The Ten Count 7.26.13: Top 10 Worst Pro Wrestling Video Games

Last week I talked about my favorite pro wrestling video games. Click here for that edition of The Ten Count! On the other end of the spectrum are the awful games that I played. Some of these are mistakes I made because I was a kid and drawn towards this kind of games. Some of the choices are ones I took a chance on, because, hey, you can’t trust all the reviewers, right? Right? Why do I feel like I’m going to regret going through these memories? For the sake of this list, you have to remember that older games are subject to aging. Because of that, many of the older games are lower on the list just because they had less to work with. They still suck though. Here are the ten pro wrestling games I dislike the most.

10.Tag Team Wrestling for NES

One of the aspects that makes wrestling games so much fun is the roster. Being able to play as different characters to see which one you like best. Of course older games are going to gave smaller rosters. Pro Wrestling had six wrestlers to choose from. Not bad for a Nintendo title. Tag Team Wrestling has an amazing two wrestlers to play as. That’s right, you play as one tag team for the entire game. Not only that, but the controls are terrible to boot. You kick the opponent then chose what maneuver you want to perform. A menu pops up and you have to hit the ‘B’ button a number times to make your selection. Both of the wrestlers use the same movesets, but not the same controls. Example: Wrestler 1 can do a suplex with two ‘B’ presses, but Wrestler 2 uses four ‘B’ presses. It gets confusing. Also you can only perform a wrestler’s finisher to his rival on the other team. The move animations are laughable, as you can fly across the ring with a dropkick. The only good thing we got from Tag Team Wrestling is Strongbad. Yes, that Strongbad. This game came out in the arcades in 1983, and the NES version came out in 1986, a year before Pro Wrestling. I guess you can cut it some slack since the NES was still in the early days. Also it did introduce the idea of tag team wrestling into the video game world.

9.M.U.S.C.L.E. for NES

M.U.S.C.L.E is one of the first wrestling games on the NES, and it really shows. In Japan, the game is based on Kinnikuman, or Ulitmate Muscle to us western folk. The game is very basic, but still manages to be confusing. You pick your wrestler and the opponent then get right to it. One button jumps and the other attacks…I think. Hitting the opponent just seemed to do random things. Sometimes I would just push the opponent away, sometimes I would actually pick up the guy and slam him down. It took me a while to realize the matches are tag matches. Occasionally a magic bubble will fly into the ring, and if you touch it you will start flashing. I’m assuming it makes you stronger for a bit, as the computer raced to it each time it would appear. Instead of pins or submissions, you tried to drain the opponent’s life and get a knockout victory. There’s almost no fun to find in this game. I remember renting it as a kid and being sad I wasted a weekend with it. Now I’m sad I wasted an half hour playing it for the sake of this article.

8.King of the Ring for NES

WWE had plenty of games for the NES, and they are all pretty mediocre. King of the Ring is the real deal though. It is completely awful. The saddest part is that it was released in 1993. At that time, Super Wrestlemania was availble for both the Genesis and Super Nintendo. The first thing you notice is how ugly this game really is. The character pictures barely resemble who they are suppose to. Razor Ramon looks like Fred Flintstone. When you get into the game, it looks even worse. All the wrestler’s faces are represented by two dots and a line, like a two year old’s drawing. Shawn Michaels looks like some jobber, and the only person I could make out was Bam Bam Bigelow. I’m sure Yokozuna would be easy to spot, but I didn’t play as him or fight against him. For some reason you can play as a character dubbed ‘You’. You can rename him, but not redesign his in game sprite. Everyone has the same moveset. There are no signatures or anything of that sort. As the title suggests, there is a King of the Ring mode, but it is just a standard tournament and if you win it just says you are the King of the Ring. This game is an embarrassment and really showcases just how bad LJN was at the time. I played the King of the Ring mode on ‘normal’ and managed to beat it within fifteen minutes. Save that fifteen minutes and play something better.

7.WWE 12 for Xbox 360 and Playstation 3

Now, I was quite a fan of WWE Smackdown vs. Raw 2011. I thought it was much better than many previous titles in the series, so I thought WWE 12 had potential. Unfortunately it ended up being a huge step back in the series. The main gripe I have with the game is just how glitchy it can be. I mentioned last week that WWE 13 had it’s share of glitches, but many of them are amusing and not a problem. WWE 12’s glitches become quite a problem, and I can’t even tell you how many of them would break the game. One time during a ladder match, I climbed on top of the ladder trying to win a championship belt, only to have my wrestler grab the belt and fall all the down through the arena floor, causing me to restart. I once hit my opponent with a missile dropkick and sent him into the crowd. Glitches aside, the Road to Wrestlemania mode was also a detriment. Instead of picking a specific wrestler or using a created wrestler of your own, you played through an already made story and had no control of who you played. It wasn’t much fun at all. At this point Yuke’s (the developer) had fallen into just rehashing the same game with minor improvements every year. Thankfully they fixed a lot of these problems in the next installment. Also, it is interesting to note that current TNA Wrestling superstar Austin Aries voiced the character of Jacob Cass for this game.

6.Legends of Wrestling for Playstation 2, Gamecube, and Xbox

The idea for Legends of Wrestling is one that I got behind quite quickly. There are about 40 wrestlers to choose from, which is a nice size roster. Sadly the execution of the game fails overall. The controls feel really sluggish, and you’ll feel foolish trying your hardest to pull off Hulk Hogan’s signature big boot and leg drop. That being said, there is a quite a lacking set of moves you can pull off. The graphics don’t help much either. Most people are easy to identify, but they look odd as it seems they tried to give them quite the muscle definition. They also have a cartoonish look to them that reminds me of that old MTV show Celebrity Deathmatch (which I LOVED.) The sound is terrible too. I understand not being able to use the actual theme of these wrestlers, due to licensing issues, but the music they use is awful. I’d have to say it is some of the worse music I’ve heard on the Playstation 2. I wish I was kidding, but when you kick someone in the junk, it makes a squeak sound. I guess it adds to the cartoony aspect. I’m not sure how a sequel got made to this game, but it did. Legends of Wrestling 2 is marginally better than this one, but still not worth playing. I will say this is probably the only game where you can play as a premade Jimmy ‘Mouth of the South’ Hart wearing a superhero costume.

5. TNA Impact! for Playstation 2

Note: These thoughts are based on the Playstation 2 version, but I’m sure the 360 and PS3 versions are just as bad. At the time TNA Impact came out, WWE was leading the pro wrestling video scene with Smackdown: Here Comes the Pain! and the first Smackdown vs. Raw. So I had high hopes for TNA Impact and Midway. When you first start the game, you think it won’t be so bad. The presentation is quite good, and I like how actual pictures are used for the character screen. Then you start a standard match and we run into all the problems. The controls are terrible, and it doesn’t help that the only way to see the controls are from the game’s tutorial videos. Unless you have the instructional manual, but for some reason everyone in my town throws theirs away (I bought the game used.) It also seem like everyone only has about ten moves to use, including their finisher, which I was only able to perform once due to the controls. Even though I picked the standard match, there were no disqualifications, as Chris Sabin beat me without mercy with a steel chair. There’s also a story mode so bad it actually reminds me of how much I disliked TNA Impact during that time. I didn’t play a lot of TNA Impact, but there’s good reason for that.

4.Royal Rumble for Dreamcast and Arcades

When I saw Royal Rumble in the store, I had to pick it up. Oh what a mistake that was. When I got home and tried this game out, I wanted to physically hurt myself so I could forget the experience. The roster is what it should be for the time. Stone Cold, The Rock, HHH, Hardy Boyz, even Kurt Angle with hair. They all play the same except for their finishers. The in game character models are ugly as everyone looks flat and boring. Attack and grapple use their own buttons, but block and run use the same button. What a great scheme considering the Dreamcast controller has four face buttons and two triggers. Doesn’t matter because the controls are terrible. You’ll just mash attack until you start hitting the opponent. I’ve also have not been able to pin anyone. All my victories came from KO’s by hitting the opponent with a finisher when they have no life left. To make it worst, random people will come down to interrupt the match. There is no reason for it. Sometimes the match will change to the backstage area or a into a cage. You have no control over it and it doesn’t change anything. It is amusing to see someone get run over by a car though. There are only two modes. One on one arcade where you fight ten people, and the Royal Rumble. Guess who the final match is against in the arcade mode, take one guess. Vince McMahon. Also he’s almost impossible. I beat him with a lot of luck, and all I got was a credit scroll. The Royal Rumble isn’t much better. You can just punch someone three times then irish whip them out of the ring. There’s no appeal to this game at all, not even for curiosity. Considering what the Dreamcast could do at the time, this game should have been at the very least decent. Nope, they just put it out there for all wrestle fans to suffer through.

3.Simpsons Wrestling for Playstation One

You could say that Simpsons Wrestling isn’t a really a wrestling game, but if that was the case, they shouldn’t have put the word ‘wrestling’ in the title. Honestly I doubt anyone would defend this game. Released in 2001, Simpsons Wrestling showcased everything that a terrible PSOne game had. You can tell who the characters are in game, but they all look blocky and stiff. They actually had the voice cast of the Simpsons record voice overs for the game, and that alone is the only good part of this game. The gameplay is more like a fighting game, which is common for many wrestling games. You have three attacks: light, medium, and advance. You have a stamina bar which is suppose to keep you from spamming attacks, but you can still be cheap. The strongest attack in the game belongs to Ned Flanders, who smites you with lightening. Also he can resurrect once during his match. You also have a pointless jump button, and the characters jump like 20 feet in the air. You may say I’m nitpicking this game, but it really is no fun to play. You’ll go through the game once then forget about it. There isn’t even a actual story to game except that Kang and Kodos wanted to have a wrestling match. This game continues the long time tradition of The Simpsons having terrible games. Not only that, but it is also a another awful entry into the wrestling video game library.

2.WCW Nitro and WCW/NWO Thunder for Playstation One

I put both of these games in the same slot because they are the same game, except Thunder has an updated roster. Both games suck equally though. From what I can tell, they were going for a 3d/2d hybrid game. The camera will probably make you sick as it wobbles all around. Because of this, the controls are pretty terrible. You’ll try to do simple things like a pin and end up doing something you were not aiming for. Performing moves is a bit odd. Instead of grappling and performing a move, you’ll put in a specific command to do moves. It actually isn’t as bad as it sounds, but for some reason everyone has a powerbomb. Just kinda odd in my opinion. The roster is really strange. You can unlock the staff of the game and some odd choices like Santa, a bear, and a ghost. The best part of the game is the character selection screen. The already unlocked sixteen superstars have promos you can watch, and some of them are quite hilarious. Kevin Nash obviously did not care about this. I’m not sure how WCW Nitro sold enough to warrant a sequel. I guess the poor Playstation One owners like myself just didn’t have a choice. You think they would have put some effort into Thunder, but no. It is almost the same game, just with a bigger roster and cage matches. I will say both games are equally terrible.

1.WCW Backstage Assault for Playstation One and Nintendo 64

The idea of a wrestling game not playing place in the ring…is actually not that bad. You can argue that Def Jam Fight for New York is a wrestling game and a lot of the arenas are not wrestling rings. That game is awesome, but Backstage Assault is not. In fact it is the worst wrestling game I’ve ever played. It is one of the worst PSOne and N64 games ever. Everything in the game looks ugly. From the disproportional human bodies to the backstage areas you fight in. The move animations are a joke, and there were times that I had no idea what move I was performing. The game has control problems, of course. Everyone moves slow and some buttons will do two things. Grappling and picking up items are the same, so you’ll try to pick up an item when you want to grapple and vice versa. There’s also a lack of modes. Obviously there’s no cage match, but couldn’t you at the very least put in a tag team mode. It would be tornado style, but it would have been nice to have. There’s no pleasure in playing this game. You’d rather stub all your toes at once than play one match of this. The greatest disappointment is that WCW Mayhem, the game before this, is actually not that bad. Would it have been too much trouble just to take that game and make it better? I guess so.

Ugh. Playing these games again have left a sour taste in my mouth, and a raging sense of destruction that I need to release. I’m sure there are some I’ve missed too. I’ve never played Wrestlemania XVIII for Gamecube or the RAW games on Xbox. Maybe they are good, I wouldn’t know. Luckily I’ve got enough good video games to quell my anger. WWE2k14 is set to release soon, and hopefully it will improve WWE 13, but it would be nice to see someone else throw their hat into the pro wrestling video game scene. I know it probably won’t happen, as the most recent non-WWE games have not done very well, financially. That’s the way it goes, I suppose. Support Pro Wrestling!

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