The Heel Report: 04.18.13: Stop and Start

This is the Heel Report. A weekly chart spanning from Tuesday’s NXT to the Raw Super Show, ranking the heels in professional wrestling based on their actions, wins and losses.

Each Week there are ten places, with points out of ten awarded based on these positions. These points are then added to a rolling chart that will continue each week to show who is wrestling’s overall top heel.

This is a place where the heels of wrestling can be praised for all the hard work they do trying to get us all to hate them, so without further ado let’s get on with the report…

Weekly Top Ten

1st Place: The Shield

The Shield wrestled two successful matches this week, one on NXT and one on Main Event, they also took out 3MB on Smackdown and stared down the Game without a-one of them having to take a Pedigree, which is a triumph in itself. Then they managed to put a full beat down on the new WWE champion John Cena and will probably be challenging Team Hell No for the tag team titles in the near future. Despite everything else we might say about the WWE, at least they are actually pushing this team to look dominant.

2nd Place: Bully Ray

Just narrowly beaten out of the top spot by the Hounds of Justice, who appeared on every WWE show this week apart from Saturday Morning Slam and Superstars. Still the Bully put on a damn good performance in Full Metal Mayhem and managed to successfully defend his title against Jeff Hardy, with a little help from a hammer shot straight to his forehead, it was an endearing image.

3rd Place: Dolph Ziggler

I have no idea what the WWE are thinking having Ziggler lose clean to Swagger on Raw, hopefully this will lead to a successful defence in a triple threat match at Extreme Rules or something because otherwise what is the point in all that hype and wait. Still Ziggler beat Jericho on Smackdown and generally was given way more mic time than he has been almost ever, so there’s that.

4th Place: The Ryback

Okay so apparently last week Ryback actually was turning heel, which I personally find idiotic but whatever. Why the hell does the WWE need a new heel when they already have more than they can handle? Whereas outside of Orton, Sheamus and Del Rio, all of which who aren’t completely over with the audience, all they have to rely on is John Cena. The Ryback really could have been made out of this being a face vs. face feud where the monster won the title after a few of months of chasing it, they already had their excuse of the Shield for why the match between Cena and Ryback might end funny, have a double count-out another time, maybe at Extreme Rules seeing as how Lesnar-HHH in a steel cage is going to take precedence over this match, and then have him take the belt off Cena since there is absolutely no need for Cena to be champion after he has now gotten his redemption on the Rock. Who will Ryback face after Cena? Sheamus? Possibly Orton, then who?

5th Place: Fandango

I was slightly worried they were trying to turn Curtis face there, and I’m not sure how that would go over without the guy becoming a joke novelty act so I’m glad that they didn’t go down that route. Still the WWE seem far too eager to capitalise on this trend, but not in a subtle way, in a forced way that will make this organic meme die a quickly as it took off. Still no matter what the Fandango character has become bigger than anyone could have guessed in such a short time, so overall that is a good thing for us Johnny Curtis fans. If you’ll notice Curtis’ creepy side is coming out more and more in his movements as Fandango, the guy is just great at playing the part of a weirdo, I especially enjoyed his elaborate finger wagging to Jericho on Smackdown.

6th Place: Jack Swagger

So Swagger isn’t saying goodbye, hell he isn’t even out of the title picture! I’m really not sure why the WWE are running the risk of keeping Swagger in the title hunt right now with his trial pending, even more so for letting him get a clean win over Dolph Ziggler, who desperately needs to look dominant if he is actually going to bring any credibility back to the title. Still as long as Ziggler wins in the end and retains the title it doesn’t really matter if he loses once or twice on the way there, although can we really rely on it only being once or twice?

7th Place: Big E. Langston

Ziggler’s heavy continues to show more personality and for some reason is bipolar in terms of characters on NXT and the main roster, but whatever, can’t really complain with a guy who has more of an upside than a young Mark Henry actually getting over as two distinct personas.

8th Place: Brock Lesnar

The Beast actually made it onto the chart for once! Most likely because he actually did something this week to warrant his entrance by decimating 3MB. Hopefully he will get the win over HHH and maybe be willing to wrestle more PPVs this year, although I won’t hold my breath.

9th Place: The Bella Twins

The WWE is a strange creature, they seem to not give a crap about the divas division and yet they let the Bellas pick up three victories this week, whereas a guy like Antonio Cesaro, who they put so much effort in for most of the year, they now seemingly don’t care about and furthermore want to drive into oblivion, is this backstage politics, or plain old dementia? Both perhaps?

10th Place: Mark Henry

Henry attacked Sheamus backstage twice this week because that is what he does. I for one have no idea why the WWE has booked another Sheaums-Henry feud, not that it is the worst thing in the world, I’m just not sure why they didn’t simply go ahead with a Cena-Henry feud, unless they are planning on building up Henry for something else in the near future. Frankly I think the Rock’s sudden departure kind of made everyone in the WWE panic and now they are just scrambling to put everything into some kind of order now that their main focus has flown the coup.

(Week 89):

1. Robert Roode (303)

2. Dolph Ziggler (296)

3. C.M. Punk (288)

4. Alberto Del Rio (281)

5. Daniel Bryan (274)

6. The Big Show (267)

7. Cody Rhodes (267)

8. Mark Henry (238)

9. Bully Ray (219)

10. Austin Aries (201)

That’s all for this week, sorry for the streamlined report but deadlines are a bitch at the moment, so you won’t be hearing any more of my vapid ramblings, at least outside of the chart itself! For now take care, spike your hair, remember when that was actually a thing? Ah memories.