Hey there and welcome back to yet another edition of the 411Mania News-Center, the column that packs more fluff than George "The Animal" Steel's turnbuckle lunch. I'm still Jay Bower and once again, I'll be tucking you into my marsupial type pouch as we hop through all the weekends breaking wrestling news. Now that sounds like fun doesn't it? "I'd rather die Jay...die a cold, lonely death!" you shout. Well, aren't you a moody little joey!
Whether you had a hot date with that girl from homeroom, kicked back a few club sodas with your buddies or just relaxed with a fresh stack for puro tapes from Hongo's Video Dojo, I hope you guys had a tremendous weekend as always. My weekend has been pretty hectic and pretty stressful, but then again how bad could it be if I still have time to slap you with a column roughly the size of the New Testament.
As if my week wasn't stressful enough as it was, I just found out that there are giant flesh eating lizards terrorizing my hometown area of Ft. Myers/Cape Coral Florida. No joke.
Well, we have a ton of ground to cover this weekend so let's not waste any more time on the little things. (John B. Haley holds a gun to my head). Uh, what I meant was let's not waste any more time on trivial matters. (John B Haley lowers the gun and offers me a delicious moon pie). Off we go lads and lassies...
RantWars Champion!
After weeks of nine weeks of qualifying, thousands upon thousands of votes cast and eight other finalists being eliminated, the RantWars Finals votes have been tallied and a winner has been chosen. This man, after leading votes almost every single week of RantWars competition, took home a resounding 83% of the vote en route to receiving a chance at a real column at 411Mania.
Ladies and gentleman, your RantWars winner... CHRIS SHARP!
Sometime in the near future, Chris will debut the premier edition of his column with his own column name. At the end of his debut, readers will have the opportunity to vote to make him a permanent member of the 411Mania staff! Majority rules. 51% of readers vote to keep him, he will be welcome to the family and likely beaten in. 49% vote to keep him, and the entire competition was for naught. I've got all the faith in the world in Chris and judging from voting patterns, Sharp has already earned quite a few fans so look for Sharp sometime soon. There is a lot of pressure on this one column, so we aren't going to rush YOUR RantWars champion! Congratulate Chris Sharp.
A huge thank you and congratulations to runner up Shane Harrison as well. Shane was also near the top of the voting each week and don't be surprised if you hear his name again someday in the not-so-distant future.
Bower's Bits
Last evening, Jeff Hardy made his Ring of Honor debut and much to the surprise of many, the former WWE superstar was nearly booed and heckled out of the building. According to reports by Eddie Burkett, fans began jeering loudly when they found out that Jeff's match was up next and chanted "you got fired", "Hogan's better" and even the painful "don't come back" before the unspectacular match mercifully ended. Considering his popularity with WWE fans and his former status as a damn good wrestler, this reception for Hardy shocked me.
On the other side of things, Paul London was given a hero's sendoff in his final Ring of Honor appearance with a huge ovation from the fans, streamers flying from the balconies and the entire locker room kneeling around him in the ring while he gave a farewell speech, prompting a long "thank you" chant from the Ring of Honor fans in Elizabeth, New Jersey.
Have you ever dreamed of spending two whole hours with Shawn Stasiak? That's precisely what you could do for the low starting bid of $699.00! Stasiak has become the latest professional wrestling star to whore himself out to the masses according to 1Wrestling.com. "Spend two hours with Shawn Stasiak in a personal appearance at your place of employment" says the ad. Imagine your boss's reaction when he walks in to the backroom of his Dairy Queen and sees a greased up Stasiak sitting in a drum of rainbow sherbert in pink tights accepting hundred dollar bill after hundred dollar bill from you! For those curious, the auction will have probably ended by the time you read this and as of press time, no bids have been made.
In the much ballyhoo about nothing department, Ticketmaster is listing a World Wrestling Entertainment event on January 1, 2004 as "WCW: World Championship Wrestling". Now the city in question is interesting as Georgia has always been a hometown of sorts for WCW and it would be a great place to bring the promotion back. However, because Georgia has always shared a bed with WCW, it is also quite possible that some out-of-touch hillbilly simply reported the event to Ticketmaster incorrectly. A quick look at Canada Raw house show results shows that the name change may be in the works as WWE slowly begins to get fans used to not seeing any of their favorite wrestlers when WWE comes to their town live! When we caught up with Jim Ross, he said he was looking forward to seeing Villano VI and Lash Leroux in house show main events in the very near future.
According to the Pro-Wrestling Torch Newsletter, Hulk Hogan and Jimmy Hart are considering restarting the XWF with financial backing from Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban. The blueprint being discussed would see a lucha style promotion based out of the Southwest where they can tap in to the valuable Hispanic fanbase that has been around as long as west coast wrestling. Ever the savvy business man, The Hulkster has put Ed Leslie , John Tenta and the Bushwackers on a strict diet of chimichangas and salsa and they will be fitted for their colorful masks later this week. Hogan, in possession of full creative control, is also spending a good deal of time developing the costume for the character he will portray, Jesus Sr.
During the latest edition of the WWE "Byte This" internet radio show, Billy Kidman stopped by the studio and discussed his comeback. According to reports of the show, Billy Kidman claimed that he thought Brock Lesnar was disrespectful for "stealing" his move, the Shooting Star Press, and using it at Wrestlemania. While I'm not 100% certain, I don't believe that Billy Kidman invented the move and if I were a betting man, I would guess that it had it's roots in Japan or Mexico. Whether Kidman was simply "in character" remains unknown.
While Lesnar may be a move-stealer in Billy Kidman's eyes, "The Next Big Thing" is no stranger when it comes to crying trademark infringement. When Nathan Jones debuted, Lesnar was very unhappy that the big Australian was leaping up to the ring from the floor, a move actually made popular by Sid Vicious and lifted by Lesnar. Brock Lesnar, if you remember, used to use the very impressive double-powerbomb, a vicious move first used in World Wrestling Entertainment by Chris Jericho. Chris Jericho likely picked the move up while in Japan or while working a much different style in ECW, a company that also employed Perry Saturn. Speaking of Perry Saturn, Tazz was an unhappy camper when Perry Saturn debuted as Tazz felt as though Saturn was stealing his trademark suplexes. Speaking of the suplex, Kurt Angle has used his God-like status to largely avoid being criticized for using the Rolling German suplexes, a combination popularized by Chris Benoit who he himself lifted a large part of his moveset from Tom "Dynamite Kid" Billington.
When 411Mania News-Center correspondent The Bully cornered Scott Steiner and asked him what he made of this situation, the Big Bad Booty Thrilla shrugged and said "Don't look at me, I don't even know any moves". Nathan Jones butted in, adding "I just want whoever took my toys to give them back". More as it develops.
Free lawsuits for the first 500 fans to order Vengeance.
If you think World Wrestling Entertainment has been too busy botching promotional posters and mediating move-ownership squabbles backstage to worry about the important things, well rest assured that the WWE is still focused on you, the WWE fan. Do you run a fan site? Perhaps a message board? A news page with all of the latest stories? Perhaps a site that keeps fans informed of what they may have missed if they couldn't catch Raw? Well, WWE has finally started paying attention to the annoying internet fanbase and you may actually be contacted by a high ranking WWE official... when they decide to SUE YOU!
Friday morning, World Wrestling Entertainment dropped a lawsuit on ProWrestlingScoops.com for exploiting what World Wrestling Entertainment referred to as "numerous trademarks and copyrighted works". The lawsuit goes on to claim that the URL, ProWrestlingScoops, impedes on WWE trademark rights which makes absolutely no sense to me either. WWE lawyers demanded that the site be pulled from the internet and the domain remain inactive.
Lawyers called the following acts copyright infringement:
- Live or delayed play-by-play or recaps of WWE programming.
- Images of WWE superstars or links to articles on WWE.com.
- The WWE logo.
- Live or delayed coverage of Vengeance. (which the website was promoting)
In closing, WWE lawyers asked the owners of the site to shut it down in an effort to "control" internet websites.
While I am not a copyright lawyer, I just can't fathom how recaps of WWE events are trademark infringements. It's simply news being reported. Miramax doesn't sue the Internet Movie Database for posting movie synopsis and InDemand doesn't sue ESPN for hiring live in-studio coverage of major boxing matches. It just seems like WWE is making an attempt to bully its biggest fans and the realization that we --the WWE's safety net who will watch when times are good or bad --are not only unwanted, but attacked so often by it's employees makes me want to stop watching all together sometimes. We keep pay-per-view revenue steady when times are bad, we tune in to shows like Heat that no one else cares about and no matter how much of a slump the company is in, we are the 3,000 fans who show up when WWE comes to our local arena. In return, wrestlers bad mouth and generalize us at every opportunity and WWE as a whole attacks us whenever possible. We're the battered spouse in this abusive relationship, giving all the revenue and taking all the shit, and sadly I don't think any of us are going anywhere.
The owner of the website didn't back down and in fact posted a scathing response, tearing the flimsy argument to shreds. I was completely in support of the argument until it ended with the most cliché line in internet wrestling. It's still pretty damn funny though considering they know for a fact WWE will be reading it. "Before we end this, we ask WWE one final question - Why not spend money on hiring a decent group of writers to write your product instead of hiring lawyers to sue websites who report the real facts that WWE doesn't want you to see?"
Way to stand up for yourselves guys, you're making the rest of the IWC proud.
World Wrestling Entertainment Inc™: Don't support us too much...we might just sue you!®
The Bower N' Burgan Cartoon Showcase
Last week, the 411Mania News-Center debuted a new feature, "The Bower N' Burgan Cartoon Showcase". In six short days, cartoon-mania has swept the internet. Bruce Mitchell, Wade Keller, and even Dave Meltzer are ordering dozens of cartoons for their newsletters to avoid falling behind the times. Readers have spoken, and cartoons it is that they love! Scrolling through rants, Torch VIP emails and other news updates, they shout in unison "Wow...great column...BUT WHERE ARE THE CARTOONS?".
Well, leave it to the internets favorite cross-site tag team --Derek Burgan of the ProWrestlingTorch and Jay Bower of 411Mania -- to deliver to you what you crave...a warm Sunday brunch of cartoon soufflé with extra funny sauce! Happy days are here again!
Derek is up first and because of the same page constraint problems that reared their ugly heads last week, you might need to click the appropriate resizing hyperlink in order to see DB's text bubbles in all of their hilarious glory. Take it away Derek!
Which unexpected wrestling personality will author another
popular comic strip?
Tune in next week...
Same Burgan time,
Same Bower channel .
Poster Poster, who's on the poster.
In a good indication as to what Vince McMahon thinks is the key to strong business, the SummerSlam promotional poster was recently released. What does the poster for arguably the second biggest pay-per-view of the year bear? Triple H and Bill Goldberg exchanging ice cold glares with the words "history will be made..." embedded in the background? Brock Lesnar and Kurt Angle standing side by side with the line "The first match nearly killed them...but they want more! Angle / Lesnar II!"? How about a photo of a blurry one-legged Zach Gowen perched atop the top rope of a WWE ring with the caption "WWE presents SummerSlam ...Where dreams become realities". Don't you think THAT would be the ideal poster to use in order to lure old fans into actually shelling out 30 clams for a pay-per-view as well as garnering exposure for one of the most amazing athletes in all of sports in countless trade magazines, cablevision mailers and television guides? How about something, anything that got across the point that a dual-brand pay-per-view was a huge deal? Surely the poster would say "The Raw and Smackdown Brands Present WWE SummerSlam"? Wouldn't it?
Well, if you thought WWE would use any of these ideas, you my friend are dead wrong! Let's take a look at the poster WWE opted for...
Aside from the fact that Sable has surprisingly perky jugs for a sixty year old woman, this poster tells the casual fan absolutely NOTHING about the event or why they should order the pay-per-view. If merely glanced at by a non-wrestling fan, one wouldn't even think that this "SummerSlam" they speak of was a wrestling event at all.
We here at the 411Mania News-Center wanted to get to the bottom of this, so we sent correspondent Greg Gagne to Titan Towers to speak with Vince McMahon himself. When asked why Sable of all people was featured on the poster, McMahon cackled and replied, "Because I was too busy that day to pose myself". When Greg asked Vince McMahon what his prior engagement was, he replied "Teaching my ass a new trick".
Bower On...
Zach Gowen: Although the fickle base of smart fans were singing the praises of Zach Gowen as recently as two weeks ago, it seems as though the internet has completely turned on Zach Gowen, claiming him to be horrible for Smackdown! and the sport in general since he received scattered boos from the Toronto crowd on Smackdown two weeks ago while signing his contract. I've got two words for the kids who are saying this: Fuck Off.
Gowen did not receive boos during his contract signing because he isn't over, he was booed because the walking embarrassment known as Stephanie McMahon brought him to the ring as though he was a retarded foster child who had just successfully recited the alphabet for the first time. When Stephanie --in full obnoxious, overbearing babyface (in her own mind) mode -- tried to prompt the fans to cheer for Gowen in her flinty high pitched voice, the result was a rebellion of a smarter-than-normal city who didn't want to endorse anything associated with Stephanie. Gowen's "You people are my hero's" spiel didn't help as that gimmick never gets over, but for the most part Gowen has been met with overwhelming amazement and ovation from fans since his arrival in World Wrestling Entertainment.
Maybe Gowen doesn't belong in the main event slot so soon, but don't take it out on him, take it out on Hulk Hogan. Gowen was originally placed in such a high profile spot so that he could work on and off screen with his real life inspiration, Hulk Hogan. However, leave it to the "Hulkster" to dart on his fans an kid with cancer who's life he may have very well saved because the payoff for his match at Wrestlemania was a mere $400,000. Because Hogan left in disgust after being paid the equivalent of ten years salary for the average person for a mediocre twenty minute match, Gowen was left in the main event alone. Bitch and moan all you want about his high profile match with Vince McMahon at Vengeance, but I would advise you to harness all of that negativity towards something worthwhile, like Stephanie vs. Sable. Gowen probably didn't know he would be main-eventing against the most influential man in American wrestling history a mere two months after debuting, but as he has with the rest of his life, he's going to do his damndest to make lemonade out of life's lemons.
When Vengeance is over with, Gowen will likely be demoted to the tag or cruiser division where he will provide a tremendous boost no matter what role he is given. As those of you who have seen his better TNA performances know, Gowen hasn't shown WWE fans 90% of his bag of tricks yet. You may be one of these kids on the message boards saying "Fuck the cripple, I don't want to see him". Fine, you do a moonsault with TWO legs and maybe I'll listen. However, it's no secret that thousands upon thousands of kids who are beat up, handicapped or outcast by society in general need someone to look up to. Just like these kids, Zach Gowen doesn't have super human muscles or any other qualities possessed by the average professional wrestler. However, he doesn't need them to hold his own with the biggest bullies in World Wrestling Entertainment. Some may say it's unrealistic for Gowen to not back down from The Big Show. I've got news for you, Gowen looked in to the eyes of death and defeated it, I think that would make a giant goof in a one piece bathing suit look a little bit less intimidating.
In closing, I like Zach Gowen, he has proven himself to be capable of hanging with opponents of his size in the ring and I'll take someone who genuinely loves what he is doing and can do it well over Billy Gunn, Rikishi, Bill Demott, the APA or Mark Henry any day of the week.
John Cena: While many of us have been pegging John Cena as the future of wrestling since he signed a developmental contract with World Wrestling Entertainment, John Cena officially became the hottest man in wrestling last Thursday evening on Smackdown. John Cena delivered one of the best taped promos that I have personally ever seen, rhyming in a graveyard about how phony the Taker's gimmick is, questioning his sexual relationship with Paul Bearer and selling the match ten times better than the Undertaker beating up Cena and five of his friends at once could ever do. As if this wasn't enough, John Cena hit the ring with Vince McMahon later in the night and nailed the best live promo of the evening as well, even overshadowing the boss himself. You can just feel the live crowds starting to turn John Cena face as he's young and has a character that the youth of today can associate with.
John Cena is so hot right now that I couldn't possibly imagine WWE being foolish enough to job him to Nearly-Dead Man Hobbling no matter how down with the kids The Undertaker may think that he is. Word coming out of almost every circle as that the Undertaker likely won't sell or give much offense to a wrestler with as little tenure as Cena. If this really is the case, The Undertaker needs to get over himself and realize that he is an actor and that wrestling ISN'T real. Burying the future of the company because you don't feel as though he has earned your respect is not only putting yourself ahead of the company, but horrible business and total immaturity in my opinion. I guess I'm really in no position to comment however seeing as though I am just a six year old on my parents computer and have never stepped in the ring or been raped by Bradshaw.
A Plug a Plug, My Kingcone for a Plug:
Why check out the Mania? Because BITCHES GOTSTA KNOW! One guy who does know is one half of the world famous Biscuit Brothers, Chris Biscuiti. While you might think that there is nothing that could possibly be more worthless than pennies, Counterfeit Pennies takes the title. That is, the fake coins, not the column. In fact, the column is worth it's weight in gold so give it a read and I must just toss you some bullion. Chris discusses the greatest gimmick matches of all time. Chris is dead on and entertaining as always go check it out.
Raywat Deonandan...how you pronounce his name I have absolutely NO idea, but I'm guessing Ray-wut Dee-on-and-an. It really doesn't matter how his name is pronounced though, because his newest column tells us precisely who he is...a darn fine writer! Check it out, No Gimmick Required for entry.
"Jay...Jay my hands, THEY BURN, what's going on?" you scream as your keyboard begins to smoke. Well it turns out that Daniels is just TOO HOT! Check out the hotline, BROTHER.
Have you been the Wrestling Oratory lately? If you haven't you have missed some damn good content including Samir's "Don't Blame Montreal", another edition of the Oratory Raw Review including my weekly thoughts and my main man John Tyler's look at the greatest WWF feud of all time in my opinion, Randy Savage vs. Hulk Hogan. Also, look for the HUGE group column where myself and a slew of your other Oratory favorites discuss our favorite title matches and moments. The Oratory, can't live with it, can't live without it.
And finally, those darn kids over at TheSmartMarks.com have a great week of content for you including a DVD review from Nik Johnson, another edition of The Booking Report from RetroRob, O.R. Polk telling us the Highspot(s) of Avalon, JHawk on scene for UWF and The Dames himself trying to make sense of the Kane storyline. Go Go Go!
8.1.03 - The Bower & Anderson Connection Returns
Only at Scotsmanality.com
Well there you have it, one more agonizing week of the News-Center in the books. Thanks as always for spending some time with me this Sunday, it's appreciated. I may or may not be in next week with a new edition of the 411Mania News-Center, but if I was a betting man I would guess probably not. I am helping my roommate move three hours north to Georgia next Friday, a friend is coming up on Saturday for her birthday and Sunday we're going to the Warped Tour in Jacksonville, Florida, so spare time this coming weekend is looking to be nonexistent. However, I'll try to slap together something with some old classics and maybe a new issue of Playing The Game or something ahead of time so keep an eye out for that. Until next time, take it easy and for Christ sake, watch out for the lizard men.
