The Wrestling News Experience 12.04.03
Posted by Stephen Randle on 12.04.2003
Surprise!
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Subtitle: Teaser:
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Hey, don’t look at me, I just write when the boss tells me to write. Okay, if you haven’t noticed by now, Black’s going to be a little delayed, so I get to keep my precious, precious, Thursday spot for at least one more week. Take that, Williams!
Last week, I had the dubious honour of getting to post a column on American Thanksgiving, as well as the day after Hyatte posted his Taking of Triple H. So go read last week’s column before this one, or nothing will make any sense.
Okay, that was a lie, nothing I do makes any sense anyway. On with the news…
Around The Horn
- Freshest news to start off, as the Spike TV Video Game Awards has been taped and WWE is heavily involved, including two matches that were taped specifically for the show. Also, Smackdown: Here Comes The Pain is up for best fighting game. The main competition is a bunch of other fighting games that do not represent an organization that provides Spike TV with its highest rated show.
- Smackdown has also been taped, and we have a new WWE Champion. Or maybe we don’t. You’ll never know unless you watch.
- Speaking of which, is Michael Cole the only person left on this Earth who still pretends that Smackdown is live? It kind of lowers believability when everyone knows that the Smackdown roster is on tour overseas as we speak.
- Matt Hardy’s entrance was cut short for TV on Raw, because apparently it causes fans to cheer, and he’s supposed to be a heel. On a similar note, WWE plans to cut RVD’s entrance as well, since it causes fans to cheer, and he’s supposed to be getting buried.
- The Jericho-Trish storyline is far from over, with many twists and turns planned to spice up the romance between them. It’s sort of like Paradise Hotel, except it doesn’t suck.
- Shawn Michaels has agreed to work 3 house show dates a month, in addition to working any TV or PPV dates required. Fairly impressive, when you consider that most people with crippling back injuries work…well, pretty much zero dates a month.
- All sorts of legends are coming out of the woodwork, and not just the ones who are dying young. WrestleMania XX is looking to be, at the very least, the longest PPV ever run by WWE, timewise, and is drawing the attention of all sorts of past wrestlers who want to be a part of it. I perused the list of notables, and had just one question: no Repo Man?
- The Rock has suggested that he’ll only wrestle on the show if there’s a big name available. See, that’s why Repo Man needs to be there. Maybe he can repossess Rock’s limo or something. You know that’ll draw.
- Bret Hart is once again under consideration to make an appearance. File this under ‘N’ for ‘Unlikely’.
- Who said I was filing alphabetically?
- Interestingly enough, Ricky Steamboat has hinted he might come back to wrestle Ric Flair one last time. Might I suggest they just show their match from WrestleWar on the TitanTron instead? I mean, it’s right there on the Ultimate Flair DVD, available from wherever DVD’s are sold.
- Hold on, I need to get the phone. Why, hello Vince! Yes, it was a good cheap plug. Thanks for the cheque. You’re too kind.
- Where was I? Ah yes, the news report. Apparently Mick Foley’s going to be in a drama series for CBS, as some sort of detective. Expect Al Snow to make guest appearances as the hapless informant that Mick gets to mock and beat up on a daily basis.
- Randy Savage has said he may return to wrestling for either WWE or NWA:TNA. Then he challenged Hulk Hogan to a ‘legit’ thumb-wrestling contest, with the proceeds going to charity. Savage’s charity of choice? The Human Fund, of course.
- Apparently Torrie Wilson wants her father back on WWE TV, but not really, because it interferes with her own life. See, I would think that Al being dead might be a problem so far as his return on TV goes, but what do I know?
- Apparently Kane and Goldberg had major style clashes during their house show matches over the weekend. Well, no kidding. I mean, red and black pants next to black and white shorts? Everybody knows those styles clash. Who dresses these people, anyway? Shameful…
- John Cena’s face turn is going well, or possibly badly, depending upon who you talk to, the day of the week, and the position of Jupiter as it relates to the moon. One thing is certain, Cena will remain edgy, controversial, and always twirling, twirling towards freedom. Okay, I forgot the actual quote, but you’re laughing anyway.
- Word is that Vince McMahon considered buying Playboy TV, but after people told him that it was a bad idea, he tried to buy it anyway. Fortunately, the distraction had allowed Linda to hide his checkbook.
- The Royal Rumble will again involve both brands, with the winner getting a shot at their brand’s champion. This ends literal seconds of debate that had been occurring among fans. Come on people, they did the same thing last year, why would they change it?
- Goldberg is said to be fitting in backstage, and there is talk he will not be leaving WWE after WrestleMania. See, he’s not such a bad guy. In fact, just last week, I saw him nurse a baby bird back to health.
- On the other hand, John Heidenreich isn’t making many friends, what with his penchant for injuring Steven Richards and his general sloppy work. Little Johnny, on the other hand, is fitting in nicely.
- The ratings were good for all shows this past week. This signifies the beginning of a new era of plenty in the land of WWE. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I was too lazy to find out what the ratings were this week.
The Injury Bug Bites
Inactive List as of 11.27.03
- Billy Gunn, SD!, out until December 1 as of September 11 (shoulder)
- Billy Kidman, SD!, day-to-day (knee)
- Christopher Nowinski, RAW, cleared to return to training (post-concussion syndrome)
- Edge, SD!, out one year as of February 2003 (neck surgery)
- Gail Kim, RAW, out 4-6 weeks as of November 17 (broken collarbone)
- Goldust, RAW, inactive since September 2003
- Jazz, RAW, inactive since July 2003
- Kevin Nash, RAW, out indefinitely as of September 2003 (neck surgery)
- Kurt Angle, SD!, out until Royal Rumble as of November 20 (back surgery)
- The Rock, RAW, inactive since April 2003 (movies)
- Rodney Mack, RAW, out 4-6 months (knee)
- Spike Dudley, RAW, day-to-day (back)
- Stephanie McMahon, SD!, inactive since October 23
- Steven Richards, RAW, out indefinitely as of November 24 (shoulder sprain)
- Stone Cold Steve Austin, RAW, inactive since November 16
- Sylvan Grenier, RAW, out indefinitely as of August 2003 (ribs)
- Tim White (referee), RAW, out indefinitely as of May 2002 (shoulder)
- The Undertaker, SD!, inactive since November 15
- William Regal, RAW, out indefinitely as of February 2003 (heart problems)
- Zach Gowan, SD!, inactive since October 23
Inactive List Changes
-Billy Kidman, SD!, working dark matches
Unfortunately, rumours that Kidman took time off to have charisma transplant surgery have been proven false.
- Mick Foley, RAW, hired as outside consultant and appointed co-GM
I was under the impression that Mick only owned one suit. I hope that one wasn’t it.
Short list this week, as no one was considerate enough to get injured for my benefit. I have people working on that, so expect things to change quickly.
Links So Good, You’ll Click Them Twice
Yes, you will.
Starting off with pimps without links, it’s Melchor and his Smackdown Report, who called me a wise man last week. Which is a decent change from the usual “wise ass” I get from most people. His report will be up tonight, just as soon as Smackdown’s done, because that’s just the kind of guy he is. Also, it’s his job.
Also, we’ve got my buddies in the B-shows, Scott, David and Alex, reviewing Velocity, Confidential, and Heat, respectively. No links to old columns this week, but read their newest efforts this weekend. After all, I’ve got to get you in the habit of coming here on the weekend if I ever want people to read me.
Jacques Danielle breaks out the TNA Drinking Game over at his usual NWA:TNA report. How drunk did he get? Take a look at how my name gets spelled this week. Well, two can play at that game!
Man, all those women were right. I am immature.
Shift over to video games and give Lee Baxley a look-see, then send him an e-mail about how much you like his column. Come on, the guy’s lonely over there. That ain’t right.
The Gab Bag
So I lied, the name will stay unless someone can think of a better one. We’ve grown attached to one another. Still no bad Goth poetry in my inbox, so I guess I must be pleasing the fanbase. And I was so looking forward to reading it, too.
Matt Biscuiti gets in first because he works here, and he wants me to keep “Thursday” in the column name after the move to Sunday. I’d do it, but I’ve been threatened with unspeakable harm if I even try. Also, this is my chance to publicly apologize for my suggestion on the staff forum, where I told him to completely make something up in regards to Rodney Mack’s unexplained move from Smackdown to Raw for a column he’s writing. Apparently 411 has higher standards for continuity than WWE Creative does.
Jamie MacQueen is top Canadian this week, if only so I can address an issue involving my pimping of Off The Record. Apparently Jamie prefers Pardon The Interruption. I’ll be first to admit that Landsberg is as smarmy as they come, but I watch OTR because of the guests. PTI with its bickering sports analysts is one thing, watching athletes and entertainers verbally rip into each other is another. And I’m not just promoting OTR because I live near Toronto and have a dream of someday being on the show. Well, mostly.
Sean Carless, another one of those sarcastic Canadians who has written for 411, gave me the big thumbs up for my work, but warned me of impending Canadian content regulations soon to be enforced upon me by our government. Also, Sean calls the cast of Degrassi “predominantly ugly”, so Sean’s on my Christmas card list, if I were to ever send Christmas cards. Seriously, I hated Degrassi. All those whiny kids who can’t solve their own problems.
Pat Borland wants to know whether to like Scott Steiner or not. Well, trusting my judgement is sketchy at best, so do whatever your heart tells you, my friend. I will say that Steiner was an amazing wrestler when he started, which makes his gut-churning performance at Royal Rumble 2003 incredibly hard to watch. I suggest you do watch it, to help make an informed decision, but make sure you watch the Angle-Benoit match right after in order to remind yourself that wrestling isn’t always that bad.
Brad A. Totman dislikes that WWE Diva Search picked another fitness model, in the same vein as Trish or Torrie. Not sure exactly why that’s a problem, but there you go. Incidentally, literally minutes after my last column got posted, complete with the mention of Jamie Koeppe, Widro posted something written by her in regards to why she hasn’t been on WWE TV yet. Psychic connection, or does she just read 411? Either way, it’s good for me!
David Creighton reassures me that no, they haven’t addressed that note that Booker T got a few weeks back. However, he has another theory that ends up with the return of the man you all wish you could be. That’s right, he’s talking about the Big Boss Man. You’ve been warned.
And finally, BroodSquad loves A&W, loves my injury updates, but was too tired to write any more. We’ve all been there, man. I’m there right now, but you all want a column-ending sermon to close this thing out, I’m sure.
The Column-Ender – The Greatest Thing Ever Written
Yeah, that’d be nice, but I’m tapped out for this week. Exams are in full swing, plus I had to bang this out quick when Black got delayed, compressing my writing schedule. In exchange, I ask that you go to 411Black when it opens this Monday, and read Grut’s column, where you’ll find a very special extra gift from me. Plus, I’ll have something good all polished up for my very first Sunday effort. Really. Would I lie to you?
All Good Things Come To An End. So Does This Column
That’s it, that’s all, I have studying to do, exams to write, sparks to fly, and metal to burn, because the next Monster Garage is right around the bend. And by that I mean, I’ve got to get packed up for my move to Sunday, and you’ve got to sit right there and get ready for the debut of 411Black. After all this waiting, you know it’s got to be good. If it isn’t, well, it’s not my problem until Sunday. See you then.
