wrestling / Columns
The Professional 3 8.11.13 Heidenreich
August 11, 2013 | Posted by
Welcome everyone to another edition of the Professional 3 on 411wrestling.com. I’m Jon Harder and just like the Monkees, I’m a believer. You know why? I’m a believer because I truly hope this column brightens up a few people’s days every Sunday morning. Granted, it’s a niche column dedicated to obscure wrestling moments and wrestlers, but I aspire to make this an entertaining one. Trust me, after this week’s edition; I’d hope that all of you would want to be my friends.
Before we go any further, check out this week’s Hardway Podcast on TheJonHarder.com with young New Jersey independent wrestler Matt Macintosh! Matt, who wrestles for ECPW and BWO among other companies, is a unique competitor who deserves an opportunity to get to the next level of the Indy circuit. You can find him on Twitter at @MacProWrestling and on Facebook athttp://facebook.com/MattMacintoshPro.
Also, follow me on Twitter @TheJonHarder. I plug a lot, make reference to my Mets infatuation, and make fun of pathetic hashtags like #PrayForChrisBrown. I’m that jerk.
With that said, this week’s column will start off with a bit of a confession. I am a huge fan of one of the in-ring worst wrestlers of all time. Now, although he will fondly be remembered as a general weirdo on WWE television, I truly saw the absolute best in what this man’s character was all about. He was a complete weirdo and strangely awkward, yet somehow very entertaining. He was a man on the search for a friend. He was HEIDENREICH.
Before we go any further, check out this week’s Hardway Podcast on TheJonHarder.com with young New Jersey independent wrestler Matt Macintosh! Matt, who wrestles for ECPW and BWO among other companies, is a unique competitor who deserves an opportunity to get to the next level of the Indy circuit. You can find him on Twitter at @MacProWrestling and on Facebook athttp://facebook.com/MattMacintoshPro.
Also, follow me on Twitter @TheJonHarder. I plug a lot, make reference to my Mets infatuation, and make fun of pathetic hashtags like #PrayForChrisBrown. I’m that jerk.
With that said, this week’s column will start off with a bit of a confession. I am a huge fan of one of the in-ring worst wrestlers of all time. Now, although he will fondly be remembered as a general weirdo on WWE television, I truly saw the absolute best in what this man’s character was all about. He was a complete weirdo and strangely awkward, yet somehow very entertaining. He was a man on the search for a friend. He was HEIDENREICH.
Debuting originally in September 2003 on Raw, Heidenreich was slowly building to the WWE Universe finding out who “Little Johnny” was, until he was suddenly taken off television for reasons unknown. Several months later, in the summer of 2004, under the tutelage of Paul Heyman, Heidenreich made his return on Smackdown, instantly interjecting himself into a rivalry with the Undertaker. After ultimately falling short in the feud after being placed in a casket by the “Dead Man”, Heidenreich slowly started gaining the fans approval by looking for a friend. After several months struggling to make them backstage, Heidenreich finally found one in Road Warrior Animal. They ultimately won the WWE Tag Team Titles for 3 months and stayed a team until Heidenreich’s ultimate release from the company, due to family issues with Hurricane Katrina in Louisiana.
Heidenreich had a short stay realistically in WWE, but he was able to do so much and be remembered for his actions. Granted, people might look and think it’s dumb, but I thought it was gold. So gold in fact, that at one point on the old ROH Message Forums, I had an account and was able to get three DISASTERPIECES of my own creation onto the board. Here, ladies and gentlemen, are word for word from one of my Disasterpieces from 2006 from said ROH forum.
Ring of Honor, the place I wish to be
I want to be recognized and just be me
But ROH won’t bring me in, because they know I’m not that good
But maybe I could be one of the Rottweilers from the hood
I’m straight up great, and I deserve some mad respect
But also, they know I no-sell, but HEY!, what do they expect?
I want to be known to the smarks as a legend in the ring
But if I can’t do high spots, they’ll think I’m worse than Danny Doring
But I’m willing to learn and I’ll thinking of changing my ways
Only if Gabe Sapolsky signs me and makes me have better days
I’ll rededicate myself and get into better shape
I’ll even stop threatening Michael Cole with a HEIDENRAPE!
Please ROH fans, I’m willing to work hard and have more moves than I know
I’ll even write a poem to the ROH board’s JSWO!
So please ROH, I’ll get more skills than Chris Masters the Masterpiece
AND BRING ME IN, SO ALL THE ROH FANS CAN HEAR A DISASTERPIECE!
Yes, my goal was to get Heidenreich signed legit into ROH. Sadly, Gabe Sapolsky did not listen to “his” pleas and bring him in. Yet, somehow, it popped the ROHbots on there. Regardless, enough of my merger 2006 cheesy goals. This P3 is on one of my personal favorites, and it’s time to show him respect for all that he accomplished. Without FURTHER hesitation…
THE PROFESSIONAL 3: Heidenreich
Heidenreich had a short stay realistically in WWE, but he was able to do so much and be remembered for his actions. Granted, people might look and think it’s dumb, but I thought it was gold. So gold in fact, that at one point on the old ROH Message Forums, I had an account and was able to get three DISASTERPIECES of my own creation onto the board. Here, ladies and gentlemen, are word for word from one of my Disasterpieces from 2006 from said ROH forum.
Ring of Honor, the place I wish to be
I want to be recognized and just be me
But ROH won’t bring me in, because they know I’m not that good
But maybe I could be one of the Rottweilers from the hood
I’m straight up great, and I deserve some mad respect
But also, they know I no-sell, but HEY!, what do they expect?
I want to be known to the smarks as a legend in the ring
But if I can’t do high spots, they’ll think I’m worse than Danny Doring
But I’m willing to learn and I’ll thinking of changing my ways
Only if Gabe Sapolsky signs me and makes me have better days
I’ll rededicate myself and get into better shape
I’ll even stop threatening Michael Cole with a HEIDENRAPE!
Please ROH fans, I’m willing to work hard and have more moves than I know
I’ll even write a poem to the ROH board’s JSWO!
So please ROH, I’ll get more skills than Chris Masters the Masterpiece
AND BRING ME IN, SO ALL THE ROH FANS CAN HEAR A DISASTERPIECE!
Yes, my goal was to get Heidenreich signed legit into ROH. Sadly, Gabe Sapolsky did not listen to “his” pleas and bring him in. Yet, somehow, it popped the ROHbots on there. Regardless, enough of my merger 2006 cheesy goals. This P3 is on one of my personal favorites, and it’s time to show him respect for all that he accomplished. Without FURTHER hesitation…
1) HEIDENREICH “HEIDENRAPES” MICHAEL COLE
Quite possibly, Michael Cole’s greatest moment prior to becoming the Miz’s number 1 fan. During a Smackdown episode on September 16, 2004, Heidenreich kidnapped the leader of the Cole Miners during a tag team match between the FBI and WWE Tag Team champions Rene Dupree and Kenzo Susuki. Midway through the show, Heidenreich had Michael Cole, against his wall, up against a wall and threatening the voice of Smackdown. Heidenreich then pulled out a piece of paper and started reading one of his DISASTERPIECES. After completing his piece, Heidenreich let Cole go.
Incredible. Just incredible. Say what you will, but Michael Cole was the only one who quite possibly could have made Heidenreich look THAT intimidating. It definitely made Heidenreich a creepy SOB. THAT was the debut of the Heidenrape. Thankfully, it’s never been seen since.
Quite possibly, Michael Cole’s greatest moment prior to becoming the Miz’s number 1 fan. During a Smackdown episode on September 16, 2004, Heidenreich kidnapped the leader of the Cole Miners during a tag team match between the FBI and WWE Tag Team champions Rene Dupree and Kenzo Susuki. Midway through the show, Heidenreich had Michael Cole, against his wall, up against a wall and threatening the voice of Smackdown. Heidenreich then pulled out a piece of paper and started reading one of his DISASTERPIECES. After completing his piece, Heidenreich let Cole go.
Incredible. Just incredible. Say what you will, but Michael Cole was the only one who quite possibly could have made Heidenreich look THAT intimidating. It definitely made Heidenreich a creepy SOB. THAT was the debut of the Heidenrape. Thankfully, it’s never been seen since.
2) HEIDENREICH AND SNITSKY SHARE A MOMENT AT ROYAL RUMBLE 2005
At Survivor Series 2004, in the midst of two separate feuds with the Brothers of Destruction, Heidenreich came face-to-face with Snitsky, the man who was the catalyst behind the death of Kane and Lita’s unborn baby. Both men proceeded to creep the holy Hell out of everyone watching at home on television. The Royal Rumble 2005 might have been that much creepier.
After this infamous promo where Snitsky consoled Heidenreich for his fear of caskets, Snitsky attempted to help the Undertaker lose later in the night. Surprisingly, Kane made the save and got Snitsky out of the arena floor. Heidenreich lost, and the two men never talked again. What could have been…
At Survivor Series 2004, in the midst of two separate feuds with the Brothers of Destruction, Heidenreich came face-to-face with Snitsky, the man who was the catalyst behind the death of Kane and Lita’s unborn baby. Both men proceeded to creep the holy Hell out of everyone watching at home on television. The Royal Rumble 2005 might have been that much creepier.
After this infamous promo where Snitsky consoled Heidenreich for his fear of caskets, Snitsky attempted to help the Undertaker lose later in the night. Surprisingly, Kane made the save and got Snitsky out of the arena floor. Heidenreich lost, and the two men never talked again. What could have been…
3) HEIDENREICH WINS THE WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIPS WITH ROAD WARRIOR ANIMAL!
Like I alluded to earlier, Heidenreich was looking for a friend. When he teamed with Road Warrior Animal, it was around the time where the Legion of Doom WWE DVD release came out in the summer of 2005. However, unlike Droz in 1998, Animal wasn’t looking for someone to join the LOD 2 years after Hawk’s death: he was just looking for a partner to take out MNM, the current WWE Tag Team champions. Heidenreich, ever the opportunist, accepted and this tag team was born.
At the Great American Bash in 2005, Mercury and Nitro (with the lovely Melina at ringside), defended their WWE Tag Team championships against the new duo. Although it was a styles clash of a wrestling contest, Heidenreich and Animal dug deep into the old LOD files and nailed the DOOMSDAY DEVICE! One 3-count later and we have NEW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS! My dream had come true: Heidenreich was a champion. What a rush!
Bad pun.
Heidenreich might not have been the greatest wrestler ever, but he was most certainly a hell of a character. Who else could “Heidenrape” Michael Cole and then be loved by children 6 months later? Welcome to the WWE.
By the way, here’s his legendary theme: POLITICS
Like I alluded to earlier, Heidenreich was looking for a friend. When he teamed with Road Warrior Animal, it was around the time where the Legion of Doom WWE DVD release came out in the summer of 2005. However, unlike Droz in 1998, Animal wasn’t looking for someone to join the LOD 2 years after Hawk’s death: he was just looking for a partner to take out MNM, the current WWE Tag Team champions. Heidenreich, ever the opportunist, accepted and this tag team was born.
At the Great American Bash in 2005, Mercury and Nitro (with the lovely Melina at ringside), defended their WWE Tag Team championships against the new duo. Although it was a styles clash of a wrestling contest, Heidenreich and Animal dug deep into the old LOD files and nailed the DOOMSDAY DEVICE! One 3-count later and we have NEW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS! My dream had come true: Heidenreich was a champion. What a rush!
Bad pun.
Heidenreich might not have been the greatest wrestler ever, but he was most certainly a hell of a character. Who else could “Heidenrape” Michael Cole and then be loved by children 6 months later? Welcome to the WWE.
By the way, here’s his legendary theme: POLITICS
Good grief. See you next week.
#Professional3
Jon Harder
#Professional3
Jon Harder
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