The Heel Report: 04.30.13: Far Too Late

This is the Heel Report. A weekly chart spanning from Tuesday’s NXT to the Raw Super Show, ranking the heels in professional wrestling based on their actions, wins and losses.

Consider this a status update rather than a proper report as after the nastiest deadline so far for my PhD I couldn’t find any time to write the real report this week, but the chart must keep rolling on and to do that the stats have to be updated, so expect another Heel Report this week that will be more up to date, everything here relates to the events of the previous week from the Smackdown on the 19th to the Raw on the 22nd, so feel free to bask in the nostalgia that was last week, or glaze over everything and wait in eager anticipation for the next relevant instalment of my pointless ramblings and arbitrary chart!

Weekly Top Ten

1st Place: The Shield

The Shield beat the Undertaker, that is all you need to know. When is the last time that anyone beat the Undertaker? Even in a tag match? Some people question the members of the Shield being allowed to lose in matches, personally I think it makes all the sense in the world, these guys are supposed to be relative rookies and it is their strategy of working as a well-oiled unit that makes them so successful, they have to have a weakness and it is picking off them as individuals. This allows them not to have to have in-fighting and take out like twelve guys on NXT and be believable, because there will always be the redemption of beating them on their own to fall back on just in case a baby face or the fans need the team to take a hit for some reason, the Shield are mighty, the members on their own are not so much, although they also can go and look better than most stables in theirs singles personalities. There certainly is potential for Rollins, Ambrose and Reigns when the group splits, but I’m still hoping that doesn’t happen for at least another year. After the WWE didn’t pull the trigger this year I am still gunning for The Shield vs. The Undertaker at Wrestlemania XXX.

2nd Place: Fandango

Week in and week out Johnny Curtis brings out more and more of his creepy self, this time most notably with Lillian Garcia, who seemed downright conflicted when he got all up in her grill. There is a lot of potential for Fandango’s attitude and appeal to women in the WWE, it just would be better if the company actually had a better represented women’s division overall, bring up some NXT divas already! Speaking of which Fandango has played a part in bringing up Summer Rae, at least on Raw anyway, who knows if she will be his long term dancer, it’s just as shame that Paige’s look and character wouldn’t fit in with the dancer gimmick, although hopefully she will get her own storyline when the time comes, and one that actually means something.

3rd Place: Devon

Devon got unusually high this week, having two (sort of) title defences and doing a bunch of admin and organising for the Aces & 8s. Team 3D taking centre-stage in the group is no bad thing, giving them a solid pedigree of the most decorated tag team in wrestling history, both men holding arguably the two most important titles in TNA, make of that what you will, it is still better than a lot of stables and certainly better than the Aces & 8s before the big Bully reveal.

4th Place: Bully Ray

Speaking of which the leader of Aces & 8s takes second place to his brother as he didn’t take up the whole show like he has before, still Bully got the last word and the final shot and still looks to be dominating the show. What’s more he is a hateable heel and looks to stay that way for the foreseeable future.

5th Place: Dolph Ziggler

Ziggly-puff actually managed to pick up his first win as world champion this week against Chris Jericho, while we all complain about just how much Dolph Ziggler loses, he does seem to get victories against those who count; John Cena, Chris Jericho, Edge, C.M. Punk, sure with the last two it was never for the title, but his track record is not too shabby for opponents he has beaten, and opponents who are willing to lay down for him, so for all our bitching, guys in the back do seem to recognise all his efforts. Speaking of which, alternate to The Shield for the Undertaker’s opponent at Wrestlemania XXX; Dolph Ziggler, I suggested that Ziggler should end the streak about a year ago, and it still holds true that if he was booked right it could be really believable and a major deal to push Ziggler to that level of guys like Cena, Punk, Edge and Jericho going forward.

6th Place: Mr. Anderson

Mouthing off and knuckling up, the only other stand-out member of Aces & 8s besides the two members of Team 3D did a good job of getting some attention this week and is duly rewarded with his place on the chart.

7th Place: Garrett Bischoff

Like it or not the kid got a pinfall victory over Kurt Angle and was actually allowed to speak on Impact, better get used to this guy being around for a while, especially since Hogan once described him as ‘the future of the business’, whatever that means.

8th Place: Kenny King

X-Division title defence, good enough for me.

9th Place: Wade Barrett

IC title defence, but lost to the new US champion Kofi Kingston, not exactly a rejuvenation for the title or for Barrett as of yet.

10th Place: Bad Influence

I just like these guys, sue me. Oh and also they had a great exchange with the Greatest IT Factors, but avoided the attack afterwards.

(Week 90):

1. Robert Roode (303)

2. Dolph Ziggler (302)

3. C.M. Punk (288)

4. Alberto Del Rio (281)

5. Daniel Bryan (274)

6. The Big Show (267)

7. Cody Rhodes (267)

8. Mark Henry (238)

9. Bully Ray (226)

10. Austin Aries (201)

That’s all for this week, another slimmed down Heel Report before we get back to business as usual. At least that should be it for a while as I’ll either be allowed to carry on with my PhD after having done the bulk of the work or have to stop entirely, either way expect a lot more from this column going forward. For now though this is James Wright signing off.