The World According To Ron 11.02.00
Posted by Ron Gamble on 11.02.2000
So, Bret Hart made it official and retired last week. All I have to say about that is: Thank you for a great career, and good luck with the rest of your life.
What do Edge and Beth Gamble have in common? Why, their birthday, of
course. Beth was born a few years after Edge, but we took her out to Red
Lobster to celebrate on Monday, October 30. She's now eight, and happy
to be such, thank you.
Also, my enthusiasm last week over getting a turntable was tempered
severely the very next day when the needle broke. Now, all I have to do
is find a replacement. Kind of like looking for a straw in a haystack,
you know.
What, did you think I was going to say "needle?" Come on!
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So, Bret Hart made it official and retired last week. All I have to say
about that is: Thank you for a great career, and good luck with the rest
of your life.
I've been a little rough on him, but not for the usual, "He's nothing but
a crybaby" reasons you read about elsewhere on this little World Wide Web
thingie. No, I've been rough on him because he seemed to turn his back
on everything he believed his career stood for by agreeing to work with
Vince Russo, who probably had more to do with talking Owen into climbing
into the rafters in Kansas City than anyone but Vincey.
Others may say that he started "crying" because things weren't the way he
liked them to be. "He's selfish," they'd say, "he's old fashioned, and
he's hopelessly out of touch."
I don't see him that way, however. I see Bret as Superman in Gotham
City.
You see, I'm a huge Superman fan. I have every Superman comic printed
since October 1990, and I'm working my way back to pick up as many back
issues from there as I can. I know what I'm talking about in this area,
so hear me out.
When Superman is in Metropolis, he is in control. Lex Luthor can claim
Metropolis is "his" city, but we all know better. Even in it's new,
Brainiac-13-enhanced state, the Big S knows more about the city than
anyone. You throw a big bruiser like Adversary in front of him, and he
can let loose. Put him in a world-threatening situation with the JLA by
his side, and you will never go broke betting on his side.
But set him in the middle of Gotham City, and he answers to Batman.
During the recent "No Man's Land" storyline in the Batbooks, Superman
went into te city and tried to use his usual methods of getting things
done. He found someone who worked at a power plant before the quake and
got them to figure out how to get things going again. He even placed the
guy in charge of getting power to more of NML, and went out to try to do
more good.
The only problem was, this was no longer Gotham City and anything
resembling the society that existed in Metropolis. Instead of thinking
the power would go out to everyone equally, people tried to barter for
power. Some wanted to hoard the electricity for themselves. And
everyone brought their own tribute to this man who controlled the power.
He didn't ask for their tribute; people just gave it because they
expected it would be required.
Supes was upset at the man at first, until he realized it wasn't his
fault. Things were done differently in Gotham City, and he couldn't
adjust. He finally ended up flying back home, dejected and sad he
couldn't make a difference.
When Bret started in wrestling, every territory seemed like Metropolis.
But as he got older, more and more, the shadows of Gotham City crept
into his life, until it finally overcame him. He was used to doing
things a certain way, and that way always worked. Then, one day, it
didn't. He struggled to get back to Metropolis, but it wasn't to be.
Give Bret a match against a big musclebound heel, and he knows what to
do. But ask him to get into an argument backstage with the same guy over
whether or not the heel beat his girlfriend, and he's lost. That's not a
bad thing; unfortunately, that's the kind of thing expected of him and
others in the business today. If you can't do that, then you're pretty
much useless to most promoters today.
Bret, you've had a great career. Go home and enjoy it. You've earned
it.
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My wife is not a big fan of wrestling. She'll watch it if she's in the
living room in Monday or Thursday nights, but it's not something she
would watch on her own.
On Tuesday, she asked me to tell her about something that bothered me
about wrestling, and I asked if she knew what "heel turn" and "face turn"
meant. She said "heel turn" is a dancing term, but no idea what a "face
turn" was unless it meant falling in the middle of a heel turn. I
explained them, then said, "See if you can understand this. A guy was a
heel, then he was gone for a few months. He came back about a
month-and-a-half ago, and he made a face turn. Two nights later, he
made a heel turn. On Sunday, he made another face turn, and then, last
night, he made another heel turn."
Her comment? "That doesn't make any sense."
See, WCW? My wife doesn't watch, and even SHE knows what works and what
doesn't better than you idiots. Straighten up and fly right, or the
company will be sold for parts quicker than a 1985 Plymouth K-Car.
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Before anyone says anything, I owned a 1985 Reliant. It was a K-Car. I
know where I'm speaking from there, as well.
________________________________________________________________________
I thought something was wrong with Nitro when I was watching it. It
sounded awfully quiet in the arena, even for Nitro. But when I heard the
paid attendance was less than 800, and they had to give away lots of
freebies to get attendance up to around 2000, that's sad.
Next time Nitro comes to your town, why even bother buying a ticket?
Just go to the arena about an hour before the show starts, look mildly
interested in what's going on, and act nonchalant when someone asks if
you want a ticket for a nationaly televised program.
Let's face it, it's either that, or waiting in line for hours before
someone tells you tickets for Raw are all gone.
_________________________________________________________________________
And now, last week's "Explain THAT!?!"
>His name is "Crowbar." But, whenever he walks to the ring these days,
>he carries a cane. Explain THAT!?!
Your replies:
>Why are you wondering why they have a guy named Crowbar carrying a cane
>when they had a guy named Disco Inferno carrying a duck?!?
>The reason Crowbar carries a cane is because he has a gimmick now
>that portrays him as a 70's guy, like Mike Awesome, but WCW doesn't want
>to confuse the fans with a silly and pointless name change. I have
>spoken!
>Its obvious. The WWF/WCW Deal has gone through. I realize that this
>is just WCW starting it, but next week on Raw, the WWF will return the
>favor when Kane walks to the ring carrying a crowbar.
>i am not so sure about the crowbar thing but i have figured out why they
>call Mike Awesome that 70s guy. They were doing a comprehensive
>personality test to figure out his next gimick then during the IQ test
>part they discovered that his IQ was in the 70s so lacking the creative
>powers nessesry to give him a decent gimick they just rolled with that
>idea and voilla
>Crowbar and his employers (WCW) are so dumb that they think a cane is a
>crowbar...The dumbness of WCW also shows on the rest in the rest of
>their shows.
This week's winners are Mark Harris and TSer687@aol.com, who came up with
similar explanations. I use Mark's here, simply because it came first:
>Vince Russo has this great idea for Crowbar to change his name Cane,
>however the transition is not fully complete as WCW can't yet afford a
>mask for him.
Congrats to both of you. Now, if only there was an award for this.
This week's question comes to us once again from Nitro. Hey, they're
three-for-three!
Before his match with Mike Sanders, The Cat told the crowd that he saw
Mark Madden naked in the shower, then started to go into detail about
his, um, rump roast. Why, though, if Cat saw him, would he boast about
it on national television? Explain THAT!?!
Once again, good luck to all.
Until next week, let me say, it COULDN'T have been Sofia Gigante Falcone!
