wrestling / Columns

The Wednesday Wrestling Week That Was 10.31.12: Issue #9

October 31, 2012 | Posted by Sam Smith

Hello, friends and foes! My name is Sam Smith and I’m back like a bad cold sore with more wrestling news and nonsense. That’s right, it’s the return of The Wednesday Wrestling Week That Was!

Remember to follow me on Twitter and read my blog! Seriously. Alla y’all. Click click.

On a sincere note, I hope anyone affected by that big old hurricane you guys have over there is staying safe. We don’t get any freak weather in the UK. It all seems quite exciting from over here. I’ll stop being insensitive now.

By the power of Hulkamania….. I have the Hogans!

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– Weekly Hogan News! Hulk has settled his lawsuit against Bubba the Love Sponge in regards to his recent sex tape dalliances. Financial terms of the settlement weren’t released, but Bubba publicly released a letter of apology. Read!

After further investigation, I am now convinced that Hulk Hogan was unaware of the presence of the recording device in my bedroom. I am convinced he had no knowledge that he was being taped. Additionally, I am certain that he had no role in the release of the video.

It is my belief that Terry is not involved, and has not ever been involved, in trying to release the video, or exploit it, or otherwise gain from the video’s release in any way.

Regrettably, when Hulk filed the lawsuit against me, I instinctively went on the offensive. The things that I said about him and his children were not true. I was wrong and I am deeply sorry for my reaction, and for the additional pain that it caused Hulk and his children on top of the pain that they already were feeling from having learned that Terry was taped without his knowledge, and the public release of the video.

I am committed to helping Hulk and his attorneys find whoever is responsible for the release of the tape and holding them accountable to the fullest extent of the law.

Wow, even a man renowned for being a bit of an ass will apologise when sued for millions (and millions) of dollars! I guess that clears up part of it for the Hulkster. Now he just has to sue Gawker and somehow delete every digital copy of the tape that now exists across the web. If any man can do it, it’s him.

– WWE Hell in a Cell happened! I got to watch it for the delicious price of free due to being in England, as discussed last week. It was…. okay. A lot of alright if unspectacular matches. The standout was Sheamus vs. Big Show. I know a lot of people were surprised with how good this was, but Sheamus has been having consistently very good matches with a number of opponents for months now. Seeing Big Show win clean as a whistle was interesting too. I wonder where they are going with this one.

But the thing everyone is talking about is the end to the WWE Championship match. I get the feeling people would have complained regardless of the outcome, and complain they did! WWE had booked themselves into a total corner and whatever they did, it was gonna piss someone off. Certainly nobody predicted the old crooked ref angle. I wasn’t too impressed, but it’s always good to wait and see how things develop before spouting off and making an ass of yourself. It might turn into an awesome angle! Perhaps. Stranger things have happened. Rarely.

– On a related note, WWE were reportedly taking Goldberg signs from the fans at the show. Way to keep the spirit of Nazi Germany alive, WWE. Good job.

It must be really irritating to spend time making a sign only for someone to tell you they have to take it. If it was covered in swears or porn, sure. But a silly joke sign isn’t going to hurt anyone.

– Linda McMahon has apparently spent $42.6 millon on her bid for the US Senate, approaching the $50 million she spent on her 2010 run. They can spend close to $100 million on some silly vanity politics project, but only give $1 million for breast cancer? That actually makes me a bit angry. What do you think, CM Punk?

punkunimpressed

Exactly.

– Plans are in motion for The Miz to be elevated back to the top of the card, hence his dropping of the IC Titles and featuring on the Survivor Series poster. WWE officials are said to be pleased the improvements Miz continues to make in the ring and on the mic and the fact that his willing to the intense media circuit. Am I reading a news item from 2012 or 2010 here?

I thought Miz was pretty good during his WWE Title run. When motivated, he’s a fine wrestler and definitely has the promo chops. The more main-event level dudes the company has, the better.

– Miz is also set to star in a new ABC Family TV movie, Christmas Bounty. I don’t think many sentences make me want to vomit more than those that contain the words “family”, “TV” and “movie.” Do not want.

– A report by Radio and Television Broadcast Report claims that WWE want to make their network a 24/7 deal with constant programming. The company thinks the network could be bought in half of America’s homes (57 million, apparently) and, using the NFL Network as a model, is advertising 100,000 hours of content.

57 million homes? Keep dreaming, guys. I mean, I’d buy it for sure, but I’m a lost cause. You could say I’m –

– Rumour continues to spread about Ric Flair being the planned replacement to AJ for the Raw GM job, but with the TNA lawsuit ongoing, Vince is still hesitant to do so. As someone who would very much enjoy seeing the Nature Boy back on our screens (as long as he doesn’t wrestle!), I say to hell with them Vince! You could buy that whole company ten times over if you wanted to.

– WrestleMania 28 is the most purchased PPV of all time. The show did 1,253,000 buys, beating out WM23 by a close 3,000. The show managed 733,000 domestic buys and 520,000 international. I know some dislike WWE bringing in old legends to boost interest, but hell, it works. Friends of mine who normally don’t care about wrestling in the slightest were eager to watch WM28, all thanks to The Rock.

– CM Punk said in an interview that he would like to help in getting Macho Man Randy Savage into the WWE Hall of Fame. Good man. It has to happen eventually.

– Not much news this week, huh. I end with this, which had me in tears of laughter. Even now, 15+ watches later, I still crack up. It’s just perfect. Enjoy.

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Survivor Series setup!

Team Punk vs. Team Foley sounds good to me. I always enjoy elimination tag matches. They are so entertaining, it’s weird.

I guess this means Punk isn’t defending the title this month? Everyone on the “WWE board of directors” okay with this? I guess so!

I really would have liked some explanation of the whole Brad Maddox situation besides Punk claiming not to know anything about it. Maybe later in the show?

Ryback vs. JTG

Welp, seems that Ryback is still plenty over. I guess he didn’t disappear into a puff of smoke after his first loss like some predicted. Now that the streak isn’t a concern, it frees him up creatively. He can do things and be part of matches that before wouldn’t have been possible due to him always having to win.

Although I’m guessing he’s still gonna win a lot. Oh yeah,

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Not yet. It’s a good thing the top of the cell held out!

Randy Orton vs. Wade Barrett

A bit like their match on Smackdown, only not quite as good and the other guy won.

I wonder if Wade Barrett could ever work as a face? Some people just seem so naturally inclined to one role in particular. Plus, being English never helps you get cheered. I would know.

Team Oh Hell Naw vs. The Prime Time Playaaaaaaaaaaaaaas

I’m still confused as to which one of them is the tag team champions. They should clarify it more often.

Vickie and Cena look at some photos

I loved Cena’s total “oh shit” face after the little elevator clip. And the crowd chanting “you got busted.” Hah.

Otherwise though, who actually cares about this angle? Wrestling is always gonna have a bit of soapy melodrama, but when you start verging into “YOU HAD AN AFFAIR” territory I tend to stop giving a shit.

10 second Dolph Ziggler appearance! Cena vs. Ziggles for Survivor Series! Perhaps!

Antonio Cesaro vs. Kofi Kingston

You know, Cesaro is bang on point about the obesity epidemic among children. What kind of awful parent looks at their morbidly fat kid and thinks “yeah, I’m doing a good job.” Destroying your own health is bad enough, but at least give your children a chance.

“Behind the music” with 3MB

Oh my Hogan, this was marvellous. Mahal claiming to be the “funny one” and then fixing the interviewer with a dead-eyed stare made me lose my proverbial shit. I’m glad these guys have something to do. Goofy heels are always fun.

3MB vs. Team CoBro

Was that new theme music I heard? I don’t know, they cut the entrance. How is it that since going to three hours, its happened way more often? Does not compute.

AJ vs. Beth Phoenix

Sheamus is happy about losing

I know he did it on Sunday too, but the visual of Sheamus hitting white noise on Show is impressive. After the entertaining bout at HitC, I look forward to a rematch. I just wish Sheamus was a tad less happy-go-lucky. Verging on Cena territory.

Rey Cara vs. Team Rhodes Scholars

Still looking forward to that rumoured Rey heel turn. It’s gonna happen, right? RIGHT?

The “look at how much we care isn’t WWE awesome” group circlejerk

Alberto Del Rio vs. Justin Gabriel

The same “Del Rio destroys a jobber to get back some heat after he lost his match last night” match we have been watching after every PPV for months on end.

Teams!

Not a bad couple of teams, in my opinion. A good mix of top-tier stars and upper midcarders. I’m going to enjoy this match.

Calling it now – Orton turns heel and costs his team the match.

A pretty good episode this week, I thought. I guess we are gonna find out about Maddox next week then?

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Time to fulfil my contractual obligation to discuss things with you vile peasants. Ugh.

M:-X –

This column was pretty fun this week.

Well thanks! That’s the goal. Wrestling is a bunch of dudes in pants pretending to fight each other. It’s silly. There are plenty of places on the net to go and analyse it in great depth, but sometimes you just need to have fun with it. I’m certainly not immune to taking wrestling too seriously, but at the end of the day, we all watch it in the hopes of enjoying it. So let yourself!

And remember guys, if something makes you mad –

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Rory Bailey

With regards to the UK PPV thing, this was due to channel4 and the Vince McMahon Kiss My Ass Club. Initially C4 had 4 US ppvs a year for free. They were Royal Rumble, Armageddon, Vengeance and Fully Loaded. The others all appeared on Sky Sports for free. We then had a couple of UK only PPVs in Insurextion and Rebellion that appeared on Sky Box Office. However, because viewship was high for the shows C4 had, when C4 cancelled their arrangement with WWF/E due to the McMahon KMAC being too crass for the channel, Sky took the viewing figures to mean that they could charge box office rates for those 4 ppvs. Gradually more and more shows became PPV and we’ve now result with only 1/2 being free a year now.

Ah, thanks for the explanation! Never knew all that. I do have vague memories of WWE on C4 back in the day, getting my mum to tape PPVs.

Jason King –

If WWE could realize that just because you’re a face doesn’t mean you have to be as cheesy and fake as Cena comes across, the world would be a better place.
Ryback can do just fine as a face doing what he’s doing — going out, saying his “Feeding Time, Feed Me More, Finish It, Done” lines and just beating the crap out of people. He does his talking with physicality — that’s FINE (for now. Obviously down the line he’d have to make changes to his gimmick, but he’s still fresh enough to do just that for now.) I say screw it — pull the trigger on him against Punk and make him a star in a night (and this is coming from a HUGE Punk fan)

Indeed. This is one issue I have with the growth of Sheamus. The guy is a very good wrestler, but his happy smiley “oh I lost never mind” persona just feels a bit too much like Cena. You can be a jovial Irishman and still get pissed and mad when the situation calls for it. A situation like, say, losing the WHC.

Billy Kidman –

One of the best moments of my life was finding out Wrestlemania 20 was airing for free in the UK.
Also, I wonder if Sunny’s attorney Rob Serafinowicz is related to British comedian Peter Serafinowicz (who incidentally voiced Darth Maul in Star Wars). A sitcom based upon Sunny’s escapades would be pretty amusing.

I am going to assume you are the real Billy Kidman. Hey Billy, love the work. You ever need a writer up there in Titan Tower, let me know.

And on the subject of Peter Serafinowicz,

G-Walla –

You know, having Show win the title then get screwed over by Mr. Money in the Bank would be a great way to transition Ziggler to a face role. He’d have an angry giant after him, and we can’t cheer show.

This is what I was thinking, but then I juts really want Ziggles to turn face so he can stop losing all the time.

Anyway, I’ll call it there for this week. As always, leave a comment, follow me on Twitter and read my blog.

Thanks for reading. I’m Sam Smith, and I’m off to WAIT, WHAT? STAR WARS SEVEN? WHAT THE FU

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