Ask 411 Wrestling 06.12.13: 3 Man Booths, 2 Young, 1 Retirement, More!

…

Maybe if I don’t write this, then it won’t happen.

But then if I don’t write it, then I get fired, so the outcome is the same. Ah well.

Welcome to Ask 411 Wrestling, and I am, for the last ever time, Mathew Sforcina. Suffice to say that this past week has been tough on me as I’ve been dreading this moment. Although I’m the one pulling the plug, it’s still not something I’ve wanted to do. But I feel I have to.

Anyway, this is so a Total Opinion Week, and really half the stuff will be self congratulatory so be warned.

If you do want to keep tabs on me, I’ll still be doing Cheap Heat Radio (and if you want my specific opinion on a topic that’ll be where I give it) and also there is my Drabble blog, 1/10 of a Picture which is where most of my writing will be from now on.

And now, for the last time, I get to say this.

BANNER!

411 on Twitter!

Me On Twitter~!
http://www.twitter.com/411mania
http://www.twitter.com/411wrestling
http://www.twitter.com/411moviestv
http://www.twitter.com/411music
http://www.twitter.com/411games
http://www.twitter.com/411mma
Cheap Heat Radio on Twitter~!

Backtalking

None, really.

Your Turn, Smart Guy…

I am an active wrestler. My inspiration to join the wrestling life was watching a match two former WWE world champions, I was trained by two former WWE titlists, my most notorious tag partner and rival works for WWE, but I’ve never wrestled in a WWE ring. A family member of mine was the youngest at doing something related to pro wrestling. Who am I?

AND

I’m a former WWE wrestler. In a twist of irony, I was born in Europe, but never billed as coming from any part of Europe, while one of my wrestling mentors was born in America, but was billed as being from an European country, and another mentor was born and billed as coming from Europe. My first taste of gold in a major promotion was a tag team championship while being managed by a future World Champion and. . . European champion. Speaking of ironies, I took that tag title from someone who years later defeated me in a title match with certain historical meaning. Both of us were teammates at one time and have used the same finisher at different times being influenced by the same wrestler. I wrestled for all of the major promotions in the last 20 years, with the exception of TNA and I had basically the same body build of a former nWo wrestler, which helped me get a gimmick. Who am I?

Some Jerk had the answers.

I am an active wrestler. My inspiration to join the wrestling life was watching a match two former WWE world champions, – Shawn Michaels vs Diesel at Wrestlemania XI

I was trained by two former WWE titlists, – Jacques Rougeau and Pierre Carl Ouellet

my most notorious tag partner and rival works for WWE, but I’ve never wrestled in a WWE ring.- El Generico

A family member of mine was the youngest at doing something related to pro wrestling.- 6 month son Owen once pinned Excalibur in PWG.

Who am I?- You are Kevin Steen.

AND

I’m a former WWE wrestler. In a twist of irony, I was born in Europe, but never billed as coming from any part of Europe,- born in Yugoslavia

while one of my wrestling mentors was born in America, but was billed as being from an European country, – Boris Malenko

and another mentor was born and billed as coming from Europe. – Chris Adams

My first taste of gold in a major promotion was a tag team championship while being managed by a future World Champion and. . . European champion.- in the AWA with Badd Company, managed by DDP

Speaking of ironies, I took that tag title from someone who years later defeated me in a title match with certain historical meaning.- Shawn Michaels, faced each other for the IC title on the first RAW.

Both of us were teammates at one time and have used the same finisher at different times being influenced by the same wrestler.- The Superkick, Chris Adams

I wrestled for all of the major promotions in the last 20 years, with the exception of TNA- AWA, WWF, ECW and WCW.
and I had basically the same body build of a former nWo wrestler, which helped me get a gimmick.- Konnan, Max Moon.
Who am I?- You are Paul Diamond

Jeremy has our final ever one.

I am a title (of sorts) that exists in a global promotion. 12 people total can claim to have one me. My first winner (who did so almost immediately after it was possible) is currently retired. My most recent winner has not been seen on TV in almost one year. Of my other 10 winners, 6 are still under contract to my promotion, 2 are under contract to another, 1 is deceased, and 1 currently competing on the Indies. Although these 12 are recognized for the same accomplishment, they have earned me by different means. Because parts of me are no longer in existence, it is unlikely for anyone else to be added to this list. A version of me exists in another global promotion, although all 3 of its winners are still active and under contract. One common link that these 15 people have is that they are all former World Champions. What am I?

Questions, Questions, Who’s Got The Questions?/My Damn Opinion

Ron gets to go first since… Well you’ll see.

Who announces their final column on the interwebs one week early? Sheesh, just fade into the sunset, already!

Wait, I’m getting word that, yes, I did just that six years ago. But it was different when I did it! I’m and American! Look, here’s my national ID number, tattooed on my tuchus!

Anyhoo, on to Mathew.

Back in the Dark Ages of the internet, I wrote a more-or-less weekly column called “The World According to Ron” on 411wrestling.com. The background was black and green with white lettering, and sales of Advil soared for our readers. I had a section in the column to allow for audience participation called “Explain THAT?!?” I would ask a question about something that happened on Raw or Nitro (in the early days), and people would send in their answers. I’d give an example, but you’d need a long memory to get most of them.

Anyway, one week, I got a response from this guy with a funny last name. It was funny, so I included it in the column. The next week, same thing. We found out more about him, like his first name was not “Matthew,” and he wasn’t even from North America.

One week, I was not able to write a “WATR,” and I asked if he would like to fill in for me. He did, and after reading his column, I was very sorry I asked him. He was stellar. He even did a game review, for Steve Jackson’s “Munchkin.” A few months later, he started writing something called “Evolution Schematic.” This led to the current media monster you see before you today.

Yes, 411maniacs, it truly is my fault. I am responsible for his presence, and now, I return to help begin his absence. But fear not, Dear Reader! He will be back to harass the next person to write The Column That Will Not Die, aka Ask411 Wrestling, asking for any and all Tara semi-porn he can get.

Welcome to retirement, my friend. Pull up a rocking chair, and let us start complaining together about these whipper-snappers pissing all over our legacy.

Hey now, I intend to let the new guy make his own way. Hell, I even gave him a chance to intro himself this week but he chose not to, honest.

Anyway, Ron is indeed the guy who gave me enough of a boost to think I could do this. I actually made an attempt at doing a column right after that fill in, something about Edge/Matt Hardy/Lita. I couldn’t find a copy of it (I was using Hotmail at the time) but I remember it sucking, and he passed. And fair enough too. It wasn’t until The Split occurred and then Smark Superstar was launched to give a forum member a column that I came up with the Evolution Schematic idea and a career was launched. In 2004. So nearly 10 years ago!

Give or take a few months off here and there. During that time I’ve done Evolution Schematic, Co-Wrote Fink’s Payload, Tried and failed at a permanent News Report, done large chunks of an EWR game, and then fell into doing this column, along with Ask 411 Games. The very first one was a fill in, and came out Xmas eve, 2008. So that’s how we get 5 years when really it has been under 4, but whatever, 5 years! Go me! Longest running and all that!

It’s been a hell of a run. But I’m not just going to talk about myself, I’ll be talking about myself AND answering some questions! Like this one, from Frankiemon

Is there are any chance of getting your thoughts on the whole CHIKARA situation in you last Ask411Wrestling?

Sure there is.

For anyone really late to the party, CHIKARA ran a huge angle at the end of their last iPPV where Condor Security, the henchmen/security team of Director of Fun Wink Vavasseur and subsidiary of Titor Conglomerate, the ‘owners’ of CHIKARA, came out during the main event of Eddie Kingston and Icarus and ended the match, broke down the set, kicked everyone out and ended the show ala Sopranos, just cutting to black. Since then, all future shows are cancelled, and the wrestlers are now looking for dates.

Some are claiming this is CHIKARA ending, others that it’s all a giant marketing ploy. So what do I think?

If it was the end, full stop, thank you all, I’m not sure Condor Security and Titor would have twitter accounts. That implies a long term goal in mind. But then, maybe that’s what they want you to think.

But then again, if there was a giant plan in mind, then would the wrestlers involved be looking for work so openly? It’s hard to tell what is going on. But since I have to have an opinion (it is in the contract) I suspect what has happened is that Quackenbush has had problems, either financial or, if I’m honest, booking. Every good booker gets burnout. And CHIKARA is his baby, so he’s not about to hand over the reigns to someone else. So, I suspect that Quack has done this to give himself some time to breath, either financially or mentally. Then, if either side improves, he can come back and either launch a new company, or bring in a ‘Titor Approved CHIKARA’ and then Eddie Kingston can backfist a few people and bring back the old CHIKARA or something.

So it could be the end, but I suspect it won’t be. But until it does, I’ll keep pestering Condor on twitter.

Brian has some feedback from Wrestlemania and the questions he had for us about it.

So, first a little catch up.

I’m the guy who asked you about Wrestlemania seats. You’ll be able to see from the photos and my description how that turned out. However, the weekend took an unusual turn. My grandfather had been in bad shape and growing worse for months on end, and just so happened to live on Long Island. So as I’m preparing to leave for Northern Jersey, I threw a suit in the car. 30 minutes into the ride, I pick up Fandango doing an interview on the Opie and Anthony satellite show (one of my personal favorites), and when the phone starting ringing-my mom, my sister, my wife–I knew what was going on. But I let the interview play through before calling anyone back, b/c I knew it might be the last time I laughed for awhile.

It sort of ended up being the theme for the weekend. My grandfather had in fact passed away, and the funeral was to be held Monday. Given the choice I might have passed on Wrestlemania, but with the tickets already purchased and plans in place for months, I was actually rather glad to have something that could distract me that I wasn’t going to pull out of. It gave me a Sunday to keep my mind off things, enjoy the positive things in my life, and prepare for one of the most important moments of my life to date (the reading of my grandpa’s eulogy that I had written). It went well and I found a lot of solace in my family over the next few days. Needless to say, going to Wrestlemania and your grandfather’s funeral in the same 24 hour span is a bizarre situation.

I wasn’t able to do a ton of events the rest of the weekend, choosing to have a low-key night with my sister Saturday night in advance of the funeral. I did go to the DGUSA show located at Wrestlecon Sunday, and I don’t mean to offend your indy-wrestler ears but it was poorly run enough that I was able to just walk right in without a whole lot of subterfuge. In my defense, I couldn’t arrive until around 40 minutes in and we had been told the whole show was only going to be an hour and a half long, so I didn’t see it as so bad at the time–although they ended up actually going a full 3 hours. I shared a bathroom sink with Tozawa and then watched him kick some major ass, so that was a pretty good time. We didn’t make it to any of the Axxess events, so that Howard Finkel title win call will have to wait, my apologies.

We ended up buying seats that I think ran $120 plus service charges, although my best friend had pledged I wouldn’t pay more than $100 and he held to that, which was pretty kind. The seats were great-close enough to usually watch the ring itself, while only having to glance at the screen on occasion. We definitely lucked out, as those columns they erected to hold up the canopy and AV equipment thoroughly blocked the view of a good number of seats, and I heard a lot of angry dudes complain on the line for the bathroom.

It goes without saying how blase/awful wrestlemania itself was. It should have been enjoyable that we got all the results we wanted in the early matches (Shield, Henry, Fandango) but instead it just portended what was to come, possibly the single most face-sweep to end the show in a long time (THAT’S NOT A QUESTION, DON’T GO LOOK). But it was a good time with a bunch of friends and memorable in ways, albeit not for the matches (save the UT/Punk match, which I’ll admit made me consider 2 times that a punk pin attempt might be successful).

Otherwise, I mostly just wanted to thank you for your work on the column. This year in particular, I’ve had many times when I had important work due first thing Wednesday morning, which meant there were many Tuesday nights I stayed up real late, and having your column to look forward to as a reward for completing my work really was a boon. You’ve responded to all my questions, always with thoughtful responses and on the wrestlemania issue, with a promptness that probably wasn’t fair to ask for. So thank you for the “special treatment”.

You’ve also changed the way I watch wrestling. For starters, when I watch RAW now, my instincts tell me “Hey, did they change the ring bell sound?” or “Did Mr. Perfect also hold the microphone on his chin like Axel does?” and eventually, I get around to asking you. I’ll have to ween myself off that. But in a more cognitive sense of things, you’ve helped many of us to look at matches in a micro sense–down to single moves and counters and minor pieces of psychology— and in a macro sense–what a match, a show, or even an entire feud might mean in regards to the overall progress of a certain wrestler’s story and character. Even us longtime smarks have the tendency to lose the big stuff and small stuff in our effort to criticize as much stuff as we can. Thanks for helping me to look at wrestling more analytically, while also encouraging me to simply sit back and enjoy it organically as well.

I’ll be sure to check out the blog and I wish you the best with the progress of your careers. From the perspective of most of us, you’ve worked your ass off and already lived “the dream”, so just keep doing what makes you happy, pays the bills, and I hope you’ll be proud of the end result. You’ve literally got thousands of us backing you. Best wishes.

Well thank you very much. I’m sorry about your grandfather, but glad you got to enjoy some things prior. I totally understand about missing out on a few things, don’t worry.

And yeah, I’m glad that I’ve helped one guy enjoy both the big and the small in wrestling, as I kinda feel that they, despite being on the complete opposite ends of the spectrum, are what make up wrestling. Wrestling is about the little things, the small counters, the way Regal enters the ring, the way Ambrose sells, and the huge, the evolution of companies, of titles, of careers. Both are important, both are entertaining. I’m very glad to have helped out.

Matt asks about one of those very men I just mentioned.

Youre leaving?????? Horse spit! I will have none of it…hold on….I apologize… that’s as selfish as me as a 26 year old grown wrestling fan wanting a John Cena heel turn (huge chandler) anyways I hope all is well and wish you well in your future endeavors…oh god that does sound shitty….anyways im asking all opinion questions because this has depressed me and yadda yadda yada…

What are your full thoughts and opinions on Dean Ambrose ?… I first saw him live at the CZW cage of death 12 show. i had heard loads about him but Without knowing much about him I wasnt overly impressed….but then…the promos…i watched him cut a promo and just wow. I act for a living and I say that with complete sincerity , I starve sometimes but I live off of acting. I recognize how hard it is to draw people in through the camera lense. He is the best promo guy ive seen in the past 10 years. And since NXT he has evolved his style into a complete brawler ala Austin in 96-97 and he SELLS for everyone beautifally. Hes the next big thing.

And as always Matt , this Matt wishes you the absolute best. Thank you bro.

I’m not a huge deathmatch guy, so I originally wasn’t that keen on Ambrose, or Moxley as he was back then. But after seeing a few promos and matches he did, I came around. I wasn’t a huge fan, but I did appreciate his work.

But then seeing what he’s done in WWE, I’m just in awe of the guy. He’s a great actor, as you say, since he is one of the few people so far I’ve seen who can cut a promo while talking. Guys like Arn Anderson and Jake Roberts, guys who are able to talk into the camera as if it was a person, speaking like they were just chatting to someone about the weather, and yet they had you hanging on every word and made you believe what they were saying. No matter how insane or weird the context or person involved, some guys can just tell you, matter of factly, how and why they will kick your ass. And Ambrose is in that class of guy. The fact that he’s a damn fine wrestler is just icing.

Ambrose will be big. Not sure he’ll be the next Austin/Hogan level guy, but if doesn’t win MITB/win a world title within the year I’ll be shocked. He really will be a big deal, fairly quick.

Bromega is hopeful.

Ask 411 Wrestling just won’t be the same without you, man.

I sincerely hope your reasons for leaving are positive.

Well they are and they aren’t. See, the thing is, I write… Wrote Ask 411 Games on Sunday night, Wrestling on Tuesday. So really, in terms of me being able to write stuff, Sunday through to Wednesday are out with either lead in, writing or wind down. And then on Thursdays I have a family deal (we all go to the local club and take part in a trivia contest. We’re all triva night sort of people) and then Friday is my regular poker game. Toss in the occasional show/kids party on Sat, and my week is fairly packed, what with work and sleep and stuff.

Why does all this matter? Well, I have in my head, right now, ideas for a few movies (MPDG, 1 Trillion Against, Gunwomen), a comic book series (The Gloryverse), a book (The Time Traveller’s Handbook), a couple board games (Malled to Death, Screwed By The Network) and an RPG Module (Spy Sequester), not to mention an ongoing RPG setting (Andersonvilletown), a few stray Drabbles, as well as ideas for wrestling and video games and other formats. I’m not trying to show off, since it’s entirely possible these ideas all suck. The problem is that I’m not getting them out. Doing this column is wonderful and fills me with satisfaction, and getting to entertain and educate you guys is wonderful… But it is also a demanding mistress, one that requires new content every week and that has no long lasting result. I can’t point at a book or a movie and say “I came up with that.” And since I can’t drop work or sleep, and I need other outside stimuli, it only leaves the columns to drop.

I really wish I could keep going and try my hand at these things, but this just takes up so much energy and work, and like with my wrestling, I don’t want to look back in the years to come and think what if, you know? Maybe I’ll fail at all those and come crawling back, maybe I’ll win the lottery tomorrow, but if I don’t try, I’ll never know.

Greg asks about the AWA.

First of all, I’m gonna miss your column. Really enjoyed it. Anyways, I have a question/want your opinion on the AWA Team Challenge Series. I work midnights and watch alot of old wrestling on my computer and started working my way through the Team Challenge Series. I have to say parts of it were ridiculous, but honestly I did enjoy a lot of it. So my question is, Eric Bischoff received a lot of poor reviews for this concept until Greg Gagne took credit for it. Was it really THAT bad of an idea considering the state of the company at the time? Also, would there have been any better idea? Wrestlers were leaving on a weekly basis, and the TCS was something at least to look forward to, and since no teams rosters were provided on paper, it allowed wrestlers to come as Tully Blanchard did, and go as Sgt Slaughter did.

Anyways, thanks!

The Team Challenge Series is something that gets a lot of bad rap, and I’ll agree that it gets perhaps a little too much. The company was swirling the bowl regardless, so blaming the TCS for the AWA dying is a bit silly. But then again, some of the matches and results were a bit silly.

An overarching storyline pitting three sides against each other is a good enough idea. But having that result in matches with total jobbers winning by grabbing a turkey. The over the top gimmick matches were the problem, not the storyline.

I mean, if they had made it a little more streamlined, something like “The winning team gets the cash, but it’s divided up according to W/L record”, then you can have a series of normal matches but there’s various storylines you can play with. One guy has lots of wins, and his team mates are both happy and annoyed since they’ll get money now but he’s getting too much, so they start sabotaging him. Or a leader gets angry with the deadwood on his team and tries to take them out. Or guys jumping ship or whatever, the angle didn’t need lots of crappy gimmicks. That was the problem.

Or maybe, if you wanted a better idea, was to pick someone you felt safe, someone who you knew wouldn’t leave or who you had under contract. Then make them the biggest heel ever, and keep him strong until you hopefully find a babyface the fans connect to, and then push him. That’s the traditional path, you just keep building a heel until such time as a face catches fire. Not the most original idea, sure, but it might have worked.

Efrain keeps is simple.

Wish you the best man, your column was the only must read article on 411 Wrestling, wont be the same. Good luck in whatever you will pursue.

Hey now, 411 still has lots of good stuff to read. I appreciate the kind words, believe me, but please don’t bail on the site just because you won’t be getting any more Chandlers. I’ll keep reading, so you should to, really!

*Anti-Chandler*

Austin wishes to talk about Homicide and Dan Maff.

Big fan of your work and your outlook on this business. I have been on a recent marathon of watching the early years of ROH and it was clear that Dan Maff was an impressive worker for his size, and potentially could have gone on to bigger and better things with his career. It all came to a halt in 2005 when Homicide went on a tirade stating that any promotion that hired Maff in the future, he himself would never work for. This resulted in Maff being virtually blacklisted from the wrestling industry, and he soon retired for a few years. Homicide from what I know has never stated what exactly Maff did, other than calling him a pedophile. I was wondering if you could give more incite on what exactly went down that led Homicide to feel betrayed by Maff, as you always have your ear to the politics of the business.

Thanks again for all that you’ve done for this site!

I’ve covered this before, and sadly no new info has come to light, beyond what Homicide said at the time. Skip the italics if you’re of nervous disposition… Although really if you read me you should be used to it…

“This is the last time you will hear or see me mentioning that jabroni’s name again. Dan Maff is done in the wrestling business. Finished. Maff blackballed himself. I did not blackball Maff. Promoters had to pick me or him, and all the promoters picked me because of what Maff did. There is only one side of the story and Maff fucked up and that is why he is done and no one is using him. Maff fucked with my family and fucked with my personal life. Maff is a pedophile. I hope fans can understand this. This shit is personal. This is my life. Maff screwed Maff and blackball himself because of what he did. No promoter want to use him because of what he did. Maff is done with wrestling.”

As for what exactly it is… The standing rumor was Maff had sex with Homicide’s 12 year old sister. Since then, however, Maff has come out of retirement, and the two have worked the same show at least once, although not the same match since the incident, of course. No news on how they handled that locker room.

Adrian is sad to see me go. Shocking I know…

No Mathew, first Meehan, then Small (I think) and now the best columnist of all ! oh why do the good die…er…leave 411 so young???? All the best in your future endeavors Pal, the most enjoyable column 411 has EVER had and you’ll be sadly missed by this Irishman.

Ta ta for now.

Believe me, I’ve missed my own fair share of columnists. Nute, Prag, Dunn, Meehan, Gamble, Small, Hayhurst(‘s wrestling stuff), Ari, Morse, Clark, Domingo, Ryan, and several other writers I loved reading have retired and/or gone pretty quiet from here and other places (although really going elsewhere is practically retiring…)

And I’m not that young. I’ve doubled Cook’s run at least, and I am past 30 (albeit just barely) so… Yeah. I’m old.

Oak wants to know the differences.

I’ve been reading this column for awhile now, but I’ve been procrastinating on asking a question, and now this is my last chance. I hope you get to it, and thank you for working on this column.

I was wondering if you could explain just what the differences are between matches that are called “no holds barred”, “no DQ”, “hardcore”, “street fight” etc.

What are the expectations that wrestlers and fans have when they hear these terms, and what differences, if any, are there in the kayfabe rules of the match?

For example: when a match is called a “hardcore” match we know that it is going to be more brutal and have more weapon spots than a “no DQ” match, but in kayfabe are there actually any differences in the rules of the match?

Sometimes yes, sometimes no. The terms tend to be thrown about and interchanged willy-nilly, and some bookers/companies/fans don’t see any difference. However, there tends to be some differences in how they are booked, some of which indicate some differences in rules.

No Holds Barred: Nominally it’s meant to indicate that no wrestling move is barred, so that stuff like low blows, closes fists and the like are ok. All other rules should be in effect. However, the refs tend to give the wrestlers full bore to do whatever they want to do, so in practice anything goes. Pinfalls/Submissions must occur in the ring however, and count outs are sometimes maintained.

No DQ: What it says on the tin. The DQ rule is waved. Often comes with the CO dropped as well, but not always. Can be focused on weapons, or just on travelling brawls. But like NHB, pinfalls/submissions must occur in the ring. Rope breaks still in effect.

Hardcore: Everything is legal, but more importantly, pinfalls/submissions tend to be allowed anywhere and everywhere. Weapons tend to be plentiful as you go in expecting them, but it is also falls count anywhere, and rope breaks/count outs shouldn’t count, theoretically.

Street Fight: Depends on the company, but normally this leads the wrestlers to being in street clothes and having a hardcore match, but with even less wrestling as they focus more on strikes and weapons than wrestling. Falls count only in the ring (normally) and sometimes the fall has to be KO.

But all of those can be different depending on the company/people involved. The rules are not hard and established, the rules will change depending on the story involved. As fans, you should expect No Holds Barred to start slow but pick up at the end, No DQ will be a little more wilder, Hardcore is balls to the wall, and a street fight is less violent but more intense. Street Fights tend to end feuds, the other ones not so much (No Holds Barred can though if the fed is family friendly.)

David #40 thanks me for my time.

Hi Mat,

Thanks for putting up such awesome articles week in and week out, and
going the extra mile when you’ve received the questions requiring
massive data trawls.

Good luck in your future endeavours =)

Actually it isn’t quite as bad as it once was. Once I found the right sites, it became a little easier. But I’ll admit that as much as I love finding out the answers, I won’t miss the counting questions. Especially when the end result is the one I guessed it would be.

First of all, I’m very annoyed I won’t get to shill this more.

And these guys more.

And Maffew, but sadly his comp died on him.

And now, here’s some of my fav videos from the past few years of this segment.

…

Axl from Paris gets one of his questions in (I’m not even gonna try to answer his fact question, thank you…)

Hey Mat,

On behalf on the French IWC (OK, a part of the French IWC), I want to thank you for all these great columns you came up with during all these years. It provided tons of fantastic facts and stories, and it’s really important to countries like France, where the “wrestling culture” is very small, where we don’t have fathers and uncles tell us long stories about the good ol’days (except for the golden days of French wrestling, which was very popular here in the fifties). And we always enjoyed your style and your humor. Good luck for whatever you will do next, and we will keep waiting for your Massive persona to appear in WWE or TNA — or here at the ICWA, it’s our main promotion, you should check it out: http://www.icwacatch.com/ (ha, I was googling their website and when I typed in ICWA Google showed me “Insurance Commission of Western Australia”, it’s a sign!).

Anyways, I have one last Fact / Opinion question for you, if you still have some time left.

Opinion: I always found it strange that the WWE puts such an emphasis on the number of title reigns, instead of focusing on the duration of the reigns. I mean, if wrestler A wins the WWE Title on January 1st, then beats all his challengers through 5 or 6 ppvs, and eventually loses the title, he’s been champion for 5 months, but has only one reign. But if wrestler B wins the title on June 1st, loses it the day after, then wins it again on the next ppv, then loses it, then wins it again and ends up losing, he’s had three reigns, but only, say 2 months of reign. But in the books, he’ll be a THREE TIME WWE CHAMPION, whereas wrestler A has been champion only one time. It seems to me that, instead of insisting on the numer of reigns, WWE should tell us how many days every of these guys has held the title, it would be more fair. I hope you understand what I mean, and if you happen to answer to this question in your column, please feel free to rewrite it, I know my English is hesitant to say the least.

Nah, it’s cool dude. I LOVED seeing all the weird and wonderful places I had readers, from here in Australia and over there in the US through to some truly exotic locations, the fact that I was able to write for such a wide audience has always been one of the best parts of the job. And one part I will miss a lot.

As for your question, it would be ‘fairer’, but the thing is, they aren’t going on what’s fair, they are going on what sounds more impressive in a shorter frame of time. “He held the WWE Title for 6 months, beating all comers and winning over the likes of John Cena, Sheamus and Kane” isn’t as snappy as “He’s a three time WWE Champion.” It isn’t fair on the one reign guy, sure, but they aren’t a charity, they aren’t giving people what they deserve, they are doing what makes the most money.

And even so, if that guy only has the one reign, while they won’t mention it as often, they WILL sell him on that. They sold Punk big time on the length of his reign. They will find a way to make your reigns seem impressive. If it’s long, they’ll talk about the length and who you beat. If they are short, they’ll just mention the number and move on. If you have no reigns, then you have a controlled frenzy or something. They will find a way. Or fire you. One of the two.

Jake also admires the research, if not the delay.

Matt;

Thank you for all the work over the past several years, this is a well researched, well written column week in, week out. While you are often 6 weeks behind due to demand, it has been a pleasure to read your work.

Thank you for the effort and the knowledge.

… 6 weeks? 6 weeks?

Dude, I’ll level with you: I got questions on the list over one full year old. Questions I just have never been able to bring myself to do, out of worry that I can’t answer them, or because I fear they’ll take far too long, through to just never getting around to them. I am handing over the list to my replacement, but I cannot say what will happen. Don’t get on his case about it, get on mine. I hope he doesn’t run from it, but then again, had I gotten that list when I first started this, I would have totally bailed, believe me. So we’ll have to see what happens.

Angelo asks about a TV match.

I wrote into last summer and now I’ve got a new question I was wondering if you could help my wife and I and our family out with!

In a Boy Meets World episode there is a match between Jake the Snake Roberts and Vader in which 3 Boy Meets World characters are at ringside for, and celebrating after with Vader also! We were wondering was this match a real WWF match at a house show, and if so when was it from and where at? That would be so cool if it was because it would be two different shows interacting together! Also, still no look on the Shawn Michaels crank Double Dare thing yet, any luck finding out any information on that?

Thanks a lot,

Ah yes, the Shawn Michael sends Sherri Martel through a steamroller thing that I could not then and certainly not find now any proof happened.

Anyway, Boy Meets World. That match was part of a show called “16 Candles and 400lb men”. See, one of the characters on the show, the storyline was that his dad was Vader. Vader appeared more than once, but in this one, they had a match involved in the storyline. You can watch it here!

This match actually did take place, in the Arrowhead Pond, California, October 13th, 1996. And Vader did then get a couple of WWF title shots at house shows later that month, so they could argue that was when he got it.

And actually, that show is more important than you realise. See, there’s the Tommy Westphall Multiverse theory. Tommy was the autistic child in St Elsewhere who, in the final episode, was revealed to have imagined it in a snow globe. Now the implication at the time said that only the final episode was his imagination. But some have said that all the show was in his head.

OK, so what if it is? Well then, if it’s all in his head, then every show that crossed over with it is also in his head. Stands to reason. Problem is that one of the shows it crossed over with was Homicide: Life on the Streets. And those two shows combined crossed over with over a dozen shows, ranging from Cheers to The X-Files. On and on it goes, with each show that crossed over or got referenced getting added into Tommy’s mind.

So what? Well, the thing is, there is one chain. From St Elsewhere to The Bob Newhart Show to Newhart to Coach to The Drew Carey Show to The Hughleys to The Parkers to Moesha to Clueless to Sabrina The Teenage Witch to Boy Meets World. There is a direct crossover link each time. And then Boy Meets World… crosses over with WWF.

So WWF is in Tommy’s head. But then WWF crosses over with real life. So that means that we are all in Tommy Westphall’s head. Thanks to this one show.

Food for thought.

Craig doesn’t always agree with me.

Mathew,

I just finished reading your latest column and while I rarely participate in the IWC, I felt like the end of your run was worth a quick email to say thanks. I’ve been a wrestling fan for about 30 years and I’ve been reading 411wrestling since my college days in the early 2000’s.

I know that the IWC can often be a cynical group with little patience and/or tolerance for alternative opinions and is more likely to spew venom than show appreciation. And while I haven’t always agreed with some of your opinions, I’ve always enjoyed reading your take on the history and backstage antics of the genre that has given us so much entertainment.

Before this gets too long-winded and I find myself submitting questions that I know won’t be answered I just wanted to commend you on the work you’ve done. You never knew it but we’ve spent my lunch hour together just about every Wednesday since you took over the Ask411 column and you will be missed.

Best of luck in your future endeavors.

Thank you. I never expected anyone to agree with me all the time, in fact I’d be slightly worried if you did. After all, that would mean someone else is as obsessed with Tara as I am.

But my hope was always that what I said made you think. If you changed your mind about something, great. If you decided you were right before, great. All I hoped was to make you consider why you held an opinion, and if you should. Often you should, and maybe sometimes you shouldn’t. And toss in a big chunk of facts each week, and that was the secret. Some stuff to educate, and then a bit to make you think. That’s all I wanted, to entertain, to educate, and maybe, just maybe, make you think. If I did that even once, then my job is done.

Mike asks about announce teams.

I was thinking about 3-man commentary teams recently, and had a few questions:

When were they first introduced? The earliest I can remember a 3-man (er, person) team is from some Coliseum Home Video match that had the WWF’s C-team (Schiavone, Mike McGuirk, and Superstar Billy Graham, maybe?).

I believe that WWF home videos were the first time 3 person teams were used, I certainly couldn’t find a show earlier than that that had 3 people on a regular basis. I believe in those cases it was to help get people ready, to give the newbies a chance to learn the ropes, so that if they got stuck they could be helped out. But, if someone has a better insight/knowledge, please do share below.

What’s your opinion of a 3-man commentary team? Do/can they work? If we assume that a 2-man team is going to have a PBP guy and a color commentator, how do you think the roles are best delineated for a 3-man team?

It depends on the people involved. It can work, but often it can lead to overtalking and muddled stories. As for roles, it depends on who is involved again. In WCW, for instance, I thought that Schivaone/Heenan/Tenay was actually a good dynamic, in the sense that you had Tenay there for history and moves, Heenan as the heel voice and Tony as the host/story teller. If you have a PBP guy who is too dry, having two color guys, one heel one face is a good way to go. You let the PBP guy focus on calling the moves, while the color guys tell the stories. Likewise if one person isn’t that good at commentary but is respected/is known for being knowledgeable, they can sit back and be quiet, letting the PBP/color guy do their thing and then cut in when needed to give an insight on why something is being done, how badly something hurts and so on. If you have two commentators who have never stepped in the ring, someone who has is a good balance.

See, good and great commentary teams have to have chemistry. Gorilla and Heenan had it. Schiavone and Crockett had it. JR and King, Cole and JBL, Borash and Tenay surprisingly (seriously, why the hell aren’t TNA running with them? Tazz can manage A&8 surely…) they all had chemistry. 3 person booths can certainly have chemistry, the problem is that with 3 people, you have instead of just one relationship that can fizzle, now you have 4. If any of the duos don’t work, or if the group as a whole fails, then… Well, the group fails, obviously. So while it is possible, it is much harder to pull off right.

And what has been the best 3-man team in your opinion? I mean a real commentary team, not a worker joining the team at ringside for a match or two.

Hmm. Schiavone/Heenan/Tenay I liked as I said before. But actually, I have to go with JR/Lawler/Vince. I think that they all kept each other in check, and they did some pretty good work. Others may disagree.

Crow wants to talk about WWE films.

Just an opinion question; I am a WWE stockholder (just for fun), and every quarter the WWE Films division loses boatloads of money. That new Halle Barry movie they are co-producing looks like it could be decent, but that’s the exception. I get that most wrestlers are pretty bad actors, but even the ones that have “real” actors in them (Ed Harris, Parker Posey, Michael Rappaport) and maybe just have small roles for wrestlers lose money and get horrible reviews, and the WWE usually promotes the Hell out of them. I guess the question is why. Is it that no self-respecting Hollywood filmmaker wants to be seen working with the WWE? Does Vince just not know how the Hollywood game is played?
And perhaps most importantly: is there a way to fix it?
Thanks,

Actually, they have solved the problem, I think. The problem wasn’t the talent involved, it was that WWE wasn’t making the right types of films. Michael Pavone, who came in originally as a consultant to the shows but then took over the Studios, pushed for WWE to make either serious ‘art-house lite’ films (That’s What I Am) or screwball family comedies (Knucklehead). None of them did very well. But now he’s left, and the job is now being filled by Michael Luisi, who came over from Miramax. And since he took over, The Call has done very well, and The Marine 3 has done very well as a direct to DVD movie.

See, the thing is, while making family friendly Disney style action comedies is on paper a good idea for the WWE market, the WWE cross over fans who are willing to see movies with WWE stars in them are teenagers to adults, and they want action. WWE wrestlers tend to be better at action films then serious art house films or screwball comedies. Although a few guys they have I think could pull off the comedy or the Disney thing easy…

But yeah, just keep making popcorn flicks and you’ll be fine. And/or get Austin and Rock into a film together, where Rock has to stop Austin from stealing a train or kidnapping the President’s daughter or something…

And now, I gave the 411 writing staff in the super secret writer’s forum a chance to give their 2 cents. Let’s see what they said…

Todd Vote

WTF?!?! How dare you leave us?

In all seriousness, the Ask 411 columns won’t be the same without you…

Well of course. It won’t suck now.

Had to get him in somewhere…

Robert Cooper

Wait…..really?

I don’t think I’ve ever actually had a conversation with you, but I’ve been a fan of your writing for a while. Hate to see you go, and the Ask 411 wont be nearly the same without you.

Ah, so I take it you thought this was the CHIKARA deal huh? Fair enough.

And no, we probably haven’t talked. I’m very anti-social.

Dustin James

We will miss you big guy! One of the only columns I make sure I read every week. You did a fantastic job over the years and will surely be missed.

Well thank you. But I’m kinda hoping the new guy is the bestest ever. That way I can ask questions and not have to put up with ridicule over it…

Jeffery Harris

Thanks for everything man, good luck to you.

I’m a wrestler dude, that’s practically an actor. Break a leg, not good luck…

Stephen Randle

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

*gasp* *gasp*

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Seriously, man, you can’t leave me alone with these newbies.

Can and will. As Bret Hart said…

So unless I was the last one here, I was always going to leave someone to newbies. Might as well be you. You can handle it. Or rather, Buddy can.

Ben Piper

Best wishes man. I’ll tweet ya from time to time.

Also, unless you say differently, I’m lumping you in as a 411 ‘old-timer’ that still contributes occasionally to FoF. In other words, I’m keeping you in the rotation. So there.

Fair enough. I should be able to handle that. It’s just the “Up till 4am doing this thing each week” that I’m walking away from.

Ryan Byers

But who will I fill in for?!

The new guy. Duh.

Steve Cook

Goodbye to my third favorite Australian wrestler. I can’t rate you above Jessie McKay or Shazza McKenzie, but you ain’t bad. Can I keep you in the Wrestling Fact or Fiction rotation?

Sure you can keep me in that. And dude, I’m me, and I have like… Let’s see… Shazza, Jessie, Madison Eagles, Aurora, Concrete Davidson, Jay Law, Krackerjak, Bee Boy… carry the one… 42 people ahead of me!

Evan Zivin

I started less than a month ago. No one who reads your column will know who I am. You yourself have no idea who I am. I like your beard and the fact that you put Botchamania videos in your column. Also, the fact that you tell all of your readers about the new guy who is funny and smart and has nice hair and writes Five Quick Rounds in the MMA Zone and that they should read it.

*Insert Chandler here*

Bye Massive Q. See you in TNA when you debut as Abyss’s other, significantly misshapen brother.

… I cannot believe you’re the first guy to do that. I was expecting everyone to shill themselves shamelessly. I know I would.

And I don’t think I’ll turn up as Abyss’ brother. I’d be Tara’s stalker.

Oh wait, you mean character wise. My bad.

Samer Kadi

Good luck man. I’ll miss you.

Well get to the range and practice.

…

I always make that joke. It’s never worked.

Jeremy Thomas

I refuse to allow it! Someone tie Mat to his computer so he has no choice!

Seriously though, hate to see you go, but here’s to the memories. You da man, Mr. Sforcina.

Hey, if I had an excuse to never leave the computer, I’d welcome that.

…

Wait, no. Let’s not give anyone any ideas.

Francisco Ramirez

I covered Ask411 Games a couple of times. It was a bitch. So the fact that you handled that, and Ask411 Wrestling? Wow, Respect by the boatload. I’m sure I’m not the only writer for this site that is a fan of your columns and writing. Best wishes, but since this is you’re last Ask411, maybe you can answer the one question no one in the You Shoot series of Shoot interviews can answer, How big is Batista’s dick?

*measures the space between his mouth and the back of his throat with a ruler*

That long.

Sean Gamer

Really sad to see you go Matt! You are one of the best writers this site has ever had and I’m going to miss you on Four Player Co-op too! Hope all goes well for the rest of your life after 411 lol.

… I’m getting kicked out of 4PC? No-one mentioned that!

T. J. Hawke

Who ran over Zandig’s car?

…

Rikishi obviously.

And so here we are… I’ve said this before, but thank you for reading me, be it checking in every week to read Ask 411 Wrestling religiously, through to this being the first time you ever read anything I’ve done. I have loved doing this column, and giving up 411 as a regular gig is one of the hardest things I’ve had to do. But I have to walk away, and so, for one last time, this is Mathew Sforcina, signing off.

…

…

Oh, actually, one more thing….

See, as I said up the top, I’ve had a few jobs here on 411, but Evolution Schematic holds a special place in my heart since it is what got me into the site. And in all those columns, one stood head and shoulders above all the rest. Tully Blanchard, Hulk Hogan, Victoria obviously… But the truly best one? Well it has to be the only one that has made Tvtropes as a source.

And I always told myself that I’d update it. I was intending to do it for WM this year, but him not having the match I hoped he would, coupled with the broken shoulder kyboshed that. But I’ll be damned to hellfire and brimstone if I leave without doing it.

So next week, I say goodbye properly. Next week, Evolution Schematic returns one last time, as I do ES: Kane (Version 2.0). Join me for that, won’t you?

And now, truly, I am done. Thank you, and good night.