411Mania News-Center! 08.10.03
Posted by Jay Bower on 08.10.2003
WWE/OVW part ways, Rob Black, Hogan, Cartoons, Savage, Potatoin' + tons more. It's Sunday, come on in!
The 411Mania News-Center
~08.10.03~
With: Jay Bower
Hey there and welcome back to yet ANOTHER edition of The 411Mania News-Center, the column so painstakingly long and involved that it could only be written by a man with absolutely nothing else on his social platter. I'm Jay Bower, the loser in question, and once again I will be leading you through all of the weekends latest news. We've got an absolute ton of it as well this week so thanks for joining me.
It's been a long, dull week in Tallahassee, Florida as the summer semester is over and the kids are leaving town like neighboring dancers when old hot-steps Bower walks on the floor. With nobody in town, including my two roomates, I have been spending the time watching some great Indy videos readers have been sending me. I have absolutely become smitten with Ring of Honor as of late so thanks to those who have been sending the footage and a big thank you to my main man Albert who hooked me up with a phenomenal A.J. Styles Comp that I have been watching non-stop. While most hormone driven young men like myself lay their heads to sleep each night while day dreaming about spending a romantic evening with that special crush in their lives, I have been grinning from ear to ear in bed imagining Low-Ki showing up on Raw and giving The H-Man the Ki-Krusher. I've also been watching enough reruns of Charles In Charge to know that I now take the fairly unpopular stance of enjoying the Pembroke family much more than the Powells. Flame away.
A HUGE thank you to those of you who continue to witness The Bower & Anderson Connection takeover at Scotsmanality, it really has been a crazy week of All Bower, Anderson and Baisden in an area where we are about as welcome as a sexually transmitted disease. By all means give it a look, you won't be disappointed.
Well, now that we have all of that nonsense out of the way, who's ready to get down to the sweet treasure of this column...all of the latest wrestling news! Well then, move ahead we shall. Off we go...
Bower's Bits:
In what has to be the biggest story of the weekend, it appears as though World Wrestling Entertainment's long standing relationship with Ohio Valley Wrestling may be coming to a close soon due to irreconcilable differences between Jim Cornette and Vince McMahon. Problems have been constant between the two with Cornette's grassroots approach to wrestling clashing with Vince McMahon's vision for the future of the sport. Cornette has been responsible for giving World Wrestling Entertainment by far it's greatest class of developmental rookies ever in John Cena, Randy Orton, Dave Batista, Shelton Benjamin, Charlie Hass, Brock Lesnar, Rene Dupree, Rodney Mack, Victoria, Jamie Noble, Danny Basham and Doug Basham. Every single one of these stars has made a big impact on wrestling and in my opinion are the sole reason that World Wrestling Entertainment isn't in much deeper trouble than it is right now, yet Vince McMahon and WWE continue to cut the developmental budget and criticize Cornette despite the fact that he is turning out better weekly television than WWE according to many.
World Wrestling entertainment is apparently ready to pull out of the Ohio Valley and relocate their developmental program to the New England area where it would be closer to WWE offices and visits by WWE staff members to the territory would be much easier. While the decision isn't set in stone as of yet, World Wrestling Entertainment needs Jim Cornette a lot more than he needs them so here's to hoping some kind of a compromise can be reached. (Credit: The Pro-Wrestling Torch Newsletter, subscribe here )
According to IGN.com, Hulk Hogan has been removed from the upcoming WWE Smackdown: Here Comes The Pain title for Playstation 2 according to PwTorch.com. Mr. America and Hogan's 80's persona were supposed to be included in the October release, but for undisclosed reasons he was taken out of the game. 411Mania News-Center sources within THQ inform us that after personally testing the game, Hogan was irate at not being the only playable wrestler in the game and snarled that he didn't want to be "just another video game character". Hogan also apparently stormed out of the THQ offices after he competed at Wrestlemania in career mode and money didn't come shooting out of the controller sockets. More as it develops.
In other Hulk Hogan news, The Hulkster reportedly appeared on the Bubba the Love Sponge radio show earlier this week according to the ProWrestlingTorch. Hogan claimed to have a national farewell tour in the works in conjunction with Clear Channel, the media giant that owns just about every radio station in the country. Reportedly an eight figure deal, Hogan billed it as a series of "feel good events that he felt the fans deserved". In other news, Ed Leslie, The Barbarian and John Tenta have reportedly moved out of their local homeless shelters.
The UPN has recently been the subject of criticism by media outlets and for once it's not due to their horrible original programming. The United Paramount Network plans to debut it's new series The Mullets on September 11th to take advantage of the lack of competition from other *real* networks who will be showing news coverage. The final thirty minutes of WWE Smackdown! will be preempted in order to lure what they perceive as the mullet adorned white trash Smackdown audience into watching some of their own kind in a hilarious comedy about being dirt poor, classless rasslin' fans! The mullet itself stopped being a funny punchline two years ago when it came out of the skateparks and every peanuthead on the streets started giggling hysterically saying "Business in the front...party in the back" as though it were the wittiest joke in the world. This series appears to be in contention to possibly take the throne from "Homeboys in Outer Space" as the worst UPN show ever contrived and THAT'S scary. The cross promotion has been heavy between World Wrestling Entertainment as of late with "The Mullets" appearing on Raw as though they were real people, thankfully either getting booed heavily or ignored usually. Commercials for The Mullets have also been airing in which they are given Wrestlemania tickets to which they respond "RIGHTEOUS! 'Rasslemania tickets!" in a scene that appears to be scripted by a sixty year old man who just watched Wayne's World for the first time. UPN: Insulting the fanbase of the only show that keeps them in business since 2003!
In the YOU CAN'T KILL AL WILSON department, the official WWE website has had some problems with the character of Al Wilson popping up on the SmackDown site recently and the problem varies between old and new pages. Al Wilson was also present at his daughter's wedding last month according to the Pro-Wrestling Torch Newletter. When 411Mania News-Center correspondent The Bully caught up with Vince McMahon, he cackled and said "The old coot just won't die! HAHAHAHA". When The Bully later ran into Verne Gagne and Arn Anderson and asked them about Al, they flashed each other the universal kayfabe hand signal, got spooky eyes and asked The Bully if he believed in ghosts. More as it develops.
For those who didn't notice, referee Charles Robinson made the X signal to the back at the end of the Raw match between Rene Dupree and Bubba Dudley this past week on Raw to signal for help according to RajahWWF.com as Dupree had suffered a large cut on the top of his head from a flagpole shot. Though camera's stopped rolling, 411Mania News-Center groupies in attendance tell us that when paramedics hit the ring Robinson looked at them perplexedly before continuing to read his weekly Straightedge 'zine. Let the records show that I may be the only one on the internet who called the flag laceration legit. Gifts of fruit and cake can be sent here. The Dudleyz almost didn't get the SummerSlam program with La Resistance as they were being punished for hurting too many opponents, but when Brian Gewirtz called Vince McMahon and said "Uh, Vince...I was doing some research and it turns out we only have two tag teams" the decision was made to go ahead with the feud. No word as to what, if any, the punishment will be for D'von potatoing the WWE's golden boy Rene Dupree, but being locked in an empty room with nothing but a video of last week's Raw would be a good start.
The internet is in uproar over recent local advertising running for SummerSlam that promotes Undertaker vs. A-Train as a part of the card. I too was skeptical when I heard that this match would be occurring on the second biggest event of the year, but after digging deeper I discovered that this match would NOT be part of the SummerSlam card. As it turns out, a hyphen was unintentionally added to the local press release and The Undertaker will actually be squaring off with a TRAIN at SummerSlam. Look for the Undertaker to no-sell being run down by the locomotive at 80 miles per hour before derailing and pinning the caboose. Kudos to the Undertaker for having John Cena pinned once, lifting his shoulder and then going on to kick out of his finisher and cleanly pin him after Cena used a foreign object throughout the high profile pay-per-view match. The Undertaker sure made Cena a star when he put him over after heavy interference from Albert in the middle of Smackdown though! I know World Wrestling Entertainment likes this 1-for-1 one booking that ensures everyone simply treads water but a pay-per-view win means ten times as much than a television win in my opinion and neither of them particularly mean anything positive for Cena as he had to resort to interference and foreign objects to get the upper hand in both. A decade of destruction indeed. (Enter Scott Keith) "I love shoot comments that aren't meant to be shoot comments". (Exit Scott Keith)
WWE is now Hiring play-by-play announcers according to an ad recently placed on Hotjobs.com. Hold on little Timmy! I'm sure your geocities "GrappleRants" are simply magnificent, but 1 to 3 years of broadcast experience is required for the position. Applicants should have very little knowledge of professional wrestling holds and history, be efficient at hopelessly mispronouncing even the simplest of words, very good at saying "yes" and should also be flame-retardant. Goofy headwear recommended but not mandatory for the Raw position.
WWE Smackdown wrestlers are reportedly livid at the payouts that they received for their recent overseas tour of Europe. Most expected the usual high payoffs that came with overseas trips where business isn't as overexposed, but according to the Pro-Wrestling Torch Newsletter this wasn't the case. When 411Mania News-Center correspondent caught up with one Smackdown superstar and asked about the payoff, he said "The payoff was just peanuts". Frowning, I asked the wrestler exactly how much the payoff was. "Peanuts, the payoff was a few tins of actual PEANUTS" replied the wrestler who wished to remain anonymous. When we reached Vince McMahon for comment, he grinned and said "Cashews, Pecans, Pistachios...Who doesn't go NUTS for peanuts!". McMahon cackled and concluded "I like to eat the crowns!".
According to the Wrestling Observer Newsletter, BG James, Ron Killings and Konnan of the Three Live Crew faction recently found themselves in the middle of some danger when they decided to go into a rough neighborhood to film a vignette. The group was met by locals who threatened them, thinking that they were part of a television show looking to get them into trouble. According to 411Mania News-Center reader and crack supplier to that area Down-lo, tensions soon eased when Killings and BG James began nervously humming the chorus to "Gettin' Rowdy" while James did his trademark chicken dance.
While no word has been given as to when the match will occur, Chris Jericho is tentatively scheduled to meet Kevin Nash in a hair vs. hair match as soon as he is physically able. While the match would be best served as a pay-per-view draw, WWE doesn't want to end it's streak of throwing away money so the match will likely occur in Raw in the near future. In a potential spoiler, Kevin Nash has accepted a movie role that will require him cutting his hair, so look for Jericho to likely go over.
In other hair related news, the planned Raven vs. CM Punk Ring of Honor in match in which the loser will have his head shaved is no longer a hair vs. hair match. NWA:TNA had some sort of objection to these stipulations for the September 6th match and as a result, it will remain simply a routine steel cage match. In order to prevent a backlash against what fans could see as false advertising, 411Mania News-Center informants tell us that Ring of Honor may have Raven and CM Punk begin coming to the ring with rabbits, making the September 6th encounter a hare vs. hare bought and hoping no one notices. That's September 6th, bring carrots.
World Wrestling Entertainment has narrowed their ongoing Diva Search down to eight remaining women who will be voted down to four on August 11th and then go on to SummerSlam in attempt to win a WWE magazine photo spread and possibly even a WWE contract. The elite eight can be seen here. My money is on #1, #3, #4 and #7.
Last evening on Velocity, Bradshaw was intent on proving that Shelton Bejanamin and Linda "Shaniqua" Miles were the same person. Farooq insisted that they couldn't be one in the same as Miles has breasts and Shelton can't because of his gender. Bradshaw replied "So did Dusty Rhodes and he was a guy". I laughed.
ADVERTISEMENT
The Three Part Series That Will Change Your Life Forever...
Click Here to experience The Bower & Anderson Connection.
Rob Black in Hot Water:
"I want to go on record and say that Jay Bower is a douche bag. And let me tell you something, Jay Bower. Your mother sucks cunt. That's what your mother does. She sucks cunt. He said I'm a psychologically twisted individual. So Jay Bower, your mother sucks cunts. And your dad- when you're not around- when he's supposed to be at work, he's down he at our office getting fucked up his ass by six black guys pumping cum up your father's ass."
Rob Black
January 2002.
Pornography truly is a seedy business and it could be argued that those in the darkest shadows of the industry are just as dangerous as narcotics traffickers and other underworld figures. A glimpse through federal research and other accounts shows a scene of deception, violence and millions of dollars at stake.
At the heart of this mess is Rob Black, one of the most infamous kingpins of the adult entertainment industry. On Friday, Rob Black (Robert Zicari) and his wife Lizzie Borden (Janet Romano) were indicted on charges that could see them spending up to fifty years in prison and fined as much as 5 million dollars.
Rob Black, who runs the California based ECW knock-off Xtreme Professional Wrestling, is a man who makes the evil Mr. McMahon character look like Mother Theresa. With allegations linked to his name covering every major type of crime considerable, Black truly is a frightening man. Amongst the most noteworthy recent actions include:
- Ordering an attack on former XPW wrestler The Messiah. Soon after leaving XPW and after reportedly having a torrid affair with Rob's wife Lizzie Borden, two giant men showed up at Messiah's apartment and cut off one of his thumbs with gardening sheers. The assailants attempted to bound his hands together before cutting off his thumbs but Messiah resisted before the men broke a fish tank over his head. The two men tugged at his pants and attempted repeatedly to cut off his penis, but Messiah's struggle caused such commotion that the men reportedly fled the scene before authorities could arrive. While Black was never able to be linked by the crime by authorities, the circumstances of the personal, non-robbery driven attack in which his penis was targeted lead almost everyone including America's Most Wanted to wonder if Black was somehow related to the attack.
- After "Kid Vegas" of Lukeford.com continuously made negative remarks about Rob Black's Extreme Associates, Rob told him that he would soon be "finding himself in a bag" if he wasn't careful. That night Black's camp tracked down Kid Vegas's real identity and location and left a threatening note on his car in the parking lot while he slept.
- Shooting an adult film in South America and accidentally using the wife of a famous Brazilian drug lord in a particularly crass scene. When the underworld boss saw his wife on a box in an adult store, he put 34 bullets in the body of the store owner and according to rumor, a bounty on Rob Black's head.
- Taking improper safety precautions and allowing his wrestlers to put their lives on the line in XPW shows, resulting in one wrestler nearly burning alive when he caught fire and the other falling from a thirty five foot scaffold and landing on his head. Both men were lucky to live, but within 24 hours of the event video with tales of how "Extreme" the company was were posted on the XPW website.
The list literally goes on and on with Black's offices being raided by the FBI recently and California officials looking for any opportunity necessary to throw the book at him. Two days ago, federal authorities got their chance. Catching Black transporting videos from California to Pennsylvania, The U.S. Postal Inspections Service claimed to have made payment to Black and Borden six times for pornography that violated obscenity laws to transport via mail or the Internet across state borders.
Black and Borden now face a ten charge indictment and must appear in court on August 27th in a case that could see them sent to prison for as many as 50 years. Both remain free but have surrendered their passports to authorities.
The material Black destributed is described as "extremely violent, graphic, brutal and degrading to women". Young adults depicting themselves as children are beaten, raped and eventually murdered in "Snuff" like fashion during the course of the film. While the film comes with heavy warning explaining the fact that it is just a movie, the level of realism in Extreme Associates "work" is reportedly so intense that a PBS film crew recently walked off of the set while filming a documentary recently. While very, very few or no real snuff films exist depending on who you ask (Though one would think with the number of psychotic people in this world at least one is bound to exist), the Federal Obscenity Law prohibits the state-to-state transaction of pornography depicting rape, murder, torture, abuse and using the restroom on another individual. How any...and The Bower means ANY of this could sexually stimulate anyone is beyond me, but I know that if you masturbate to someone else being raped and killed you are a sick piece of shit who I would classify as a danger to society without question.
Humorously enough, federal obscenity law related persecutions fell a remarkable EIGHTY-SIX percent during the Clinton administration and the law is usually used now in very random and selected instances. Black and Borden aren't backing down however, once again using negative publicity as a manor of promotion. The five videos that were shipped illegally are now being sold as a bundle called "The Federal Five" at discount rates.
While I am certainly no fan of Rob Black, 50 years in prison seems a little steep if this the only crime that they are able to convict him of. I'm sure this is just the beginning of what's to come in this saga and we will keep you up to date every step of the way.
The Bower N' Burgan Cartoon Showcase
It has been a long demanding week for our heroes since the last edition of the showcase! With pillows clenched tightly over their heads, Jay and Derek couldn't even sleep last evening as the loud chants filled the air. What were these dastardly disruptors demanding? CARTOONS!
Cartoonmania has swept the nation with vendors, landlords and the IRS no longer accepting standard currency. "We don't want cash, we want CARTOONS" they shout! And as the demand increases, our heroes find themselves working around the clock to once again save the day through thick black edges and witty rhetoric! In fact, Derek no longer had room for his cartoons in his hideout and had to resort to moving them all to his brand new website, Gumgod.com!
Enough with the delay though, it isn't words you want. It isn't wrestling news or star ratings either. It is CARTOONS that you demand, so cartoons you shall receive thanks to our unlikely heroes Derek Burgan and Jay Bower!
Will your split side ever recover in time for next week's cartoons?
Will the world as we know it cease to be if something
happens to our heroes?
Will That Slippery Paul ever shed his skin?
Will Derek Burgan's cartoons alone eventually turn him into
the RULER OF THE WORLD?
Tune in next week...
Same Burgan time,
Same Bower channel!
That's a Rap:
John Cena and "The Macho Man" Randy Savage both have rap albums due out in the future and I'll give you one guess as to which one is going to be good. Cena, who has already recorded a few rough tracks for fun including his incredible theme song, might not come out with a platinum album, but I have a feeling quite a few people will buy it and he'll put out a pretty solid album considering he has been a student of the game for nearly a decade.
On the other hand, Randy Savage's album --which is tentatively called "Be a Man" will likely be amongst the worst wrestling related music ever recorded. You have to hand it to Randy Savage, he is putting his all behind this project and sounds to be working extremely hard, but it's hard enough for a white rapper to be accepted by the genre's fans, let alone a fifty-five year old with the world's gruffest voice. Savage isn't listening to critics however and plans on taking the show on the road with a band that he has been closely working with.
The album, coming out on Indy label Big3 Records, should be distributed widely according to Macho Man and his website MachoMan.com had the following statement on the matter:
"Be A Man" is one of the new singles from the Macho Man soon to be released CD. The song, even though a challenge to Hulk Hogan, looks to be a hit. A source that asked not to be named, has given us exclusive information with regards to the soon to be released CD. "This CD is packed with songs that are destined to be hits", stated the source. "With songs like, "Be A Man", "RU Ready", "It's A Macho Thang", and the in your face song, "Remember Me", this CD is sure to make a lot of waves in the music industry."
A source close to the Macho Man camp, told us "Macho Man paved a path in the wading pool of wrestling, now it's time for him to make bigger waves in the musical pool. And I just feel sorry for anyone that gets caught in the undertow."
Yikes. As I said, best of luck to Randy as there is no need to hate on anything trying to broaden their scope, but I have a feeling that the inevitable face off between Randy and Hogan will not be in regards to who was the bigger name in wrestling, but who put out the worst album ever green lighted. Here's to hoping Randy comes with enough firepower to not defeat "Hulk Hogan & The Wrestling Boot Band" (truly one of the most hysterical albums I have ever heard) for the dubious distinction.
A Plug, a Plug, My Kingcone for a Plug:
Plug of the Week: Have you crazy mothers checked out the Top 50 U.S. Based Wrestlers of 2002/2003 by my main man Ross Williams yet? Williams and Iain Burnside spent weeks painstakingly debating the rankings and it's one of the biggest columns to hit the site all summer. By all means if you haven't checked it out yet, do it NOW!
Though I hear he is about as popular around the schoolyard as the West Nile Virus, John B. Haley is quickly building a cult following here at the Mania if you aren't on board yet, you might want to think about checking him out before you get labeled a bandwagon jumper.
I was rapping with Elliot Smilowitz from 411Music the other day and told him I liked his stuff and if you haven't checked him out yet, you are doing yourself a grave, GRAVE disservice. Elliot does a Sunday news update for the music section and because it "drops" (as they like to say over there) on the same day of the week as my update, plugging him is complicated. However, using my magic powers I'll guess it will probably be here. If it isn't, go to the News Report page of 411Music and say hello.
Have you been to The Wrestling Oratory yet this week? Many readers email me and thank me for converting them to Oratory readers and YOU too should join the revolution. It's a risk free trial, so do yourselves a favor. Featured this week is a ton of new material with seven new columns in three days including another edition of In Your Face with John C, a TNA review with Xavier, The staff does Raw and Smackdown, a history of ECW column, a review of the first ever Saturday Night's Main Event and Adam Karabel looking at the similarities in two of the most controversial feuds in wrestling. Most importantly of all though, check out Justin T's final edition of "All in a Days Workrate". Justin has been one of the most popular staff members for four years now and is moving on with his life, so by all means head on over and give him a heroes send off.
Did you know that Derek Burgan has launched his OWN personal website featuring never before seen editions of Cheap Pops, new and classic material, a great layout and weird and humorous surprises around every corner? Check Derek out over at Gumgod.com.
And finally, speaking of Internet Wrestling Celebrities® launching sites, Flea's 1ryderfakin.com has quickly become a personal favorite with Flea, Hyatte, Eric S. and Dave Gagnon churning out a ton of quality, site exclusive material. Go, go now.
Well there you have it, yet another edition of YOUR favorite news update on the internet in the books. I hope you had just as much fun reading the News-Center as I had painstakingly piecing it together and rest assured, your main man will be back next Sunday to do the whole thing all over again! Until then, have a great week, enjoy what's left of the summer and take it easy guys.
Jay Bower : Internet Wrestling Celebrity®
Hi meghan, im gettin ready to go pick up your wrist thing now and i just wanted to let you know that incase i cant get a hold of you before tonight i'll pick you up at 6:15. i cant wait, it should a fun night, i cant think of any other girl i would rather be going with. whatever you want to do afterwards is fine with me, just let me know, i'll give you a call before i pick you up if your home from your hair appointment. talk to you later, bye.
LOVE,
jay
This was the email that I sent from my computer just minutes before I set out on what would turn out to be the worst night of young life. With hopes so high and plans to finally let the girl I had been obsessing over for nearly a year know how I felt about her, I journeyed into a the seemingly normal damp spring night that would soon play host to the opening of Hell's gates.
