Smart Marks 6.15.13: Biting the Barks

Welcome back to another edition of everyone’s favorite wrestling column that talks about the stupidest things, Smart Marks! I am Dino, and before we begin with this week’s marks, I just wanted to say that I have been really enjoying the comment section with each passing week. Trust me when I say that I never thought I would express a positive sentiment for that particular section. It’s nice to see that even when we disagree, we can still bring cool points to the table for others to consider. After all, it is just wrestling.

I also wanted to use the space to send an official farewell to Mat Sforcina, who recently called it a career here. Mat is a great guy, and always one of my favorite writers here. It is not hyperbole to say that we are all a little worse off with him gone. Best of luck, Massive Q.

This Business

Man, I’m really going to develop some sort of reputation as a hater of Hunter Hearst Helmsley. It seems like I always have a reason to bring him up in a negative light. Maybe I’ll write a love column for him in the future. However, he is the reason that everyone wants to discuss “this business” when it comes to wrestling.

Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t really mind an active participant in the industry actually referring to wrestling as a business. For them, it is a business. But it sure seems silly to me when us fans start judging quality of wrestling from ratings, gates, buys, and yearly revenue.

I say this as a stockholder for WWE. I actually get paid based on how they perform over the year. And while a cynic can argue that these low numbers clearly show that the quality has dropped and thus driven fans away, I would also argue that there are many excellent shows that pull in poor numbers. On top of that, our first concern as fans should simply be whether or not I the fan have been entertained. Whether it’s an indy show that 35 people attend, an episode of Monday Night Raw that drew a 3.2, or that TNA pay per view that got 1500 buys, as long as you enjoyed it, who cares what the numbers are?

I remember Jake Chambers once touched on the subject, and it was one of the few times he made perfect sense. If you’re arguing business over entertainment, then you’re just missing the point of wrestling altogether.

TNA

So I’m watching Impact last night, and something quickly jumped out at me: TNA has Crimson return, cut a little interview, the announcers talk him up, and then… he promptly loses.

Then, shortly thereafter, Matt Morgan comes out with a fancy entrance, also cuts an interview, and also promptly loses.

Buh?? Why does everything have to be so difficult with TNA? Why can’t someone who returns just look good and win? They sometimes come down with a case of the “Let’s Do the Opposite of What Makes Sense” with even the simplest of things. Two returning guys, both immediately lose. And if your point is that Matt Morgan wasn’t involved in the fall, I strongly disagree that that somehow saves him.

Would it have been so hard to keep them away from Bound for Glory series matches? To let someone like Robbie E or Zema Ion take a beating from either guy? Or is this “shocking” and thus “good”?

It’s bad when Vince switches plans nonsensically because he feels the surprise has been ruined. It’s frustrating when TNA just doesn’t seem motivated in building new stars, or giving anyone besides main event wrestlers anything resembling a character that fans can believe in, or hate, or get behind. It has become a land of Lex Lugers.

One can argue the choices that are made as far as who is pushed in WWE, and even how they execute pushes at times, but at least there is rarely confusion as to whether or not someone is being pushed.

In TNA, I’m never quite as sure.

Fave Five

To close it out this week, I figured I’d take it easy and discuss my favorite wrestling moves. I would love to see what you think about my picks, and what your favorite moves are as well.

To start things off we will go with the Fisherman Buster. The very first time I saw it on WCW vs NWO World Tour, I was, pardon the pun, hooked. I love its basic form, I love it from the top rope, and I love all of its variants. It is my very favorite wrestling move. Simple, quick, devastating: the Fisherman Buster.

Second is the piledriver. The piledriver is basically a Godfather move, a move that as a child terrified me and that today, still inspires the audience to cringe. My favorite version was the leaping piledriver performed by Mr. Wonderful, and I don’t think anyone has ever come close to replicating it. Still, in a world where the DDT is now as effective as a headlock, it makes me smile every time an announcer loses his mind at the audacity of someone to perform the piledriver.

Third on the list is my favorite submission move, the Sharpshooter. Duh, what a surprise. So let me first acknowledge the Mutalock, Gory Stretch, Ankle Lock with Grapevine, and Crossface Chicken Wing with Body Scissors. All great moves, but I always gotta roll with the Sharpshooter. When Sting (and his Scorpion Deathlock) first appeared, I immediately considered it superior to the Figure 4. It hurt the legs, and it hurt the back! Plus it just looks so cool, and you knew that if it was hooked, it was over. Add to it the many great Bret Hart victories that came with it, and this is another easy selection.

Number four goes to my favorite tag team finisher, the Demolition Decapitation Device. With the opponent stretched across the knee, Ax would come crashing down with an elbow to the throat. Nothing about this move was fun. It was instant, it was sudden, and it was beautiful. There are countless great tag finishers, but this will always be my favorite.

Finally, we get to my favorite flying move. It’s the easiest choice, and has been this way since I was a little boy. The flying elbow drop by Macho Man Randy Savage is the single most beautiful move to ever grace Pro Wrestling. It’s art. Majestic, scintillating, breathtaking. No one ever floated the way Macho Man did. You can have your moonsaults, your planchas, your 450s, and your Stardust Presses; for my money, nothing combines the beauty and the bloodlust that encapsulates Pro Wrestling the way this elbow drop always did.

That will do it for this week, thank you all for reading. Don’t be afraid of your takes on my marks, and as always, enjoy your WWE, enjoy your TNA, enjoy your Lucha Libre, your Puro, and your Indies.

It’s All Wrestling. It’s All Stupid. We All Love It.