The 411Mania News-Center! 06.22.03.
Posted by Jay Bower on 06.22.2003
Vince wants UFC,HUGE plans for Orton,HHH comics,Stacy STUFF pics, Nash endorsements + tons more.
The 411Mania News-Center
~06.22.03~
With: Jay Bower
Hey there and welcome back to yet another edition of the NEW LOOK 411Mania News-Center, the column that receives more Sunday praise than 7 out of 10 of your favorite deities. I'm Jay Bower and once again I'll be holding your sticky little paw as we traverse through the weekends freshest news. Scott Keith lent me his Rantmobile for the weekend under the condition that I return it with his 20" 5-Stars so polished that he can see his own reflection in his "shoes", so please hold on to all personal belongings and keep arms and legs within the vehicle at all times.
Well, we have an absolute TON of stuff to get to this week and we're not getting any younger, so let's move right ahead with all of the news and features that you won't find anywhere else. Off we go.
Huge plans for Randy Orton:
Mick Foley forgot just how much he loved being a part of the World Wrestling Entertainment experience. After only one television appearance, Mick Foley offered to work a few house shows as a referee. On Monday evening in Madison Square Garden, a huge ceremony in honor of Mick Foley is scheduled to take place rumored to feature Tommy Dreamer, Terry Funk and a host of other surprises. While Foley isn't quite sure about the possibility of working matches anytime soon, World Wrestling Entertainment has a plan of massive proportions in the works involving Randy Orton.
The plan begins at SummerSlam where Orton is preliminarily penciled in to work with Shawn Michaels. Michaels will make Orton look technically amazing in the ring and Orton is planned to go over in the match in attempt to build him as a superstar on the level of the Rock. After defeating Michaels, Orton would go on to feud with Mick Foley who would help establish Orton as a tremendous brawler as well. World Wrestling Entertainment is counting on Foley to help get Orton over and Randy would defeat Foley in this feud as well, likely culminating at Survivor Series.
While purists and those on nostalgia trips likely despise this idea, I love it. When Randy stands in the ring beside Ric Flair and Triple H, he looks like he belongs. When he works the mic against Mick Foley, he looks like he belongs. His ring work is every bit as good as it needs to be and he would progress exponentially working with Michaels and Foley. As Brock Lesnar proved, the only way to get a new main eventer over is to put him over established stars. The Undertaker, Hulk Hogan and The Rock all put Brock Lesnar over and as a result he is looked at as THE star of the Smackdown roster. John Cena, a man who most peg as a future Wrestlemania headliner, wasn't put over anyone before feuding with Brock Lesnar and as a result, didn't look like he belonged in the headlining spot of a pay-per-view. Chris Jericho and Booker T have never been meaningfully put over anyone of note since the brand extension and as a result, fans don't buy them as World Title threats. Veterans such as HBK and Foley should exist for one reason and one reason only, to make the younger talent better. Personally, I can't wait to see them start.
Credit: The Wrestling Observer Newsletter (Subscribe here)
Bower's Bits:
The following news and rumors are courtesy of the Pro-Wrestling Torch Newsletter. Subscription information can be obtainedhere.
Jamal has officially been released from World Wrestling Entertainment. Most within the company aren't sad to see him go as he was said to be cocky and obnoxious behind the scenes and dangerous to work with in the ring. Rosie on the other hand is well liked by those backstage and a new program for him has yet to be created.
Zach Gowen has been fitting in well backstage thus far with some saying that he is almost trying too hard. Gowen hasn't been used in a wrestling capacity as of yet because World Wrestling Entertainment officials are concerned about his shelf life after his first match given his condition, scrawny build and the probably unwillingness of many wrestlers to sell for him.
Apparently Vince McMahon didn't learn much from the XFL and the WBF, because Vince McMahon is said to be interested in purchasing the Ultimate Fighting Championship franchise. McMahon had serious interest in the promotion in the past as well, but his advisors feel as though attaching McMahon's name to the promotion would ruin whatever chances the sport has of being accepted by mainstream sports media.
Mark Jindrak is no longer a lock for the fourth spot in the Evolution stable with an unmasked Kane now in consideration for the final spot, a move that would be horrible in my opinion.
John Cena is said to be taking his pushes and depushes extremely well, moving with the flow and not complaining.
And finally, Nathan Jones was backstage during recent Smackdown! shows in Orlando. While no word has been given as to when Jones will return to the roster, wrestlers backstage describe him as "creepy" and "bizarre" and aren't missing his company during his absence.
Stacy Kiebler STUFFed:
Ah, bold faced sexual innuendos directed towards a woman that none of us have a snowcone's chance in hell with.
Recently Stacy Keibler --perhaps the hottest blonde alive --posed for the newest issue of Stuff Magazine, one of Maxim's now four monthly publications. Stuff Magazine --mostly dedicated to gadgets, women and clothing -- features several spreads each month of beautiful, almost nude women. Though nothing could ever, *ever* top Christina Aguilera's January 2003 Maxim photo shoot, Stacy Keibler appears in a six page section within the pages of Stuff's newest issue just provocative enough to make one wonder how David Flair ever had a chance with her. An interview with Stacy is also included where she discusses dating within the office so-to-speak. A gallery of Stacy's photo shoot can be found here. I'm warning you though, don't get "sidetracked" from the 411Mania News-Center if you catch my drift, bad things tend to happen to those who do. (Jay cracks knuckles and pounds his fist into his open hand)
Who the...What the...
People often see me on the street and recognize me as an Internet Wrestling Celebrity. They approach nervously and with trembling voices ask "Jay, what exactly do wrestlers do to pass the time when injured?". I spit on them, insult their children and continue walking.
The peons do however bring up a good point. We know that Billy Gunn spent his time away from the ring becoming even fruitier. Bradshaw visited a stylist and came out looking so different that even long time fans didn't recognize him. And Kevin Nash, wrestling's answer to Grant Hill, apparently spent his time licensing his name to firms and secretly endorsing a wide range of products. The following photo was not modified in any way and was sent to the 411Mania News-Center offices by long time reader Chuckie. Draw your own conclusions...
Again, I can not stress enough that this photo has not been modified. While I have absolutely no idea just what a "Butt-Cracker" is, I would guess it was tested extensively by Nash and Triple H at the 2003 Mr. Olympia while watching Ronnie Coleman and Gunter Shlierkamp oil up. More as it develops.
9Things to Love About this Weeks Television:
Steve Austin and The Rock are gone in wrestling capacities, a necessary evil for rebuilding a wrestling companies product. The Undertaker has stepped into the lower card for the time being, Triple H is building the World Title's credibility and for the most part, the upper card has been flushed out of the same few names who dominated it since 1998. Kevin Nash is indefinitely on leave as WWE slowly realizes fans don't want to see him. Brock Lesnar and The Big Show both silenced their detractors with two consecutive matches in which both worked their asses off and sent the crowd home believing that they had just seen two of the best in the world collide.
The brands are quickly becoming distinct, almost entirely unique products with Raw consisting of storyline driven, promo-intensive presentation and Smackdown! consisting of an entire roster full of legitimate athletes tearing the house down with quality match after quality match. Over-saturation and burn out are disappearing as I actually find myself wanting to see my favorite Raw and Smackdown! wrestlers more than once per week. Ratings are showing glimpses of improvement, new stars are being pushed like never before and I'm just happy to be a fan again lately.
I absolutely loved both Raw and Smackdown! this week and I'm not going to let what Scott Keith, Torch readers or anyone else thinks stop me. With that said, let's get to the list.
1) Christian: For over a year, I have been claiming that given a push equal to Edge's, Christian will be every bit as successful as his long time friend. Finally, the prophecy appears to be becoming true. Sometimes, all it really takes is an image change to get the ball rolling. It worked when Scott Steiner died his hair blonde in WCW, it worked when Hogan died his beard black and it worked when Jeff Jarrett cut his ridiculous hair off in the late 90's. Despite the new look, it's the same old character that is getting Christian over. His arrogant goofiness is amongst the highlights of Raw and when he did his version of the Spinarooni and landed on his side winking to the ladies in the front row, I was hunched over in near tears laughing. Christian has added some muscle, brought the character that made him such a great interview in to his matches and has just excelled in general since being given the ball to run with. Though the Rock tends to overshadow and steal the show from whoever he works with, his work with Christian has really been helpful as well and here's to hoping Booker T gets jobbed for the next month if it means Christian holding on to the Intercontinental title. If only he would have listened to Vince and gotten that haircut sooner...
2) Evolution: Originally, I began to take a liking to the Evolution stable because I was a mark for big Dave Batista. However, in the last two weeks I have become a fan of the stable because of everyone involved, even Triple H. The faction's new entrance is just awesome with perfect music and a great video wall display as gold lighting fills the arena. With a past (Ric Flair), present (Triple H) and future (Randy Orton) feel to the group, the threesome feels like something special rather than just another hastily thrown together "gang". Flair and Triple H have treated Randy as an equal in the last two weeks and his stock has already skyrocketed as a result. Thought I hope he only keeps the spot warm until Batista returns, Mark Jindrak should make a nice addition to the group as well in the enforcer roll.
3) Maven: World Wrestling Entertainment confined to Heat one of their most charismatic young babyfaces for months before he returned to Raw Monday evening in a heated match with Randy Orton that the crowd was going crazy for by the closing bell. On a roster where very few babyfaces are actually that over, Maven constantly brings the crowd to its feet and has a certain intangible about him that fans just tend to get behind. If I were in charge of World Wrestling Entertainment, Maven would be one of the first people that I would push to the moon and hopefully WWE has some long term plans for the former elementary school teacher.
4) Build: One thing that World Wrestling Entertainment has been criticized for doing lately is not giving fans a reason to feel like they have to tune in the following week. Both shows shattered that criticism last week, building towards a huge series of events next week at Madison Square Garden including a title vs. mask match between Kane and Triple H, the naming of the fourth member of Evolution, Sean O'Haire and Roddy Piper taking on Tajiri and Guerrero and a huge six-man tag bout pitting Team Angle and the Big Show against Mr. America, Kurt Angle and Brock Lesnar. Simply put, if these two shows were combined as a pay-per-view, World Wrestling Entertainment would have sold me on it last week. Great build for what should be a memorable tandem of shows.
5) Sean O'Haire: As a long time fan of the Natural Born Thrillerz, I was ecstatic when I heard that Sean O'Haire would soon be returning to WWE television. I instantly took a liking to his gimmick as many others apparently did judging by his domination of the 411Mania interactive countdown for several weeks. This week on Smackdown, I personally think that Sean O'Haire *arrived*. His entrance is great, his pairing with Piper is questionable though not damaging to his character and Sean just looked like a star against Eddy Guerrero this week. While everyone on the net panned his in ring performance, I thought his Smackdown match was one of his better matches to date since returning with clean execution of some power moves and a good reaction for his finisher. Sean O'Haire: future main-eventer.
6) Team Angle: In my eyes, Team Angle are quickly becoming the stars of Smackdown. It is so blatantly obvious when watching the duo perform that both of them will end up drawing such ungodly amounts of money and putting on countless ****3/4 clinics by the time their careers come to an end that it almost isn't fair to the rest of the roster. Shelton Benjamin has all of the tools to become the first respected black world champion in years to not have to resort to break dancing for heat and Charlie Hass keeps improving by the week, constantly breaking out moves that I have never seen before. Both men's mic skills continue to improve and four months after their debut, Team Angle owns Smackdown and it's almost scary to think how good they will be in a few years.
7) Zach Gowen: For all of the criticism WWE is getting for basing so much of Smackdown! around-non physical Zach Gowen segments, I feel as though they are doing precisely what they need to do. Rather than just throwing Zach into the middle of the ring like a side show attraction, the company is trying to get fans emotionally attached to Gowen so that when he finally removes his leg and goes off in the ring, it will actually mean something. Smackdown needs a little sports-entertainment to break up quality match after quality match and the McMahon/Mr. America/Gowen saga has done just that and has been entertaining enough to draw huge increases in viewership for the segments. Vince McMahon has been in classic form, kicking Zach's leg out from under him, calling him a freak and a cripple and basically being a complete dickhead like only he can. Something about Sable still creeps me out though.
8) The U.S. Title: "Boo-hoo" shouts the internet, the introduction of the United States title to Smackdown wasn't done with enough enthusiasm. Well, from where I sat they displayed the belt just like they did on Raw and announced the format in which the title would be awarded. Nothing wrong with that and, as a mark for tournaments, I'm happy to see it decided in that fashion rather than through a battle royal. The belt could really mean a lot to Chris Benoit, John Cena, Matt Hardy, Sean O'Haire or someone of the likes and I'm looking forward to seeing the brackets for the rest of the tournament.
9) The Ultimo Dragon: With preview packages even better than those that introduced Rey Mysterio to WWE fans, the Ultimo Dragon is going to be a great addition to the Smackdown roster. His ring entrance and music are said to be amongst the most spectacular on the Smackdown! brand by those who have seen it and his match with Mysterio at SummerSlam should be amongst the highlights of the show.
The Big Four:
Jose Canseco: When today's generation of early 20-somethings were children, our answer to Shaq and Kobe were two sluggers based out of Oakland who went by the name "The Bash Brothers". Playing for a World Series club, knocking home runs out of the park with regularity, serving as perennial All-Stars and banging forearms together after big plays, Mark McGwire and Jose Canseco were the hottest duo in sports. Everybody wanted their baseball cards, Oakland A's hats and their poster.
Fifteen years later, one of the "Bash Brothers" still plays baseball and Canseco recently retired. In a sport where careers literally span decades, dip is one of the five food groups and over half of the overpaid players union have noticeable guts hanging over the belts of their goofy white pants, it's not difficult to see why the fanbase has evaporated. The players I watched as a ten year old are still playing, players are still complaining about their six figure salaries despite attendance and ratings disasters and owners are more obnoxious than ever before. World Wrestling Entertainment should take note, because people claimed "the cycle" ten years ago when baseball's popularity started diminishing and aside from the alarming trend of throwback jerseys and mesh hats, there are still very few people who care about more than three teams in the entire league.
However, let's try to keep our focus on Jose Canseco who was busted for steroid use...again. If Major League Baseball was serious in the least bit about its image (which I'm starting to think it isn't) then they would bar Canseco and any other player who has ever abused steroids from the Hall of Fame. Pete Rose has suffered for two decades over gambling charges that have kept him out of Cooperstown, but at least every single one of his 4,256 lifetime hits came without any chemical edge over his opponents. Canseco was in violation of his probation (again) in being caught taking steroids and is now looking at facing up to fifteen years in prison as a result of his actions.
Now I understand Canseco is a repeat offender, but I found this to be completely insane. In a day and age where a kidnapper or child molester can be back on the streets in five years, fifteen years in prison for steroid use is ludicrous. Sure, steroids are dangerous and can potentially lead to health complications, but I find any kind of lengthy jail sentence for any non-dealing use or possession to be unnecessary. Steroids have absolutely no adverse effects on society. People don't get "high" on steroids and loot, rape and pillage and they don't sell them on dark street corners in the slums. "Roid Rages" are extremely uncommon and usually occur in individuals who are already loose cannons in the first place and the only adverse effects that occur from steroids are future health complications for the user. I say, if someone wants to kill himself let him. There is too much crime going on and too few tax dollars to be spent playing morality police.
Grant Hill: In 1995, Grant Hill was named the 1994-1995 NBA co-MVP with Jason Kidd of the Dallas Mavericks. Pegged as the "Next Michael Jordan" slightly after Penny Hardaway and several years before Kobe Bryant, many thought that Grant Hill would become one of the greatest NBA players of all time by the time his career came to an end. In 1995, Grant Hill became the first rookie to ever receive the most All-Star votes in the NBA and in 1996 he once again won the popularity contest that is NBA All-Star voting. Grant Hill went on to win Olympic Gold, led the NBA in triple-doubles for three consecutive seasons and had a standout season in 2000 as the 3rd best scorer in the league with back-to-back forty point games.
When Grant Hill came three hours south of me to Orlando in a big money deal and T-Mac (Who I would bet my entire life savings on in a game of one-on-one with Kobe) joined the ranks, analysts saw a potential dynasty falling in to place. Unfortunately, the injury bug has taken it's toll on Grant Hill who has now been with the Orlando Magic for two seasons in which he has only played 47 games, leaving many in Orlando wondering if Detroit may have gotten the better end of the trade that saw Ben Wallace become a Piston. It has recently been announced that Grant Hill is expected to miss the entirety of the 2003-2004 season due to the ankle injury that his been plaguing him since late 1999 when he was forced to sit out of his second consecutive Olympic appearance. Dr. J. has also left the Orlando Magic organization in the last few days.
This situation is extremely sad and one can't help but feel bad for Grant Hill who seems like a genuinely nice guy who has been stricken with horrible luck. The fans of Orlando and the rest of the league love the guy as evident by his voting as an All-Star starter for six consecutive years, yet he just can't seem to catch a break and will likely never be the same. Grant does a ton of charity work will recovering despite not being able to walk yet.
It looks like my Orlando Magic will have to fight through another season without the All-Star forward and here's to hoping that Hill eventually does have a complete recovery, he deserves it.
Broads: So the temporary plan was for my ex-girlfriend and I to meet up on Sunday and spend the day together. Seeing as though she lives in South Florida and I live in North Florida, we decided to meet somewhere in the middle of the four hundred mile spread between us. I suggested Ocala, Florida. Sure there might not be a whole lot to do in the city, but when it came down to it we were just planning on having some lunch, seeing a movie and then having some dinner before returning to our home cities for the evening. She balked at the idea of Ocala and insisted that we meet in Tampa. I explained to her that Tampa was only 90 minutes from her and three and a half hours from me. Nicely, I told her that her making a three hour round trip and me making a seven hour round trip was ridiculous and that if we met somewhere in the middle, we could spend more time together. Now one would think that I would have a point, no? After all, in a 50/50 ex-relationship, one person wouldn't be driving four hours further in one day to see someone when they could meet in the middle, especially when considering that she had the weekend off and I had work, finals and a million other things I needed to do as well.
What did she do? What any other woman would do in the situation, she called ME an asshole who didn't care about her. That's right, because I wasn't willing to be completely shafted in the deal and spend all day driving to save her forty-five minutes of extra car time, I am a bad, bad person. Fellows, I have news for you, this is precisely what the ladies try to do to us. They make outlandish demands that makes life easy for them, and when we don't comply with our tails between our legs they begin crying, telling us what horrible people we are. I'm begging you, DON'T cave. If you do, the next time you are planning to meet her, "half way" will be the by the mailbox in her apartment complex.
Yep.
Hunting: Being close to the Georgia border and in a southern town in general, a lot of people love to hunt. Unfortunately, a hunter was recently killed by several dear in Northern Georgia who trampled him while on a hunting trip. The local media has been all over the story, reporting with a somber tone. My thoughts?
Hunters: 1,000,000, Dear: 1.
I hate to sound insensitive and stereotypically speaking I would imagine many wrestling fans are also into outdoor "sports", but hunters for the most part are idiots in my book. I'm far from a PETA lobbyist and I'll eat my cow-chops rare, but hunting is NOT a sport. You aren't Daniel Boone, stop pretending to be. There is absolutely nothing daring, adventurous or manly about scaling a tree wearing camouflage pajamas and unloading a few rounds on a dear who doesn't even know you are there. If the hunting trip were Golden Eye for Nintendo 64, you would be slapped with a "most dishonorable" award and sent on your way. But, you tote your gun back to the office and Monday, you tell all of the guys about the one you "bagged" this weekend. Your life wasn't in danger, you just capped a friendly dear in the head because you have a small penis and need a dead carcass to make you feel masculine. What an outdoorsman! You should be on the cover of Field & Stream!
If you want hunting to be a sport, fine. Give the dear a gun, make him invisible to the naked eye and let the better mammal win. I have a feeling Gus the macho outdoorsmen would be packing up his Jeep and hitting the trails back towards home in all of fifteen seconds.
A Plug, a Plug, My Kingcone for a Plug:
Who DOESN'T love Daniels? Have you checked out the Weekend Hotline yet? While I normally don't endorse reading anything on 411Mania besides my own column over and over and over, check Tom out, he's got that controversial Russo column posted in his column where Russo takes credit for the name of the Evolution stable because he said the word "Evolution" on TNA television a few months ago.
RantWars is really heating up with only three contestants remaining. Josh Grut guest stars this week and all three writers come through with great columns. Check it out now if you haven't already.
*Correction: In this week's edition of RantWars, I accidentally mixed up a few of the three remaining contestants previous entries, so please read the following and take mental note.
Shane Harrison's Previous Entries : "How the Mighty Have Fallen", "Hart's War", "Christian's Crusade", "The People's Title".
Chris Sharp's Previous Entries: "Burning Down the House", "All in the Family", "And Everyone Stopped Breathing", "The God of Small Things".
Adam Pritchard's Previous Entries: "Insulting Our Intelligence", "Return of the Nature Boy", "A Champion to be Proud Of", "Return of the Clash".
All apologies for the mix up.
Speaking of mixes, have you ever seen such a great group of non-411 wrestling columnists in your life as the one at the The Oratory? ME NEITHER! A great new column on the cruiserweight struggle, another part of the Best 50 Tag Teams of the 90's series plus much, much more. Follow that link Smitty, you might just find some site exclusive Bower content as well.
Well there you have it, one more edition of the 411Mania News-Center in the books. I hope that you all had just as much fun as I did. I'll see you in a few days for a new installment of RantWars and until then, take it easy guys.
