The Wrestling News Experience: 05.09.05
Posted by Stephen Randle on 05.09.2005
There's a bear in my soup!
Good morning everyone, I'm Stephen Randle, and I will now read the following prepared statement, which I am making under my own free will.
Despite what I said previously, the new episodes of Family Guy rock. When I casually dismissed Family Guy last week, I was writing the column while watching, and thus missed many of the subtleties of the show. Upon rewatching, I affirm that Family Guy is the best cartoon on TV right now. At least until Fox gets its head out of its ass and brings back Futurama.
Oh yeah, and this week's American Dad was a marked improvement on the first two episodes of crap.
And despite a setback against the White Sox, who are beating everyone else too, at least the Jays beat the Yankees! Of course, everyone's beating the Yankees. Ha! Suck it, Steinbrenner!
What can I say, I like my Raw report pimp spot.
Now, on to the news.
Around The Horn
Because we're horrible rumormongers who can't be trusted at all (or so WWE would have the PR firms believe, apparently), let's take a look at how Matt Hardy's life is going again. Well, seems he'll be debuting for ROH in the near future, and was apparently planning to propose to Lita before finding out that she was...well, you know. The ROH thing is actually interesting, because WWE apparently has no problems with their workers performing at ROH, even those under contract. As opposed to TNA, where they are actively telling released wrestlers "if you go there, you'll never come back here". It's enough to make one stroke their beard in deep thought. If one had a beard. Which I do, sometimes. Not today, though.
Sounds like WWE and Rock are back on good terms, as there is apparently a mostly official agreement that Rock will show up from time to time to be the best damned part of the show, as he has done before.
And more ECW news in one big paragraph. Seems that TNA will be allowing any ECW alumni that WWE invites to partake, to work the ECW One Night Stand PPV. Tickets will be going on sale shortly, and are insanely priced with a low end of $150. But they're still expected to sell out, which proves that I wasn't far off in suggesting that "ECDub" chanting fans should put their money where their mouth is. Now, speaking of that, I actually saw my quote where I said that being discussed on someone's LJ somewhere (that's right, I'm always watching, and that person who called me a fool is going to pay. And not monetarily, either), with the question being that "would ECW fans pay WWE prices for an ECW PPV?" Well, here's my answer to that question. Why wouldn't you? What I usually hear from the ECW hardcore fanbase is that they would do anything to have ECW come back, and would support it fully. And this is as good as you're going to get, and really, it's not too bad. Heyman's in charge, WWE is almost nonexistent in the planning of this PPV. Hell, Vince agreed not to put "WWE" anywhere on any of the merchandise related to the PPV. That's a huge deal right there and a large amount of faith that they want this to be as "ECW" as possible. Yeah, it's 40 bucks, but did you expect WWE to give up one of their normal monthly PPV slots, then cut the price in a quarter? For one thing, the PPV companies would go nuts over the lost revenue for that month. Don't think that Vince doesn't have to answer to them every time he asks to run an extra PPV. Oh, and the Blue Meanie has said that he will work the PPV, opening possibilities for a bWo reunion. Probably be the best they've used either Steven Richards or Nova since they debuted.
Word is that Essa Rios and Juventud Guerrera may be headed to WWE now that Psichosis has signed there. And the yearly hope for a cruiserweight division kicks off. Give it up, suckers! Your tiny little wrestling-type people will never be as important as Matt Morgan and his amazing poorly-acted stuttering gimmick! Bwahahahaha!
And because it's too stupid to leave out, one of the Heart Throbs apparently has heat backstage for acting like a big shot and skipping out on indy bookings since he's a WWE Superstar now. Damn rookies, stop acting like you're all big and important when you're nothing but a midcard act. That's for Bradshaw and Bob Holly to do.
One Year Ago This Experience
Originally posted 05.09.04, as Smackdown was sinking fast, and on that note, Jacqueline won the Cruiserweight Title. Originally seen as just a horrible move in general (which it was, as Jacqueline left WWE shortly after dropping the title back to Chavo), it was later revealed that the title was supposed to be going to a debuting Matt Cappotelli, but unfortunately, they put him in a house show match against Bob Holly in the weeks prior, and, well, shit just seems to happen around Bob.
And on the transaction front, Tommy Dreamer retired to become a liaison with OVW, and Scott Steiner was informed that he would not be working for WWE again, though his contract did not expire for a few months.
Actually, aside from the fact that Smackdown was really starting to suck, plus obviously got screwed over in the draft, there wasn't much news to be had. Well, WWE had started the new show, Experience, which, a year later, consensus is that they should have just turned my column into a TV show instead.
The Injury Bug Bites
Inactive List as of 05.02.05
- Christopher Nowinski, RAW, out indefinitely (post-concussion syndrome)
- Eugene, RAW, out indefinitely as of January 9 (knee injury)
- Kenzo Suzuki, SD!, out indefinitely (lung ailment)
- Mark Henry, RAW, out until early 2005 as of February 2 (shoulder)
- Randy Orton, RAW, expected to be out 4-6 months (shoulder surgery)
- RVD, SD!, out six months as of January 25 (knee surgery)
- Stephanie McMahon, SD!, inactive since October 2003 (kayfabe, resigned as GM)
- Steven Richards, RAW, underwent nasal surgery February 25
– The Dudley Boyz, SD!, inactive since September 2004
Inactive List Changes
- Gangrel, signed to WWE contract, sent to OVW to rehab
Very glad to see this, since I was always baffled that when he and Viscera made their returns, they decided to keep Vis. I shall maintain the hope of all fans that this means the return of the greatest entrance in all of wrestling. I just want to be able to use it in the next Smackdown vs Raw game.
- Steven Richards, RAW, working in OVW for rehab
Think they'll let him get revenge on the Masterpiece of Crap? And speaking of which, you know why nobody buys the Master Lock? Because it's a full nelson. We've seen a full nelson before. It's like when Trip started using a sleeper hold to get wins. Nobody buys it because the move has been used by so many other wrestlers. If Chris Masters had debuted with some cool new submission hold and called THAT the Master Lock, maybe fans would buy into him.
- Trish Stratus, RAW, out indefinitely (back)
So, now the division's champion is injured. Good plan, Trish, get out before the ship sinks for the final time.
Links For Fun And Nonprofit
I have to stand up and applaud Ricky Hazard for his exceptional column this week. Ricky's dealt with a lot of crap, like getting moved to Saturdays mostly against his will, but since then, he's really stepped up and delivered some of the best stuff I've read in a while. That came to a head this week, with one of the best things written on the entire Internet in 2005. Plus I got to play the part of Bret Hart, which is always a good way to get noticed.
Cook, like Ricky said, your push is over, so you get to keep your job this week.
Ryan Byers reviews an old cheap early Steve Austin. Can classic wrestling be found for under ten bucks? Sure seems like it.
Newton Gimmick compares TNA to Raw. I don't agree with him at all, but it's still a good read.
Mike Hamflett is Stuck in a Moment involving the Rock. Aren't we all.
And JT reviews Byte This, this week including words from Shelton Benjamin and John Cena.
The Gab Bag
Abarker20 had a variety of things to say, so I'll just cut and paste. Because I'm lazy.
Im not sure when the camera's stopped rolling on Backlash last night, but Trip did give Naitch a little shove before giving Vigilant Mike Chioda a pedigree. Then he went on to cut a promo on how New Hampshire is a great place to live, but its full of assholes. The hometown crowd still found it hard to boo him though, although he did walk out to the hey hey hey, goodbye song. Jack Doan confirmed the story of Trish's legit back injury as the reason for the Viscera splash angle to take her out for a little while. Doan, as usual, was the man all weekend, signing for fans at the hotel and in the arena after the main. As for the Toronto Star guy, after I gave him the to-do about the NFL steroid investigation, he failed to respond, so I take it as a moral victory.
I love moral victories. It's all the fun of winning without having to actually win.
Noah_der also has some thoughts to confuse you.
Me and my buddies still couldn't come up w/ that whole "have there been any asian wrestlers who debuted w/o while gettin' to claim to be Americans and not foreigner" answer. The best we could do is wonder if Steamboat got claim he was Hawaiian or not. We also came up with a question and a keen observation you might not have pondered.
#1. With Rey-Rey and Eddie feuding... doesn't that leave smackdown without a face tag team? I mean, can Holly and Haas be considered a "face team"...especially w/ holly killing rookie after rookie. Bashams, MNM, Kenzo/Dupree, and um....damn..guess that's it. and...
#2. If Edge went 1 on 1 with the great one, and went for the Downward Spiral, the same time The Rock went for the rock bottom... would they just cancel each other out? Or would they both have to sell...I could just imagine the hillarity of them both gettin' up and taunting only to realize neither sold the move...
I, being the kind fellow that I am, shall answer all questions.
First, I don't think Steamboat ever claimed to be from Hawaii, but have no actual idea, and now on to the other things.
1. Holly and Haas are, supposedly, a face team, because Holly is strangely over with casual fans. Possibly because he's a bulked-up redneck who likes Nascar. Anyway, I expect the Bashams to turn face eventually, because they seem to be getting fed up with their annoying, overbearing loser of a boss. And, likely the draft will create another team, probably someone to throw with Jindrak again.
2. But if he...but they...but...ow, my brain.
And our mysterious Name Witheld writes back to suggest that WWE should trademark "the scar will become a symbol" just to screw with Matt. Such a scenario is so hilariously cruel that I can only imagine that they've already done it.
And One To Go On
Nothing this week, but next week, it's the return of "Stephen gives away free merchandise"! Only this time, there's a twist! What is it? Well, you'll have to stay tuned.
Obal and Dunn have Raw tonight, Larry's in tomorrow. Have a good one, and always be a fan.
