411’s Instant Analysis 09.10.12: WWE Monday Night Raw

Welcome to this week’s Instant Analysis of Monday Night Raw. I’m your humble reviewer, Chad Nevett and I want to start by admitting a mistake I made last week. As some of you in the comments section pointed out, I didn’t mention Paul Heyman appearing at the end of Raw. That’s because I didn’t see him (I didn’t learn about his appearance until after I’d submitted my review). No, I was too focused finishing up this review that, after CM Punk attacked John Cena, I didn’t pay close attention to what was going on. I figured that it was the same end to Raw we’ve seen a thousand times and was writing up my review of the Cena/Alberto Del Rio match. Unfortunately, that’s one of the dangers in doing a review column like this. You look away for a few seconds to write down a thought and you miss something important. I try to not let that happen and I will try harder in the future. Let’s get to it…

SEGMENT ONE: Bret Hart Returns to Montreal

Bret Hart returns to Montreal and I’m struggling to find a reason why I should care. And I’m a huge Bret Hart fan. It’s just that there’s been enough closure over the past few years on Hart’s negative history in the WWE that him simply showing up on Raw when it’s in Montreal doesn’t really do much for me. They’ve already had the big moments in his reconciliation with the WWE, Vince McMahon, and Shawn Michaels. So, this became a chance for CM Punk to bluster about arrogantly, saying the same things he’s been saying for weeks. There was a hint of a feel good moment here — though, more for the people who are live at Raw in Montreal, not those of us at home. A pretty average segment all told.

Rating: 6.0 out of 10

SEGMENT TWO: Kofi Kingston & R-Truth vs. the Miz & Antonio Cesaro
Match Result: Kofi Kingston pinned Antonio Cesaro
Match Length: Around eight minutes

After taking last week off from their trademark spot, Kofi Kingston and R-Truth are back in the second segment/first match of the night spot! It’s a good spot for them in this lose-lose match as we head to Night of Champions. Either the Tag Team Champions lose or both the Intercontinental and United States Champions lose. Not the best corner to book yourself into, eh? But, the good guys getting the win is always a solid choice, especially when it’s a tag match and the tag champs are winning. It was a fun match.

Rating: 6.0 out of 10

SEGMENT THREE: The Brogue Kick Deposition

If I were Sheamus, I would have treated this like a joke, too. Sheamus’s humor doesn’t always work on the mic, but it was pretty good here. The Lipschitz joke had a decent punch line and him singing “Hava Nagila” at the end was great. I’m not sure I want pre-taped comedy segments every week, but I could live with them if they’re like this.

Rating: 6.5 out of 10

SEGMENT FOUR: Layla, Kaitlyn & Eve vs. Beth Phoenix, Alicia Fox & Natalya
Match Result: Eve pinned Alicia Fox
Match Length: Around two and a half minutes

The continued build of the threeway quasi-feud between Layla, Kaitlyn, and Eve is fairly uninteresting. It seems weird that Beth Phoenix and Natalya were in this match as filler. Then again, it’s hard to really build a feud using a six-Diva tag match when all of the women in the feud are on one side and the biggest ‘slight’ is a single blind tag.

Rating: 4.0 out of 10

SEGMENT FIVE: CM Punk vs. #PunkOrton
Match Result: Randy Orton won via disqualification
Match Length: Around 14 and a half minutes

A nice reminder of how well these two work together. Orton is always a smooth worker and things always seem smoother when he’s working with Punk. Some nice counters and variations on each man’s standard spots. The continued story of Punk becoming a chickenshit heel champ was advanced well with his attempted walk out. The finish was a little obvious, but, hey, they weren’t going to have either man go over the other cleanly and it at least led to…

Rating: 7.5 out of 10

SEGMENT SIX: CM Punk & Dolph Ziggler vs. Randy Orton & Jerry Lawler
Match Result: Randy Orton pinned Dolph Ziggler
Match Length: Around seven minutes (joined in progress)

The noteworthy part of this tag match was Paul Heyman coming down during the match where he and Punk stood ringside and discussed Montreal — at first while Vickie Guerrero screamed like a banshee. It was pretty entertaining, culminating with a pause and Punk saying “Excuse me” before returning to his conversation with Heyman. From what I saw in the background, the match was fine. Backstage, Matt Striker asking them what their relationship is was worth it for the confused look on Heyman’s face as it appeared that he didn’t understand why he was being asked such a pointless question, nor who this person asking was. Punk, meanwhile, is a Paul Heyman guy.

Rating: 7.0 out of 10

SEGMENT SEVEN: Ryback vs. Heath Slater
Match Result: Ryback pinned Heath Slater
Match Length: Around two minutes, 45 seconds

Ryback squashed Slater. I don’t know. As I’ve said before, in switching to three hours, Raw may have moved to 8pm in the US, but it’s still on at 9pm in Canada and, during the end of the previous segment, I began reading about what happened to Jerry Lawler tonight. During this match, I was more focused on reading updates on Twitter and 411Mania’s news section than watching Ryback squash Slater. I’m dreading what’s coming on Raw and am not sure entirely how to continue reviewing the show tonight. I’m not sure I want to keep watching.

Rating: none

The rest of the show…

I turn to my girlfriend and warn her that we have about five minutes when Daniel Bryan and Kane come out. Midway through the match, there are awful sounds, Lawler’s voice isn’t there and, in the background, neither is he at the commentary table and Cole’s voice is noticeably different. Everyone in Montreal’s eyes seem focused on the commentary desk. You can see nervous looks from the men in the ring, unsure of what they should do, so they keep the match going, keep the focus on them. Camera angles tend to avoid showing Cole on commentary. It’s hard not to admire the professionalism of all involved in this tag match and they kept it going and told the story they were aiming to tell. Even Cole’s commentary by the end has regained some of its usual enthusiasm and energy. That’s almost impossible to believe. The most recent update is that he’s responsive to stimuli, in the ER and soon to have a CAT scan… I’ve been reading Michelle updates when I get them and we both can’t help but groan in a jokey/nervous manner at “…Lawler hasn’t had any recent health issues and has seemed very happy and healthy, staying active thanks to the help of a twenty-something girlfriend.”

Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo Rodriguez receive a muted reaction and even Canadian Tyson Kidd barely gets anything. The noise slowly returns to the arena. Del Rio is vicious at first and Tyson Kidd gets in his requisite offence, even putting on the Sharpshooter to minimal reaction before Del Rio wins via submission. It was a decent match meant to give Del Rio the win, gain some heat by beating up the Canadian wrestler with ties to the Hart family.

Cole addresses the TV audience about Lawler. Knowing that it’s coming doesn’t make it less chilling to watch. Latest update is that Lawler’s heart is beating on its own and he’s breathing on his own, his condition somewhat stabilized. That’s really good to read and adds to a night of odd contrasts as Raw continues to be an hour behind real life.

Sheamus comes out to no commentary, the quick shot of “#freethebrogue” tweets lacking their intended context. Michelle is going to bed and I promise to let her know what the latest news is when I come to bed. The match is brief. Otunga gets token offence, but it’s really about Sheamus beating up a lawyer without needing the Brogue Kick. You can ban it and he’ll still kick your arse, that sort of thing. Oh, he’s returned to the ring and delivers one of the weaker Brogue Kicks I’ve seen much to AJ and Booker T’s outrage. The stakes are upped as the ban on the Brogue Kick means using it will result in the title being stripped. I like the parallels between this story and the WWE’s own moves to ban certain moves for health concerns and it will prove interesting where it ultimately leads.

Daniel Bryan and Kane don’t like the name ‘Team Friendship,’ so they will clearly be called that. The creation of that tag team has been both organic and obvious and it works. I’ve never seen the graphics for PPV matches done without commentary. Just that champions song playing the background and —

Cole is back for an update and there will be no further commentary tonight. I know the show continues to the end, but it’s hard to quite believe. “The show must go on” and all that. Stopping the show wouldn’t do anyone any good, so I understand going on like they are.

Rey Mysterio versus Cody Rhodes. The aesthetic of the rest of the show should prove interesting. Rhodes is aggressive, moves in starts and stops, purposefully not doing fluid movements to contrast Mysterio’s style. It’s not enough to just do ‘unflashy’ strikes and slams, they must be done without rhythm or appeal. He also continually breaks up Mysterio’s rhythm every time Mysterio begins a comeback. Without commentary, but retaining the other noises of the event, it’s kind of similar to the live experience. Except on TV. And that was kind of dumb. The Miz interferes, Rhodes wins, and Rhodes hits the Crossroads on the Miz before holding up the Intercontinental Championship. I liked that finish a lot. None of this ‘all heels get along’ crap — of course Rhodes wants the belt back.

Cole is back and sounds worse than he has all night. We haven’t had any update in the ‘real world’ for a while now. The last one was encouraging, though.

Bret Hart interviews John Cena. As hard as it is to go out there and wrestle on a night like this, doing a promo segment like this seems 50 times more daunting. The crowd hates Cena and Hart is squarely on Cena’s side, framing the Cena/Punk feud as Hart/Michaels. Cena’s humility at this is nice and seems to eventually win some of the crowd over. The way that both Cena and Punk talk their ways into the Hart/Michaels roles is remarkable before Punk goes further and tosses the comparison aside by proclaiming himself better than Michaels… and Austin… and the Rock. Cena’s turn on the mic is amazing. This is the sort of promo we all wait for and it happens tonight of all nights. Again, I’m stunned into disbelief. Heh… he’s busting out the Fresh. This is the part where you all learn that I’ve forgotten much of the Fresh I was taught in school. “You are an ignorant son of a bitch!” This is a hell of a promo segment. Punk has outclassed Cena on the mic many times, but Cena was the superior talker tonight, cutting to the core of Punk’s character right now. Cena blocks a punch… Hart blocks a punch and knock Punk down…! An incredibly strong finish for the show and I genuinely cannot wait to see this match on Sunday.

The show ends with Cole delivering the last news I heard. Finally, the hour-delayed Raw catches up with me. I can only hope that Jerry Lawler remains in stable condition and recovers from whatever happened tonight. My apologies if my diversion from the regular format of this column bothers you in any way, but I hope you understand that I didn’t know how to continue like a regular column — nor did I want to quit on it halfway through, leaving the site in the lurch. Thank you for reading and, again, all of the best wishes go out to Jerry Lawler tonight.

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