The 411Mania News-Center! 06.29.03
Posted by Jay Bower on 06.29.2003
News, HHH Comics, Tomfoolery. It's official, Jay is the only one left who actually LIKES wrestling.
The 411Mania News-Center
~06.29.03~
With: Jay Bower
Hey there and welcome back to yet another edition of the 411Mania News-Center! I'm still Jay Bower and once again I'll be serving as your tour guide through all of the weekend's breaking wrestling news.
Before we begin I would like to take a moment to thank you, the 411Mania reader, for the overwhelming amount of positive feedback that I received for last Sundays column. I have been a member of the 411family for about a year and a half now and a member of the Internet Wrestling Community for two long, lonely years and it was probably the most feedback that I have ever received for a single column since my Smarks debut. An overwhelming amount of it was positive and though I have read each and every email, I still have an absolute ton left to respond to so thanks for the patience and for taking the time to drop a line to Uncle Jay. A few of you let me know just how stupid I am for taking a bold, intelligent stance against hunting while misspelling the word "dear" about two dozen times within the span of three paragraphs. Several of you also corrected me as I absent mindedly referred to Jason Kidd and Grant Hill as 1994-1995 Co-MVP's rather than Co-Rookies of the Year. Dual MVP's who also happen to be rookies is something we probably won't be seeing for a while, at least until me and Justin Baisden declare ourselves eligible for the draft. Thanks to all who corrected me, I am not above constructive criticism and welcome it. And finally, thanks a ton to all of you who keep sending me weird, weird emails that you have been exchanging with Peter Deeter. It seems as though everyone's favorite star of "Goofball Sundays" has made a full time job out of interacting with readers of the News-Center and the poor kid has really crossed into the waters of true insanity. So in conclusion, thanks again, you guys are the best readers an Internet Wrestling Celebrity® could ask for!
Now that I have buttered you up...errr, I mean thanked you from the bottom of my heart, it's time to do some good old fashioned begging. I am DYING to see this week's edition of TNA television as rumor has it two of the best televised matches of the year both occurred on the same card, with the cage match sounding incredible. If anyone has a copy they would be willing to hook me up with out of the goodness of their heart, I assure you that I'll be your best friend, plug your website heartily (if applicable) and possibly throw in some oral sex. Drop Me A Line if you can help a cracka' out.
Well, now that Tom Foolery has left the building, why don't we talk some wrestling? Off we go...
Bower's Bits:
The WWE Shopzone item of the week is a replica Kane mask. In further proof of just how highly World Wrestling Entertainment thinks of its fans, the sales pitch for the item is, and I quote, "Hide your own ugly face behind Kane's Mask". I cracked a smile when I saw this but it just doesn't quite seem kosher from where I sit.
According to Jason Powell, there is a lot of talk that World Wrestling Entertainment will be cutting Nathan Jones soon. Though this may come as a relief to those backstage who refer to Jones as "creepy", I think that it is way too early to give up on him. His introductory vignettes portrayed a great character and a wrestler with a lot of charisma when not reduced to sucking up to the Undertaker non stop. Jones can connect with the crowd, and that is something that is a lot harder to teach someone than how to wrestle. Give him six months in developmental and he could be a very good asset to WWE given his size and charisma.
Well, not much else in terms of breaking news this weekend unfortunately.
Ten More Things I Loved about this Week's Television:
For the third consecutive week, I absolutely loved both Raw and Smackdown and felt as though both shows were huge steps in the right direction. Also for the third consecutive week, I scoured around the internet and discovered that every Tom, Dick and Harry panned both shows with incredible passion. I thought that if there ever was a week of television that wrestling's cynical fans would actually praise, this would be be it, however Scott Keith, The Wienerboard, The Torch and even my main man Daniels tore Raw and Smackdown! to pieces. Regardless, I will not let anyone's unfavorable opinion alter my own, so let's move ahead with another ten bullet points of unapologetic optimism.
1) Mr. America, Kurt Angle & Brock Lesnar vs. Charlie Haas, Shelton Banjamin & The Big Show: "Pretty standard stuff" - Scott Keith (A thought that has also been echoed all over the net.)
Now I understand that we are all entitled to our own opinions, but isn't it possible that something CAN be entertaining and constructive even if it doesn't involve a ten minute chain wrestling sequence, a dozen planchas and a sprinkle of Canadian violence?
50% of wrestling is the spectacle, the drama and the crowd response that take decent matches and make them immortal. If the three most popular wrestlers in America, one of whom is only competing in his second match since major neck surgery, are joining forces in the most historic building in WWE history, teaming for the first time and doing it on free television, isn't that enough to make a match a little more than "standard stuff"?. Aren't four of the most gifted amateur wrestlers in WWE history (Lesnar, Angle, Haas & Benjamin) in the same ring enough to make something redeeming? Isn't the Madison Square Garden crowd erupting for every breath taken by Hogan, Angle and Lesnar enough to make this a memorable piece of television? I certainly thought so and I loved the match so much that I watched it again this morning.
I have come to realize that two groups of wrestling fans exist. One group loves wrestling, plain and simple. Give them an entire card full of **** matches in an empty arena involving bland, personality less wrestlers that they have never heard of and they will be happy. These are the fans who will never be satisfied and who WWE has stopped trying to please because. They are such a small fraction of the total fanbase that catering to them and ignoring the 95% majority would be, speaking corporately, insane.
On the other hand, you have the fans who love the spectacle. The 93,000 fans (please don't email me with "accurate attendance") packed into the Pontiac Silverdome to see Hulk Hogan and Andre the Giant carve a place into wrestling history without a single Death Valley Driver. Texas Stadium exploding as Kerry Von Erich and Ric Flair face off for the NWA title. Ric Flair and Sting --past their primes and a few steps slower than they once were --tearing the house down one more time on the final episode of Nitro. These are the moments that make me a wrestling fan and these are the moments that make mainstream society follow our barbaric sport. While you dog Warrior/Hogan, Wrestlemania III, Goldberg/Hogan and Hogan/Rock, ask yourselves just how many Ironman Matches have sold out domes.
The best matches in my opinion involve the spectacle and classic in ring action. Randy Savage vs. Hulk Hogan, Funk vs. Flair and all of the Tables, Ladders and Chairs matches. However, if a match comes with a whole lot of spectacle and some solid-though-not-classic ring work (such as the six man tag on Smackdown!) you can label me one happy camper.
Post Script: Five points to Tazz for FINALLY pointing out the fact that the fans are chanting "USA" despite all six men involved being Americans.
2) Bill Goldberg: "It's too late for Goldberg, WWE ruined him already!". "Boo-Hoo, what are the bookers smoking, I'm a big nerd!".
As I have been saying for weeks, it's far too early to accuse World Wrestling Entertainment of ruining Goldberg. In case you haven't noticed, Goldberg really hasn't really done anything yet, so how can he be a failure? His first match in the company was a disaster because of The Rock. I love the Rock as much as the next guy, but insulting the hometown team and then playing a total cool-guy babyface --milking the crowd with witty promos, dramatic kip-ups and the likes -- doesn't make one a heel.
However, it's not like anyone actually ordered that pay-per-view and saw the match anyway, so I really don't think that it matters. Aside from that, Goldberg was involved in a short program with Chris Jericho in which he hardly appeared on television. People will forget about the angle by months end and Goldberg is still fresh enough that his weaknesses haven't really been exposed in the way that Scott Steiner's were.
Scott Steiner can cut a good, short heel style promo. His ring work is best limited to around eight to ten minute matches. Knowing this, Triple H decided to play make-believe and tried to be Ric Flair, attempting to carry Scott Steiner to a ridiculously long match, exposing him and burying him immediately after entering the company when that didn't have to be the case.
Monday, WWE's "hometown" fans voiced their opinions on Goldberg. Vince McMahon has traditionally used Madison Square Garden reactions as a barometer of who to push, and if this is still the case Goldberg should he headed into SummerSlam to face Triple H for the World Title. The New York crowd was rabid for Goldberg and he looked more fired up than at any other time during his WWE tenure. Those three minutes alone proved why there is still a good deal of drawing potential in Goldberg. Some may argue that WWE doesn't have a deep enough roster to feed Goldberg a fresh wrestler each week, but I don't see Stevie Richards, Rosie, Val Venis or Tommy Dreamer having their careers hurt too badly by a one time squash for the better of business and they don't exactly have a whole let else to do right now.
While some are claiming that WWE is not advertising Goldberg and shoving him in awkward slots like quarter-hour seven in order to prove he isn't a ratings draw, I think this "discipline" may actually backfire and get Goldberg even more over. Every babyface that The Raw brand has consciously put at the top of the card and shoved down the throats of fans has ended up being turned on by the crowd. Scott Steiner, Kevin Nash, Kane, even Shawn Michaels for a while. Meanwhile, those drifting in the middle of the card and not actively forced on us like Rob Van Dam, Booker T and The Hurricane are insanely popular. Bill Goldberg became an icon in almost a sideshow fashion, drawing ratings and moving a ton of merchandise while serving as undercard fodder to the nWo. If World Wrestling Entertainment uses the same philosophy for booking Goldberg and doesn't send him out to die with a twenty minute slot and a microphone, he may very well recapture the magic that he once had.
3)The Ultimo Dragon: After receiving more hype than any new arrival since Rey Mysterio, Ultimo Dragon achieved one of his two remaining dreams by wrestling in Madison Square Garden. Ultimo's presentation was spectacular with intense music, enough fire to reduce the Garden to ashes and an awesome costume. Some may argue that his debut was less than spectacular to which I say this: When American wrestling fans see a foreign masked wrestler, they have been automatically conditioned to think he is going to fly all over the arena. New York fans, most of whom hadn't seen the Dragon in nearly five years, likely forgot what his style was and were a bit surprised to see how he wrestled, especially considering how much offense Shannon Moore was given. Dragon, though understandably rusty, looked great to me and with some cool martial arts, a beautiful Asai moonsault and a crazy finisher unlike anything I have ever seen, I think he'll be making a huge impact on American wrestling once again sooner than later.
4) Triple H vs. Kane: This match provided yet another reason for hundreds of Keith clones to start flapping their gums to anyone who will listen about how much they hate World Wrestling Entertainment. Here's a newsflash for you: You got a pay-per-view quality blowoff for FREE so shut the fuck up.
The match wasn't intended to be a four star classic and anyone who has seen any previous encounters between the two should have known that. World Wrestling Entertainment is trying to build Kane as an unpredictable, unstoppable monster so having him lay down after being triple teamed by Evolution is the logical way to go. If Kane would have jobbed cleanly to the Pedigree without interference, his momentum would die and there would really have been no point to the angle in the first place and you would have complained. If WWE would have done a bait and switch with no title change or unmasking, you would have been pissed. However, World Wrestling Entertainment promised a title vs. mask match --a HUGE event for free television --and delivered, unmasking Kane in an event six years in the making. If World Wrestling Entertainment delivered something of this magnitude every week, personally I would make certain NEVER to miss Raw. Silly me though, such an optimist.
5) Tazz and Michael Cole: From this point on, anyone who knocks Michael Cole is going to be on the receiving end of a beatdown sandwich from yours truly with extra knuckle sauce. In a few short years, Michael Cole has come from being the laughing stock of wrestling (a title Josh Matthews and The Cat can now fight over now) to ONE HELL of an announcer. Jim Ross no longer feeds lines to Cole and if anything he has become better because of it. When the Ultimo Dragon debuted, Cole and Tazz had obviously done their homework and at one point Cole even corrected Rey Mysterio, citing the fact that The Dragon once held ten different titles simulataneously, not five. Cole brought up Ultimo's training by Bruce Lee and explained that he was the original "Dragon's" final student.
Where Jerry Lawler would be asking The Dragon for sushi recipes and saying "forget this match, let's look at the puppies next to Kidman", Tazz ran down the disciplines in The Ultimo Dragon's martial arts background and made the superstar look that much more respectable because of it. During the United States title match, Cole referenced past winners such as Harley Race and each week, Tazz and Cole move a bit closer to Ross/Caudle '89 and a little bit further from Ross/Lawler '03. As much as I like Jim Ross, his dated sound and dwindling enthusiasm now make him the #2 play-by-play man in wrestling from where I sit.
6) La Resistance: Green? Perhaps. Young? Certainly. Do I love them? Hell yeah I do and you better believe I'm going to tell you why.
Renee Dupree has been heralded as a future WWE main eventer for over two years now and was regarded as one of the hardest workers in Ohio Valley Wrestling. Sylvan Grenier may not be a great wrestler, but as a former tennis, hockey and baseball standout with an extensive background in modeling, he has proven that he is willing to work hard to be the best at whatever he sets his radar on.
With that said, World Wrestling Entertainment threw these two up and comers on to television far before they were ready and to make matters worse, they saddled them with one of the most ridiculous gimmicks in modern WWE history. Many other young wrestlers would likely crumble under these circumstances, but Dupree and Grenier are doing a pretty decent job in my opinion. Dupree is much better in the ring than most give him credit for and the teams' segments usually come off much better than they have any right to.
This past Monday, La Resistance were once again sent out to the wolves. World Wrestling Entertainment asked that they learn the words to the French National Anthem so that they could begin singing it before matches. From the looks of it, WWE obviously sent them out to do the anthem before they had even been given adequate time to memorize it and the result was one of the funniest segments of the week. Dupree, with a giant shit-eating grin on his face, began bobbing his head in animated fashion, doing a little jig and completely butchering the song in front of 15,000 fans with no hesitation whatsoever. This would be the highpoint of the song however as soon Dupree handed the microphone to Grenier who began moaning like a wounded dog before Raw producers panicked and cut to commercial. To make matters EVEN WORSE for the duo, their opponents consisted of The Hurricane and SGT. SLAUGHTER. As many "insiders" know, Vince McMahon often grants television matches to his fossils (Slaughter, The Brawler, Moolah) to appease them and reward them for their years of service. Sarge was pregnant with triplets, completely bald and looking absolutely embarrassing to himself and the company, but again Grenier and Dupree actually carried Slaughter to a perfectly watchable DUD, an accomplishment in itself as on paper this match should have been in the negative stars area.
Once again, La Resistance got saddled with a man older than both members of the duo combined and made French lemonade out of a bad situation. Sure they aren't The Midnight Express, but if EVERYONE was the Midnight Express how fun would that be?
If the choices are La Resistance having a long, lengthy title reign or the APA coming to Raw and holding the titles, my vote goes to the rookies without question. I wouldn't mind seeing Nash and Michaels taking La Resistance on for the titles at SummerSlam either.
7) The Cruiserweight Division: Never, not even during the height of Nitro's cruiser explosion, have I ever seen an American promotion give as much respect to the cruisers as the Smackdown brand has been doing for the last several weeks. Rey Mysterio is one of the most popular men in wrestling and finally being treated as so and in Ultimo Dragon, WWE has another legend with which to build the division around. When these two men finally meet, I have a feeling WWE still stick it very, very high on the SummerSlam card and promote it like one of the two or three most important matches from the Smackdown roster.
Besides these two cornerstones of the division, World Wrestling Entertainment treated Billy Kidman as a star last Thursday, interviewing him in the crowd and showing shots of his reactions all evening. The subtle contempt he showed when Rey Mysterio raised The Ultimo Dragon's hand was a great foreshadowing of Billy Kidman's heel turn. It wasn't dwelled on by the announcers, Kidman didn't hit the ring and lay out both men and the segment showed the kind of slow build and gradual storytelling that Smackdown hopefully seems to be striving for.
When Jaime Noble was being trained in the elite class in Ohio Valley Wrestling that produced Brock Lesnar, John Cena, Dave Batista, Randy Orton and Team Angle, most analysts referred to him as the best all around prospect in the WWE developmental system. After a hot debut and entertaining pairing with Nidia, Noble fell of the face of the earth. Now, it appears as though Noble is being pushed as well with a new storyline involving a big inheritance which should likely introduce him back into the cruiser division with a bang. With Spanky, Tajiri, Nunzio, Funaki and a Matt Hardy coached Shannon Moore filling out the roster, the division should be a highlight of Smackdown for many weeks to come. Now if only WWE would drop A-Train, Bill DeMott and Crash Holly and bring in a few X-division stars, we could be looking at a very intriguing not to mention profitable division.
8) The Women's Division: For the second consecutive week, a women's match did not occur on Raw. While I am certifiably in love with Victoria, the division had just become awful to watch with only five females who have all locked up at least a dozen times with each other over the course of the year. With Gail Kim receiving a nice hype for her debut and Lita extremely close to returning, the division is about to heat up big time and a temporary break for fans to recharge their interest in the division is just what the doctor ordered.
9) Zach Gowen: Don't get me wrong, Vince McMahon is a truly deranged human being. When the giddy, babyface loving color-commentator double crossed Bret Hart and turned in to the diabolical "Mr. McMahon", I think a switch inside of him may have been permanently shifted into the wrong position. After a horrible interview on HBO several nights ago in which Vince behaved like a total psycho, I don't know how stockholders who aren't fans of the sport can trust their money in such hands.
With that said, I think Vince McMahon is dead on with his treatment of Zach Gowen thus far. Rather than treating him like a charity case, WWE has spent the last month putting together segments that show just how much Gowen wants a chance to wrestle. Vince allowed Gowen to tear him apart in the Garden and Zach did just that with confidence that simply shouldn't exist within a scrawny one legged wrestler taking the mic in the worlds most famous arena. When it finally does happen, Gowen's first match will be an event rather than an exhibition and I think it should probably be one of the most inspiring Smackdown moments ever.
10) John Cena: Speaking of confidence, John Cena OWNED the Garden on the microphone Thursday evening. New Yorkers are some of the smartest sports fans in the country and they ate Cena up with a spoon. John is so laid back and confident on the mic and always improving in the ring so who knows, maybe John Cena will be the only one NOT suprised when he does headline Wrestlemania XX.
411Mania Public Service Announcement:
This has been a public service announcement of the
411Mania News-Center.
A Plug, A Plug, My Kingcone for a Plug:
Dino "She'll never know the engagement ring I gave her is actually cubic" Zucconi is back once again and you better believe he's Marking His Motherfucking Territory. Dino hits us with a goodbye for a few weeks, but once the tears have all been shed, he slaps you, the ZUCCONIAC upside the head with some thoughts on the week that was. Give it a click Amos.
Joe "That's not a metal nipple on my dungarees, it's just a" Rivett is back once again and he's putting his hand in the circle with Jordan, Pippen, Rodman, Harper and Longley asking "WHAT TIME IS IT?"..."Time for a Take...WHOOOOO!". He's got thoughts on Bad Blood and you're literate, what a match! Check him out.
"Hey Jay, I love 411Mania and all, but sometimes I just get the uncontrollable urge to read even more quality wrestling columns while rubbing myself with moist butter."
It's ok, really, it happens to the best of us. The best remedy? Why, a visit to the Wrestling Oratory of course! Hit the store, pick up another tub of butter and then click away.
And finally, YOUR offsite plug of the week goes to Nik Johnson over at TheSmartMarks.com. Honestly, their aren't a whole lot of columnists that I read these days as 90% of them have a way of saying the exact same thing in the exact same way as everyone else. With that said I came across Nik a week or so ago and I think he's a damn fine new columnists and someone worth your time. So, at your leisure check out WWE vs The Internet.
Well there we have it, another edition of America's column in the books. As always, I hope you had just as much fun within the pages of the News-Center as I did and as always, I appreciate your company. I'll be back in two days with a huge preview of the RantWars Finals with special guest Flea. Until then, have a great Sunday and take it easy guys.
