The Wrestling News Experience: 04.18.05
Posted by Stephen Randle on 04.18.2005
Normally, I'd fire Cook, but damn it, I'd buy that DVD.
Good morning, everyone, and welcome to my own little corner of 411, where I dispense justice and random news bits on all I see. It was an eventful week for me, since I got to keep track of everybody getting fired, released, terminated, and otherwise removed from the WWE Superstar pages. But at least this weekend I wasn't responsible for pretty much everything in the Wrestling Zone getting posted, because God knows I couldn't handle the pressure last week. It's true, I broke a flowerpot when I threw it at Cook and everything.
Enough banter, time's a wasting. The Jays are on a roll, Raw's in a few hours, and I've got news for you.
Around The Horn
I suppose I'll put a spoiler warning here, although anyone with half a brain probably already can guess. Anyway, the next paragraph may contain spoilers about Raw tonight. For God's sake, hide the children.
Very strong rumours place Hulk Hogan on Raw tonight, likely to accept Shawn Michaels' invitation for "one more match". We can only hope. Hey, here's an idea: have Hassan and Daivari ambush and injure Hogan tonight, effectively screwing Shawn, then have Marty save his ass at Backlash. No charge, WWE Creative. Oh wait, they aren't reading this, right?
WWE recently accidentally posted a house show lineup that listed Booker T as the United States champion, which was quickly pulled. More upsetting, however, was a matchup that remains listed under both cards, which is that Heidenreich seems due for a face turn. Uh oh.
John Cena is filming a music video for his new CD, which will finally debut within the month. Not much real news there, this is just a chance for me to mock traditionalists and say I like the new WWE Title. If anything, I was a little disappointed that it wasn't more flashy. But it spins, and that's the important thing.
WWE continues to scout talent, likely to fill Deep South Wrestling, as more indy wrestlers, as well as some from OVW, will be attending the Raw and Smackdown tapings this week, likely for tryout matches, but also to attend an information session with Triple H, where he points out how none of them will ever be able to work like him, and all are missing that one little thing that would put them over the top. Like the ability to have twenty minute interview segments, regardless of whether you hold the title or not.
And John "Earthquake" Tenta has released a statement about his battle with cancer, which I've always found inspirational, so I'm mentioning it here. So there.
The Rock's next movie, Doom, has been pushed back to October. Hopefully to make it more like the actual video game, but also likely because it's possible that movie studios are slowly realizing that releasing horror-style movies near Halloween might be a damned good idea. Seriously, who watches horror movies in March?
That's all the news for now, but rest assured, as is usual, there will be some big event that happens roughly four hours after I post this column. It's funny how the world works that way.
One Year Ago This Experience
Originally posted 04.18.04, and Backlash was going down that night, but I was more concerned with the hockey playoffs. Boy, I sure am glad I don't have to worry about that this year. Yeah, right. Bastard millionaire players and billionaire owners. They'll all pay for this.
Anyway, JBL was officially main-eventing Judgment Day, and we should have heard ominous music about now. Boy, it sure seemed like most of last year involved ominous music, eh?
But the real big deal was that Steve Austin's contract officially expired, this time for real, and Austin abruptly disappeared from television, not returning until early this year, and only for a special WrestleMania appearance. With the Rock in Hollywood, Vince off-screen, and Mick Foley retired, the loss of the leader of Attitude's departure pretty much meant the end of that era, and into a new era where WWE was expected to look towards creating new main eventers for the future. But for now, they just pinned all their hopes on Triple H and hoped that nothing catastrophic happened to him. While the fanbase hoped exactly the opposite. Yeah, yeah, Benoit was champion, but he wasn't even the main event of Backlash, as that went to, shockingly, Triple H vs Shawn Michaels.
But hey, at least there was hockey last year. Bastards.
The Injury Bug Bites
Inactive List as of 04.11.05
- Carlito Caribbean Cool, SD!, out three months as of November 18 (separated shoulder)
- Christopher Nowinski, RAW, out indefinitely (post-concussion syndrome)
- Eugene, RAW, out indefinitely as of January 9 (knee injury)
- Jesus, SD!, out indefinitely as of December 14 (neck injury)
- Mark Henry, RAW, out until early 2005 as of February 2 (shoulder)
- Matt Hardy, RAW, out six months as of September 2004 (torn MCL)
- Randy Orton, RAW, expected to be out 4-6 months (shoulder surgery)
- RVD, SD!, out six months as of January 25 (knee surgery)
- Stephanie McMahon, SD!, inactive since October 2003 (kayfabe, resigned as GM)
- Steven Richards, RAW, underwent nasal surgery February 25
- Vince McMahon, WWE, out indefinitely as of January 28 (knee injury)
Inactive List Changes
- Jesus, SD!, released from his contract
Well, really, the guy was only brought in to hang around behind Carlito, and to fill in as job-boy for Cena when Carlito got injured and denied us a real blow-off to that feud. But hey, at least he got his five minute on PPV, even if it was getting the hell beat out of him.
- Matt Hardy, RAW, released from his contract
And so this is how it ends, this entire huge story that blurred the lines both in the ring, backstage, on the Internet, and in real life. Well, at least WWE doesn't have to worry about the fact that they inadvertently wrote themselves into a corner in the Kane-Lita-Matt saga.
- MNM (Melina, Johnny Nitro, Joey Mercury), debuted on Smackdown
I could make an old, tired joke about the tag division, but oh wait, the Smackdown tag division isn't that bad, last I checked. Though I still question the wisdom of breaking up Luther and Jindrak if you aren't going to do anything with them. Oh, and whatever happened to Kenzo Suzuki and Rene Dupree? Hell, what happened to Kenzo Suzuki? Wanna bet he's next to be released?
Anyway, this team apparently has the goods, from all reports, so let's see if they become another Cena, or another Chris Masters.
- Molly Holly, RAW, released from her contract
Well, if I wasn't dead before, they just shot the corpse, burned it, and pissed on the ashes. But hey, Diva Seach 2 is coming!
- Paul Bearer, SD!, released from his contract
Pretty nice of WWE to keep paying him even though they haven't used him in almost a year. I'd nearly forgotten that he'd come back, gotten kidnapped, and gotten buried in concrete by the Undertaker in a heel turn that was forgotten two days later.
- Rhyno, RAW, released from his contract
The Rookie Monster from ECW never really got started in WWE, and his neck injury didn't help either. When you have to stop and think to remember which brand he even wrestles on, however, it's pretty obvious that he's not really going to be missed that much, outside of the ECW hardliners.
- Triple H, RAW, working through injury (stinger)
Dammit, what will it take for someone to finish the job that Nature started with his quad?
- Trish Stratus, RAW, working through injury (back)
Damn, Cook stole the easy joke. But she did pick a good time for an injury, what with there being no women's division anyway.
- Undertaker, SD!, working through injury (hip)
You know, when we're talking hip surgery, perhaps someone should be taking the hint that they're getting a little old for this. Meh, what the hell, it hasn't stopped Hogan.
Links For Fun And Nonprofit
We're still hiring! You've got until the 20th to send your very best work to me and Larry, and after the 20th, we'll be contacting the lucky few who get to be a part of this team. Two more days, folks, don't miss your chance.
Hazard does the news on Saturday and we combined for a perfect score in Fact or Fiction, Cook annoys me and occasionally reports news on Sunday. Guess who's getting the next promotion?
The Violent Panda Digest this week is not safe for work, but that's because it's so darned good. And also contains nudity and strong language.
Fried and Alex P return with Velocity and Heat, Campbell is always there with Experience.
The Gab Bag
So, turns out I've got all sorts of informed people reading me, as in response to my off-the-cuff comment about Lesnar's lawsuit, I got this from Brian Foley.
There is a good deal of problems on his side, but the main point is quite a valid one - that no-compete clauses are inherently anti-competitive. Further, pretty much every jurisdiction in the world requires those clauses to be positively justified, rather than "you signed it, you are stuck with it". Essentially, the WWE will most likely have to show that they really need to limit Lesnars appearances as it would otherwise do incredible damage to them and their IP. A relatively easy to understand guide is at http://www.rdantitrustlaw.info/reason.htm The bottom line is that any lawyer with a decent mind should be able to drive a coach and horses through a ONE YEAR, geographically UNLIMTED clause, that is insisted upon by a monopoly provider.
So, there you have it. Although I still think WWE will win this easily, since I think it'd be fairly easy to prove that Brock Lesnar, the former Next Big Thing, showing up in TNA, would be damaging to them, since they built his character from nothing. Also, I wonder if the fact that the base of Brock's whole argument is flawed (you know, since he swore he'd never wrestle again, and was now a football player) doesn't make it a little easier for Vince.
And to prove that people actually read WWE in Five Minutes, and that I may subconsciously worship Trish Stratus even more than you, here's SickboyV1
"Trish easily handled Christ, as most sane people figured she would. "
That typo just rules all sorts of ass.
Good work
I'd pay to see that.
Hmm...what else is in here?
SO WATS UP AREYOU A MAN OR WOMEN - Kaczwwe05
Man, but thanks for asking. I'm sure someone around wondered.
Cameron Passmore hopes Matt Hardy goes to TNA and explodes Goldberg-big. Yeah, that'd be nice, and no one would argue that, karmically, Hardy deserves it, but there's one big thing standing in his way, and he has a bunch of J's in his name and the delusion that he's a monster heel.
Nate Houser wonders what Rhyno did at WrestleMania. He probably knows by now, but what the hell, here's a summary. He got in a big public argument in an expensive hotel lobby, involving his wife, who is divorcing him and moving away with his kids, during which he threw a giant flowerpot and broke it. Details beyond that are sketchy and hearsay, but basically, he made a big public boo-boo during WrestleMania weekend, and was canned under the Simmons precedent.
Johnny Stilwell thinks Lita and Edge should be fired, not Hardy. In a perfectly moral world, yes. But let's be real, this isn't new to wrestling. Austin and Chris Adams ring a bell? How about Benoit and Sullivan? And those were marriages that got broken up, not just boyfriend/girlfriend. It's still not right, but it's a stupid fact of our screwed-up modern world. I don't like it, but I recognize the reasoning behind WWE's decision.
YOU ARE A PATHETIC JERK. IT MUST BE NICE TO SIT ON YOUR ASS IN FRONT OF A COMPUTER AND CRITIQUE EVERYONE ELSE WHILST DOING ABSOLUTLE NOTHING OF YOUR OWN. - Randellstn
Mom?
And finally, just to make me very, very happy, here's Justin Swift
I just wanted to share a few things regarding your favorite wrestler Randy Orton ...No sarcasm at all
I have met him, he was arrogant but polite ...hey if i was in his shoes...i would be to! But overall he seemed like a decent guy!
His ring work is ...solid and fairly enjoyable. I did enjoy his RNN stuff, he's hiliarious when hes a prick.
However there is something about him that makes me scream DORKBOY at the screen, and after i read one of your columns..he came out ...and i did scream DORKBOY!!!!!!!!!
Enter WrestleMania 21....i saw the RKO and said...DAMNIT NO!!!!!!!! when Taker reversed it i fondly thought...i cannot wait to see what Stephen posts, because I to did a happy dance of my own, and I think everyone that reads your columns, *aside from the teeny bopper jeff hardy fans that only like RKO for his looks* did as well
Always good to see that my writing has touched people in such a special and possibly inappropriate way.
I think some Divas might disagree about him being a decent guy, but what the hell, I'll give someone who's met him the benefit of the doubt. Doesn't make him any less of a Dorkboy, though.
And One To Go On
Are you kidding me? Look at the size of the Injury report I gave you this week? What more do you want from me, you vultures?
Sorry, I'm better now. Obal and Dunn have Raw coverage tonight, Larry's in tomorrow, I'm back, as always, next Monday.
