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411’s Instant Analysis 05.21.12: WWE Monday Night Raw

May 21, 2012 | Posted by Dimitri Dorlis

Welcome to this week’s Instant Analysis of Monday Night Raw. I’m your humble reviewer, Dimitri Dorlis and tonight should be a great Raw. I only say that because I’m the one doing the review, and they’ll have a great Raw if they know what’s good for them. Last night at Over the Limit, CM Punk retained his title in “controversial” fashion over Daniel Bryan, Sheamus retained over his 3 opponents, and John Laurinaitis pinned John Cena in what might be one of my favorite matches this year from an entertainment standpoint. Let’s get into this.

SEGMENT ONE: People Power Triumphant

After the snapshot highlight reel of Cena/Laurinaitis (during which Lawler agrees that we are officially in the Darkest timeline), we open with Cena. Now, parts of his speech worked, such as when he was talking from his heart. Other parts, such as his overacting about being angry, weren’t so great. And the comedy bits did their normal clash with the serious bits. I was afraid that they would have Eve do the talking, but thankfully they kept her part short. And I know some people hate Laurinaitis, but I love him. He has a weird sort of charisma that is perversely entertaining. Big Show also did a great job of selling his reasonings for siding with Laurinaitis. All in all, a strong opening segment.

Rating: 8.5 out of 10

SEGMENT TWO: Cena vs Otunga
Match Result: John Cena pins David Otunga
Match Length: Around 2 minutes or so

Let’s start with one statement: Otunga is not very good at wrestling. He’s improving, sure, but he’s not very good. Now, this match lasted all of a minute, which is about right for this thing, after which Tyler Reks, Curt Hawkins, Titus O’Neil, and Nega John Cena attacked Cena, prompting Sheamus run-in, setting up a 2 on 3 handicap lumberjack match for later in the night. This segment was all story, although it wasn’t as strong as the opening segment.

Rating: 4.5 out of 10

SEGMENT THREE: Santino beats up Ricardo

What….what was with that Santino opening? Although I will admit to laughing pretty hard at Ricardo trying to get out of his tuxedo. We then get a promo video for the 1000th episode and the move to 3 hours. So, was the only point of this segment to pimp out the WWE Youtube channel and the move to 3 hours? Whatever. This gets a separate segment only because I didn’t want to take away fro the Orton/Del Rio rating.

Rating: 2.0 out of 10

SEGMENT FOUR: Alberto Del Rio vs Randy Orton
Match Result: Randy Orton wins via DQ, I guess
Match Length: 8 minutes or so

This was your typical TV match between two main eventers – get in the small moves, fake at doing bigger moves, that sort of thing. The match ended due to Jeriference, which sets up a feud between the two. Jericho going crazy and yelling about being the Best in the World ™ was oddly entertaining, as was him giving Orton 3 Codebreakers. Match was fine, postmatch shenanigans were even better.

Rating: 7.0 out of 10

SEGMENT FIVE: Daniel Bryan calls out CM Punk, Kane vs Daniel Bryan
Match Result: Daniel Bryan via DQ
Match Length: 2 minutes or so

Ok, when they slow down the video, it becomes really obvious that Punk probably tapped too late. And yet, I love Daniel Bryan coming out and demanding a rematch, and he’s starting to use the YES!/NO! chants to make his promos even better. Punk comes out to announce Bryan vs Kane, while he goes on commentary. Kane in-ring pyro before a match starts is always a dead giveaway. And in a fun twist, the ending from the Smackdown match between Kane and Punk got mirrored, with Bryan on the receiving end of two chokeslams. I don’t know if the Punk/DBry feud will continue after this, but if this is the end, it was fine for the time being.

Crazy AJ sighting backstage. I really like where she’s going, but I’m afraid of what will happen to her after this Daniel Bryan thing is over.

Rating: 6.5 out of 10

SEGMENT SIX: Christian vs Jinder Mahal
Match Result: Christian wins via pin
Match Length: Little over 3 minutes

So Christian is a full-blown face again, which I’m fine with. Even though he’s a great chickenshit heel, the fans love to cheer him, probably a residual side-effect of Edge’s retirement. Also can we stop having Lawler be racist and not understand other cultures? This is the 21st century. Anyway, this was your basic squash match, although Christian debuted a frog splash as a new finisher, I guess.

Rating: 5.0 out of 10

SEGMENT SEVEN: Kelly Kelly vs Beth Phoenix
Match Result: Beth Phoenix wins via pin
Match Length: Too long

The Divas division took a step in the right direction with that Layla/Beth Phoenix title match. Take away KK’s offense (sidenote: she was passable during her Diva’s Title run, but she’s somehow managed to get worse since then), and this as ok. Not great, but ok.

Rating: 3.0 out of 10

SEGMENT EIGHT: Sheamus and John Cena vs Swagger, Ziggler, and Tensai
Match Result: No contest
Match Length: Technically ended after 15 minutes

Ok, little forewarning: I hate lumberjack matches. I mean, I get why you have the trope exist in pro wrestling, I just don’t like it. As it was, there were some fun parts of this match, like Jericho running to the other side of the ring to begin the attack on Sheamus, and Ziggler doing anything. The heels ended up spilling into the ring and causing the match to just end, at which point the rest of the locker room ran out. Cena left the melee to search for Big Show, ran into Laurinaitis, and ended up getting punched by Big Show. There was nothing inherently wrong with this segment it was just there.

Rating: 5.5 out of 10

FINAL THOUGHTS

Segment of the Night: People Power Triumphant

Trash Segment of the Night: Santino beats up Ricardo

Final Analysis: You know, I can see how this thing would be hard. On a segment by segment basis, this wasn’t the best show. But that’s the beauty of a show: it’s not about the individual segments, but the sum of their parts, and how they fit into the larger picture. And in that larger picture, this was a good show following a PPV that had no business being as good as it was. The major feuds for No Way Out have been mostly set up in Cena/Big Show, Orton/Jericho, and possibly Punk/Bryan. And the show flowed pretty well from segment to segment, which I can’t say the same for last week’s show (Show getting fired leading into the Funkasaurus in particular stood out). So it was a serviceable show, even good when compared to the last few weeks

Verdict: 7.0

411 RATINGS SCALE:
0 – 0.9: Torture
1 – 1.9: Extremely Horrendous
2 – 2.9: Very Bad
3 – 3.9: Bad
4 – 4.9: Poor
5 – 5.9: Not So Good
6 – 6.9: Average
7 – 7.9: Good
8 – 8.9: Very Good
9 – 9.9: Amazing
10: Virtually Perfect

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Dimitri Dorlis

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