The World According To Ron 11.28.00
Posted by Ron Gamble on 11.28.2000
I first want to say that I have been enjoying what has gone on in the WWF recently.
I first want to say that I have been enjoying what has gone on in the
WWF recently. I like the whole Rock/Rikishi program, Steve Austin has
not bored me yet, and of course, Edge and Christian are funny as all get
out. There are some problems (I speak specifically here of the wasting
of Lo Down and Al Snow), but overall, things are working for me.
I'm even listening to Rock's interviews.
But, I must tell you, in my best Simon Diamond impersonation, that I
have a problem. And my problem is with someone you would not expect me
to have a problem with: Chris Benoit.
For those of you who are joining us late, let me explain. Mrs. Benoit
gave birth to baby Christopher somewhere in Alberta, Canada on May 21,
1967. Mrs. Gamble gave birth to baby Ronald in Steubenville, OH on May
22, 1967. Ever since I found out that little fact, I have been following
Benoit's career with a passion. I have the tape of him winning the 1994
Super J Cup in Japan, and have watched it several times, even though I
know the result and absolutely no Japanese. I have his 20-minute
interview segment from ECW television on tape, and have judged it to be
superior to Shane Douglas' 25-minute segment that people rave about (or,
since Chris is Canadian, should that be "aboot?"). Me having a problem
with anything dealing with Chris Benoit is like President George W. Bush:
in a just and fair world, it wouldn't happen.
But, Dubya looks like he's going to win, and I have a complaint with
Chris Benoit's character.
Benoit says he is the most technically sound wrestler in the WWF. Jim
Ross and Jerry Lawler say it, as well. So does Michael Cole, Jonathan
Coachman, Tazz, and anyone else who has a microphone as part of their
equipment. The one exception to this rule is Lillian Garcia, which is
just fine, because she would inevitably announce him as "the mostest
technical sound man in the WWF," then ask him to fix her mike.
I have no disagreement with Benoit's technical skills. He really is
among the best. If you look around the landscape of the WWF and put any
of about 99.95% of the WWF in that ring and tell them this is strictly a
technical match, with no punching or kicking, Benoit wins easily.
There is only one exception, and that one exception could pay off with
one hell of a match.
Imagine, if you will, Benoit coming down to the ring to speak with
Michael Cole and challenging anyone in the dressing room to a scientific
match with the rules I stated above: no punching, no kicking. Either of
them results in an automatic disqualification. He goes against guys like
Chaz, Jeff Hardy, and Scotty 2 Hotty and wins easily. The bigger names
start coming out, like Steve Blackman, Chris Jericho, and Billy Gunn,
beating them as well. Steve Austin could come out, but would be
disqualified after kicking Benoit before delivering the stunner. The
next week on Raw, Benoit would come out and celebrate, saying he has gone
through the best the WWF had to offer, and no one could come close to
pinning his shoulders legally. He is obviously the best technical
wrestler in the history of the World Wrestling Federation.
Then, the music hits. One man comes to the ring with his own microphone
and says he has listened with amusement to Benoit's claims of being the
best technical wrestler in WWF history, but we all know better. After
all, while Benoit has some fancy moves, "you don't have what I have, and
that is these two gold medals."
It's true, it's true. Chris Benoit is NOT the best technical wrestler
in the WWF. In fact, if the rumors are true and Rulon Gardner accepts
Vincey's offer to join the WWF, Benoit won't even be in the top two.
Think of the series of matches we could see between Benoit and Angle. It
would be a series not just for the title of "best technical wrestler,"
but also for the title of "World Wrestling Federation Champion."
It could actually put the word "wrestling" back into the forefront.
It will also never happen that way. The majority of fans would be bored
out of their minds after five minutes. Any hopes of the two of them
going for 25-30 minutes with no brawling are simply that, hopes. Pipe
dreams at best.
But, what a dream!
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Could I have your attention, please? Would Mick Foley please report to
Goldberg's dressing room and show him how to properly sell a chair shot
to the back?
________________________________________________________________________
And now, the results of the most recent "Explain THAT!?!"
>On Nitro, one of the Battle Dome Guys (I've only seen the show once, but
>I think his name is T-Money) told Doug Dillenger, "We drove all the way
>from Freakin' America to England to bust that ass." Unless I missed the
>opening of a bridge somewhere, it >sounds like the perfect chance to
>Explain THAT!?!
Only three explanations this week:
>They're not really in England. They're in Atlanta and the crowd is made
>up of WCW employees told that they will keep their jobs if they cheer
>loud enough, as well as the obligatory free tickets from radio contests
>and giving out free tickets at the arena, and a >few actually paid for
>their tickets. Most of them were paid to come and cheer tho. All the
>British chaps are hired actors, and the London footage is stock CNN
>stuff with some creative editing.
>Come on, you didn't REALLY think they could afford to fly the whole crew
>out to merry old England did you?
>This is WCW. a bridge across the Atlantic Ocean is much more believeable
>than Lugur's turns that happen once a week.
And, now, this week's winner, from Michael Shockley:
>As part of WCW's continued cost-cutting campaign, many backstage spots
>for Nitro and Thunder are being filmed in advance in front of a blue
>screen here in America, with the backstage area filled in during
>editing. In an effort to reach out to WCW's only fan in Idaho, the
>BattleDome spot was actually filmed in a small remote Idaho village named
>England. Thus, the crew and BattleDome guys had actually travelled to
>England. Also, they had come from America, as we all know that America
>doesn't really want to claim Idaho anyway. So there you have it. They
>actually had gone from America to England, with the backstage setting
>thrown in later.
Somewhat familiar to the first, but I liked Michael's details better.
Congrats, Mike!
I believe this week's puzzler should bring out a few more entries, simply
because of the subject matter.
When Triple H came through the crowd and attacked Steve Austin, he took
off his jacket and revealed a large wet spot, starting on his rear and
running down his leg. Anyone care to Explain THAT!?!
