411’s Instant Analysis 05.11.12: WWE SmackDown

Well, nothing has changed in the last week, so I’ll leave this here: It’s finals week at the University of Texas, I’m graduating in a little over a week, moving to Los Angeles immediately after, and I have one final episode of Shenanigans to put out (an hour long finale). In other words, I’m busy as hell. I’ve relinquished the Contentious Ten for a few weeks until I’m settled into my new apartment in L.A., and am not yet sure if I’ll get to this every week either. That said, I did it this week, so here we go.

Here are my policies for this column:
-I do not watch or rate recaps or video packages (unless it’s an impending debut or return).
-My ratings reflect full segments and are not indicative of star ratings for matches.
-I tend to watch with a positive outlook.
-There will be no TNA bashing here.

SEGMENT ONE: Sheamus & Randy Orton vs. Alberto Del Rio & Chris Jericho

Between last week’s SmackDown and this week’s Raw, WWE has been giving us some pretty awesome TV tag matches. They don’t involve any actual tag teams…but that’s an issue for another column. This match unfortunately did not do what any match involving four competitors booked in a Fatal 4way should do – play on the distrust the partners have with one another. With the recent RKO to Sheamus on Raw, I really wanted to see tension between the babyfaces and we got none of that. The match itself was pretty solid, but I think this was booked incorrectly. After the match was thrown out, they announced that there will be two singles matches between all the competitors, but again they’re both face vs. heel, and I’d love a tease at face Orton vs. face Sheamus. Maybe next week.

Match Result: Sheamus & Randy Orton beat Alberto Del Rio & Chris Jericho via disqualification
Match Length: Five minutes
Rating: 4.5 out of 10

SEGMENT TWO: AJ vs. Kaitlyn/Bryan addresses AJ

Before the match even started, I loved AJ’s facial expressions to seeing the recap from last week’s slap to Kaitlyn and watching Kaitlyn come down the ramp. She’s really pulling off this unstable gimmick. She absolutely destroyed Kaitlyn in the match and it was fantastically aggressive. Then Bryan came out and seemed to show interest in burying the hatchet with AJ. He said he never knew AJ could be so ruthless, and was impressed with her tenacity. Then the bomb was dropped that he wants to move on with Kaitlyn. I really don’t mind the love interest story for Bryan, but I really hope it doesn’t manifest itself during Bryan’s match with Punk. It probably will though. That doesn’t change the fact that this segment was fantastic, and AJ’s reactions were top notch. She looked like she was ready to kick the crap out of Bryan (which is a shot to his credibility that I don’t know if he’s ready to take), and I do think that’s where this is going.

Match Result: AJ pinned Kaitlyn
Match Length: Thirty seconds
Rating: 8.5 out of 10

SEGMENT THREE: Daniel Bryan vs. The Big Show

With a simple dropkick to the knee, Bryan was able to pick apart Show…for a few seconds. Before the match could even get its footing, Big Johnny called for the bell and “screwjobbed” The Big Show. I guess I’m not that disappointed because we already had this match a bunch at the start of the year, but I truly do watch SmackDown to see Bryan wrestle – I was denied that opportunity. At least there was a reason for it (Johnny’s disciplining of Show carrying over from Monday night), so from a storytelling standpoint, this makes complete sense. I actually like the way they’re handling this emasculating of Show. It gives him something to do post-Cody.

Match Result: Daniel Bryan “submitted” The Big Show
Match Length: One minute
Rating: 5.0 out of 10

SEGMENT FOUR: Ryback vs. Heath Slater

Oh God, please get Heath Slater off the mic. He has charisma…but nobody wants to see it. Ryback came out and rightly whooped some ass. The “Goldberg” chants continue, which is not too bad of comparison. He’s dominant and getting a very similar push. Slater got the most offense against Ryback to date, which was the right decision. As long as the squash matches end after Over the Limit, I’m curious to see what they do with Ryback.

Match Result: Ryback pinned Heath Slater
Match Length: One minute
Rating: 6.0 out of 10

SEGMENT FIVE: Antonio Cesaro vs. Alex Riley

This was a better use of embarrassing Teddy than rubbing oil on some man-boobies – forcing him to verbally build up the man who stole his woman (not that she was ever really his woman). I continue to have high hopes for Cesaro, and I’m glad they’re not going the squash route with him (in the same format of Clay and Ryback). They’re technically still squash matches, but they’re against established talent, and the victories aren’t as easy. He doesn’t have the body type for a Brodus or Ryback-style squash. This will also give him a smoother transition into more competitive matches. I’m loving his move set and style, although his finisher does look like it should be called “The Reach-Around Dick-Grab Pedigree”. I think it’s only a matter of time before Cesaro finds himself in the midcard title picture. The post-match make-out with Aksana was…well, good for him. It works here better than past couples flaunting PDA because Teddy is such a purely sympathetic character. He never stood a chance.

Match Result: Antonio Cesaro pinned Alex Riley
Match Length: Two and a half minutes
Rating: 7.0 out of 10

SEGMENT SIX: Randy Orton vs. Alberto Del Rio

Del Rio can tear apart an arm like very few others can. This match was built on destroying Orton’s left arm. Orton’s really just a well-rounded, top-notch Superstar these days as he sold the arm appropriately throughout the entire match. Ricardo Rodriguez was helping Del Rio work over Orton when the ref wasn’t looking, so his receipt of an RKO off the top was a great payoff to that. The post-match destruction of the arm was done well, and the need for two refs to try to pry Del Rio off of Orton really sold the damage done. I think that having two matches in this storyline end in disqualification tonight alone is a problem, but as a stand-alone segment, this was pretty good.

Match Result: Randy Orton beat Alberto Del Rio via disqualification
Match Length: Five minutes
Rating: 6.5 out of 10

SEGMENT SEVEN: R-Truth vs. Jack Swagger

I’m glad that the tag titles are both scheduled for a defense at a PPV and have some pretty solid performers in the match. This was a fun match and I liked the involvement of the tag partners on the outside, but the booking seems a little inconsistent. If the last match literally just ended because Randy RKO’d Ricardo to prevent attempted interference, shouldn’t this match have ended when Truth hit Dolph with a right hand on the outside? Minor nitpick, as this is wrestling and that happens all the time, but I wouldn’t book that finish before having a match like this where interference is going to happen. Anyways, the champ won here, which was a good call. It wasn’t clean, just turnabout being fair play. I haven’t been interested in Swagger in a very long time, but he’s gotten much more interesting since Dolph has brushed off on him.

Match Result: R-Truth pinned Jack Swagger
Match Length: Three minutes
Rating: 6.5 out of 10

SEGMENT EIGHT: Team Cobro vs. Titus O’Neil & Darren Young

I really hope Santino and Ryder get to team up regularly, as those matches could be comedy goldmines. This match, however, was a vehicle to further establish Young & O’Neil as a team, and it did a great job at that. NXT: Redemption has truly been unfairly neglected because Young and O’Neil have improved greatly. They look much more comfortable in the ring and on TV. Seeing a man the size of O’Neil back up from the Cobra was hilarious. The backbreaker/middle rope elbow drop they have dubbed “The Ghetto Blaster” is a pretty cool finisher, and it’s nice to see a tag team actually have a double-team maneuver these days in WWE. Hopefully they don’t slow O’Neil & Young down for any reason. The post-match goofiness wasn’t really necessary, but it gives these guys some character, so I’ll take it. Also – matching tights for the win!

Match Result: Titus O’Neil pinned Zack Ryder
Match Length: Three minutes
Rating: 7.0 out of 10

SEGMENT NINE: Matt Stryker interviews Damien Sandow

“Sweet simple Matthew” and “To think you were once an educator” were both great lines by Sandow here. His use of higher diction will get him over, even if most in the crowd don’t know what he’s saying. This was unfortunately a case of backpedaling with his character. We already know he’s smart – we want to see what he can do in the ring. I think there may be too much young/debuting talent on SmackDown and it’s getting difficult for the writers to prioritize the week-to-week handling of each one. This was a good segment, but my rating in this case reflects the implications on the development of his character.

Rating: 4.0 out of 10

SEGMENT TEN: Brodus Clay vs. Hunico

The pre-match double team was actually pretty cool, as I thought we’d see it actually affect Brodus. It did, but not to the advantage of Hunico, rather it just hyped him up. I feel it hurt Hunico more than it helped Brodus for his sneak attack to be no-sold. And as much as I love the Funkasaurus gimmick, this man needs a story ASAP because this time could have been used for a Sandow match.

Match Result: Brodus Clay pinned Hunico
Match Length: One minute
Rating: 3.0 out of 10

SEGMENT ELEVEN: Sheamus vs. Chris Jericho

This match is appropriately main-evented the show as it both got the most time of any match on the show AND has historical significance as these are the two men who fought it out at the end of this year’s Royal Rumble match. Jericho targeted the hurt shoulder of the champ and brought it to him in really aggressive fashion. I’d love a longer encounter between these two, or even an extended feud. I think it’s stupid that for the third time tonight, we saw a DQ ending, but we finally had all the participants in the Fatal 4way match giving off the “every man for himself” vibe (after Jericho hit the Codebreaker on Del Rio and the Sheamus/Orton face-off).

Match Result: Sheamus beat Chris Jericho via disqualification
Match Length: Six minutes
Rating: 5.0 out of 10

FINAL THOUGHTS Segment of the Night: AJ vs. Kaitlyn/Bryan addresses AJ Trash Segment of the Night: Brodus Clay vs. Hunico Final Analysis: I feel like the WWE is content in giving us a lot of short matches on TV and then a main event that actually gets some time in order to pique our interests to spend money on PPVs. I think we should just accept it and get used to it, because the trade-off is the ability to showcase a variety of young talent. I noticed that most of my high ratings in this edition were segments involving Superstars who have been on WWE TV for two years or less. I think SmackDown is definitely the show to watch if you want a glimpse at WWE’s future. My low ratings on the other hand weren’t actually indicative of bad segments so much as bad booking. The opening segment and the Sandow interview were actually enjoyable – I just think they were poor writing decisions. I loved the stuff with AJ and Daniel Bryan (my segment of the night), but it’s not a great thing that I thought the best part of the show was a segment that lasted like three minutes total. The main event/World Heavyweight Championship angle that framed this episode of SmackDown was alright development, but I thought it was both ridiculous and lazy that all three matches ended in disqualification. I still want to see the match though, but the build isn’t being booked to give us a reason to want to see a PPV-caliber match between the four competitors. This is just a notch below “average”, as I was disappointed with the booking in many cases tonight. Solid (albeit really short) in-ring content, though. Verdict: 5.9 411 RATINGS SCALE: 0 – 0.9: Torture 1 – 1.9: Extremely Horrendous 2 – 2.9: Very Bad 3 – 3.9: Bad 4 – 4.9: Poor 5 – 5.9: Not So Good 6 – 6.9: Average 7 – 7.9: Good 8 – 8.9: Very Good 9 – 9.9: Amazing 10: Virtually Perfect

Check out the latest episode of my TV series “Shenanigans!”

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