let me go and fired me. He never got a reason.”

Read that carefully and you’ll see that Warrior claims he wasn’t fired because he failed a drug test. He never said he never took drugs, just that he never failed a test. Still, it’s almost certain that he was taking something, and was likely fired because McMahon knew that with the steroid scandal in full swing, Davey Boy and Warrior were the most damning pieces of evidence on his payroll. So Warrior’s telling the truth when you look at the letter of his statement, but he’s misleading us when you consider the spirit of what he’s saying.

Still, Warrior is awesome.

There were reports that Dustin “Goldust” Runnels was released following an incident at a recent set of Smackdown tapings. Word is that Runnels booked a dangerous, high-impact spot at the SmackDown two weeks ago, which led to the release. The spot saw Yoshi Tatsu take a double-team powerbomb from Titus O’Neil and Darren Young. Tatsu had a bad landing during the finisher and many felt that the move came off looking bad on television.

I love the way that news item was worded. It’s like Yoshi almost getting killed isn’t what got Goldie fired, it was Yoshi almost getting killed AND the move looking bad on television. Anyway, here’s the move in question:

Indeed, the move looks pretty bad, but I hardly see how this is Goldie’s fault. Lord Tensai had a much more dangerous-looking, botched Baldo Bomb on CM Punk this past week on RAW, and we’ve yet to hear any fallout on that one. Also, a double powerbomb isn’t THAT uncommon a move, and it looks like the three of them are more responsible for ineffectively pulling it off than Golddust is for booking it. Seems like an overreaction if you ask me, but for all we know this is the straw that broke the camel’s back when it comes to Dustin Runnels.

ORIGINAL: The Mirror has picked up on the story of CM Punk telling a British fan who disagreed with his views on anti-gay marriage. To recap, Punk wrote a few message on Twitter Monday morning expressing his disapproval of North Carolina Amendment 1, which would ban gay marriages as well as any other kinds of non-marriage unions (such as civil unions and domestic partnerships). The Twitter user in question, who was from Walsall, replied to Punk with:

Man was meant for woman, and even the thought of homo’s make me sick.

Punk retweeted the message with the appended phrase “Kill yourself” and advised another fan to “drink bleach” for similar comments.

The Mirror acknowledged WWE’s affiliation with The Creative Coalition to promote anti-bullying. As well. When a user insulted told Punk for his comment and told him to to “be a STAR’,” Punk wrote:

hey moron, don’t try to hide behind the be a star campaign. I am a star. I’m fighting bigots here. Zero tolerance.

The Mirror tried to make the point that his beliefs are different than a homophobic slur he uttered while in character last July at a show in Australia. Of course, the article fails to note that Punk was “in character” in Australia and not in character on Twitter.
UPDATE: CM Punk took to Twitter to apologize for telling a fan to kill themselves after they posted a homophobic message. Punk posted:

I was pretty worked up today. The amendment 1 situation had me all wound up. I stand by my thoughts on gay marriage 100%. How I defended…

That stance was 100% wrong. I admit it. You can’t stoop to others levels. Sometimes I fight fire with fire and it isn’t ways the best way.

To @ezeekay: I apologize. I don’t want you to kill yourself. I want you to better yourself. Just as I want to better myself.

I’ll start by being the better man and once again, apologize for my harsh reaction to your opinion of homosexuals making you “sick” @ezeekay

Sorry y’all. If I let anybody down, I apologize. I’ll make it up to ya and move forward with a better understanding of others feelings.#pma.

You just KNOW that Punk was forced into apologizing for that one. After initially defending his controversial response to the controversial statement, I find it hard to believe that he did a complete 180 on his own accord. Pipe bomb, indeed. Still, it was probably the right thing to do, as you can’t have the WWE champion in the middle of a hot button political topic, whether or not you agree with his views.

I’ve always thought that WWE should have an ultra political character on their roster. Let’s say he’s an ultra-conservative blowhard, like Rush Limbaugh. In the red states, he’d be a face, and in the blue states, he’d be a heel. You can give him his own Bill O’Reilly or Sean Hannity talk show format in the same vein as Piper’s Pit. A character like that would get a lot of attention from the press, and publicity is always a good thing. In this era of sharp political divisiveness, it would be a home run.

WWE STUDIOS: AN ANALYSIS

This week, I’d like to take a look at WWE Studios, formerly known as WWE Films.

Vince McMahon is a wrestling genius. Love him or hate him, he revolutionized the Sports Entertainment industry, taking it from a small, territorial model to a global powerhouse, generating $483.9M in revenue in 2011 alone. And with all due respect to TNA, Vince McMahon has conquered the world of professional wrestling, and that ain’t gonna change any time soon.

Guys like McMahon aren’t happy with that kind of success, though. Type-A, corporate-minded businessmen are always searching for ways to grow – to generate more money, accumulate more power, and increase their cachet. McMahon has tried to grow outside his comfort zone before – everyone knows of the World Bodybuilding Federation and the XFL – both ventures were spectacular failures. But in concept, they weren’t bad ideas. The WBF was a logical extension of the muscle-headed world of the then-World Wrestling Federation, and bodybuilding was hot at the time because of the box office success of movie stars like Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone. Same goes for the XFL – football has a huge fanbase that spends billions on the NFL, if McMahon could capture only a fraction of that, he’d be making big money.

Both ventures were brought down by lack of a clear strategy. Had the proper planning been put in place, both gambles arguably could have found success. The same seems to apply with WWE’s latest venture, WWE Studios. This particular branch of World Wrestling Entertainment has had at least four different operating models in the last 10 years!

MODEL ONE: TALENT LENDING

The initial approach of WWE Studios was mainly to come on as co-producers in exchange for lending their talent (mostly The Rock) to established studios. From this, came Rock-centric movies The Scorpion King (2002), The Rundown (2003) & Walking Tall (2004), as well as a later Direct-to-DVD film Behind Enemy Lines: Colombia starring then-WWE SuperStar Ken Kennedy. This approach was probably profitable for the WWE, as they likely got a small chunk of cash for letting their contracted talent appear on the big screen. This was a little risk, little reward approach.

MODEL TWO: SOLE PRODUCERSHIP, GO BIG

Perhaps sensing an opportunity at hand, WWE Studios would then venture into the risky-yet-potentially-rewarding world of movie producing. Here, they would take their more well-known Superstars, put them in lower budget genre flicks, and roll them out to a decent number of screens.

Here are some things to keep in mind when discussing Hollywood accounting:

1) The term “Hollywood Accounting” exists for a reason. There’s no standard way of judging a movie’s success because they intentionally fudge the numbers. After all, this is the same system of accounting that declared that Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, which made over $900M worldwide, a money loser. Mind you, the film cost $150M to make, but Warner Brothers said it lost over $160M. Granted, this was to avoid paying royalties, but there’s no pure science for discussing film financials. Keep this in mind when discussing WWE Studios.

2) A rule of thumb that I’ve often heard is that a theatrical release will need to make back at least double its budget to be considered a success. This is due to several factors, like the fact that theaters keep about 45% of the gross, and the prints & advertising costs, often tens of millions of dollars for a small movie, aren’t reflected in the production budget.

3) DVD and TV rights will also tack on a good chunk of change to a film’s revenue, but again, the information available is spotty at best.

All that being said, let’s take a look at the WWE Studios figures, shall we?

See No Evil (2006)
Starring: Kane
Budget: $8M
Worldwide Gross: $18.6M
Domestic Screens: 1,257

Notable Review: “Although much blood is spilled and splattered, precious little suspense is generated during See No Evil.” – Joe Leydon, Variety

See No Evil was the WWE’s first solo venture into the wild world of moviemaking. They smartly cast their resident monster Kane as a mass murderer, following the tried-and-true yet cliché slasher movie formula. Horror films are usually a good place to start for up-and-coming studios, as they can be cheaply shot and have a dedicated audience. There’s a reason why Saw, Paranormal Activity, Friday the 13th, etc. all have numerous sequels – they make money!

See No Evil passes the success test, although barely. See no Evil made back 2.3 times its production cost.

The Marine (2006)
Starring: John Cena
Budget: $20M
Worldwide Gross: $22.2M
Domestic Screens: 2,545

Notable Review: “A movie so dull, it might actually cause brain damage.” – Jim Slotek, The Toronto Sun

John Cena stars in an action movie originally intended for Stone Cold Steve Austin. While it made more money than Kane’s movie, See No Evil was a better financial success from a Return on Investment (ROI) perspective. If the WWE made any money on this, I’d be surprised. At this point, if I’m WWE, I’m a little nervous, and I’m praying that the next movie outperforms expectations. But no, worries, right? The next film stars one of the biggest names in Wrestling history! What could go wrong?

The Condemned (2007)
Starring: Steve Austin
Budget: $20M
Worldwide Gross: $8.6M
Domestic Screens: 2,310

Notable Review: “This is a fast-paced, well-made piece of garbage.” – Richard Roeper, Ebert & Roeper

Here’s the definition of a bomb. The Condemned made less than half its budget back in the box office. If I’m WWE, I’m panicking. I’ll put it to you this way, Suburban Commando grossed as much as The Condemned did in the United States, and Suburban Commando was released 16 years before! This film was a huge loss, and the seeds for the next change in WWE Studio’s strategy are being planted.

12 Rounds (2009)
Starring: John Cena
Budget: $20M
Worldwide Gross: $17.3M
Domestic Screens: 2,331
Notable Review: “12 Rounds is the unholy stepchild of Die Hard with a Vengeance and Speed, starring a man whose lack of range makes Steven Seagal seem nuanced by comparison.” – James Bernardinelli, ReelViews

WWE tried one more John Cena film, another generic action movie with a re-hashed plot. While it did much better than The Condemned, 12 Rounds didn’t even make back its production budget. At this point, the WWE Studios model was changed for the second time.

MODEL THREE: SOLE PRODUCERSHIP, GO SMALL

This model is also known as the Wal-Mart bargain bin strategy. The idea here is that the WWE would make smaller movies, with budgets maxing out at $5M, give them an extremely limited theatrical runs and then release them on home video, exclusive to Wal-Mart

From WWE’s corporate website, dated March 22, 2011:

WWE® and Vivendi Entertainment announced today they are extending their relationship and as part of the deal, Walmart will be the exclusive retailer for WWE Studios’ films. Vivendi Entertainment will continue to be WWE’s North American retail and rental distribution partner.

This exclusive deal will cover WWE Studios’ next five theatrical releases and will run through 2012.

Movies made under this strategy include Legendary, a family drama starring John Cena, Knucklehead, a comedy starring the Big Show, The Chaperone, a family action/comedy starring Triple H, That’s What I Am a high-school drama with a cameo by Randy Orton, Inside Out, starring Triple H, The Reunion, with John Cena, and Bending the Rules, with Edge.

The box office numbers for these films are essentially nil, as they were only released in a handful of theaters for a few days. To give you an idea of how fruitless a box office run was, Knucklehead grossed $1,000 domestically. That’s not a typo – one thousand dollars. The cost of making the film reels was more than what it made in theaters.

DVD sales information is hard to come by, but the 4th quarter 2011 WWE earnings report provides some context. In 2011, DVD sales of WWE Studios movies came in at $13.2 million less than they anticipated. Overall, the film division caused a $28.4 million loss for the entire year. That’s nearly six Brock Lesnar contracts! With losses like these, the WWE has recently pursued a different film strategy…

MODEL FOUR: CO-PRODUCERSHIP, STAY SMALL, LESS WRESTLERS

Under this model, the WWE will be partnering with more established production companies to finance their next slate of movies. While the rewards become more limited, the risk is distributed as well. Seeing as how most of WWE’s film projects are money losers, this is a small step in the right direction for WWE.

The company is also moving away from having their Superstars as the central characters in all of their movies. For example, WWE studios has bought the U.S. distribution rights to The Day a post-apocalyptic indie thriller that they acquired at the Toronto Film Festival. The upcoming WWE Studios-produced film Barricade is another thriller that has no WWE stars in it. No One Lives, another Horror/Thriller movie due out this year, has no WWE stars except for a small role for George Murdoch a.k.a. Brodus Clay. In addition, WWE Studios has announced plans to film more sequels in the Marine and Leprechaun franchises, starring The Miz and Hornswoggle, respectively.

Call me pessimistic, but I don’t think that the new strategy will work out too well for the WWE. I like to offer solutions instead of pointing out problems, so here’s what I would do if I were running WWE Studios.

THE SEAN KELLY STRATEGY

The WWE had it right the first time when it released their movies theatrically. The only problem was that the material wasn’t very good. If I were running things, I’d take a hybrid of models one and four. I’d partner with established studios to release films with a decent, 1000+ theater count. It’s hard to be taken seriously or find an audience when your movies essentially go directly to the Wal-Mart bargain bin. However, before sending any more films into production, I’d make sure that the following steps were taken:

Step 1: Know Your Audience – The WWE offers PG programming, so why are so many of their upcoming movies Horror/Thriller movies? The target audience for their core business – Sports Entertainment – won’t be allowed to watch the very movies the WWE is making! I do feel that making horror movies is a good move, though. As I mentioned earlier, they’re cheap to make and have a built in audience. However, marketing them to a PG audience is just bad business. Not only that, but their casting doesn’t make any sense either.

For example, two of the most child-friendly characters that the WWE markets today are Hornswoggle and Brodus Clay. Brodus Clay pulls kids from the crowd to dance with him in the ring, for crying out loud. Does it make any sense to put them in movies where they are killers? What, was the Undertaker busy? At least we’re supposed to be afraid of him. Which brings me to my next point…

Step 2: Know Your Talent – Cast your wrestlers in roles that fit their characters. Hornswoggle and Brodus Clay should not be in horror movies. Triple H should not be in kid-friendly fare like The Chaperone, and John Cena should not be in movies where he’s brandishing guns. John Cena is the feel-good, kid-friendly superstar, right? Well, write him the next Game Plan and have him run with it. The Undertaker is a mystical, death-loving boogeyman, right? OK, build your next horror franchise around him. CM Punk appeals to the wise-ass, tattoo loving subculture in society, so give him a role where he can rebel against the status quo. Who wouldn’t want to watch Santino Marella in a Borat style fish-out-of-water comedy? This isn’t rocket science. The WWE has millions of viewers conditioned to believe that these characters act a certain way. Have those characters transition to the big screen in a manner that’s palatable to your core audience. Do you think your average 10 year old will buy the Miz as a brave hero in the next Marine movie? I don’t think so. It’s called synergy, WWE! And that brings me to…

Step 3: Find Better Material – Enough with the generic, “Mad Libs” plots, already. Trained combat specialists rescuing a family member has been done a million times. Try to option better material. In the age of $10-$15 movie tickets, theater goers don’t like to take chances anymore. Back when movie ticket prices were $5-6, audiences were more willing to give an “iffy” movie a shot. Not anymore. In today’s economy, at today’s ticket prices, people want to be certain that they’ll love a movie before they go in, and generic plots simply won’t cut it.

Hell, the plots don’t even have to be entirely original. I mentioned earlier that John Cena can appeal to the Disney crowd with his own Game Plan type of movie. Just tweak that a bit, call it and you’ve got a potential hit on your hands:

A larger-than-life, egotistical professional wrestler unexpectedly gains custody of his niece and nephew when his brother and sister-in-law are imprisoned for embezzlement.

Not bad, right? You’d need a talented writer (*AHEM*) to pull it off the right way, but it could definitely work. Best of all, a movie like this plays to the WWE’s strengths:

a) It puts John Cena in a Disney-esque family role – perfect for the target audience
b) He’s playing a wrestler, which should be easy for him
c) The jokes write themselves
d) It portrays wrestling in a positive light
e) It takes advantage of assets the WWE already has, namely, big arenas, big crowds, a locker room full of wrestlers, etc. Translation: It’d be cheap to shoot

Which brings me to…

Step 4: Don’t Forget About The Wrestling – People tune in to WWE to watch Sports Entertainment. Why not make a few films that focus on that? The Wrestler was a big hit, after all, so the general public isn’t adverse to the idea. My only caveat would be: don’t make wrestling the focus of the film. It would need to take place as a colorful backdrop for a more human-based story. In the John Cena movie example above, wrestling should play as much of a part in that movie as football did in The Game Plan. At the end of the day, it should be about one man’s relationship with his family, and how it ultimately changes him for the better.

Here’s a question for you, dear readers. Let’s say WWE Studios decided to make a TV series. Let’s say it would air on HBO or AMC, so you know it’d be high quality. And let’s say that the subject matter was the 1970’s wrestling scene, back in the territory days where kayfabe was in full swing. Would that be something you’d be interested in? The WWE owns most of the film libraries (and associated storylines) from those days. They have a number of high-profile legends under contract. Give Roddy Piper a co-starring role as a promoter and have the focus be on a young wrestler breaking into the scene. The territorial wrestling era is chock full of unbelievable, behind-the-scenes true stories that would blow most audience members’ minds. Again, wrestling should be the backdrop to this young man’s journey, but I know for a fact that I’d tune in every week.

So there you have it. A simple plan to fix the ailing WWE Studios. What do you think, readers? Any other suggestions on how to make it a success? Should John Cena and Darren Young share the lead in Blood Brother the story of a racist redneck who gets turned black by the ghost of Rosa Parks to learn the error of his ways?

YOU’RE IN FOR A REAL TWEET

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SIGNING OFF

I think that’s enough for one week, don’t you? Be sure to leave your feedback below. Join us next week at the Thursday Sports Entertainment News Report, where we talk Over the Limit, the John Travolta/Primo Colon massage scandal, and R-Truth’s breast implants (card subject to change).

Hasta Jueves,

This is Sean.